Stupid things non-writers say

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Tiger

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Oh come on, Tiger, you can't tell me that saying "don't resort to disparaging the character of the good people who post here" is an attack. Again, there is a big difference between people defending their reasons to post here, and someone calling the posters here "elitist". Unless of course elitist was not meant to be an insult, which I find hard to believe.

Please. This thread is rife with insults--not directed against fellow posters, but against "them." :) And I think that wording counter arguments in such a way as to place a few dissenters against an entire community, followed by "if you don't like it; leaves" is an attack.

Anyway, still think this is all more of a matter of wires being crossed, and that very few people were taking any issue with what you were saying Tiger.

This is doubtless the case. Again, I am not railing against the entire discussion or its reason for being...

How's this one: "can you make this--you know--more professional-sounding, and... maybe a couple more pages... and, could you clean up the grammar and stuff...? Also, can you sign my name at the bottom?"

See?
 

Bubastes

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Friend: I know what you should write about. You should write a story about tattoos.
Me: OK, sure. Every tattoo usually has a story attached to it. And what else?
Friend: That's it. A story about tattoos. Isn't that a great idea?
Me: Umm.....
 

Tiger

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Friend: I mean, here's a great tattoo (displays left buttock). Do you have your notebook?
 

Tiger

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Give me your email address and I'll send you a pdf... Do you have your notebook?
 

kimmeunier

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My mom won't read my work because I call it horror. She says she thinks I'll be too gorey. So I asked her "who's your favorite author?" She said Jonathan Kellerman. So I go find a book by JK. The first chapter has a series of mutilations and same gender sex.

"MOTHER! Why do you read this crap?"

"He uses short paragraphs."

I write about monsters. He writes about a detective. I guess it depends on who is doing the mutilating. Go figure...


My mother used to read Stephen King, and Koontz, and I read the same books growing up. She said; I have never read a book, where the author uses swears! (Yes, she did read King, but apparently forgot what a pottie mouth he has.)"You need to take that out of your book, or nobody will even look at it. Let alone publish it."

Ha ha, okay I quit!!
 

Tasmin21

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On the bus tonight, as I work on the next round of edits for my current project:

"Is that for a class?"
"No, it's a book I'm writing."
"Oh, what's it about?"
"It's about a man who kills demons."
"Oh! I read a book once. I think it had demons in it. Have you seen Charmed? That girl was hot."

*sigh* I should learn to keep my big mouth shut.
 

choppersmom

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I very rarely tell anyone I'm a writer, because of things like you all have shared. I once told a coworker, and got this response: "Oh! You're writing a novel? Me too! I put everyone I hate in as characters, and I'm killing off half the cast in the first chapter, and horrible things are going to happen to everyone until the end, when everyone I hate is dead."

Oh! How nice. Can't wait to read it. Will I recognize myself?
 
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Someone at work caught me reading Dorothea Brande's Becoming a Writer yesterday and said, "Oh, you're thinking of writing a wee story are you?"

For fuck's sake...

Anyway, I said, "No, I already am a writer; I just like to read about how other people do it, too.

"Oh. So what have you written? Short stories? Are you going to give up work and do it?"

I wish.

In her case I reckon it was just the small talk of someone who doesn't know about writing because it's not her thing, so you make allowances for that.

I suppose my main gripe is people talking at me when I'm trying to read. Probably another thread altogether.
 

JeanneTGC

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I think most of the things people say is from ignorance, not usually spite. They think they're being supportive, but they come off as right idiots because we understand the business and they don't.

I just signed with an agent, after *mumblemumble* years of writing and submitting and rejections and...well, you all know the drill. Most who know me are understandably thrilled. There are some, however, who expect that I am now ready to flip my day job the bird and race off to a life of luxury. When I explain that agent is the first major step, publisher is next, and then, as a first-time novelist and non-celebrity, I'm not expecting the biggest advance in the history of the world, I get lost and disappointed looks. Somehow, me not quitting a company I happen to like working for and a career I've spent 20 years on for my other career is seen as disappointment -- I'm no longer livin' the dream.

