The Line of the Day--NO CRITTING

Ken Hoss · Jun 7, 2012

DocBrown said:
Ken:

Thanks, Doc.

*Spoiler Alert*

*********************************

She's not dead!

The_Riskbreaker · Jun 8, 2012

Just adding a line from a short story i'm putting up on DeviantArt. I would like to show my current talent instead of just saying "I write well".

"It's just after eight on a friday, and the quiet rumble of the dryers is starting to get to me. I could have made my stand anywhere in town, but choosing a campus laundromat felt like the best option. Having my last moments at a place frequented by drunken frat-boys and ramen noodle-munching skateboarders makes it easy to ensure no one is around to watch you die."

Might modify the "best option" line, but this is just an exercise. Great lines from everyone else!

DocBrown · Jun 8, 2012

Cool line Riskbreaker.

I like it!

heyjude · Jun 8, 2012

Nice, Risk!

And :welcome:

to AW!

Namatu · Jun 8, 2012

Nice, everyone!

Doc,

Ken Hoss · Jun 9, 2012

Hot off the presses! Kelli is in the hospital, again. She got lucky and only has a couple of cracked ribs. Kevin is with her and she throws him a curve ball.

She looked at him and smiled. “I’m glad I’m alive too.
There is this one thing though.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re going to have to attend my funeral.”

heyjude · Jun 9, 2012

Oo, this should be good!

heyjude · Jun 9, 2012

Just a quick time out to say how much I love this thread. Not only to see other people's wonderful lines, but it's such a challenge. I was looking through my ms yesterday, wondering if I had anything to post, and I didn't. The writing simply isn't tight enough right now. Challenge: write better.

So thanks, everyone. :Hug2:

Ken Hoss · Jun 9, 2012

heyjude said:
Just a quick time out to say how much I love this thread. Not only to see other people's wonderful lines, but it's such a challenge. I was looking through my ms yesterday, wondering if I had anything to post, and I didn't. The writing simply isn't tight enough right now. Challenge: write better.

So thanks, everyone.

Yes, HJ, write better!

A follow up to the most recently posted lines. Just wrote this, and it starts a new chapter.

Kelli was a little surprised as she flipped through the New York Post for what must have been the fiftieth time. The story was buried on page three and covered only the basic details of her shooting. She read over it again, noting that the reporter had managed to misspell her first name, using a “y” instead of an “i”. Not an uncommon mistake, she thought. On the flipside, her obituary had read more like a novel.

DocBrown · Jun 9, 2012

I can sympathize HJ, but in your defense (and hopefully mine) you can't always write a strong stand alone line.

After all, each line flows into the next so they all have a context that doesn't usually lend itself to this thread.

After 1171 words my best line today was:

Faith stood up pulling Cloud along with her. She clasped Cloud’s hand with both of hers pulling her face close. “Then I leave him in your hands. Do not break him while I’m gone.” Faith’s turquoise eyes streaked with red as a warning.

Of course, the irony of the statement is lost unless you know the scene is a training scene where Faith has just broken Chip's knee.

That's too much context for me to put in this thread, usually. But it makes my point.

Maybe...

onesecondglance · Jun 10, 2012

In enhanced contrast the simplest of sights have an exaggerated beauty of their own. The runnels of rainwater attacking the windowpane in Sel's office were shining filaments of light cutting through the ink black outside world, branching and merging as they slid to the bottom. James could have sat there for hours watching them soak up his anger, and ordinarily he might have let them. Right now he wasn't sure he wanted to.

For context, James has a ~~plot device~~ optical implant that allows him to filter his vision to spot clues more easily.

Zelenka · Jun 11, 2012

Working on a bit of a short story, using characters I've been playing with for a while (my 1920s Czech PI). This is the current opener, but it is still only first draft...

Even five years after my wife’s death, I still did not understand her last request to me, until, one morning in 1925, I read an article in the Lidové Noviny about a house that was apparently cursed.

heyjude · Jun 12, 2012

Very nice lines, everyone!

Zelenka, that's crazy intriguing.

Mr Mitchell · Jun 12, 2012

She spun to face him, a beautiful fear distorting her face.

heyjude · Jun 12, 2012

Oo, nice! I like the beautiful fear. Tells something about the narrator.

Mr Mitchell · Jun 13, 2012

Jimmy felt sorry for Jessie and hated the fact she was getting abused, the basted of a husband did this for his enjoyment.

heyjude · Jun 14, 2012

Someone tells my MC that her psycho boyfriend has a picture of her at his workplace:

"Nice shot, too, the two of you on his yacht. I almost didn't recognize you with clothes on."

Ah, the bikini picture. He had it at work. Classy, Simon. That got filed away for future retribution.

onesecondglance · Jun 14, 2012

mmm... retribution *anticipates, imagines*

onesecondglance · Jun 15, 2012

The intercom crackled out of time with the rumbling thunder overhead, creating a distorted syncopation that reduced speech to monotone and breath to white noise buzzing.

I loved this line when I wrote it yesterday. Not so sure about it now.

onesecondglance · Jun 21, 2012

Life isn't getting any better for Frank.

Frank wished he’d never mentioned the cemetery across the road from Guardian Labs. If he’d kept his mouth shut he wouldn’t have been dragging a toothless and fingerless corpse through storm-rain and mud toward someone else’s grave.

heyjude · Jun 21, 2012

Poor Frank!

cbenoi1 · Jun 21, 2012

onesecondglance said:
Frank wished he’d never mentioned the cemetery across the road from Guardian Labs. If he’d kept his mouth shut he wouldn’t have been dragging a toothless and fingerless corpse through storm-rain and mud toward someone else’s grave.

ROFL.

He's living proof staff cuts don't always affect productivity.

-cb

onesecondglance · Jun 21, 2012

cbenoi1 said:
ROFL.

He's living proof staff cuts don't always affect productivity.

-cb

cbenoi1 · Jun 21, 2012

toothless. fingerless. staff cuts. Get it?

Nevermind...

-cb

onesecondglance · Jun 21, 2012

I had actually missed that

(error: out of coffee)... :Coffee:

Frank is responsible for 99% of the giant fuckups that propel my plot along. I actually quite like the guy, but he must totally feel like Cyclops sometimes.

The Line of the Day--NO CRITTING

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel

knows bears make everything worse

Hopes to one day write for food.

Making my own sunshine

Lost in mental space.

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel

Making my own sunshine

Making my own sunshine

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel

Hopes to one day write for food.

pretending to be awake

Going home!

Making my own sunshine

Making my own sunshine

Making my own sunshine

pretending to be awake

pretending to be awake

pretending to be awake

Making my own sunshine

pretending to be awake

pretending to be awake