Fun With DS Titles

Status
Not open for further replies.

SouthernFriedJulie

Hidin' the bodies
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 5, 2007
Messages
1,655
Reaction score
299
Location
Western New York
Website
blacklabelbooks.blogspot.com
We've all seen them. We've all shook our heads and thought- "That's a one step answer"

So, post your titles and your answers.


Here's an example:

How to Properly Test a Woman's Hormone Levels
Step 1: Ask if she's gained weight.
Step 2: Duck
Step 3: Hide


If she cries- she's possibly pregnant. Hunting you down and removing your genitals may indicate pre-menstrual syndrome. Both are high hormone situations. Giving you the bird while stressing the link between canines, your mother, and your biological father may indicate medium hormone levels.

Tips: Wear running shoes.
Warnings: Hormonal women can /kill/ you



Heh. You don't have to go that long. I just was having a giggle.
 

princessvessna

Garden Geek Extraordinaire
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
468
Reaction score
25
Location
Utah
Website
treesandshrubs.about.com
I see a ton of stuff with editing and QA.

One I just got :

"Can Anyone Claim Whatever They Want on Their Deductions?"

YES...if you want to meet an IRS agent
 

princessvessna

Garden Geek Extraordinaire
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
468
Reaction score
25
Location
Utah
Website
treesandshrubs.about.com
Ah, this is in the "Need a Time Machine" Category :

Why Won't Bush Bail Out the Auto Industry?


Also:
How to Gross Up a Figure

Huh?
 
Last edited:

htrent

practical experience, FTW
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 29, 2009
Messages
299
Reaction score
18
Location
Colorodda.
Website
www.holleytrent.com
There was one a few days ago: "How to tell your mother you're pregnant."

I grabbed it. Sailed right through without a rewrite. Easiest $15 I've ever made. :)
 

lisake

Sometimes I feel like a Dwarf
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 16, 2008
Messages
218
Reaction score
39
Location
Columbia, SC
Just saw "How to Perform a Mastectomy."

Maybe surgeons visit e-how for professional advice?
 

plaidearthworm

Rock and Squiggle
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 17, 2006
Messages
986
Reaction score
101
Location
Two steps left of sanity
"How To Use A Nut Splitter"
For references, use the America's Funniest Home Video website....

"How To Relocate A Weeping Cherry Tree"
Break it to them very gently....

"How To Use a Claw Hammer"
Swing. Hit Thumb. Curse. Swing again. Hit nail at angle and bend nail. Swing. Hit thumb again. Throw hammer. Go to Home Depot and buy nail gun.
 

stldenise

Scout Mom
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 27, 2008
Messages
651
Reaction score
28
Location
St. Louis Metro Area
Website
www.denisebertacchi.wordpress.com
I've been seeing some weird ones latetly, but...and this is scarey...I just went to the DS sight to get the exact wording and someone checked them out! One was something about making a flashlight into a taser... But the one on making a flushable camping toliet is still available if anybody wants it.
 

stldenise

Scout Mom
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 27, 2008
Messages
651
Reaction score
28
Location
St. Louis Metro Area
Website
www.denisebertacchi.wordpress.com
Now you have me looking for them!

"How to decorate with an old wood pallet"
1)Place pallet in living room.
2)Raise to desired height with cinder blocks.
3)Place tv remotes on top.

"How to decorate with a large mirror in your dining room"
1)Find a large mirror.
2)Bolt to dining room wall.
3) Admire.

"How to decorate by painting faux river rocks."
1) Get a bag of rocks.
2) Paint.
3) Put in a bowl.

Maybe I should check these out instead of just laughing at them.
 

lisake

Sometimes I feel like a Dwarf
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 16, 2008
Messages
218
Reaction score
39
Location
Columbia, SC
How to drink coffee after brain surgery:

1. Slowly bring mug to lips and sip.

Same as before surgery, no?
 

eric11210

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 10, 2007
Messages
1,006
Reaction score
102
Location
Israel
Hmm. Well here are a few from Textbroker just for some fun variety:

"Hair growth inhibitor" Uhm. . .burn the hair follicles off? :Shrug:

"homemade hair removal" (ouch. That one would make me nervous).

"The best mini diggers on the market today." Okay, here's my answer to that one:

Find a kid who likes digging. . . :tongue

BTW, I gave up on Text Broker since the pay is so abysmal.

DS is about the only content place to reject me, but to be honest, given what people are saying about the editors there, I'm not sure I want to try again.

Eric
 

SouthernFriedJulie

Hidin' the bodies
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 5, 2007
Messages
1,655
Reaction score
299
Location
Western New York
Website
blacklabelbooks.blogspot.com
Hmm. Well here are a few from Textbroker just for some fun variety:

"Hair growth inhibitor" Uhm. . .burn the hair follicles off? :Shrug:

"homemade hair removal" (ouch. That one would make me nervous).

