Return of a Man Named PAMB and its Quotes

The recent email that I received from PA regarding Barnes & Noble getting an award is so insulting.

PA is giving an award to a company that has treated its authors like dirt, like second or third class citizens. Barnes and Noble PA has NO respect for PA or PA authors. None. What the heck are the powers that be at PA thinking? Do they honestly think that by sucking up to B&N PA that this one-sided relationship will change?

"Certificate of Author Support." What? PA certainly can't be referring to B&N PA support of PA authors. How dare they speak on behalf of the authors who have been turned down with disdain by B&N PA for book signings, talks, events etc.?

If I don't get a phone call from someone at PA with a darn brilliant explanation for this wrong-headed "award," I'm going to make it my mission to gather an army of PA authors who have been treated like crap by B&N PA and make one, very public fuss.

Certainly there are many other PA authors that are equally displeased with this recent announcement.

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Edited for clarity's sake.

Gillhoughly said:

::Gillhoughly gets a mental montage.....::


A newly poor (having wasted money printing the danged things) PA victim goes door to door in neighborhoods hanging tags on countless knobs, blissfully unaware the homeowners will toss it as an annoyance.

(I get those all the time. They go into the recycle, unread.)

The stubborn writer invades hotels, hanging tags on all the room doors, followed by a long-suffering staffer, who trashes each one.

Same thing happens when the writer takes on an office building floor by floor, until security throws him out.

The writer achieves a miracle and gets a signing and tries to GIVE the tags to people passing the table. A baby in a stroller grabs ONE, and promptly crams it in her mouth. Baby's mom takes it away and tosses the tag on the floor, glaring at the writer. "What's the matter with you, are you nuts?"

Everyone in the store within hearing range choruses, "Yes!"

The writer, unfazed, offers up a lollipop tree.

The annoyed mother takes it and (CENSORED) while crowds of readers cheer.

The store manager calls 911.

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The post about the incorrect orders/messed up books is gone now. Of course.

As is the missive on the PA Award to B&N. Quelle surprise.

One author asked,

How often does PA put the books in their online store on sale to that $5.99? That was awesome. The regular price is horrible and no one absolutely no one will purchase it at that price.

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Infocenter replied, "Really? How come we sold 4 million books then?" and locked the thread.

Assuming that PA has 40,000 authors, that works out to an average of 100 books per author. So that's how PA sold 4 million books (assuming that figure is accurate).

I ordered a shipment of books on may 12th..... still waiting..... should I be worried ?

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No, just don't expect to ever get your books.

Infocenter replied, "Really? How come we sold 4 million books then?" and locked the thread.

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Oh, Miranda, you just get funnier every day!

I should think your experience in dealing with the New Mexico courts would have taught you that lying is never productive--especially to your own lawyer.

Lying to your customers is flat out disgusting.

Gosh, PA ran 4 million books through that copy machine? No wonder it broke!

:Gillhoughly crunches numbers:

Lessee, 10 years times 365 = 3650 days, but let's take the weekends, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years off, so that's minus 550 days, so we have 3100 working days over the last decade...

4,000,000 divided by 3100 = 1290.32 books printed PER DAY on their valiant little copier.

If it's an Espresso 2.0 which can do 105 pages a minute...

And if the average PA book is 105 pages long...

And the average PA work day is 8 hours or 480 minutes...

PA can have 480 books printed per day... (Assuming your students work through lunch with no bathroom breaks.)

So you're 810 books behind in your printing schedule.

What's that, you have TWO machines? You're still 330 books behind schedule.


Ah--but that's 4 million books SOLD, not 4 million PRINTED.

I get it now. Big difference, that.

All your writers get is lies and the shaft.

Gawd, you are pathetic. I don't know how you can get up in the mornings.

Queen of Swords said:

Well! After a quiet weekend on the PAMB, things are back to "normal".

First there was a complaint about the 2010 PublishAmerica Award for Barnes & Noble, from an unfortunate new author who doesn't realize that it has nothing whatsoever to do with B&N and everything to do with making authors buy their own books.

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True; but what's her point?They can take that attitude because they're not surprised when B&N turns down their authors' books. They've been watching that happen with monotonous regularity since they first went into the publishing business.

This is the flaw in schemes whose appeal is that they'll publish one's work even if it isn't good enough. Getting a book published doesn't oblige booksellers to give it shelf space. It absolutely doesn't oblige readers to "give it a fair chance." Readers don't care about that, so B&N doesn't either.

What a pointless waste of time it is for that author to imagine that B&N turned her book down "with disdain." There was no disdain. They just didn't want the book.

Then there was another, equally lengthy post from an author who's very disappointed in the condition of her books.

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After all these years, PA still has the power to surprise me. They let a book bind and ship with twenty pages of badly malfunctioning paper feed in it? They're not even pretending to be a real publisher. They're just manufacturing paper bricks.

You know the term "crazy-making"? It defines the PublishAmerica experience.

