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Thread: Scenes from a hat!

  1. #6626
    Professor of applied misanthropy Drachen Jager's Avatar
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    1) So... do you believe in Global Warming yet?
    Last edited by Drachen Jager; 09-08-2017 at 02:32 AM.


    A list of things to do and avoid on your first page. (Not my blog post, kudos to the fabulous Anne Mini for compiling those.)

  2. #6627
    Sit Down, and Shut Up! Lavern08's Avatar
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    2) You've been talking about getting new furniture for months... Now's your chance, right?
    BREAKFAST WITH LAVERN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9ui68rmpcw


    Quote Originally Posted by Haggis View Post
    Yeah, I know Ted, but Vernie is hawt nice.

    Quote Originally Posted by TedTheewen View Post
    Everybody loves Lavern.

    Quote Originally Posted by Haggis View Post
    I blurves me some Vernie.

    Quote Originally Posted by TedTheewen View Post
    Damn, Haggis...Vernie would be upset, and nobody wants to see that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mclesh View Post
    I love you, Lavern. That is all.

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  3. #6628
    It's just a jump to the left... SWest's Avatar
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    3) I smell mold. Do you smell mold?
    ebooks & stuff Twitter
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    It's Bad To Be The Favorite - 9/15/14

    Wish Me Away

    Ours is characteristically the kind of if-it-isn't-this-it-has-to-be-that, dichotomized, either/or thinking that philosophers from earlier times have cautioned can lead to a simplistic misreading of reality. And, indeed, psychologists today have discovered it is the mark of a lower or less psychologically evolved stage of cognitive and emotional development. - Riane Eisler

    I couldn't be here in spirit, so I came in person. - Red Buttons

  4. #6629
    Professor of applied misanthropy Drachen Jager's Avatar
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    4) At least you're not in North Dakota with that drought. That's like, the opposite of a flood, did you know that? - Donald Trump (paraphrased (but not as much as you'd think!))


    A list of things to do and avoid on your first page. (Not my blog post, kudos to the fabulous Anne Mini for compiling those.)

  5. #6630
    5. Hey, you mind if I grab A few loose boards from ... what's left of your house. Me and a few friends are making a bonfire, and it's not like you'll be needing these anymore.


    Things you can say to your snake but not to your wife, husband, SO, ... or your favorite pet turtle.
    Last edited by NathanBrazil; 09-08-2017 at 07:36 PM.
    "If it took lying on one's back and making sounds like a panther in the desert, then one did it . . . " Pretty Maggie Moneyeyes - H. Ellison

    Fallen
    . Ok, it's been a long while since I've written any poetry, so be gentle.

    That place where posts dream of electric sheep.

  6. #6631
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
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    1. I think it's time you shed that old skin.
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

  7. #6632
    Sailing in a sea of mushroom... Nerdilydone's Avatar
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    2. Eat the mouse! It's fresh!

  8. #6633
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
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    3. Why do you have that huge bulge at your midsection?
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

  9. #6634
    practical experience, FTW Asterism's Avatar
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    4. You grew up in a cave, didn't you?

  10. #6635
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
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    5. Why are you curled up in the toilet?

    Worst impromptu excuses for getting home at 3:00 am.
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

  11. #6636
    1. Whoze zat. Woah - stop moving. I tole you - zere was a fire - no, wait - it was a woman and we were ... working *titters*
    *Trips over the couch and lands face forward on the floor and immediately starts snoring.*
    "If it took lying on one's back and making sounds like a panther in the desert, then one did it . . . " Pretty Maggie Moneyeyes - H. Ellison

    Fallen
    . Ok, it's been a long while since I've written any poetry, so be gentle.

    That place where posts dream of electric sheep.

  12. #6637
    practical experience, FTW Asterism's Avatar
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    2. Did I say 3 drinks and 9 o' clock? I get confused!

