The "T" Party.

Shadow Dragon

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I've thought of myself as a lesbian for 9 years. Could I turn my back on that and live as a woman, only one who has a penis? Like, if I grew breasts, took estrogen, had laser hair removal, all the things I was planning on doing pre-surgery - but then didn't have the surgery? Could I deal with that with my lesbian identity so firmly imbedded in my mind?

The annoying thing is, my judgement is clouded when it comes to that last option. I keep thinking, "If I was physically female, but with a penis, what girl would want to be with me?" I start thinking about how fewer women would be sexually attracted to me, and I get depressed thinking about possibly being alone forever.
Just to help put your mind at ease a bit, there are transwomen that don't have srs, but do end up in great relationships. It could make finding a girlfriend a bit trickier, but far from impossible.
 

Caitlin Black

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Yeah, trickier but possible.

...

As for speaking to a therapist... well, there's only one psych place I can go to for free around here, and because it's free the waiting room is usually full of people who really don't have a solid grip on reality. I used to go there for a mental health issue, and sitting in the waiting room, or smoking out the front, was absolutely terrifying, because there were all sorts of people who could've been capable of anything.

Like, people who yell about random things, who don't seem capable of listening to what other people are saying, who think dangerous things about themselves, the world, and anyone they run into.

I really don't want to go back to that place.

Once I have an income, I'm going to look into finding a psychiatrist who charges people to go see them, to limit the number of people I'm not capable of dealing with showing up in the waiting room.
 

Diana Hignutt

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I want to agree with both Ardent Kat and Medi:

There are lots of ways to explore and realize your female identity that cost nothing and will allow you to nurture the inner you, without transitioning. Lots of ways. Female characters in role playing, visualizations, pretending when you're alone, etc. Transitioning isn't for everyone. And people who say it isn't for them sometimes change their minds. The main message here, is, don't repress, embrace as much as is possible now...and find a therapist as soon as you can. You need a licensed professional to help you with these issues.

BTW, they use the penis and scrotum to construct the vagina and stuff.
 

Caitlin Black

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The main message here, is, don't repress, embrace as much as is possible now.

That's a big problem with me. Now. I don't know what I'm comfortable with doing right at this point in my life. I just think about the future, how things could be, that sort of thing. I hardly ever think of proactive things to do right now.

BTW, they use the penis and scrotum to construct the vagina and stuff.

Yes, I was aware of that. :) The concern that struck me 2 nights ago was that I would never have a working, physically-right-there penis again if I had srs.

...

Anyway, how is everyone else doing? I feel like I'm manipulating everyone's time here. Let's hear about someone else for a while. :)
 

Diana Hignutt

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That's a big problem with me. Now. I don't know what I'm comfortable with doing right at this point in my life. I just think about the future, how things could be, that sort of thing. I hardly ever think of proactive things to do right now.



Yes, I was aware of that. :) The concern that struck me 2 nights ago was that I would never have a working, physically-right-there penis again if I had srs.

:)

I thought that was the point of SRS.
 

Mara

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A transitioned friend of mine got an orchiectomy and seems pretty happy with the results. (Removed testicles, not penis.) If transition is the direction you go in, you can still keep your penis. There are plenty of women out there who won't care.

My dad was on spironolactone for blood pressure issues, and I'm on it as an anti-androgen. But until recently, when my doctor doubled the dosage I was taking (which was already high), I had only a little breast development and then it stopped. Odds are good that whatever you're taking now won't put you past an AA cup, even if you take it for years and years, and the breasts would go away quickly if you stopped taking it. That's not something to absolutely rely on, but generally, that's how it works out. I totally understand why you're worried, but odds are good that it won't develop into anything hugely noticeable unless you're on actual transitioning dosages.

Anyway, being economically dependant is probably the most common problem my transgender and transsexual friends have, so I totally understand your concerns and how stressful that can be. (EDIT: And what Medievalist said. Free therapy usually doesn't cover trans issues very well, but if you can afford a therapist eventually, that would probably help. Some therapists charge on a sliding scale for trans people.)

