Fortunately...unfortunately

... you're pretty sure that when you show up and Aquaman sees your lack of genitalia, he'll show about as much interest in you as most viewers of "Super Friends" did in his character. Unfortunately ...

unfortunately you have a winning personality, and your knock knock jokes are out of this world, so he might overlook your lacking genitalia. Fortunately,

Aqua Lad takes a shine to you. You play along with his brazen flirting because you are scheming to get your hands on the key to his sea horse. Unfortunately...

unfortunately, his sea horse gets kidnapped by moby dick. fortunately,

Moby has no genitalia either! Yes, you heard me, Moby has no Dick! Unfortunately...

Moby takes a shine to you as well, being simpatico and all. Fortunately...

moby takes you on a trip all around the world and you have a wonderful time exploring the seas, swimming with the dolphins, resting on the turtles, resting above the sea volcano where the lava's warmth pierced your skin and burnt any traces of stress that you've been taking. unfortunately,

You now smell like burned fish sticks and spend your time trying to avoid the gortons fisherman. Fortunately...

You are stranded in Kansas where there are no fishermen and no one knows what a fish stick is. Unfortunately you have now become a red state inhabitant with a lot of tedious time on his hands but fortunately...

...you learn that there is an opening for someone ("must be a self-starter, reliable, dependable, flexible, open to new ideas") in the Governor's office. You hasten to Topeka and put in your application. Unfortunately...

the application is on a clay tablet and your cuneiform is rusty. Fortunately...

The jobs only duty is scrubbing the crusty stuff off of urinals in the mens room. With hard work and dedication you may be able to work your way up to a more indispensable position. Perhaps something in the mail room. They always need someone to test the grayish powder they keep getting in the mail for anthrax. Unfortunately...

your merman tail got rashes as you rubbed it against the floor to move around. Fortunately,

You are sure the rash is from the floor and not the anthrax. There is also the time you get for break that you spend in the slop sink in the janitors closet. unfortunately...

someone locks you in the closet and you spot a centipede crawling in through the gap between two doors. Fortunately,

youre still hungry and being a fish,now, eating bugs isnt gross anymore. unfortunately...

what you've eaten gives you a rather upset stomach. Fortunately,

Your digestive enzymes dont really work, and the centipede crawls out your other end, thereby restoring your stomach to its prior ease. Unfortunately,

the girl you've been crushing on sees the centipede leave your other end and gets all kinds of wrong ideas about you. Fortunately,

the centipede jumps on her and kisses her, turning her into a centipede and the two crawl away holding their antennae together. The magical event affects others around the centipedes and you wake up in a perfect house wearing comfortable clothes, lying on a soft bed with wide walls around you. You realize you're rich. Unfortunately,

The infernal revenue service realizes you're rich too. You try to explain to them that its a relatively new happenstance but they don't believe you and decide that you're liable for back taxes plus penalties and interest. They want you to pay an ungodly amount and they want you to pay it yesterday. Fortunately...

your digital calendar stopped working day before yesterday giving you one more day to transfer all your money to Cayman Islands and run away. Unfortunately,

You think you can still find a way to convince the infernal revenue service that you are Nuevo riche and only owe from the time you came into money, not the twenty years before. Fortunately...

Fortunately, you're poor but you have emotional wealth and have a jolly good time living at your friends place. Five of you sharing one small house and it's all cosy and fun. Unfortunately,

That cozy arrangement is in a South American prison cell. Your four 'roommates' also happen to be four of the leaders of one of the prisons biggest gangs. they're amused by your tales and decided to keep you as a pet. All you have to do is rub their bunions and wash their skivvies by hand in the toilet. As long as you get the skid marks out you are safe. If their whites aren't as white as they can be.... then you have problems. fortunately...