  13. #6638
    Professor of applied misanthropy Drachen Jager's Avatar
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    3. When your mother asked if I wanted a threesome with her daughter. I thought she meant you, but when I found out it was your sister, I couldn't say no, right?


    A list of things to do and avoid on your first page. (Not my blog post, kudos to the fabulous Anne Mini for compiling those.)

  14. #6639
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
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    4. Did you know the road is lava? I had to make my way home over rooftops and along telephone wires.
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

  15. #6640
    5. I know this is going to be hard to believe, but a bear got loose in the office and I got mauled ... almost got mauled. He chased me into the janitor's closet where I hid, while he peeled open the vending machine and ate all the Twinkies.


    Lies we should never tell our children.
    Last edited by NathanBrazil; 09-19-2017 at 05:49 AM.
    "If it took lying on one's back and making sounds like a panther in the desert, then one did it . . . " Pretty Maggie Moneyeyes - H. Ellison

    Fallen
    . Ok, it's been a long while since I've written any poetry, so be gentle.

    That place where posts dream of electric sheep.

  16. #6641
    Professor of applied misanthropy Drachen Jager's Avatar
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    1) So you see, Suzie, on Christmas eve, Krampus comes around to all the bad boys and girls houses with his whips. He drags them into the snow and forces them to pull his sleigh from house to house until their feet are black and the skin starts to fall off their toes, so they know to be good next year.

    But... you've been mostly good this year... right? He probably won't come here. Well, g'night, sleep well, kiddo.


    A list of things to do and avoid on your first page. (Not my blog post, kudos to the fabulous Anne Mini for compiling those.)

  17. #6642
    2. Yes, that is a monster under your bed.
    "If it took lying on one's back and making sounds like a panther in the desert, then one did it . . . " Pretty Maggie Moneyeyes - H. Ellison

    Fallen
    . Ok, it's been a long while since I've written any poetry, so be gentle.

    That place where posts dream of electric sheep.

  18. #6643
    practical experience, FTW Asterism's Avatar
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    112
    3. No money this time. Tooth fairy got hit by a plane.

  19. #6644
    Professor of applied misanthropy Drachen Jager's Avatar
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    4) Vaccines cause autism.


    A list of things to do and avoid on your first page. (Not my blog post, kudos to the fabulous Anne Mini for compiling those.)

  20. #6645
    practical experience, FTW Asterism's Avatar
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    5. Whiskers went to live on a farm upstate. Yes, where Muffin went. And Smokey. And Lady...

    Words you'd never hear spoken by the Queen of England

  21. #6646
    Professor of applied misanthropy Drachen Jager's Avatar
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    1) Covfefe


    A list of things to do and avoid on your first page. (Not my blog post, kudos to the fabulous Anne Mini for compiling those.)

  22. #6647
    "The Moving Finger writes..." M.S. Wiggins's Avatar
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    2) I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
    "...and, having writ; Moves on..."

    The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
    Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
    Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
    For nothing now can ever come to any good. ~W.H. Auden


    Write,
    Always.
    Even if it's shit.
    Shit on a page is organic.
    A blank page is
    Inert.
    ~Wiggins
    MSusanneWiggins.com
    Twit Me

  23. #6648
    Professor of applied misanthropy Drachen Jager's Avatar
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    3) I know you are. But what are we?


    A list of things to do and avoid on your first page. (Not my blog post, kudos to the fabulous Anne Mini for compiling those.)

  24. #6649
    4. Did you want fries with that?
    "If it took lying on one's back and making sounds like a panther in the desert, then one did it . . . " Pretty Maggie Moneyeyes - H. Ellison

    Fallen
    . Ok, it's been a long while since I've written any poetry, so be gentle.

    That place where posts dream of electric sheep.

  25. #6650
    Professor of applied misanthropy Drachen Jager's Avatar
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    5) "The mexicans... they’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people."

    Things you should never say to the guy next to you at the urinal.


    A list of things to do and avoid on your first page. (Not my blog post, kudos to the fabulous Anne Mini for compiling those.)

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