Why Most Romance Couples Start Off Hating Each Other

scarletpeaches said:

This reminds me of the accusation that boys only pull the pigtails of girls they like in the playground.

And I don't want playground reasons for being mean to each other in a grown-up novel.

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I don't mind playground reasons in a grown-up novel, as long as the characters are aware of it.

Originally Posted by kuwisdelu
Ripping apart madly-in-love characters and making them suffer is so much more fun than watching the played-out romance of will-they/won't they?

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Yup

Mine don't hate each other. They might not want to admit they love each other, but they sure as hell don't hate each other ( though they might hate the effect of falling in love)

I love when a character falls in love with someone and it completely screws up their entire life because their outlooks are so different, or they have conflicting goals or even morals


Conflict is good ( she's a tree hugger, he wants to chop down that forest to build lost cost flats for the terminally ill lol), but under it all they should have good feelings about each other. If a couple hate each other and its supposed to be a romance, I put it down and find a better book to read.

ETA: Love at first sight can work in a book too. See second book in my sig. He falls in love like *snaps fingers* It's just he falls in love with the one person he can't have....

IdiotsRUs said:

Conflict is good ( she's a tree hugger, he wants to chop down that forest to build lost cost flats for the terminally ill lol), but under it all they should have good feelings about each other. If a couple hate each other and its supposed to be a romance, I put it down and find a better book to read.

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Nice example, and ITA.

Libbie said:

Yes, actually. In the industry, "romance" is defined as a story in which two characters meet, have some serious tension, find a reason why they can't be together (whether it's because they hate each other at first or because something else keeps them apart...), and in the end they overcome their obstacle and end up happily ever after. That is literally what makes a romance a romance.

You can call it cliche, but it defines the genre, just as "magic happening in an unrealistic setting" defines fantasy, and "speculative story about humanity's relation to science and/or technology" defines sci-fi.

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Quoted for truth.

Romance as a genre is entirely different than romance in a novel. Romance readers (as in the genre) have very specific expectations and desires. If you're writing romance as a genre, you'd better know those expectations and rules and they'd better show up in your query.

This is just like the constraint in mysteries that the bad guy needs to get caught. If the bad guy gets away with it, it isn't a real mystery. Or the constraint in fantasy that the magical element has to influence the outcome of the story.

LOVE STORY, although it has a romance in it, is most definitely not a romance (as in genre). It was never marketed as such, and created frustration in people because many people did believe it to be a romance.

And understand that romance as a genre has a range. Harlequin is extremely conservative on experimenting on the boundaries. It knows exactly what will sell to its readers, and sells exactly that. Other romances play around with the formula more.

Best of luck,

Jim Clark-Dawe

When I'm reading a romance, I don't care what the conflict keeping them apart is as long as it's true to the characters. If they hate each other upon first meeting, then I need to believe why they dislike each other, why they grow to love each other, and feel that the entire thing is organic to the characters. If they fall madly in love by chapter three, then are torn apart by whatever reason, same thing--make me believe it and make it true to the character.

Nothing is worse, in any genre, than a contrived plot device.

Two people in love from day one who never have any obstacles to their utter bliss. I think I'll try this. I'll call it "The Happy Family." It'll be turned into a reality show! I'll be obscenely rich!

Funny, I'm not hearing any ka-ching yet...

I like the challenge of bringing two characters who hate each other around to falling in love.

It's like asking, "Why, in fantasy epic quest novels, is the thing they're going after always so hard to obtain? Why couldn't the magic sword be in the next village, a quick, pleasant ride over?"

Parametric said:

I like the challenge of bringing two characters who hate each other around to falling in love.

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Heh, fan fiction is a perfect illustration of the human urge to join the unjoinable. Hence we get such challenging pairings as Snape/Harry.

The more the relationship AIN'T-GONNA-HAPPEN, the more a large subgroup of fans will worship it.

ClaudiaGray said:

It's like asking, "Why, in fantasy epic quest novels, is the thing they're going after always so hard to obtain? Why couldn't the magic sword be in the next village, a quick, pleasant ride over?"

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Yeah, if only Frodo had had a really killer garbage disposal, LotR could've been a lot shorter. This is why you don't cheap out on your kitchen remodels, people.

DwayneA said:

Why does these things happen in romance stories or between couples in fiction? What purpose does it serve? Is it some kind of rule?

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My favorite romance story was the epitome of this. Next favorite romance story was the epitome of this.

To help you, I'm trying to think why.

Perhaps it's because it feels deeper than someone falling in love with someone at first sight. Perhaps it's because it's more interesting than boy meets girl and happily ever after. Perhaps it's because I'm a hopeless romantic that wants everything to work out, even with conflicting personalities, just because love will see them through everything. And above all of those, perhaps it's just because it taught me to dig deeper to find who people really are.

Hope that helped a bit.

Phaeal said:

Heh, fan fiction is a perfect illustration of the human urge to join the unjoinable. Hence we get such challenging pairings as Snape/Harry.

The more the relationship AIN'T-GONNA-HAPPEN, the more a large subgroup of fans will worship it.

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My novel: bad fanfiction.

ClaudiaGray said:

It's like asking, "Why, in fantasy epic quest novels, is the thing they're going after always so hard to obtain? Why couldn't the magic sword be in the next village, a quick, pleasant ride over?"

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I actually have a line about this in Apostle.

Just once, wouldn’t it be nice to get specific directions to one of these little quests? Did they think I’d fall over in shock if they said something like, “Go to the end of the street, take a right, walk for two blocks, and kill the beggar in the red coat eating a pear in front of the school?”

