Grief related decision help?

I assume the B&B has been closed for a few weeks after the death (first the funeral, then the will would have to be probated before the woman could take it over).

So, in that case, I think there will be a real melancholy moment when she first arrives and enters the now dark and empty B&B. She might wander around and be reminded of good times. For now, it's more a sense of oddness rather than deep sadness; the B&B was always so active and bright, now there's only silence and shadows. At first the woman puts herself on "auto-pilot" (so to speak), just going through the motions of doing what needs to be done and trying not to think of the guy too much. She could avoid the guy's room for now, telling herself she'll go into it later.

Later she goes into the guy's room with the idea of cleaning it out. But, seeing the guy's things, his books, his clothes, his silly stuffed penguin, brings back a flood of memories and she finally loses it and has a good cry while hugging the penguin. ;-)

Oh, and a gentle reminder if you haven't already included it: don't forget the sense of smell. Scents can be real memory joggers. They could be the obvious, such as the smell of the guy's aftershave, but also more subtle things . . . the remembered scent of citronella candles on the terrace the first night he invited her to stay the night, the smell of freshly baked bread in the kitchen, the woody smell of an old house, etc.

K. Taylor said:

She won't allow herself to stay long, maybe a week at most, so I need to figure out when she goes into his room.

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I assume she got there late in the day, or the evening. You could have the housekeeper make a simple dinner for her, then she stays the night in one of the guest rooms; the next day she and the housekeeper and the housekeeper's husband goes over what needs to be done. She is more-or-less subconsciously avoiding the guy's room. At some point she is left alone and goes into the guy's room without thinking. It's then when the emotions overpowers her for the first time. It might works better if this was done later in the day of the next day . . . then she could have a glass (or bottle) of wine and sit alone with her thoughts in front of the fireplace, or wherever. The housekeeper and her husband have gone back to their own quarters.

Just an idea.

I know if it was me, and I really missed that person, I'd want to 'reconnect' in some way, as soon as I could.
Everyone grieves in different ways. Some people would find it hard to face the memories, others would want to seek the loved one's presence in some way.

I avoided some things like this quite consciously. If I knew it'd be too heavy and I didn't want that right then, I'd literally make myself think of something else and walk away from the door. I'd probably wait till I knew I could have a hot shower after and go straight to sleep, exhausted from the crying I knew I'd do.

The big known things were often easier to control/handle than the surprising little things. But yeah, the room would just be hard, and you'd probably know it [I know I did].

No one likes to repress emotions. For some people it's the only way they can survive powerful emotions.

K. Taylor said:

You're a young woman that likes to repress your emotions...

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IMHO, if this is the character, then be true to her character.

People who repress their emotions (and we all do it to some extent) are still able to do things that for normal people would 'trigger' the emotion.

How?

Compartmentalization.

She could take over the Bed and Breakfast and just avoid the triggers, keep herself busy with busy work, refuse to dwell on any memories.

Eventually, she will have the breakthrough moment when the emotions flood through her defenses.

So, in a sense, my answer to this really is two fold.

One, be true to her character
Two, do what's best for the story in whatever way makes the most CONFLICT.

If it were me, I would arrange for her to have the emotional breakthrough at the absolute worst possible time.

And when people who repress their emotions have that breakthrough, the emotions are like a hurricane.

Anyways, with what little I know of your story/scene, that is how I would approach it.

Mel...

K. Taylor said:

You've been there one night and a full day. Do you look in his room the next morning and make his loss more real? (She was welcome when he was alive.)

I know she'll make herself look.......just don't know if it's today or tomorrow.

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Having suffered a couple of losses within my family I'm pretty sure she'd look in his room almost immediately. She might not want to because it will bring on the pain of her loss but I don't think she'd be able to help herself. It's kind of like a car crash. You can't drive by without looking even though you're afraid of what you might see. She'd be afraid of what she might feel but I think she'd be drawn to the room like a magnet. Then regardless of how well she hides her emotions, once she's alone I think she'd let it all out.

You could always have her go into the room, and control her emotions/sense of loss, until she finds a letter in his bedside table written to her, and that causes her to lose it.

*shrugs*

Shows her fighting to maintain control (as per her personality), because she had expected these feelings and prepared herself for them, then losing it at the discovery of something completely unexpected.

Seems a good way to introduce something out of character for her. Maybe.

Just an idea.

ishtar'sgate said:

Having suffered a couple of losses within my family I'm pretty sure she'd look in his room almost immediately. She might not want to because it will bring on the pain of her loss but I don't think she'd be able to help herself. It's kind of like a car crash. You can't drive by without looking even though you're afraid of what you might see. She'd be afraid of what she might feel but I think she'd be drawn to the room like a magnet. Then regardless of how well she hides her emotions, once she's alone I think she'd let it all out.

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Yup, that's what I was trying to say!!

In the end, it's your book, your story, go with what you feel is best.

Speaking as a widow...she would look. Right away. She would want to touch his stuff, look through anything, and experience it. There is often a certain numbness that accompanies loss, and she would feel the need to reconnect, and deal with his belongings.

Perhaps she would break down, but perhaps she would just feel melancholy. More likely, the emotions would hit her later, over something seemingly insignificant (a coffee mug, an umbrella, etc), that would cause the grief to erupt.

She sits on the bed and hugs his pillow.
His scent on the pillow finally undoes her.