Scenes from a hat!

Kaiser-Kun

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All of you who have seen the awesomest of shows, Whose Line is it Anyway?, knows this game. The first user posts a scene, then the next five users post their answers. The last one gets to post a new scene.


Example:

Scene: Things a Mall Santa Claus would never say?

1- "Get off my lap, fatso."
2- "Just a doll? Good. You're cheap."
3- "Ok, now get off so it's your sexy mom's turn."
4- "A doll, boy? Why not a tea set, pansy?"

Etc.

Let's get to it. The first scene is:

Effective ways to ruin an elegant conversation
 
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archerjoe

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"You know what's deep? Lil Wayne's lyrics. Seriously, this guy should get a Nobel prize. I bet he could make up a rap and rhyme Nobel with something."
 

Kaiser-Kun

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4- "Lord Baron of Reochestershire, would you mind doing me a favor? ...Pull my finger!"
 

Kaiser-Kun

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5- "Can you have it open before I arrive? I waste time everyday getting in."

Next: Worst lines to say to your father/mother-in-law.
 

Kaiser-Kun

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3- "What I like most about your daughter is that she looks like a little kid. I even bought her an elementary uniform."
 

archerjoe

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4 - "So, how do you two feel about polygamy? We're moving overseas and I just found out it's legal in that country. I love your daughter but I got a whole lot of love to share."
 

StarDrifter

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5. "Ok, I'll have her home by...Ahhh! who am I kidding, we're gonna be up ALLLL night."

NEW SCENE: things you can say about your TV, but not your girlfriend.
 

archerjoe

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1 - "I just push this little button and poof! - instant quiet"
 

Kaiser-Kun

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4- When she's "unreceptive", you just have to move the "antenna" around.
 

archerjoe

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5 - With this one I have to have the lights off or I get a nasty glare but the other one was OK either way.
 

archerjoe

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Oh, next subject: Really bad things to hear from your accountant.
 

Kaiser-Kun

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1. "Hey, cheer up! I'll think of a good solution to get us out of this mess. How's that kidney of yours, by the way? Healthy?"
 

A. Hamilton

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2. maybe you should have an estate sale