Formatting.....its so much fun and other things

It seems to me you're trying to direct from the page. Just relax, tell your story, and hope that if you happen to sell your script the director can pick up the same vision you have for it. Unfortunately you're in director's territory right now, it's their call. All you can do is get the basic feeling across on the page and the basic scene and mood, and let them take it from there unless you plan on making it yourself.

Yes, I agree with what the others said.

The magic and appeal of your script will come from its story, its characters, and the efficiency of your scenes. By "efficiency" I mean the skill with which you show actions and present dialogue.

When I first started toying around with screenwriting about eight years ago, I assumed that a script needed all of those things that you are trying to do: the individual shots, the camera movements, the close-ups, all of that stuff. In reality, you should avoid all of that detail unless you are going to direct the film.

You can, however, suggest some of these things through skillful writing. When each action appears to be a different shot, put the action in its own action paragraph in the scene.

When you have actions in the mosque, outside the mosque, and back inside the mosque, the best solution in the long run is just to use separate EXT. and INT. scenes, as in:

EXT. MOSQUE - DAY
Something happens here.

INT. MOSQUE - DAY
The fighting continues in here.

EXT. MOSQUE - DAY
Somebody else comes along.

In general, just describe what you are seeing and hearing.

There are lots of reasons not to bother with camera directions and most of them are because it's not your area but for me, the main reason is simply because it's boring!

When I read something, I want to know what the characters are doing, not the camera. This sort of thing turns your screenplay (even the best which are already quite technical) into something very clinical and detached. You lose your voice.

Find a way to demonstrate the movement and pace that you want without mentioning what equipment you need to do it. It'll be a much happier read for whoever you send it to, I promise and the best way to start would be, like Derek said, to read the screenplays of films that achieved similar things to what you have in mind.

Icerose is right, I think you're trying to direct from the page and need to simplify.

I recently had "lunch" (it was more of a girls' night out) with one of the co-producers of House. She's sold a LOT of scripts, so I took all her advice as gold.

The main thing she said after "no night shots in the rain" was "less is more" -- give the director and others "wiggle room" for changes, because those will happen, like it or not.

No music suggestions, emotional suggestions for the actors, camera shots except in the broadest sense, or directing suggestions. They may even resent that a lowly scriptwriter would be so forward as to offer an opinion!

(Sadly, I am NOT kidding, not even a little!)

A good scriptwriter's job is to give the director, director of photography, composer, and actors a medium in which to work. They will put their own stamp on each scene and their nuances for each line of dialogue.

Making a film is a collaborative effort, and writers who get too "intrusive" in the script get passed over or the script is given to someone else to mess with. (This usually happens anyway, but hopefully you'll have a nice check and won't mind too much.)

You may be running a specific movie in your head and want it to look and sound one way, but if you should sell it, then it's out of your hands. That's okay--you've done your job! Someone liked your script enough to buy it, so you move on to the next script and the next sale.

Now if you're able to produce and direct the script yourself, the rules change and you are in charge, but that hardly ever happens.

I'm sure you've heard the Hollywood joke about the starlet who was so dumb she slept with the scriptwriter. Yes, they need our words, but often we don't get no respect!

Here's an excellent series called "Action!" that came and went with hardly a ripple, but there's some solid information mixed in with the satire.

What they do to the poor scriptwriter should have put them in prison!

The high point for me was a scene where Sandra Bullock (playing herself) bursts in to the producer's office and beats the living daylights out of him. Seems he filmed their night of passion and made a porn flick from it. The lady was not amused.

But on the serious side, when you're confined to 120 pages, you have to consider every single line and not just dialogue. Blocks of description and direction take up page space.

ComicBent's suggestion of keeping things to the bare minimum is gold. A producer wants something he or she can read fast. Long paragraphs with detailed character stuff and action can and will make their eyes glaze over. They read dozens of (usually bad) scripts a day, same as a slush pile reader at a publishing house. Anything that gets them right into the story puts you ahead of the pack!

Wrong: John Strong a successful CEO, wears a two thousand dollar Italian suit with handmade shoes. He has black hair, piercing blue eyes, and permanent sneer. He's greedy, having made his money by the most ruthless means possible. He crosses to the balcony of his luxury yacht, carrying an AR-15 target rifle, and carefully sights on some jellyfish. He begins shooting them.

Right: John Strong, a shark in a business suit, stands by a rail of his high-end yacht, target-shooting jelly fish with a military type rifle.

I guarantee a producer will prefer a scriptwriter who gets to the point the fastest!

WELCOME TO AW and good luck!
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