you have been fitted with prosthetics. When the crocodiles try to bite your titanium legs they break their teeth and quickly swim away. Unfortunately . . .
Fortunately...unfortunately
- Thread starter QueenB
- Start date
A shark somehow wanders into the moat, and it has a bigger mouth than a crocodile and also a much bigger brain (according to Google). It opens its ugly maw and starts to gulp you down. Fortunately...
it gulps you down whole and you are able to cut your way free with a knife. You make it to the other side of the moat unscathed. Unfortunately...
fresh water sharks are a rare and endangered species. The Fish and Game warden, who's been watching the the whole thing through his binoculars, promptly arrests you. Fortunately . . .
...your fairy godmother, Matilda, materializes and says, "I'll get you out of this mess, but it's the last f***ing time, you nitwit! Fairy Godmother school didn't include dealing with a 10-watt bulb! Anyway, here goes!" With a wave of her sparkly wand, she transports you to a sunny South Seas island, where palm trees sway, ukeleles play, and native girls encircle you as they dance the hula. Unfortunately...
Unfortunately, the fairy Godmother discovers her wand was exchanged by the Evil Fairy; she had used the wrong band to save you, making you and herself appear in a community of cannibals, where the next people to be eaten are happy and dance the hula. Fortunately...
the now useless fairy godmother is happier and hula-er than you and gets eaten first, giving you a chance to escape the cannibals (again--you're getting good at this) while they sleep off your turkey of a fairy godmother. Unfortunately...
while quietly making your escape you step into one of the many foot snares the cannibals had set up around their camp. While swinging upside down you let out a loud scream which wakes everyone up. Fortunately . . .
because the yell came from above them, where you are hidden in the thick leafy jungle canopy, they think the voice came from a god and express a willingness to obey your every command if only you will spare them. Unfortunately...
...the atheist movement quickly turns into an atheist bowel movement because these are cannibals we're talking about. Unfortunately,
poop is slippery and, using a banana leaf as a toboggan (Canadian thinking, eh?), you rapidly slide down the mound into the sea, leaving the cannibal village behind. Unfortunately...
you start singing the loop, "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" in a very high pitched, squeaky voice that so annoys the whale he spits you out through his blowhole. Unfortunately . . .
your family had setup a GoFundMe page to raise money to buy a case of outrageously expensive EpiPens (you go through them like a six-pack of beer on a hot August night.) You take the next to last one out of your pocket, inject yourself and continue on your escape. Unfortunately . . .
...that Epipen was past its sell-by date, and its effects wear off quickly and you begin to feel terminally weird. Fortunately...
you are ten-feet from a bus stop. You walk over, sit down, take a few deep breaths, and try to regain your composure. On the seat next to you, you notice a half-full family-size bag of Oreos, which you promptly commence to devour hoping the sugar rush will make you feel better. Unfortunately . . .
You fall into a coma, and when you awake you find yourself sharing a hospital room with a patient who has the TV blasting a Gilligan's Island rerun and when they laugh they sound like asthmatic seal. Fortunately...
...hospital aides enter and wheel your roommate off for an MRI, leaving you to control the TV yourself. Unfortunately...
the remote doesn't work, and you are tethered to your bed (apparently sleep walk, actually you coma walk.) Fortunately . . .
the dominatrix you ordered arrives while your roommate is absent, and since you are already tethered you are offered a small discount. Unfortunately...