Fortunately...unfortunately

when you depress the spray nozzle, nothing happens. You turn it toward you to check for a blockage and accidentally (read, stupidly) spray yourself in the face, causing yourself to disappear. Fortunately...

You have disappeared! You are completely invisible; whether the eye was naked or clothed. You slip around the snakes and move silently down the road towards home. Unfortunately,

home is 10,000 miles away--and you're on an island. Fortunately...

Just like Popeye with spinach, you spot several cans of beans and down them. You are now jet propelled! Unfortunately...

Unfortunately, the beans we not sprayed and hence are not invisible. Now there is a disgusting morphis blob where your midsection used to be. Fortunately...

a flying blob of self-flatulating beans causes a panic, and someone launches an emergency flare. It ignites your fart stream, propelling you all the way to the north coast of Australia. First leg of the journey home complete. Unfortunately...

Unfortunately, your passport is out of date and you can't get past customs. Plus, you're raising a few eyebrows with some of your luggage. Fortunately...

Fortunately, a kind hearted security agent, who also likes beans, shares his lunch with you so that you can refuel. The security agent then escorts you out to the jetway, supplying you with a long handled lighter so you can 'ignite' when the winds blow correctly.

Standing on the edge of the runway, you spot your perfect opportunity to jet out, and you take it. Once again airborn, you continue your traveling over open water. Unfortunately...

Unfortunately, you're shot down by a coastal missile defense system assembled from radio shack cast off parts. Fortunately...

The missile catches in your underwear, and fails to explode. The missile carries you faster and farther than your own flatulance, and your underwear makes a decent parachute with out the ass in it. Nothing quite like landing with a full moon. Unfortunately...

You get arrested on landing for indecent exposure. It's a strange land, where you've touched down. You told them of your odyssey, but no one quite believes you. It is a fantastic story and you find yourself in a straight jacket locked away with two other guys arguing about who is the real Jesus Christ. Fortunately...

when they ask you which one you think is the real Jesus Christ, you say that the real Christ is so compassionate he would free you from the shackles of the straight jacket. After a few minutes of jostling you are free. Unfortunately . . .

Unfortunately, the compassion ends with your cell mates. The guards aren't quite so sympathetic to your cause of getting back. You don't even remember where it is you were trying to get to. Fortunately...

You awaken early in the morning to find the cell door completely ajar. A yellow post-it note flutters along the face of the door. It reads:

Thought you might fancy a bit of freedom, love...

-J. H. C.

You crumple the note and make your way through the empty halls, until you find yourself standing beside a side door, beside which stands an old cabinet. You notice a stack of neatly folded clothes sitting on top: a tattered Grateful Dead shirt, a plaid kilt, and a pair of clean socks, and new sneakers. You don these in silence, before noticing another post-it note on the door before you.

Unfortunately...

the note is written in Greek, which you are not. Fortunately...

You studied Greek in school. You chuckle as you read the note, thinking 'Ha! And you didn't think studying Greek would be useful!'. This note says:


DUCK!



No really, I mean NOW!

At that very moment, you notice your shoe lace is untied, and you bend over to tie it just as a battle Ax swings out on a spring loaded arm. It misses you by millimeters. You straighten up, grab the axe and set off.

Unfortunately....



======================
Remember the Choose your own adventure books? This sounds sooooo much like one of those books! I'm loving it!

Unfortunately, the axe was only one fixture. There are others. From swinging guillotine blades to hidden deadfalls and pit traps full of starved salt water crocodiles, it's obvious you were never meant to leave this place. Fortunately...

Fortunately, having been a big fan of all of the Indiana Jones movies, except the last one - cause, really aliens? You maneuver easily through the rest of the traps following the lessons you learned from the movies. You step out of the building in to the sunlight. Unfortunately

someone yells, "Cut! Cut!! CUT!!!" "Get him off the set!" Four burly guys in black jumpsuits each grab you by a limb, carry you to a gate, and give you the heave-ho on to the concrete sidewalk. Fortunately . . .

someone yells, "Cut! Cut!! CUT!!!" "Get him off the set!" Four burly guys in black jumpsuits each grab you by a limb, carry you to a gate, and give you the heave-ho on to the concrete sidewalk. Fortunately . . .

Fortunately I fell into my first girlfriend from highschool, a model, and she invited me to coffee to catch up- unfortunately

Just as Cekrit and his first girlfriend get to the coffee shop, his baby mama shows up with his twins in tow, and triplets on the way. Cekrit's first girlfriend looks at him, and then at his baby mama, and suddenly remembers the shoot she is late for, in Siberia. Fortunately,

---------------
Thanks for naming the main character Cekrit .

BryanT said:

Just as Cekrit and his first girlfriend get to the coffee shop, his baby mama shows up with his twins in tow, and triplets on the way. Cekrit's first girlfriend looks at him, and then at his baby mama, and suddenly remembers the shoot she is late for, in Siberia. Fortunately,

---------------
Thanks for naming the main character Cekrit .

Click to expand...

Fortunately, Cekrit's baby mama was a Nigerian princess and they were in an open relationship, and all of those children solidified his right to the throne and wealth. They offered his first girlfriend an express private flight.

Unfortunately . . .

The plane crashes in the Kansas corn field where our previous unnamed character was hiding. Fortunately . . .

Though he was hit on the head, and can no longer remember his name, he vaguely recognizes the corn field. He climbs out of the wreckage of the plane, and begins trudging in the direction he thinks his toward home.

Unfortunately

his head injury has disoriented him and he is heading not toward home but toward Chicago. Fortunately