As Marie fell to the floor, Ralph whistled for Fido to return. This proved too much for Ralph's upper lip, however, as it fell from his jaw and plopped into the pot with the rest of the ingredients.
Ralph, the Gourmet Zombie-finish me
- Thread starter Haggis
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Fido tried to retrieve his lip, but gagged when he slurped the broth. "What's the matter, boy?" asked Ralph. "Too much pepper?"
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Fido growled and rolled a can of My-T-Dog over to Ralph's feet--along with his nose, which fell off with the last push.
"I dunno about the canned food, boy, but the nose knows." He plopped it in the pot.
"I dunno about the canned food, boy, but the nose knows." He plopped it in the pot.
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Ralph picked up the can and read, "Contains pig snout, bone gelatin, processed tendons (various animal sources), tissue gelatin, meat by-products, sinew gelatin. All natural!" He opened the can, tasted a bit, drooled into the pot, and dumped the contents in.
Marie stuck her finger into the pot, then fished it out with a spoon and gnawed on one end.
"Needsh shalt," she said.
"Needsh shalt," she said.
"Blood's salty," Ralph replied. "Let's add that instead--more flavor."
Just then a firm knock sounded at the door, and a deep voice called out, "Health Department."
Just then a firm knock sounded at the door, and a deep voice called out, "Health Department."
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Ralph headed to the door, telling himself that a few fresh Health Department guy sinews might just add the touch of chewiness needed to turn this meal into a true culinary delight.
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Marie smacked what lips she had left and wondered was wiener schitzel going to be on the menu tonight.
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Noticing Ralph shambling in the direction of the strange voice, Marie grabbed the butcher knife from the counter and followed, thinking to carve out a bit of plump Health Department guy flesh to simmer into a sweet dessert dish.
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Unfortunately, Marie didn't have a leg to stand on as it melted from her torso hitting Fido on the head.
"Umph!" she said as she landed on the knife.
"Get a grip on yourself, dear," Ralph admonished as he led two gentlemen into the kitchen. "We're having guests for dinner."
"Get a grip on yourself, dear," Ralph admonished as he led two gentlemen into the kitchen. "We're having guests for dinner."
"So," said Health Department guy # 1, "you guys are among the undead, am I right?"
As Ralph nodded, his head fell to the floor, but he picked it back up and secured it to his neck.
"You're still obliged to follow the same rules as the rest of us, you know," said Health Department guy # 2.
As Ralph nodded, his head fell to the floor, but he picked it back up and secured it to his neck.
"You're still obliged to follow the same rules as the rest of us, you know," said Health Department guy # 2.
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"Dogs are not allowed in kitchens serving food to the public," Health Department guy #2 continued, watching Fido upchuck muco-purulent drool over Marie who was floundering on the floor.
"That doesn't really matter," said Health Department Guy # 2. "The real issue here is ingredients. I'm guessing those ingredients you're cooking have been dead for--what--three or four months?"
"Sure. At least," said Ralph.
"Well, see, there you are," said Health Department Guy # 2. "The thing is, you need fresh ingredients. I mean, you wouldn't want to infect your brethren with any toxic substances would you?"
"Sure. At least," said Ralph.
"Well, see, there you are," said Health Department Guy # 2. "The thing is, you need fresh ingredients. I mean, you wouldn't want to infect your brethren with any toxic substances would you?"
Ralph looked around at his "brethren." As he did, his left eye fell from its socket and plopped onto his tattered sneakers.
All around him, his people dripped body fluids and shed decaying flesh, it reminded him of what he always pictured a Leper colony would look like. He returned a level, one-eyed gaze to Health Guy #2.
"Are you kidding me?" He asked.
All around him, his people dripped body fluids and shed decaying flesh, it reminded him of what he always pictured a Leper colony would look like. He returned a level, one-eyed gaze to Health Guy #2.
"Are you kidding me?" He asked.
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"My husband's meat is so tender it falls off the bone!" Marie yelled in defense as she slipped around in the drool unable to get up.
"Does this look like a joke," said Health Department Guy # 1, handing Ralph a Class 1 citation. "We'll be back tomorrow. This better be fixed by then.
"Oh. And help that woman to her feet, for Dog's sake, will ya?"
"Oh. And help that woman to her feet, for Dog's sake, will ya?"
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"Excuse me, but that's foot," Ralph corrected the man, wondering why it wasn't obvious his wife had only one leg remaining attached to her body.
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