Parent of a teen has a ?

Bubastes · Sep 2, 2008

How do you know it's the celeb and not, say, one of her staff members?

JoNightshade · Sep 2, 2008

KrystalR said:
I'm not a 'stand over your shoulder' type mom, but I do grab his cell phone or computer from time to time and ask him to show me a few recent messages, just to be on the safe side... and they sound legit. (Besides, it's this new celeb friend who has led him to these places)

You say that last sentence as if somehow that makes it safe?

Celebrities are no safer than anyone else on the internet. Probably less so.

Seaclusion · Sep 2, 2008

Yes, always cause for concern with teens and anonymous strangers over the internet, telephone, or whatever. With the anonymity that the electronic age has brought us comes real concerns for everyone, especially gulable, inexperienced, naive teens. Be careful, very careful.

Richard

Kate Thornton · Sep 2, 2008

I think you are prudent and have every right to be concerned. I really like the way you are handling this - I know next to nothing about current teen celebs (and hope to keep it that way just for the sake of my random access memory) but current concerned Moms are a good thing, and your teen sounds like he's pretty level-headed. Together you can keep him out of trouble and still let him explore the big world out there. Sounds like you both have a good handle on this.

Seaclusion · Sep 2, 2008

JoNightshade said:
You say that last sentence as if somehow that makes it safe?

Celebrities are no safer than anyone else on the internet. Probably less so.

Can you say Michael Jackson

Richard

Calla Lily · Sep 2, 2008

I'm a paranoid mom. If this were my son, I'd have the same concerns, i.e., why would celebs talk so openly with a non-celeb kid?

I'd take him to any meetings as well. Perhaps this is the time to buy spying software so you can read his IMs and chat transcripts.

I know: it's violating his privacy. Talk to the oven mitt. He's a minor. Even if there aren't 50yo perverts in this chat room, look at all the stuff celebs get involved with.

DL Hegel · Sep 2, 2008

Yes, I think you should be cautious. I think it is natural to wonder about that kind of stuff. I'm not sure what you can do but I bet some of the more techno savvy folks could tell you about ways to monitor his communications without him being the wiser. I wish you good luck with it--it would make me concerned too.

KrystalR said:
I've always been very careful with my son and his Internet usage; I gave him the whole 'that pretty girl you met on MySpace could be a fat 40 year old perverted man' talk a long time ago.
Now, he's involved in something different.
Over the summer, he met and developed a friendship with a very popular teen celebrity who has introduced him to a whole new world, including a special chat room that has just about every teen celebrity you can imagine hanging around.
Needless to say, he's fascinated and spends enormous amounts of time in this chat room and IM'ing and texting these new friends.
I'm not a 'stand over your shoulder' type mom, but I do grab his cell phone or computer from time to time and ask him to show me a few recent messages, just to be on the safe side... and they sound legit. (Besides, it's this new celeb friend who has led him to these places)
I just find it hard to believe that these household name teen celebs would be so open with their IM'ing, texting and computer chat.
Today, I had the 'I'm just a little concerned that these people may not be the celebrities they claim to be and they could be the fat 40 year old perverted men i had told you about' talk.
It's still pretty innocent as far as teens go, but the way its going, it will lead to meetings and I did let him know that I want to be the one to take him to initial meetings with his new friends, that I would look to make sure he is safe, but wouldn't interfere.
He agreed to this.
What do you think? Do I have cause for concern?

jannawrites · Sep 2, 2008

I think you're reasonably cautious, absolutely. Keep an informed eye on him, as you have been.

Still, I have to question the "celebrity status" for these teens, especially since there's such a large group and they're allowing "outsiders." Would teen idols really have all that much time to be online? I'd hate for your son to find out a truth other than what he believes, especially if these friends are positive role models, but even moreso if they aren't who they say they are.

Good luck with this situation.

Pagey's_Girl · Sep 2, 2008

It could be the real deal - someone I know online befriended one of the members of a rather popular band through the band's official chatroom. We didn't believe her at first, either, but it turned out to really be him. And he turned out to be a really decent guy.

He's not going behind your back about it; he's willing to let you come along for any real-life meetings. That's cool. I think I'd just wait and see what comes of it. )I confess I'd be cautious but fascinated, too. But that's just me.)

Gehanna · Sep 2, 2008

Needless to say, he's fascinated and spends enormous amounts of time in this chat room and IM'ing and texting these new friends.

The "spending enormous amounts of time" is more than enough reason for concern.

Sincerely,
Gehanna

Williebee · Sep 2, 2008

Krystal, check your rep points.

It sounds like you are on the right track. Caution is always a good thing when transitioning from online to RL (Real Life). Things, and people, are often not what they seem, and rarely the same people in the real world, if only because the keyboard changes the way we communicate what we think, and how we act. It's something we try to hammer home to parents and school kids everyday in my job.

It could be just fine, but you're a good parent for checking it out.

I'd rather be embarrassed and wrong than right and too slow any time.

vixey · Sep 2, 2008

As a mom of 3 older teens, my main concern (outside of the obvious stalking, pervert posing as celeb teen thing) is how does his internet usage affect his homework or sleep? When our 15 year old daughter complained of being tired all the time this summer, we checked into her texting minutes and discovered she was texting at 3:00 a.m.! (Our phone at night now.) Same could go for the computer, but she can't get to that in the wee hours.

vixey · Sep 2, 2008

KrystalR said:
I guess I should say a normal amount of time for many teens. I told my son he should go into orthopedics as all of his generation are (is?) going to need new thumbs by the time they are in their 20's from all of the text messaging they do.

