In need of manly ideas...

Would any of you mind throwing some ideas out for me regarding a scene where I'm a little stuck? For some reason my brain HAS to finish this scene before I move on. Sometimes I can't fight my writing brain.

I just finished a scene where my female MC's suitor (Alexandros) has had a discussion with her father about permission to marry her. Now, her father is a tough and respected warrior, and of course he's giving this guy a very hard time, purposely baiting him and so forth, trying to see what he's made of. They are on a short break from the army at a three day religious festival - the Hyacinthia, so there is plenty of time to dabble in silly stuff such as this, as well as feasts with wine flowing, horse races for the men, etc. Her father, after toying with Alexandros for a while, cut the conversation short, telling him that they will "finish this later."

Now, what I would like to do is have Alexandros participate in the horse race and somehow impress Melaina's father. But it is not enough that he wins the race. Her father would probably shrug and say "so what?". I have upped the stakes by having Alexandros just returned from an army skirmish with helots where he was injured. So he has a few ribs acutely fractured on one side. I thought this might impress the father, if Alexandros can win the race while injured. But as my fellow ancient Greek lover Phaedo pointed out to me (I'm paraphrasing) - "These are Spartans - what are a few fractured ribs? What is pain? He would become one with the pain as he rides." Erm...yeah. Phaedo is totally right. Melaina's father has done better than that many times.

So my question is, how can I raise the stakes? How can Alexandros impress Melaina's father here? Whether or not he wins the race is not important. I just need him to impress the father. The race is on horseback, not chariots, and not on a track, since the small village where the festival is held doesn't to my knowledge have a track. So the race will be on the surrounding land.

Any ideas would be GREATLY appreciated.

c.e.

CaptShady -

Perhaps he can forfeit an obvious win for something more important.

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This. Yes. But what? I've been straining my brain and can't come up with any scenario. Great ideas. I might save the guilt-free quickie for later, when I need to add some soap opera to the narrative. Thanks!

Doogs -

I'm thinking you could up the stakes by having another rider unhorse Alexandros (racing dirty, as it were). A hard fall, especially on uneven ground, could seriously aggravate his already fractured ribs, and the come-from-behind victory (complete with giving the offending rider his comeuppance) might be sufficient for Melaina's father to give some grudging respect.

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Ooh - good drama potential! You've got my wheels turning on this one. The only problem is that one race at a festival of celebration just doesn't seem important enough (to me) to sacrifice one's health. I can't find details of the horse race, so I'm going to make things up until I get to a library and research it some more. The festival itself was important enough to negotiate peace treaties for, and to interrupt campaigns to attend. Foreigners were welcome at the festival - "anyone who should happen by", as well as helots. Thucydides reported that Athens offered to assist at the celebrations during a peace negotiation by Nicias. But it doesn't seem like they would be racing in a competition against other city-states.

Memnon - are you and I having another helot issue? I'm beginning to develop my own bad feelings towards those subhuman beasts! All right - you win. I'll check my time line and see if I can make it a proper battle. That should be easy. I don't want to be too hard on Alexandros - he's having enough of a struggle as it is. I'm actually leaning to your POV on this one. I think I'm having such a hard time coming up with a scenario because the horse race just isn't the proper venue to impress the father. I wanted to stay in Amyclae to resolve the marriage proposal issue during the festival, and I wanted it something between the men - sort of playful, but with a definite underlying seriousness and with lots of testosterone flying about. But now I'm not sure if I'll be able to accomplish that. Thanks so much for your input.

Unique -

Have him save the father's life.

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That's going to happen later in the book. (Or not. I don't want to give anything away. ) Thank you!

CaptShady -

Maybe a woman or child could be in danger of being trampled in the race so he opts to save her instead of winning?

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Hmmm. Now combine this one with Doogs' suggestion about aggravating his injury, and we just may have something. *ponders* And Melaina has a younger sister whom he could save. *ponders some more* The only problem is that there would be lots of warriors hanging around who would not hesitate to save a child. I'd have to think very hard on a scenario where Alexandros would be the one. But I feel like I'm much closer to a breakthrough. Thank you!

ElaraSophia - it's really the same sort of thing as fathers of today - making sure his daughter's suitor is "good enough", and not quite being ready to accept giving his daughter to another man.

Memnon - Got it. Helots = No better than pond scum. Less worthy than the squirming maggots in a festering wound. I must get rid of my tendency to think of them as human. Actually, your scenario is an excellent alternative. Now I just need my manly muse to come sit on my shoulder and guide me to a decision.

Thanks, everyone. This has already been extremely helpful.

c.e.

Wow, you have all been SO helpful! So I've been thinking hard, and here is what I came up with:

First I will change the helot skirmish to a real battle. (Thank you, Memnon624) Then I will have Alexandros save Melaina's little sister from certain death (Thank you, Captshady) when the horse leading her little chariot (the girls have a decorated chariot parade) goes wild (probably from a wasp sting) heading towards a ravine (Thank you, Puma). He will have to use his own horse (which has an injured foreleg mentioned in the prior scene) as it is the closest, and the other horses are in the race) to jump the ravine to save her (nods to Puma again). While stopping the crazed horse he aggravates his injury (Thanks, Doogs), resulting in much manly, stoic behavior and increased drama. He has just removed his tunic so that Melaina can bandage his ribs, so his large, purple bruise encompassing his left side is nicely visible to all watching (Thank you, Derek), and of course at the end he will give Melaina's father an unblinking, steely gaze (nods to Derek again). And I am considering changing the fractured ribs to a sort of wound that can open up, as the image of that and later cauterizing it is almost too much temptation to resist. (You've got my kind of drama bug, Derek! We should co-write something! ) Unfortunately jumping the ravine fractures the already injured leg of his beloved horse, and he is forced to put the animal out of its misery (Thank you, pdr). Melaina's father knows Alexandros knew this when he jumped the ravine, because in the earlier scene he says he's not going to race his horse because he's worried about the injured foreleg. Spartans are horse-crazy, so this is a big deal.

By Apollo, I've used EVERYONE's suggestions! (Except Unique's, which I am saving for later.) You all are awesome!

c.e.

Edited to add: You know that discussion about Historical Accuracy vs. Versimilitude? Well, I will keep this scene whether or not the village of Amyclae had a ravine. (Or I will assume much shifting in tectonic plates over the last 2400 years. )