The Bent Nail Saloon.

FOTSGreg

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<enters saloon whistling, hands stuffed in pockets of cassock, looking completely innocent (well, as innocent as I kin)>

Barkeep! I'll have a bottle o' yer good stuff.

<plunks a silver dollar on the bar, pulls out pocket watch, nodds, smiles, puts pocket watch back in pocket and tilts head t' one side as if listening>
 

Haggis

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<enters saloon whistling, hands stuffed in pockets of cassock, looking completely innocent (well, as innocent as I kin)>

Barkeep! I'll have a bottle o' yer good stuff.

<plunks a silver dollar on the bar, pulls out pocket watch, nodds, smiles, puts pocket watch back in pocket and tilts head t' one side as if listening>

Say. You did get the dog out too, right?
 

regdog

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And you made sure cray was still inside?
 

FOTSGreg

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Chained him t' the couch, staked 'im in the heart (or whatever that ugly thing were), cut off 'is head, placed a communion wafer in 'is mouth, stuffed the mouth with salt, sewed the lips and eyes shut, sprayed the body wit' holy water, cut off the feet and hands, doused coal oil round the whole place and lit it on my way out, said a couple of incantations over the burnin' carcass and house, blew the whole place t' Kingdom Come on a timed fuse.

Said a few more incan..., I means prayers, on me way backs here 'fore the whole mess blew...

I'll goes back t'morrows an' scatter the debris and ashes, an' mebbe' plant a few more, um, surprises, splatter the landscape wit' holy water, salt the ground, an' take me a whiz on it fer good measures. That suit ya's?

I knows a guy o'er in the Horror Hounds forum could maybe calls in a nuk'lar strike from orbit. He owes me a favor two...

Mebbe' have his friend Bob the Bolo roll over the whole place five, six times fer good measure and decontaminate its reactor by spreadin' high level radioactives o'er the site too. Bob might be able t' use thet there big ass cannon o' his t' slag the whole place t' glass as a final gesture.
 

Kylabelle

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What's going on in here?

Is there a bucket I can pee in?
 

Kylabelle

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I see I stumbled into the wrong bar. I'll just find my way out.

:D
 

Kylabelle

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Oh, well, then. Let the hauntings begin.

Enjoy!

I'll just find my own way out.

did I already say that?
 

FOTSGreg

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Really dead? How much more really dead could he be but staked in the heart, dismembered, burned to ashes, the ashes scattered on the winds and then the whole area salted and glassed over by some big-assed 'splosive thingie.

Didn't no one look directly at that bright light awhiles back did ya's? Don't worry, yer vision'll come back, eventually, mebbe'...

Just don't go off that ways lookin' t' sees what the green glow's all about. Bob says the areas's dangerous fer about a hunnert years t' come.
 

FOTSGreg

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Hey, Haggis dun jest run 'bout twenny hed inta' the Horror Hounds forum fer dragon-snacks.

I'd rec'mend y'll check yer herds 'cuz there's no way I knows of he gits hisself twenny hed just off'n the open range.

Din't git no chance t' check the citters fer brands 'er nothin' though. Thet there dragon dun snacked up on all o' 'em, bones an' everytin'...

<goes to check his own spread and count his beeves back out yonder o' the church>
 

regdog

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Oh, well, then. Let the hauntings begin.

Enjoy!

I'll just find my own way out.


Good luck with that.

did I already say that?

Really dead? How much more really dead could he be but staked in the heart, dismembered, burned to ashes, the ashes scattered on the winds and then the whole area salted and glassed over by some big-assed 'splosive thingie.

Didn't no one look directly at that bright light awhiles back did ya's? Don't worry, yer vision'll come back, eventually, mebbe'...

Just don't go off that ways lookin' t' sees what the green glow's all about. Bob says the areas's dangerous fer about a hunnert years t' come.


Well, there's dead and then there's dead.
 

FOTSGreg

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Well, I counts that as bein' really dead, 'spec'ly afters the incan..., er, prayers I said o'er the pieces, the incineration, the vaporization, the salting of the earth with rad'actives, and the nuk'lar ground strike.

Now, if'n it were Haggis, we'd haves us a bit o' a problem still, but I gots me a mess o' cats t' round up t' handles thet...

Hmmm, I wonders how all those cats're doin' locked up in thet big ole' house down t' ways a bit. There was this lady who said she'd feed 'em an' all, but I ain't heard nor seen hide nor hair o' her fer nigh on a week now. Don't even answer the door whens I knocks. I ken hears me the cats asqualin' and mewlin' insides the house though so I figgers ever'tin must be okay...
 

FOTSGreg

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Them kittehs mus' awfully hungry or somethin's riled 'em right proper 'cause I heard the most awful squalin' from insides thet ole' house t'day when I went by t' check on t'ings. They mus' be breedin' in there too 'cause there's the most awful stink comin' through the door an' there seems t' be more of 'em than they were a few days ago.

Mebbe' we oughts t' calls the Marshall t' have him go check on t'ings?

Nah, then we'd have us a stampede an' I hates tryin t' herds cats.
 

FOTSGreg

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<seeing 10-ft wide trench is now nicely filled with water, steps back, and lays 20-ft long, 3-ft wide plank connected to ropes and pulleys over trench, posts sign>

"BENT NAIL SALOON"
"& CASTLE"

"TREAD YE NOT THRU YON MOAT"
"BUT LEST TREAD THOU UPON"
"YON DRAWBRIDGE PROVIDED"

<and in red painted letters beneath>

"CAST YE NOT YER FOUL LEAVIN'S IN THE MOAT"
"NOR YER BRAT'S DIRTY DIAPERS FER SCRUBBIN' FER THEY BE BASICALLY THE SAME THING"
"DRINK YE NOT FROM THE MOAT FER HAGGIS DONE GONE AN' USED IT FER A, WELL, WE WON'T MENTION WHAT HE USED IT FER"

"BASICALLY, JES' DON'T TOUCH THE WATER AS YOU COME 'CROSS THE DRAWBRIDGE AN' YOU OUGHTTER BE FINE"

"OH, YEAH - DON'T DRINK THE WATER"
"I KNOW WHERE IT'S BEEN"
 

Haggis

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You know *spit* a bunch a them gaters in the moat would finish things off just fine.

Besides, them things taste good.
 

regdog

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If we put crocs in the moat I want to name one Steve and the other one Irwin.
 
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FOTSGreg

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<comes wanderin' back into town with a batch o' things strapped over the back of a mule, dumps scaly lizard things into moat>

There, eight gators fer Haggis. Nows we gots us a proper moat. Regdog, one o' 'em's named Steve an' 'nother one Irwin, jus' fer youse. You kin picks which one is which... Theys males an' females sos we'll be fillin' the moat wit' gators come Spring I'd bet.

Haggis is right. They do makes good eatin'...
 
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regdog

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<comes wanderin' back into town with a batch o' things strapped over the back of a mule, dumps scaly lizard things into moat>

There, eight gators fer Haggis. Nows we gots us a proper moat. Regdog, one o' 'em's named Steve an' 'nother one Irwin, jus' fer youse. You kin picks which one is which... Theys males an' females sos we'll be fillin' the moat wit' gators come Spring I'd bet.

Haggis is right. They do makes good eatin'...



Thanks. Sorry guys, there will be no eating of the gators.