sneaky, Obviously, I'm not Uncle Jim and I hope he won't mind my butting in.
First, chalk it up to whatever you're comfortable with, but right now it looks like more of an outline of a scene than the opening of a novel or story. You're telling us, not showing us. You tell us the scene opens in the hills. You tell us the hills start at the outskirts of a village. You tell us there's a girl, and finally you tell us there's a poorly-built shack.
Around about this stage I'm putting the book back on the shelf and walking down to the next section.
Now, forgive my wielding a blunt weapon, but I'd open with the girl already in the shack and in the middle of a confrontation of some sort with the shack's owner. You get action and involve the protagonist and the reader in what's going on right away here.
If you absolutely have to open with the girl approaching the shack, show us what the hills look like, what the outskirts of the village smell like, whether or not there are trees and birds, a path to the shack, and even how the poorly-built shack is constructed. In addition, what about the girl herself? What's important about her? What does she look like, what's she wearing, does she appear poor or wealthy, etc., etc. Put yourself and your reader in the scene. Imagine yourself as a stage director running a stage play. You must set the play's scenery and consider what should and should not there when the curtain opens and the actors begin speaking. If you stage manage well enough, your play will be a hit. If not, well... guess what? You get to try again. And again, and again, until you get it right.
When do you know you got it right? Well, publication, an advance, and sales would work well enough for me.
