Fortunately...unfortunately

. . . he neglects to close it correctly. When you awaken from your electrified stupor the trunk is lolling up and down gently like the maw of a sunning alligator. When the car slows, presumably to stop, you push up on the trunk with your head and roll into the street. Though handcuffed, you are free once more. Unfortunately . . .

...the street is under construction, and you roll directly into the path of a giant compactor roller, whose driver is blissfully smoking weed and doesn't see you as its huge, serrated wheel bears down on you.



Fortunately...

...even over the noise of his roller, the driver hears the five o'clock whistle blaring... and immediately turns off the ignition switch while yelling "Yaba daba dooooooo....!" and leaps off the machine to head for home - sparing you a horrible death by roller. Unfortunately...

because of the importance of the project they work around the clock. With your right pant leg caught under the roller you struggle to remove them as the evening-shift operator starts the roller and puts it in gear. Fortunately . . .

Your pants are cheaply made and they fall off entirely. Unfortunately...

You couldn't find any clean undies this morning, so you aren't wearing any. Fortunately...

A towel is dangling just within your reach, and you wrap it around yourself. Unfortunately...

...a gust of wind whips the towel away just as two elderly ladies happen by. They show signs of panic, clutch their purses to their breasts and cry, "Help! Police! Pervert!" Fortunately...

as you turn and run across the street you notice a huge sign for Crazy Bob's Men's Discount Clothing Emporium. You remember their TV ads saying they give credit to anyone. You run in, grab a shopping cart, and start filling it with clothing. Unfortunately...

A female security guard sees you piling clothes into your cart, stares at your nudity and says, "This store caters to different kinds of customers, but not to your kind, Buster. You're coming with me!" While everybody stares, she slaps handcuffs on you and leads you down a long corridor. Fortunately...

... she decides it would be way more fun to brighten an otherwise boring day by abusing your naked, cuffed self - and she takes you thru twists and turns down the corridor to an empty office.. pulls you in and kicks the door shut behind you. Unfortunately...

just as the two of you start getting into it, her husband, the manager of the sporting goods section at Crazy Bob's Men's Discount Clothing Emporium, bursts through the door wielding a pump-action 12-guage shotgun. You hear the distinct Ka-chink sound of a round being loaded as he shoulders the gun. He looks at his wife and says, "I told you what would happen if I caught you cheating on me again." Trembling, you say to yourself, "Ah, so this is how it ends?" Fortunately...

... turns out Crazy Bob is more interested in shooting his wife than you, swings the barrel in her direction and pulls the trigger! KA-BAM!!!!!

Bob didn't know that the "shotgun" he grabbed was that experimental one.. the 90mm $45 per round with a kick like rocket fuel one. It explodes Crazy Bob backwards right out the door he came in, and blows a firey hole through the wall behind you and Mrs. Crazy. Lucky thing Bob can't aim for shit. You and sexy security guard grab each other by the hand and jump thru the gaping hole and run down the street as you cooly ask, "Your place... or mine?"

Unfortunately...

...you haven't gone 50 feet before Daffy Dave of Daffy Dave's Dazzling Dollar Deals (Crazy Bob's competition) comes running up, and your sexy security guard says, "It worked, Dave. Bob took the bait and we're rid of him at last. Now dispose of this dork I picked up, and we'll be on our way to Acapulco." Daffy Dave pulls out a machete and prepares to swing it at you. Fortunately...

you've seen Enter The Dragon over one-thousand times, and prepare to execute a well practiced (in the confines of your living room) "roundhouse kick." You plant your right foot and in a flash, attempt to land a blow to the right side of his head. Unfortunately...

... you miss his head entirely ("Damn, my practice dummy never moves like that!", you mutter to youself), and instead manage to land on the sharp edge of the machete and the razor sharp slice causes your foot to spew blood everywhere! Fortunately...

... 'everywhere' includes straight into Dave's face. He stumbles backwards, flailing madly, but before you can say "Poly wally doodle all the day" the back of his leg hits the rim of an open pit toilet which is there for no other reason than a bit of levity. Unfortunately ...

...while you're standing there saying "Poly wally doople... poly wally doodle call ray... polly woodle colly... " Daffy Dave crashes down into the open pit toilet and splashes large amounts of shyte all over you. Sexy security guard wrenches her hand from your tight clutches.
"Ewww..!", she says. "You stink!! You think I'm going home with you now?"

Fortunately...

... a massive rainstorm appears and in no time you're washed clean. Unfortunately ...

you are still naked, albeit, clean, and getting dizzy from blood loss. Fortunately...

... a hospital E.R. happens to be right across the street. Unfortunately ...

...before you can get there, a young first-aider happens along and realizes this is her chance to practice. She forces you to lie down, gives you mouth-to-mouth, attempts CPR, wraps your head in bandages, splints your left arm and left leg and presses hard on your groin to stop the blood flowing to your foot before saying, "Oh, dear, I forgot what I'm supposed to do next." Fortunately...

... the bleeding stopped on its own, and the young first-aider is really so bad at mouth-to-mouth that it's more like french kissing. Actually all of the 'first aid' moves she's attempting on you seem to have been learned from watching hospital-themed pornography (and, just for clarity, she's not too young). Unfortunately ...

the young woman in question looks far younger than her thirty years, which draws the attention of a passing police cruiser. You find yourself, yet again, handcuffed in, what by now must seem like a second home, the back seat of a police car on your way to jail. Fortunately...

...the driver--the only cop in the car--makes a wrong turn and hits a lamp post. Neither one of you is injured, but this gives you a chance to jump out and start running. Almost immediately, you find yourself surrounded by a crowd of colorfully costumed people. They must be having a party! Safe at last! Unfortunately...