"The best mini diggers on the market today." Okay, here's my answer to that one:

Find a kid who likes digging. . . :tongue

BTW, I gave up on Text Broker since the pay is so abysmal.

DS is about the only content place to reject me, but to be honest, given what people are saying about the editors there, I'm not sure I want to try again.

Eric

I have a Textbroker account. Never used it, the pay was so flipping bad. DS editors really aren't that bad. There are other places, too. Have you checked HubPages and Associated Content? I get the most revenue from eHow- which is actually Demand Studios but anyone can write and join the writer compensation plan.

Before anyone smacks me for promoting AC- did you guys know that they have special assignments? I did some on Diabetes- $25 for an article.
 

eric11210

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 10, 2007
Messages
1,006
Reaction score
102
Location
Israel
I assume you were suggesting AC and Hubpages because of my location, correct?

In spite of what it says there, I'm actually an American with an American address, phone number and social security number. I just happen to currently be located overseas, but I still have my home in the USA. I did consider Hubpages and AC but didn't want to write for either one because they don't seem to have editorial standards as to who they would allow to write for them and I didn't want my name associated with them.

I have an account with Examiner, Suite101, BrightHub (haven't written for them yet, but I was approved already) and Life123.

The truth is though that I'm extremely busy because I get tons of work from other places, both from private clients I found on my own and from Elance (speaking of sites people hate). I started on Elance with a crappy job which actually made the pay at Textbroker look good by comparison, but it paid off handsomely because I then started to get better paid jobs and these days I'm earning similar numbers to what DS pays for the jobs I do.

For example, I regularly get $12 each for blog posts, which are much easier to write than the typical DS article (from what I understand) and have gotten as much as $50 for a single article there (actually that job was just an edit/rewrite for an op ed article which took all of 20 minutes to do).

Thanks for the suggestions though.

Eric
 

SouthernFriedJulie

Hidin' the bodies
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 5, 2007
Messages
1,655
Reaction score
299
Location
Western New York
Website
blacklabelbooks.blogspot.com
Nope. Just suggested them as alternatives to DS and Textbroker.

I had an Examiner account but dumped them. AC and HubPages are a place where a lot of us place things that weren't paid for by clients, came from old blogs, and the like.

Really, DS isn't hard to write for. Trust me, I have a long, long history of DS bashing. Hated the joint. Held a grudge from 2007 until September of this year, in fact. After writing for magazines, trade publications, and certain blogs- I found that DS really helps fill in the gaps between payments and clients. Some of the copy editors are out there, but not all.

Like any place of employment, you're going to have people that irritate the crap out of you. You're going to have misunderstandings between editorial and yourself, but it isn't that bad. Before I got started in freelancing, I worked in nursing homes. As much as I loved the job and the people I cared for- writing for DS (and even the other content sites) when I need extra cash and dealing with a few whackjobs now and then is a sight better than being elbow deep in poo or having the crap beat out of me. (i worked in the mental ward of one county home for a while)

Whatever you do- I'm sure you'll keep getting better jobs like you've done already!
 

eric11210

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 10, 2007
Messages
1,006
Reaction score
102
Location
Israel
Yeah, what you do with AC and Hubpages I do with Life123. I know I'll never get more than $20 there for my work, but to be honest, I doubt I'll hit that number at AC or hubpages either. At least at Life123 I only need 1050 views for the max payment. . .and to at least get something (i.e. $5), I just need 50 views which isn't hard to get.

Eric
 

SouthernFriedJulie

Hidin' the bodies
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 5, 2007
Messages
1,655
Reaction score
299
Location
Western New York
Website
blacklabelbooks.blogspot.com
Yeah, what you do with AC and Hubpages I do with Life123. I know I'll never get more than $20 there for my work, but to be honest, I doubt I'll hit that number at AC or hubpages either. At least at Life123 I only need 1050 views for the max payment. . .and to at least get something (i.e. $5), I just need 50 views which isn't hard to get.

Eric

Very cool! Not bad at all for a rev share.
 

lisake

Sometimes I feel like a Dwarf
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 16, 2008
Messages
218
Reaction score
39
Location
Columbia, SC
Just saw a strategy guide for Monkey Skateboard Tricks. Can't imagine who (besides the person who writes it) is going to read that one.
 
Last edited:

lisake

Sometimes I feel like a Dwarf
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 16, 2008
Messages
218
Reaction score
39
Location
Columbia, SC
Wow. You guys buy the weirdest games for your Nintendo DS. I've never seen any of them at the gamestore, however.

Rolling on the floor after reading a second time and finally "getting it."
 
Status
Not open for further replies.