Latest thread:

Got an email this morning from PA about books on sale for 5.99 I blasted emails to my friends and family and found that when youclicked buy, it came up at full price. I tried several other books and the same thing happend. Then later in the day the sale was gone? What happened?

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HapiSofi said:

They're not even pretending to be a real publisher. They're just manufacturing paper bricks.

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James D. Macdonald said:

...Do the words "house of cards" mean anything to you?

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Queen of Swords said:

Infocenter replied, "Really? How come we sold 4 million books then?" and locked the thread.

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Are they counting the imaginary books they sent to Oprah, Afghanistan, WalMart, etc., etc.?

Got an email this morning from PA about books on sale for 5.99 I blasted emails to my friends and family and found that when youclicked buy, it came up at full price. I tried several other books and the same thing happend. Then later in the day the sale was gone? What happened?

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What happened? PA likely killed it because of all the work it would be to actually fulfill those orders. He probably wasn't the only one who blasted emails to friends and family.

Gillhoughly said:

But a book birdhouse is also charming. they were out of stock of ones made from discarded library copies of To Kill A Mockingbird.

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This I like. Is that a pasted on illustration from Winnie the Pooh or painted, I wonder?

I love when people find ways to use old books that don't involve a trash bin or incinerator. One Christmas my cousin found this guy who made angels from out of date church hymnals. It was a great fundraiser.... maybe I shouldn't say that out loud...

James D. Macdonald said:

. . . What next? Do the words "house of cards" mean anything to you?

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House of ill (literary) repute is more like it (no offense intended to the hapless authors conned into its grasp).

--Ken

Yes, Gil . . .

You forgot the ones printed by LSI that PA hasn't paid for, hence the lawsuit, and hence the unavailability from B&T unless paid for up front.

ResearchGuy said:

House of ill (literary) repute is more like it (no offense intended to the hapless authors conned into its grasp).

--Ken

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It's my understanding that customers of a house of ill repute usually leave happy and satisfied.

You forgot the ones printed by LSI that PA hasn't paid for, hence the lawsuit, and hence the unavailability from B&T unless paid for up front.

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Too true. Like PA is going to ever make that right unless they're forced to do so.



Dear PA Lurkers,

Don't expect PA to pay royalties while that brouhaha is going on. Any real publisher would, but PA will grab any excuse to keep your earnings.

Got another book? Please, check out the other forums on AW. You can find better alternatives than PA; the other writers here can help!

This author already posted several times on the "When When oh When will our books be back on line" thread. She's still waiting.

My patience is running on low right now and I don't know how much more of this I can take. My book still shows up, but is not able to be ordered anymore. When it first hit the online back in 12/09, people actually ordered from Barnes and Nobel, but as of now it is still unavailable.

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On April 28, infocenter told them "Expect it to be resolved soon." For certain definitions of soon. We're looking at geological time frames here.

I'm beginning to think it might be worthwhile to have a friend purchase one of my books through PA just so when royalty time rolls around, and I don't receive a royalty, I can complain about the lack of payment. After all, my contract states that PA will make the book available. If it's not available, they aren't holding up their end of the bargain. Dang that pesky "at PA's discretion" clause. I'll have to read my contract again to see if that wording is in that particular section.

Queen of Swords said:

Assuming that PA has 40,000 authors, that works out to an average of 100 books per author. So that's how PA sold 4 million books (assuming that figure is accurate).

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That average must be lower since PA is now claiming about 50,000 authors.

Gillhoughly said:

It's my understanding that customers of a house of ill repute usually leave happy and satisfied.
. . .

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Some houses are of iller repute than others. PA is one. Customers are drugged, mugged, and held for seven years.

--Ken

Picture the Chicken Ranch. (If you don't know what that is, Google it.)

Now imagine a nice young man who makes his way out there to pay for the services provided. He goes in the door, sees a whole parlor full of pretty girls under dimly lit lights, and the Madam tells him to take his pick.

After he's done, he goes to leave the house, but finds the door locked. The Madam is considerably less friendly and the lights come on to full power in the parlor. Instead of pretty girls, he finds that the group is made up of former customers who now have to work if they want out of the house.

She shoves a slapped together dance hall costume at the young man, changes his name to Sugar Plum, and tells him to get in line with the others and be happy someone even let him in the door. He got his dream, what's he complaining about, and no one cares that the corset is so tight his lungs aren't where they're supposed to be anymore or that he's got three left shoes.

Sugar asks the others what's up, and learns the awful truth:

Some get off easy, by begging or being very nice to the Madam. She gets in a good mood and lets them out the door.

Others threaten to call loved ones who will send the authorities to get them out. This might work, or it might not.

Occasionally one of the secretaries is very new and hasn't gone through orientation yet, and she'll helpfully let them out the back door.

But for most, they either have to prostitute their wares for years until they're no use to anyone anymore or the Madam forgets she was hanging onto them.

Word!

Never heard it put better.

So, who thinks that Dolly Parton will give herself a round of plastic surgery so she can look more like Miranda?



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