Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 2

James D. Macdonald said:

Department of Just Because I Have Massive Talent Doesn't Mean I Can't Be Petty And Vindictive:

Posterity will ne'er survey
A nobler grave than this:
Here lie the bones of Castlereagh:
Stop, traveller, and piss.

-- Lord Byron

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On the night before leaving Parris Island, our DI told us that someday, we would mourn his passing with tears of admiration. To that one fine gent whose name I can't remember retorted, "The only liquid shed on your grave will be yellow in color."

We spent the rest of the evening in lock down. It was worth it.

allenparker said:

We spent the rest of the evening in lock down. It was worth it.

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You realize the only reason he said that was to provoke a reaction that would give him a reason for him to put y'all on lockdown on your last night, don't you?

sure...

but it still makes the point. It could have been anyone's DI and probably a story that has played out a hundred times. The fella might have gotten the line from his father. Good times I never want to do again.

Hey, come to Viable Paradise. The day starts at 0500 with a three-mile fun run. Then locker inspection, PT, disassembling and cleaning semiotic weapons, classroom instruction on field-expedient metaphors, more PT, ambushing the reader (table-top exercise), detecting and disarming rhetorical devices, camouflaging the theme, and yet more PT.

Writers' Boot Camp. You'd love it.

Somehow I missed out on the fun run.

That's okay, Beth. You can do the fun run right now. It's okay.

And, for everyone:

For reasons I won't go into here, I've been re-reading the Grimm fairy tales. Here's an idea, free! Take it, you're welcome:

At novel length, write The Stepsister's Tale, being the story of Cinderella from the POV of one of the wicked stepsisters. Only with the stepsister as the heroine of the story, and that smarmy, simpering, psychotic Cinderella as the villain. Think of what Wicked did for the Wicked Witch of the West. Go thou and do likewise.

Dear Uncle Jim,

I remember reading that you do extensive outlines before the actual first draft. I find outlining both useful and extremely enjoyable so naturally I am curious. Can you give us more details about your procedure? How do you go about doing it? What's the end result like? Any description or links to previous discussion is greatly appreciated!

Let me also take this opportunity to thank you for your continuing contributions to these boards. Your insights are by far the most valuable resource around here.

Orchestra said:

Can you give us more details about your procedure? How do you go about doing it? What's the end result like?

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I sit down and write.

The end result is very much like a story, only the parts may be out of order, and it'll have notes like [Look this up later] and [they do something exciting here]. The characters will have names like Bestfriend and Deadmeat and Perky. Some of my favorite parts are [Doyle does this bit].

Things are sketched rather than written out full.

And silly stuff my happen, like suddenly, in the middle of a scene, Houdini escaping from a milk-can full of maple syrup.

Think of storyboard art compared with the finished film. That's what I mean by the outline.

I see what you mean. I like to do something similar, inspired by what Elizabeth George calls a running plot outline. Essentially, sketching. Thank you for taking the time to reply.

Uncle Jim, in order to maintain strict adherence to your 2 hour a day rule, should I dock myself for bathroom time, morning sit downs can be somewhat lengthy and you know how coffee flows through you, or should I just hold it, suffer through the sharp, abdominal cramps for the sake of my work? Thanks!

Graz:

No.

James D. Macdonald said:

Graz:

No.

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Thanks Uncle Jim. You want to go bowling?

Graz said:

Thanks Uncle Jim. You want to go bowling?

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No thanks. I have a book to write.

And so do you.

The good news:

We've been listed beside Heinlein and Asimov.

The bad news:

What could be bad about that?

Way cool! And really good (and handy) list also.

That's a really fantastic list. Makes me want to read Groogleman.

You can read the short story Uncle Joshua and the Grooglemen complete, free, on my webpage.

The E-publishing Bingo Card, from John Scalzi (hat tip to Making Light).

James D. Macdonald said:

You can read the short story Uncle Joshua and the Grooglemen complete, free, on my webpage.

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I thought that title seemed familiar and as soon as I read the first few lines, I remembered it - I was addicted to all things Bruce Coville as a little girl. Somewhere in my mother's house, I still have a copy of The Book of Monsters. I loved that story!

That was just weird (and very cool) to re-read.

Thanks, AlwaysJuly. You've just made this author very happy.

Dear all. Can someone invent a download that I can plug directly into my brain? I suspect everything I ever wanted to know about writing is hidden in the archives here... I just need to take a course in blog spelunking. I wanted to get this off my chest before I died, rotting somewhere in the 2007 archives...

Toffeehead, it's called the daily newspaper.

Forget TV. Forget radio. All that does is fill your eyes and brain with generally useless buzz. Honestly, most of us just amble away in the mornings trying to get ready for work.

But newspapers - real print news? They're a gold mine.

First, they get your brain working in a manner that's very similar to what you do when writing - visualizing. Second, they get your brain working to understand the words, not just hear the buzzing voice of the morning news babes or leering at what she's wearing. Third, they force you to concentrate, to focus mental energy on what the words are trying to portray.

Fourth, a newspaper is a goldmine of idea material. Everything from the front page to the columnar ads to the want ads to the pets for sale has material in it that can spark an idea for a short story, a novella, or even a novel.

What must it be like for one of the Fukushima 50 to try to save those reactors and prevent a nuclear meltdown that could kill thousands more civilians when that person knows it could cost them their own life? You might not want to use the current disaster, but why not make the setting a futuristic colony facing an invasion the defenders know they can't repel, a medieval settlement surrounded by besiegers and suddenly faced with an outbreak of the plague, or a military unit in the middle of the trenches in WW1 being hammered by the enemy, unable to retreat, and suddenly under attack by poison gas?

How about a story about that girl in the lingerie ad on page 16 in the lower right corner? What's her story? What if her lingerie modeling is a cover for her masquerading as a super heroine at night fighting crime, a cat burglar stealing diamonds, or a serial killer who assails victims in such a fashion as to make them appear that a man is behind them?

And finally, how about those pets for sale? What if that puppy was really a super-intelligently evolved offspring of normal dogs? What if the kitten is the agent of an alien power bent on defending Earth from enslavement by something from the dark and evil sky? What if the boa constrictor killed a child?

...I'll leave it to you to find other ideas and to flesh these out if you like, but your newspaper is full of them every day.

All you have to do is change the names of the innocent (or the guilty - and Lord knows we know who most of them are).

FOTSGreg - I think I was having my own meltdown when I wrote that entry. It's funny you should mention the plague... a little psychic maybe... ... hmmm...that gives me another idea... thank you!