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So yeah--totally feeling it, Claudia.

scarletpeaches said:

I prefer books where everyone dies in the end, hating each other.

I can relate to those more.

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You died hating someone? Who resurrected you? I want their name and social security number.

Parametric said:

I like the challenge of bringing two characters who hate each other around to falling in love.

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Same here. Most of my manuscripts begin that way - with the main characters hating or fearing each other. I love the drama.

Of course, most of my manuscripts don't have the main characters completely in love and living happily ever after at the end either. Usually they start to understand each other during the course of the story, though they adamantly deny their growing attraction until the sequel.

DwayneA said:

To me, this has been done so many times in books, movies, and tv that it's practically a cliche. Most couples in romance stories seem to start off on the wrong foot. They may be rivals, strangers, or one of course just wants nothing to do with the other. Then they start to get to know each other and love begins to grow. But then something happens that breaks them apart and one hates the other even more, and the other person spends the rest of the story trying to redeem himself/herself to win him/her back, he/she succeeds, end of story.

Another example is where the guy is a charming young man who many women swoon over, and the gal is the only who doesn't feel that way towards him, and who may actually despise him to begin with. And it is her he ultimately gets together with in the end.

Why does these things happen in romance stories or between couples in fiction? What purpose does it serve? Is it some kind of rule?

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I, personally, think it's cliche and HATE it! It drives me nuts when the man pursues that woman who keeps ignoring him and hating on him. I get that you need some kind of tension, but by page 200, enough is enough! Do him or die! Get over yourself (the heroine that is). That's when I start skimming just to make sure the two end up together.

You don't, IMO, have to have the couple start off hating each other to have conflict. There are plenty of reasons for conflict in a romance and plenty other ways for a romance to begin that don't start with love at first sight.

M.Austin said:

My favorite romance story was the epitome of this. Next favorite romance story was the epitome of this.

To help you, I'm trying to think why.

Perhaps it's because it feels deeper than someone falling in love with someone at first sight. Perhaps it's because it's more interesting than boy meets girl and happily ever after. Perhaps it's because I'm a hopeless romantic that wants everything to work out, even with conflicting personalities, just because love will see them through everything. And above all of those, perhaps it's just because it taught me to dig deeper to find who people really are.

Hope that helped a bit.

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My mom always says the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. And that love and hate are actually one and the same.

*shrugs*

Sometimes I think she's on to something.

Like Parametric, it's one of my favorite plots. But then, I also figure that's because there's lots of kinds of love-quiet, enduring, waning, platonic. To start with love doesn't always equate with explosive.

But hate. Hate is passion. Good or bad, you gotta admit, hate is a passionate emotion. And sorry, but I dig me some explosive passion.

Love at first bores me. Falling madly in love within the first 30 pages annoys me. It doesn't even have to be hate exactly, but to be completely entranced by each other immediately is...meh. I'd even deal with the friends-who-like-like-each-other-but-are-too-afraid-to-say-anything beginning. It has to have conflict at least.

Phaeal said:

Two people in love from day one who never have any obstacles to their utter bliss. I think I'll try this. I'll call it "The Happy Family." It'll be turned into a reality show! I'll be obscenely rich!

Funny, I'm not hearing any ka-ching yet...

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Where has anyone said they shouldn't have any obstacles? There are plenty of other possible conflicts besides "I can't stand you...wait, I love you."

Hate is a strong emotion, love is a strong emotion. I think some readers enjoy the omnipotent feeling of knowing that their main characters have somehow confused the two strong emotions. We're just sitting back "tut-tutting" until they see sense and realize it for themselves.

AuburnAssassin said:

Hate is a strong emotion, love is a strong emotion. I think some readers enjoy the omnipotent feeling of knowing that their main characters have somehow confused the two strong emotions. We're just sitting back "tut-tutting" until they see sense and realize it for themselves.

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YES!

It may be cliché, but I love it when they start of hating each other. If it's all 'hey hot stuff, let's go make babies' it's just boring... plus I tend to pick on guys I find attractive, and vice versa... so maybe that's part of it... it all starts in the third grade, when the boy who sits behind you pulls your hair

DwayneA said:

To me, this has been done so many times in books, movies, and tv that it's practically a cliche. Most couples in romance stories seem to start off on the wrong foot. They may be rivals, strangers, or one of course just wants nothing to do with the other. Then they start to get to know each other and love begins to grow. But then something happens that breaks them apart and one hates the other even more, and the other person spends the rest of the story trying to redeem himself/herself to win him/her back, he/she succeeds, end of story.

Another example is where the guy is a charming young man who many women swoon over, and the gal is the only who doesn't feel that way towards him, and who may actually despise him to begin with. And it is her he ultimately gets together with in the end.

Why does these things happen in romance stories or between couples in fiction? What purpose does it serve? Is it some kind of rule?

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I admit... I love this. I write Mystery but read Romance and I'm a total sucker for these types of Romance novels.

ChaosTitan said:

When I'm reading a romance, I don't care what the conflict keeping them apart is as long as it's true to the characters. If they hate each other upon first meeting, then I need to believe why they dislike each other, why they grow to love each other, and feel that the entire thing is organic to the characters. If they fall madly in love by chapter three, then are torn apart by whatever reason, same thing--make me believe it and make it true to the character.

Nothing is worse, in any genre, than a contrived plot device.

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I agree with this post.

I'm less concerned with why romance couples have to start out hating each other, and more concerned with why couples that hate each other have to end up as a romantic couple. It ruins any surprise. For once I'd like to see a story where a guy and girl start out hating each other, overcome adversity together, STILL hate each other, and storm off to go their separate ways for the rest of their lives.