Err Agents Like my Query, Not So Much Opening Pages

yonasmichael

Yonas Michael
Registered
Joined
Jun 28, 2009
Messages
11
Reaction score
0
Location
Atlanta, GA
So, for the past month, I've been sending out queries for my first comedic memoir about adolescence and so far I've gotten a lot of agents interested in my query.. But every time they ask for the opening pages, that's where I have a problem. The book is chronological and starts with my life at a very young age. So the tone at the beginning may sound a bit ... juvenile, for lack of a better word.

This is an example of what an agent said to me:
"[FONT=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Truth be told, though, I'm afraid these pages just didn't draw me in as much as I had hoped. I'm pressed for time these days and, what with my reservations about the project, I suspect I wouldn't be the best fit."

[/FONT]I wish I could submit a later chapter, since each chapter is very episodic and self-contained, but they always ask for the first five. It's either that or I need some serious proofreading. I need help!!!
 

bluehippo

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 3, 2009
Messages
51
Reaction score
6
Location
UK
I got those exact same words in a rejection recently. I'm sure it's a form rejection. Have you posted the opening pages on the aw forum? They might give you a better idea if there is something wrong and how you can fix it.
 

Calla Lily

On hiatus
Staff member
Super Moderator
Moderator
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 12, 2005
Messages
39,307
Reaction score
17,490
Location
Non carborundum illegitimi
Website
www.aliceloweecey.net
That is a form R. I have a few of those with the exact same wording.

If you're up for unvarnished critting of your first chapter--and you cannot submit anything other than the first 1-3 to agents--then try posting in in Share Your Work (password: vista).
 

Cyia

Rewriting My Destiny
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
18,618
Reaction score
4,031
Location
Brillig in the slithy toves...
That's definitely a form letter. Just forget it and move on.

Post that first chapter in Share Your Work (password: vista) and see if anyone there can help you tweak it or give advice on what's lacking. Your problem won't go away if you send later chapters - those 1st pages will still have to grab a reader's attention.

Out of curiosity, why do you not automatically send the first 5-10 pages with the query?
 

suki

Opinionated
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
4,010
Reaction score
4,825
So, for the past month, I've been sending out queries for my first comedic memoir about adolescence and so far I've gotten a lot of agents interested in my query.. But every time they ask for the opening pages, that's where I have a problem. The book is chronological and starts with my life at a very young age. So the tone at the beginning may sound a bit ... juvenile, for lack of a better word.

This is an example of what an agent said to me:
"[FONT=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Truth be told, though, I'm afraid these pages just didn't draw me in as much as I had hoped. I'm pressed for time these days and, what with my reservations about the project, I suspect I wouldn't be the best fit."

[/FONT]I wish I could submit a later chapter, since each chapter is very episodic and self-contained, but they always ask for the first five. It's either that or I need some serious proofreading. I need help!!!
First, welcome to AW.

This is a pretty common form rejection. But the reality is that the pages still didn't hook. And you can't rely on later pages to hook agents/editors or readers - if they are not hooked with the first chapter, even the first 5 pages, they likely won't get to the later chapters. That's why agents consistently ask for the first chapter(s).

So, it's time to take a good look at the beginning. It may be the execution (the writing itself isn't strong enough yet). Or it could be that you aren't really starting with where the "story" starts - in a memoir, I'm not sure exactly how to phrase it, but in ficition, I'd say the first chapter might be too much backstory or set up - start closer to the action.

I see you are a fairly new poster here on AW. So, take some time to read a lot of the threads in Memoirs forum and in the memoirs subforum in Share Your Work. Compare your opening to what others are posting.

If the writing is as strong as what you are seeing from others and in published memoirs. Then think about whether there is a more engaging way to start. You say it starts with you fairly young. Maybe you need to start with something later that is more likely to hook the reader then digress back to the beginning of the chronological story.

After you have acquainted yourself with what others have posted and taken a good hard look at your beginning, maybe you do want to find some more beta readers in the beta readers forum or post the first 1500 words or so in the memoir subforum in SYW.

But I'd start with some research - read other memoirs that are similar to yours, especially if they start with the writer young. See how they draw the reader in.

Then spend some time reading other's postings in the memoirs forum and the memoirs subforum in SYW to compare your writing to the writing of others.

good luck.

~suki
 

Toothpaste

THE RECKLESS RESCUE is out now!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 18, 2006
Messages
8,745
Reaction score
3,096
Location
Toronto, Canada
Website
www.adriennekress.com
May I offer some rather controversial advice . . . have you considered a prologue?

This is controversial as prologues are a sticky subject here at AW and many people dislike them. But I recognise the problem you are having as I went through something similar.

My book started off without any dialogue in Chapter 1 (which is tricky when you are writing for kids, they love dialogue). It also started off with a lot of exposition and was rather old fashioned in its structure. Now I knew that once things got going in the book, it was funny, full of witty banter, and that my beginning would work in context. But I also knew how quick agents are to judge.

