I’ve just managed to wean myself off a penpal site called Interpals where I’ve spent the last two years in the totally pointless, but nevertheless amusing, pursuit of the cyber trolls I found on there. Bearing the mantle of the self-styled Trollbuster General, I took it upon myself to conduct this dangerous and thankless task. Even to the extent of having a torrid cyber affair with one of them. An affair that ended in crocodile tears for both of us. (No it wasn’t sex that drove me. It was because I’d smelt a potential story. And anyway, ever since the tragic incident involving a drunken midget, a poorly illuminated room and a pair of nutcrackers, sex has been a dim memory). I even created a blog describing my adventures as I grappled, (metaphorically speaking), with the denizens of Trollania. And when one of them threatened to kill me what did I do? Once I’d changed my underwear I carried on regardless. Forget Afghanistan. They’re giving those medals to the wrong people.
So who am I? Well, I’ve spent the last thirty years as a professional writer. In that time I’ve worked mainly as a scriptwriter for comics, (the ones with pictures in, not the other sort. Although I did spend two years as a gag writer which was sufficient time to do for comedy what Nero did for fire prevention). I’ve also written for TV and radio and dabbled in gonzo journalism for what are rather quaintly known as “men’s” magazines. Which makes them sound rather innocent. But we all know they’re not. They’re lewd and disgusting and I’m thoroughly ashamed I ever wrote for them. This isn’t sour grapes. The fact that I offered to take the women who “modelled” in them in lieu of payment is neither here nor there. I must mention that this was BEFORE the incident with the height challenged female and the nutcrackers.
So who am I? Well, I’ve spent the last thirty years as a professional writer. In that time I’ve worked mainly as a scriptwriter for comics, (the ones with pictures in, not the other sort. Although I did spend two years as a gag writer which was sufficient time to do for comedy what Nero did for fire prevention). I’ve also written for TV and radio and dabbled in gonzo journalism for what are rather quaintly known as “men’s” magazines. Which makes them sound rather innocent. But we all know they’re not. They’re lewd and disgusting and I’m thoroughly ashamed I ever wrote for them. This isn’t sour grapes. The fact that I offered to take the women who “modelled” in them in lieu of payment is neither here nor there. I must mention that this was BEFORE the incident with the height challenged female and the nutcrackers.