*hugs*
 
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Mara

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Anyway, how is everyone else doing? I feel like I'm manipulating everyone's time here. Let's hear about someone else for a while. :)

You're not manipulating everyone's time. But, if you want to hear how I'm doing...

Incredibly well! :D

Until two months ago, I'd had very slow progress. And I wore women's clothes, but they were the most androgynous I could find. The main effect was that I looked younger and healthier, and I lost a little weight and got a lot less stressed, but that was about it.

Then I got on the full anti-androgen dosage. Because I was saturated with nine months of estrogen, the changes were rapid. (They wouldn't be as rapid for most people who just started out on the dosage.) Here's what's happened in the past two months.

-My body has feminized much, much more. I finally need to wear a bra. My face is prettier. And a year of growing my hair out has finally paid off, and it's starting to get manageable and nice-looking. And finishing the laser hair reduction last month means I can finally get a tan, and I look much better. Plus, facial hair is reduced and what's still there is transparent and hard to see even if I skip shaving for a few days. (But I hate doing that.)

-I've been able to eat more healthily without feeling hungry and miserable. I've lost about fifteen pounds.

-Because of the feminization and weight loss, and because warmer times are here, I finally went ahead and got some girlier clothes. Nothing really drastic, but shorter shorts and much girlier shirts that worked with my figure. And the effect was amazing. I've gone from "you look just like you did in high school" (which itself was an improvement from how much I'd aged) to generally being read as female except by people who've known me the longest or look really closely. (And even then, they're generally rather friendly about it.) And I've still got a _lot_ of feminizing to do and another twenty pounds to lose.

I mean, seriously, if previous me met the new me, "he" would want to date me, but probably think I was a little out of "his" league. (Now, in all fairness, previous me was very insecure, and current me still does not "pass" perfectly well or anything, but considering that I'm still feminizing rapidly, I think the end result is going to be amazing. Even if I stopped here, this is better than I ever imagined.)
 
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Diana Hignutt

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Fantasies

I was thinking, after I saw how FOX trashed Almodovar's new film, The Skin I Live in, which just screened in Cannes about the fantasies I used to have, and I wondered how universal such things were. If anything remotely having to do with gender change passed my radar, I had to (secretly, of course) watch it, or read it. I loved Doctor Jeckyll and Sister Hyde (Hammer film) and stuff like that. The Skin I live in deals with...SPOILERS AHEAD (highlight to read):

The film deals with a brilliant surgeon who finds the young man who raped his daughter who kills herself and kidnaps him. The doctor performs massive feminizing surgery and SRS on the young man, then puts his daughter's face on the now young woman and rapes her. Not pleasant, of course. But aside from the rape angles, I would imagine that some accident at the hospital would occur and I'd be given a sex-change...

My fantasies almost always were where I had accidentally been changed into a woman through a variety of means, and through no fault of my own. That way I didn't have to feel guilty about it. fucking sad, really. But, at least, I did have a happy ending in my real story.

You don't have to discuss particulars, but I'm very curious as to whether others have had similiar fantasies about accidental sex-changes or what have you.

My fantasies became obsessions that paralyzed me from living, but at the time, they were all I had.
 

Anna L.

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I keep thinking, "If I was physically female, but with a penis, what girl would want to be with me?" I start thinking about how fewer women would be sexually attracted to me, and I get depressed thinking about possibly being alone forever.

Don't make decisions based on what you think potential partners would want. Do what you need to do to feel good. When love happens, it happens because both parties accept each other as they are. If 'female with a penis' is what you need to be comfortable, then go for it, and have faith there's women out there who'd be happy to date you.
 

Becca_H

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Cliff, I haven't read all your posts, but I've seen your concerns about surgery.

You absolutely, one hundred percent, do not have to have SRS if you don't want to. You also have no time limit on making this decision.

Regarding relationships, and seconding the poster above. Love is about loving the person someone is. If somebody truly loved you, they wouldn't care what genitalia you possessed.

Does it bother my partner that I'm a transgender girl? Not at all. We're together because we're soulmates. Hell, our sexual orientations weren't even compatable when we met! They probably still aren't.