I told my son to study Japanese because of anime.

Gehanna · Sep 2, 2008

My daughter just told me that she is glad I did not to allow her to use a laptop at school this year. She also pointed out how she is seldom on the computer at home.

Last year, she spent a great deal of time online. That, along with other events, destroyed her grades. This year, so far, her lowest class average is 94.75. I am very proud of her and I am very thankful for all the effort she is putting forth. Last year was hell for both of us.

I wish you and your son the best in dealing with current concerns.

Sincerely,
Gehanna

Silver King · Sep 2, 2008

I don't care if it's a "teen celebrity" or some unknown person: my child wouldn't be meeting anyone he met online, ever, whether I was in tow or not. For one thing, it sets a bad precedent for his future involvement with online relationships. If this meeting goes well, he might think he doesn't need your approval for his next sojourn and may go out alone to meet someone.

Maybe I'm too protective of my children, but there's no way, no how and not ever, EVER, would I allow my kids to hook up with someone they've met online. EVER.

(Is that enough use of EVER to make my point?)

C.bronco · Sep 2, 2008

There are some sites where people "role play" as their favorite celebrities. I'd look at it very closely.

maestrowork · Sep 2, 2008

Silver King said:
Maybe I'm too protective of my children, but there's no way, no how and not ever, EVER, would I allow my kids to hook up with someone they've met online. EVER.

(Is that enough use of EVER to make my point?)

But Paris Hilton is hawt.

p.s. Krystal, you are right to be concerned. There are a lot of "fakes" on the Internet. Anyone could pretend to be someone they're not, and some teens are very gullible (and the allure of being in some in-group of celebrities is too much to decline). It could be a harmless thing where kids are just pretending, or it could be something sinister like online predators. I'd be skeptical that teen celebrities would be hanging out online chatting and texting people they don't know. Don't these people have their own entourage, and some shows to do?

jannawrites · Sep 2, 2008

Krystal, you've got me uber-curious as to who this girl is.

Williebee · Sep 2, 2008

I wouldn't try to change anyone's mind, especially when it comes to being cautious about their kids. But it is a different world out there now. Online is more connected to our kids than party lines were in my parent's youth.

Social Networking sites are bringing people together for work, school, and play. Are there bad things out there? Sure. There's bad things on the playground and on the street, and at work. We taught them about being safe in those situations. We have to teach them how to "look both ways" online, as well.

One place that has been very helpful in the schools I work with is I-Safe.

benbradley · Sep 2, 2008

KrystalR said:
I know I am being a bit secretive and I've advised my son to respect the privacy of his friend also.
If it is her corresponding with him (and not her assistant), I know she doesn't want it blasted across the internet.
I think she is real (or its at least her assistant).
As far as the others he met in the chat room, I'm a little more concerned- although I have gotten some confirmation that the chat site is on the up and up.
As parents, we've just got to keep our eyes open. Kids are so easily influenced and when you add a celebrity factor (real or not), they can be even more influenced.

It this a certain "brand" of chat? Do you or your son know what an IP address is, and can either of you find the IP address of someone who's posting on a chat group/channel?

This gets a little technical, but it's good to learn. The other person's IP addres can (with RDNS) usuallly tell you what city or metropolitan area he/she is in, and you can figure out if this jibes with what area of the country or world he/she is telling you he/she is in. An IP address can be spoofed, but that's an advanced enough thing that people don't think about it, don't have a clue how to do it and/or think they're "anonymous on the internet" when committing a crime, but they're not (see the myspace suicide case or the many examples in the news of people being arrested for soliciting underage people).

So if they're saying they're in LA but the RDNS says "adsl_12_34_dothan.bellsouth.net" (I just made that up, but it'll look something like that), then yeah, they're in LA: Lower Alabama (Dothan is a big city down there).

Shadow_Ferret · Sep 3, 2008

I doubt very much any of those chatting are actual teen celebs. Like they have nothing better to do than pal around on the internet with a bunch of nobodies. More likely it's either someone who works for the teen celeb in some capacity and is authorized to chat for them OR, and this is what I really think, it's the 40-year-old pervert in Montana getting off talking to teens himself.

Because I watch E! television, and most teen celebs are busy shopping or getting wasted in underage drinking parties. They don't have time to sit around and chat on a computer.

Anyway, teen celebs or not, I think I'd be telling my child no chat rooms period. You didn't mention your child's age, but mine is 13, and his internet use is very restricted. He can look at legos on ebay and go to youtube to watch Weird Al videos.

sadron · Sep 3, 2008

I could be worried too. People can fake celebrity.

Honalo · Sep 3, 2008

Detective mom, let me digress to the age of 14 ... when the telephone was our only means of communicating with celebrities. I called the Donny Osmond hotline (I'll pause here to let the howling die down) ..................
but alas, the discussion only went one way. Donny really wasn't on the other end of the phone. And my father got a whopping phone bill so my days of contacting celebs came to a crashing halt.

I don't think you're dealing with a 40-year-old pervert, but teenage celebrity predators who are trying to expand their circle and might, might, eventually seek out your son for more than just casual chat - perhaps money?

So I'd definitely sit him down and might I add, I think you've handled the situation well.

Shadow_Ferret · Sep 3, 2008

You two are freaks. :tongue

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