Fortunately...unfortunately

Woof

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the bubble burst in midair, causing me to plummet to the ground and my laundry to scatter over seven counties, including my favorite pair of Woody Woodpecker briefs, which caused the locals to laugh riotously. Fortunately,
 

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the couple responsible for the balloon boy hoax filmed the whole thing, and I'll get a share of the profits if they can sell it to HBO. Unfortunately,
 
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Woof

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Unfortunately I am now being investigated by the FBI for transporting underwear over State lines for immoral purposes. Fortunately,
 

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my mother works for the FBI, and she has promised she will scuttle the investigation. Unfortunately,
 

Woof

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in exchange I have to marry my second cousin Zelda, the one with the harelip. Fortunately,
 

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Zelda fell off a 500-foot cliff yesterday, so I am off the hook. Unfortunately,
 

Woof

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Zelda survived, having dived off the cliff into the ocean, then ran to the shore and embraced me with her wet, seaweed-covered body. Fortunately,
 

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the Lobster Boy came along at that moment, and since Zelda has always had a crush on him, she pulled herself away from me and embraced him. Unfortunately,
 

Woof

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a very jealous, green-eyed lobster girl showed up in the next instant, and in attempting to attack Zelda with one of her pincers, pinched me instead, in a very embarrassing part of my anatomy. Fortunately,
 

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I was taken to a nearby clinic, where several white-suited men began to examine my wounds. Unfortunately,
 

RevisionIsTheKey

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the pinching of an embarrassing body appendage is part of the lobster marriage ceremony, so the lobster made an honest man out of me (assuming I can still be called a man after what happened to the aforementioned part) and this lobster was bisexual, so there is no problem and we set off on our blissful honeymoon. Unfortunately,
 

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Unfortunately, answers crossed paths like a couple of bisexual lobsters being vivisected on an operating table. Fortunately,
 

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the host of the new reality show is Carrie Prejean, who has said that bisexual lobsters should be burned at the stake, so our appearance has been cancelled. Fortunately,
 

brad_b

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Fortunately, the lobsters happened to fall into a pot of scalding water and there happened to be a stick of butter nearby. Though the show didn't come about the stars were very tasty, unfortunately...
 
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Lavern08

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They were eaten by someone with a seafood allergy who died on the spot. Fortunately,
 
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brad_b

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Somewhere in my mind... it echoes in here ...
Fortunately, Dr. Frankenstein was ambling by, took the body to his castle, and reanimated it using bits and pieces he had laying around the laboratory, unfortunately...
 

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...the brain he used was from a giant squid. Fortunately,
 

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...the monster quickly made its way to the ocean, taking Dr. Frankenstein and his hunchbacked assistant with it. Fortunately,
 

Woof

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an extinct volcano on the atoll suddenly came back to life and exploded, spewing molten lava in the path of Dr. Frankenstein and his assistant Igor, whose eyes now protruded completely out of their sockets. Fortunately,
 

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a friendly whale came along and swallowed Dr. Frankenstein and Igor, quickly transporting them to safety. Unfortunately,
 

flyingtart

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they were both allergic to sea food. Fortunately,