You should see their expressions when I tell them that, barring a miracle, it'll be at least 2 years before they'd ever see my book on the shelves, and that's if I land a publisher immediately...
 

TrishD

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"You're a writer, can you edit this for me?"

Not mutually exclusive, but I had to fight a slight eyeroll nevertheless.

Being a writer qualifies me for transcribing my father-in-law's Christmas letter into his word processing program, formatting it to fit the Christmas stationary, and printing it.
 

stormie

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First of all, Jeanne, congrats on the agent! Second, yeah, I got that too. People expect your book on the shelves within a few months' time. And they expect that your spouse or significant other can retire to the life of luxury on your dime (which, when it comes down to it, literally could be. :rolleyes:)
 

Tiger

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Yes, I too am writing a novel.

I remember checking out sack full of books on history and stuff at the local library--and being asked by by someone what they were for.

"I'm trying to write a novel."

"Well, why all of the books?"

In retrospect I just should have said I'm doing research.
 

Tony_LaRocca

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My father keeps asking why I waste my time writing horror stories, and don't write books with uplifting Christian themes - because obviously whatever is inside of me isn't worth putting down. My mother keeps asking why I don't make money like "that Harry Potter lady" - because we all know how easy it is to not only be published but to be the highest paid author of all time, don't we? My sister offers to read my science fiction, and if it's quirky, insists that "It's not enough like Douglas Adams" - because obviously, all I want to do is copy someone else and have style of my own.
 

Willowmound

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Writing is like sex. Most people have an interest in it and believe that they do it well. But very few can produce a work of art or a screaming orgasm. But still people try.

Nonsense.

All of it.
 

Bartholomew

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Mother: "Haven't you sold that novel yet?"

Me: "Um, maybe. I still haven't heard back from a few people."

Mother: "We were thinking about getting it published for you for Christmas."

Me: (Genuinely perplexed): "Huh?"

She proceeds to show me both Lulu.com *and* PublishAmerica.

>_<
 

Willowmound

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Wow, talk about dodging ye olde bullet.

And in the Saint Nick of time!

(Sorry, I'm clearly delerious. Pay no mind)
 

Christian Genzel

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Writer?

Here's an excerpt from the wonderful SHOELESS JOE by W.P. Kinsella regarding the question whether you're only a writer once you've sold something:
"Writing is different," Salinger insists. "Other people get into occupations by accident or design; but writers are born. We have to write. I have to write. I could work at selling motels, or slopping hogs, for fifty years, but if someone asked my occupation, I'd say writer, even if I'd never sold a word. Writers write. Other people talk."
 

Christian Genzel

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I've encountered some of the responses as well, but I rarely take offense ... I realize most people mean well, they just don't really know anything about writing. They're trying to help, but they don't realize their suggestions are just not helpful. This can get a bit tiresome after the tenth "Why don't you ..." and "You should ...", so eventually I just tell them something along the lines of "Don't worry, it'll all work out."

Also, oftentimes people are just trying to make smalltalk. Oh, you're a writer? Cool. What do you write? Oh, nice. Can I read it? Ah, I see. Don't you have to have a publisher? Hmmm. Even when they're asking if you can make a living, they're sometimes just curious - because we all know about starving artists, and everybody knows people who tell you it's impossible to make a living by writing or painting or playing the guitar. I just usally say "Yeah, well, it's not much, but I get by", which seems to satisfy people, because everybody knows that feeling where you work hard but times are rough.

Often, when I talk to someone who doesn't "get it", I try to compare writing to some other, more tangible, profession. Why don't I want to edit their article for free? Well, why wouldn't a plumber want to fix your drain for free? It's work, it takes a certain amount of time, and people like to get paid because they need to pay the rent. How can I work on something when I'm not sure I can sell it? Well, I'm putting together a product and I'm doing my best to make sure there'll be someone who's interested. I find that people find it easier to understand what I'm doing when I try and leave the artistic part out of it.
 
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