Okay, update from me on trans issues.
So far, I still have no job or my own place, so transitioning is a long way away for me. Even so, I'm taking some advice from here and trying to accept myself as female in my daily actions, even if they're only small things.
1. I'm growing my hair longer. It's almost to the length which is the longest I've ever had it. Normally around this time, I get dismayed that medium-length hair (ie. not yet down to my shoulders, but long enough that the fringe needs cutting so that it'll get the fuck out of my eyes) looks crap on me, so I usually wind up getting a haircut and telling them, "Cut it short." So hopefully I can get past that this time. I honestly think long hair will suit me, and it will make me happier than I am now, because I know I'd have long hair if I were physically female. And when it gets long enough (probably down to my shoulders or just past) I'm planning on researching feminine hairstyles and femininising my head a little bit. Nothing too drastic - but I've noticed that women with long hair have different hair cuts to men with long hair, at least around here. So that's something that I'll be keeping track of.
2. My bad smile is gone! Okay, so I'm in a little pain right now, but that will pass. 2 of my top-front teeth used to be horribly decayed, along with one that wasn't visible (also in top). On Tuesday I had those 3 removed and false ones put in, on a plate. I'm not thrilled to have a plate in my mouth (it makes eating very strange, for starters) and also, being 27 with 3 false teeth makes me really regret my eating/drinking choices from the age of about 10 up to 25. Nothing but Coke et al, then alcohol with it, and chocolate and potato chips and lollies/candy and stuff. It's the same reason I eventually gained a lot of weight, and it ruined my teeth. But I'm looking at the positive side - I have a nice smile right now.
2a. Now that I'm not afraid to smile at people in public (ie. talking to someone who makes a joke) - I used to turn my head and curb my smile - my smile is getting a little more natural. And as it happens, the smile I see in the mirror now is a feminine smile. Like, it's hard to describe, but I can "see" that what is driving my smile is a feminine thing, as opposed to a masculine drive to smile. I don't know... but there seems to be a difference between how men and women smile, at least as far as I've noticed, and mine is a feminine one, which I'm happy about. Perhaps it's all in the eyes? I don't know...
3. I've lost weight, and am still losing weight. Thanks to volunteering at a second-hand store, I came across a pretty good exercise bike (not top of the line, but in good condition) for a small $16 (well, $20, but I get a staff discount). That was probably about 3 months ago now (time flies!) and, drum roll please... I used to be 88-89kg. Now I'm 82.5kg. My goal is 70-75kg, depending on what weight I am when my stomach is finally gone. But anyway, I'm about 1/3 of the way there, which makes me very happy. I can already notice a change in my body's shape.
3a. When my body doesn't make me think the word "fat" anymore, I'll be a lot happier with how I look. When that happens, I'll have more confidence, and doing feminine things without worrying about it will probably happen easier for me. Also, well, I want to eventually be a knockout of a woman, so the closer I am to that mental image of myself pre-transition, hopefully the easier it'll be to transition with confidence.
3b. I'm smoking less now, through will power. I can't quit, because it gives me schizophrenic episodes (yes, I'm schizophrenic, but on medication that generally works well for me - except when I'm craving cigarettes of course) that are so bad, I don't know what I'd do. In moments like that, I just want to die. Anyway! The point is, I've cut back, and am saving money. I now have enough to buy a Wii with a couple of games and an extended warranty. And after the next round of bills, which will be in the next 1.5-2 months, I can start saving again to buy the Wii Fit system, which should hopefully give me more incentive (ie. fun) to lose weight, and also tone my body, especially with the Yoga exercises. I've played Wii Fit before (sis has one, but she's moved out...) and I know it's fun, and know what sort of activities it has. Apparently Wii Fit Plus (the current one) has all of the Wii Fit stuff, plus some extra bits. And that's what I'll be buying eventually. But for now - I'm probably going to buy a Wii next weekend, right before I get paid again.
(I considered the XBox360 with Kinect, but it's soooo much more expensive!)
4. I'll be finishing Cert. III in Retail at the end of August. Once that happens, I'll be available to work every day except Thursday (when I have Uni) and will be qualified to be a Supervisor / Second-In-Charge in a store somewhere. So my chances of getting a job are only going to improve over the next couple of months.
...
Anyway, that's what's happening with me. Losing weight, nice smile, hair growing out, job prospects improving.
I'm pretty happy right now, and hopefully that mood will only get better in the coming 12 months. (I intend to be down to my ideal weight in 12 months, and hopefully have a secure paying job with decent money, be saving up to get my own place, long hair in a feminine style, more confidence, and hopefully I don't need any more traumatic dental work in that time.
)
/update