The Bent Nail Saloon.

Can I have one of those there cigarettes?

ElaraSophia said:

Wait... These ain't grits.

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Not sure I wanna know the backstory here...

*refuses to read up-thread*

Afternoon Boys.

Sun was in my eyes.....besides, it sounded so much more Western that way. Hah!





I'm a 'lady' too.

Maybe play some music and hire some dancers. See if you can liven the place up a bit - draw the crowd in from the street.

They's a killing goin' on over by the livery. Won't nobody be here for a bit.

CDaniel said:

Its a bit quiet in here, and empty looking.

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That's 'cause there's a rumor that's got everyone runnin' for the hills, Big John's a'coming.

*shriek, shriek, oh my gawd, we gotta hide* heard in the background

'Scuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I'll be goin' now. Good luck to ya.

"Where the hell's the Sheriff?"

A tin star winked in the sun as it flew over the swinging doors of the saloon. Spinning, tinkling, it came to a rest at my feet.

Ta-thump, ta-thump, ta-thump. The horse and rider disappeared over the rise.

"We need a new Sheriff, I think he just resigned."

Synonym said:

"Where the hell's the Sheriff?"

A tin star winked in the sun as it flew over the swinging doors of the saloon. Spinning, tinkling, it came to a rest at my feet.

Ta-thump, ta-thump, ta-thump. The horse and rider disappeared over the rise.

"We need a new Sheriff, I think he just resigned."

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Looks like yer it, ma'am.

*spit*

"Sorry, the Madam cannot be the Sheriff. Conflict of interest you know."

Then a faint noise is heard in the distance, like thunder, and it keeps getting louder and louder.

Everyone runs to look out the door, and off in the distance is a black cloud like a tornado coming closer and closer to town.
In the rush to hide themselves, someone accidentally knocks the bartender to the floor, stunning him.

Up rides a giant cowboy, seven feet tall at least, seated on the back of a two-ton buffalo and carrying a rattlesnake instead of a whip.
He stops in front of the saloon, jumps off the buffalo and punches him square between the eyes *WHAM* and knocks it cold on the ground.
He then punches the rattlesnake on top of the head *SLAM* and drapes its unconscious body over the buffalo.

He then proceeds to the swinging doors of the saloon and rips them both off. He steps into the bar, looks around and says:

"I WANT A DRINK AND I WANT IT NOW!"

The bartender struggles up from the floor behind the bar and, with hands shaking, places a bottle on the bar for the cowboy.

"I DON'T WANT THIS SISSY DRINK, GIVE ME THE WHOLE KEG!"

The bartender struggles to roll a keg of whiskey from the storeroom to the barroom, and manages to lift it up to the bar.
The coyboy punches his fist through the top of the keg, lifts it with one hand and guzzles the contents down in one swallow.

The bartender is shaking in his boots and says "Would you like another drink, Sir?"

The cowboy thinks for a minute, then shakes his head and says "THAT'S MIGHTY NEIGHBORLY OF YOU TO OFFER ANOTHER DRINK, BUT I BEST BE GOIN'.
I HEAR BIG JOHN'S A'COMIN'."

Whispers...Does Big John have a big blue ox?

Synonym said:

Whispers...Does Big John have a big blue ox?

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Dunno, but I heerd he's ugly as a stump. Here's a picture.

Dang.
That looks like my mother-in-law, except prettier.

"Oh, my, God. What happened to him? Torture, rattlesnake bite, drug by his horse?" Shudders run up and down my spine. A horrible thought strikes just as I start to relax.

"Does he ever um, take a girl upstairs?" None of my girls would touch him with a ten-foot pole. Crap, guess who that leaves.

"When does the stage get in today?" I need to go pack.