So I wrote a prologue. If you read my book you'll note how the prologue has very little to do with the story. It relates, but barely, but what it does have is plenty of that wit and dialogue that I was telling you about. It really set the tone for the book, an expectation of the absurdity and the fun that was to follow, and so allowed Chapter 1 to be a little more languid (I since changed Chapter 1 once I signed with my agent so that there is now dialogue and it has more pace, but I still hooked the agent with the original prologue and original Chapter 1).

So since your "character" grows up, possibly it would benefit you to write a short chapter in the current age of your "character" to place before the juvenile section. Don't make it too long, just a taste. You don't even have to call it a prologue, you could make it Chapter 1 even.

However . . .

Without having read your work I have no idea if this is the solution for you. There might be something inherently not working in Chapter 1 that has nothing to do with the juvenile quality of writing. Maybe something you are unaware of, and for that reason I would second the motion of posting it in the SYW section here. Still, at least keep my suggestion in the back of your mind just in case.

And good luck!
 

Kathleen42

crushing on fictional characters
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
7,181
Reaction score
1,275
Location
Canada
Ditto what everyone else said about it being a form. Though you are not the first person to not realize it.
 

Kathleen42

crushing on fictional characters
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
7,181
Reaction score
1,275
Location
Canada
Out of curiosity, why do you not automatically send the first 5-10 pages with the query?

I was wondering that as well but it's actually sort of cool in that it's clued him into the fact that it's his pages, not the query.
 

katiemac

Five by Five
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
11,521
Reaction score
1,661
Location
Yesterday
But every time they ask for the opening pages, that's where I have a problem. The book is chronological and starts with my life at a very young age. So the tone at the beginning may sound a bit ... juvenile, for lack of a better word.

You've obviously picked up on this yourself, but really really consider your voice. YA/adult novels do this, too. The biggest difference between YA and adult is voice. Most YA novels are "narrated" (even in third person) by a teen. Most adult books are "narrated" by an adult. Even if the main character in an adult book is a teen (Kill a Mockingbird, for example), the voice is still adult. Instead of the teen being the narrator, it's the teen grown up, relating the story of his or her childhood with added adult perspective from the passing of time. Does that make sense? Perhaps you can rectify your own voice using this technique from novel writing.
 

Cricket18

Gnawing my hairless tail
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 14, 2009
Messages
1,530
Reaction score
2,426
Yona-

I know exactly who sent you that--and yes, it's her form.

Check out Querytracker.net -- it's a great site that shows response times and responses in general...so you'll know exactly when you're getting a form like this one.
 

Madisonwrites

The Unicorn Writer
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 24, 2008
Messages
2,798
Reaction score
106
Location
Queryland
Website
madisonlovestowrite.blogspot.com
Yeah, it does sound a bit like a form letter. Also, I would post your first chapter or whatever you are comfortable sharing for a crit. These people on here ROCK :Guitar: at story crits! :)

Good luck and happy writing! :D
 

Vostro

Registered
Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Messages
15
Reaction score
3
That's definitely a form letter. Just forget it and move on.
Absolutely the best advice anyone could give. As an agent once said, "Anything other than yes is no."

Out of curiosity, why do you not automatically send the first 5-10 pages with the query?
Err, some agents don't want a writing sample with a query.
 

Kathleen42

crushing on fictional characters
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
7,181
Reaction score
1,275
Location
Canada
Err, some agents don't want a writing sample with a query.

A lot do, though, and it almost sounds like the OP doesn't send them.

Actually, if the form reject is from the agent I think it is, she requests sample pages.
 

yonasmichael

Yonas Michael
Registered
Joined
Jun 28, 2009
Messages
11
Reaction score
0
Location
Atlanta, GA
Wow, I wasn't expecting such a huge response from all of you! Thanks for all of your advice, I think I'll go ahead and post my introduction for critiquing on the "Share Your Work" page. And it's funny that some of you recognize the agent, I guess I'm not the first person she said that too after all. :)
 

yonasmichael

Yonas Michael
Registered
Joined
Jun 28, 2009
Messages
11
Reaction score
0
Location
Atlanta, GA
A lot do, though, and it almost sounds like the OP doesn't send them.

Actually, if the form reject is from the agent I think it is, she requests sample pages.

I usually look at the agent's preferences in the query and, in this case, she did ask for sample chapters with the query. For some reason, she must have missed them or something, because she asked for them once again after the initial query and I resent the first five pages.
For the most part, most of the agents I've been in contact with don't want anything in the first e-mail except for the query..
 

timp67

Guinea pig in the laboratory of God
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 27, 2007
Messages
789
Reaction score
1,019
Location
California
The venerable Miss Snark advised to send a few pages regardless of an agent's sub instructions. She assured aspiring authors it was no big deal. Agents will either read them or they won't!