Remember as well, the term "lesbian" is a label. Not all people who consider themselves lesbians are going to exclusively require female genitalia. Some (most?) won't care. Some may even prefer male genitalia. Will it be daunting to date someone and have to tell them you have male genitals? Probably. But dating itself is daunting. And the genuinely interested people will stick around when they know. It's possibly advantageous to be able to quickly filter potential dates this way.

So yeah, don't worry about it. Your decision regarding SRS is not something you have to rush, nor is it set in stone. And it definitely will not cause problems with relationships. And I know other transgender girls who would second this as well.
 

Caitlin Black

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Glad things are going so well Mara. :)

Diana, I never really had the "accidental" SRS fantasies. My fantasies generally revolve around my inventing a new technology that makes it quick, easy and cheap to have the body you want.

Anna and Becca, thanks for your thoughtful words. :)
 

Shadow Dragon

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My fantasies almost always were where I had accidentally been changed into a woman through a variety of means, and through no fault of my own. That way I didn't have to feel guilty about it. fucking sad, really. But, at least, I did have a happy ending in my real story.

You don't have to discuss particulars, but I'm very curious as to whether others have had similiar fantasies about accidental sex-changes or what have you.
Yeah, I had those fantasies as well. Oddly enough, even before I knew I was trans. Oh, and one other tg movie based on the Jekyll/Hyde story, is Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde. It was pretty good and had some great transformation sequences.
 

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I am starting to really hate skirts.

I keep seeing trans women who say that they're being asked, "How can you be a woman if you don't like to wear skirts?"

But people keep saying to me, "Not wanting to wear skirts doesn't make you not a woman."

What the fuck.
 

kuwisdelu

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I am starting to really hate skirts.

I keep seeing trans women who say that they're being asked, "How can you be a woman if you don't like to wear skirts?"

But people keep saying to me, "Not wanting to wear skirts doesn't make you not a woman."

What the fuck.

I'm a cis male who really likes a woman in a skirt, but the majority of cis women (that I see day-to-day) seem to prefer wearing pants anyway, so that question seems kind ridiculous to me. :Shrug:

By the way, I don't think the "suddenly wake up with opposite genitalia" fantasy is terribly uncommon among cis gendered people, either. I know I've had them. Though the psychology behind the motivation is probably drastically different. Mine were just more along the lines of "testing out the other side's gear" for a day or two.
 
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thethinker42

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I am starting to really hate skirts.

I keep seeing trans women who say that they're being asked, "How can you be a woman if you don't like to wear skirts?"

But people keep saying to me, "Not wanting to wear skirts doesn't make you not a woman."

What the fuck.

I'm a cisgendered woman and I can't stand wearing skirts. Or make-up, or jewelry, or any of that. Why should it be required of trans women? Ugh...
 

Caitlin Black

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Personally, I love skirts, wearing them or seeing them on others.

But there's no rule that says "All X people have to like Y." At least, no rule that is well-thought-out and fair...
 

Shadow Dragon

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Personally, I love skirts, wearing them or seeing them on others.

But there's no rule that says "All X people have to like Y." At least, no rule that is well-thought-out and fair...
I'm the same way. I love skirts and dresses. <3

And you're right, there isn't a rule like that. Being a girl, whether cis or trans, doesn't have to equal liking skirts or any other girly thing.
 

Becca_H

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My mum actually banned me from wearing skirts when I transitioned. She said my friends don't wear them, so neither should I. So I've never worn one nor owned one.

I rarely see girls in skirts, anyway. Everyone around here wears jeans.
 

Shadow Dragon

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Nope. Even though I generally love gothic style clothing, I'm not into the big black kind of boots.I prefer high heeled boots. I also like the boots with fur (I guess thats suppose to be fur) around the calf.
 

Diana Hignutt

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Yeah, I don't wear make-up, jewelry, dresses or skirts...

unless I absolutely have to, and that's pretty rare...

I always wear jeans and tee shirts...

The clothes does not the person make...