A Philosophical Question

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gothicangel

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I am a member of another forum where we were discussing critique services.

I mentioned that I know editors (from networking) who would be happy to give me a free critique. The problem is that some wanted me to pass on information about my contacts; even though she had been rude and insulted me only a few days ago.

These are personal contacts (probably wouldn't be interested in another author's work anyway); but am I being selfish refusing to name drop? I don't see why I should. You can't go firing insults one day; then expect HUGE favours - that I worked for!

I would like to know what others would have done.

*For those interested in the nature of the insult, I was told because I read and write literary fiction (and had the nerve to criticise HP) I have my academic head stuck up said a***hole.
 

TheIT

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Seems to me that the nature of the insult is irrelevant. Yes, an insult might make it less likely you'll help this person, but is that the key issue?

What's important is your relationship with the editors. These people might be willing to give you a free critique, but not someone else. Before giving out their names to anyone (if you're so inclined), it seems to me that you should check with them to find out whether you have permission to recommend them.

So if I were in your situation, I'd probably respond that the contacts were personal contacts and that I didn't have permission to give out the information.
 

NeuroFizz

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Even if she didn't insult you, your editor friends agreed to help you as a personal favor. They did not agree to pass that same favor on to any and all Joes and Janes who know you. If you pass the names of your editor friends without the permission, you likely will have one hell of a time getting any more attention from them. For good reason. And if you explain to your rude friend that these were personal contacts with the crits done as personal favors, she should understand that it is a rude to expect you to pass the names of these editor friends on to her. If you explain this to Ms. Rude and she gets upset, distance yourself from her forever. You may want to anyway.
 

gothicangel

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Thanks.

My initial reaction was 'why the hell should I help you?' One in particular came through a family member who works for Cambridge University Press.

My thoughts were the same. The know my book and are interested because of it as well as connections. You wanna some connections - go do some networking!
 

Namatu

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My thoughts were the same. The know my book and are interested because of it as well as connections. You wanna some connections - go do some networking!
That's right. It's one thing if you have a friend whose work you're familiar with, and you mention it to one of your contacts, and an introduction results... I'll volunteer to read/edit someone's work because I know them and, like you said, am interested in their work. If a stranger wants to take advantage of my professional abilities, they can pay me.
 

dgiharris

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You know, many people don't truly understand what networking is.

Many people mistakenly believe that you go to a party or two, pass some cards around, and then when you need something, you call someone and get whatever you need.

Basically, most people take a myopic ego-centric view of networking that takes on a 'what can you do for me' attitude.

Real networking is about establishing BENEFICIAL RELATIONSHIPS. In order for someone to enter 'my network' they need to have something to bring to the table, that something can be a skill, or it could be a positive attitude and genuine sincerity/empathy, or it could be friendship.

From what little I know of your situation, the people involved have no interest in establishing a mutually beneficial relationship with you. They just want to use you. There is a difference.

So, if I were you, i'd say no.

Mel...
 

gothicangel

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From what little I know of your situation, the people involved have no interest in establishing a mutually beneficial relationship with you. They just want to use you. There is a difference.

So, if I were you, i'd say no.

Mel...

I never realised and it's so obvious! She wants me to give her something without the intention of returning the favour - ever!

I've always believed that you make your own luck - and that is what I'm doing!:thankyou:
 

scottVee

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Good point from dgi about beneficial relationships. Networking isn't about collecting as many names as possible, though a lot of twitter and facebook junkies are now incapable of comprehending this point. Don't give out anyone's name without their permission. That's just selling out your friends and valuable contacts. It's unprofessional, and in this age of identity theft and malware, it can even be dangerous.
 

dgiharris

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I never realised and it's so obvious! She wants me to give her something without the intention of returning the favour - ever!

I've always believed that you make your own luck - and that is what I'm doing!:thankyou:

You got the gist of it. But I just wanted to reiterate, networking is more than just tit for tat favors. It is about relationships. A relationship enables you to call someone a couple of years later and ask for something.

A tit for tat exchange means that they will forget your name after six months.

Mel...
 

megan_d

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Kinda sounds like you had yourself an internet fight and you've come here for validation that you were in the right.
 

Priene

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Tell them to get stuffed.
 
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