Short Story deconstruction--"The Monkey"

[MacAllister]

Heh--I've done some collaborating, and it's intense, exhilarating, and frustrating as all hell.

I highly recommend it, for folks who want to give it a spin! I think I'd sit that one out, though...<g>

Okay, here we go...let's first talk about this, then we'll deconstruct it as the spirit moves us:The boys were asleep. Terry was asleep. Hal went into the bathroom and locked the door and sat down on the closed lid of the john and looked at the monkey.

He hated the way it felt, that soft brown nappy fur, worn bald in spots. He hated its grin--that monkey grins just like a n*gger, Uncle Will had said once, but it didn't grin like a n*gger or like anything human. Its grin was all teeth, and if you wound up the key, the lips would move, the teeth would seem to get bigger, to become vampire teeth, the lips would writhe and the cymbals would bang, stupid monkey, stupid clockwork monkey, stupid, stupid--

He dropped it. His hands were shaking and he dropped it.

First off: Do you guys recognize this story? I will cite it, but thought it might be interesting to discuss it "blind" first. If we all know the piece, though, then that's sort of pointless. :)

[jdkiggins]

Mac, this sounds familiar, I can picture this monkey, but I really can't place the book or author. So...I guess I'd be one to play along here running blind and clueless at the moment. :)

[MacAllister]

Cool! I was afraid it would be too easy...<G>

So what do you think? Does the excerpt work for you? (Especially since I lifted it out of context--which might make the whole thing harder to gauge)

It worked really, really well for me. I thought it quite spooky and goosebumpy; I was appropriately appalled and shocked at the very deliberate use--twice--of the word "n*gger*

I found that a VERY curious choice. I'm still pondering the motive behind pushing the reader that hard.

[jdkiggins]

Cool! I was afraid it would be too easy...<G>
So what do you think? Does the excerpt work for you? (Especially since I lifted it out of context--which might make the whole thing harder to gauge)

It worked really, really well for me. I thought it quite spooky and goosebumpy; I was appropriately appalled and shocked at the very deliberate use--twice--of the word "n*gger*

I found that a VERY curious choice. I'm still pondering the motive behind pushing the reader that hard.

************************************************** *********
The boys were asleep. Terry was asleep. Hal went into the bathroom and locked the door and sat down on the closed lid of the john and looked at the monkey.
He hated the way it felt, that soft brown nappy fur, worn bald in spots. He hated its grin--that monkey grins just like a n*gger, Uncle Will had said once, but it didn't grin like a n*gger or like anything human. Its grin was all teeth, and if you wound up the key, the lips would move, the teeth would seem to get bigger, to become vampire teeth, the lips would writhe and the cymbals would bang, stupid monkey, stupid clockwork monkey, stupid, stupid--
He dropped it. His hands were shaking and he dropped it. .

I put the entire excerpt here too, so I can analyze it and respond to you as I type.

It worked very well for me. As I said, I remember reading this before and visualizing this monkey. Funny, I couldn’t remember the book or author, but I remember getting the exact visual when you posted it. And it bugged me to the point that I had to pull books off my shelf to find the darn thing. Then I laughed, because my imagination was much better than the real deal. I won’t mention it right now, in case others have as bad a memory as I do. I'll wait until this discussion is over to read this one again in its entirety.

I particularly like the phrase nappy fur, worn bald. I was a bit shocked at the word usage, and that made me think this was out of a King book. He seems to be able to get away with things like this.

The vivid picture of this monkey’s appearance came to me much better from the “all teeth…lips would move…get bigger, to become vampire teeth…the lips would writhe and the cymbals would bang.” To me, this was a much better visualization than using “grins like a n*gger.” I just don’t associate all darker skinned people with having big toothy grins with fangs and huge flapping lips or looks of monkeys. :) It probably came across to me as rude the first time I read it as well. I simply don’t like the use of the word. But that doesn't keep me from reading.
Joanne

[MacAllister]

I think the word is there to shock us, offend us at least a little--I think it was a deliberate choice, to evoke exactly that response of repugnance, and desire to distance ourselves from the use of the word--to set up an echo of the feeling Hal has toward the monkey.

I could be full of it, too. :)

[jdkiggins]

Mac,

I don't think you're wrong here. He used the word effectively to create that reaction. I do wonder why he felt the need to use it twice?

If we're tearing apart pieces, I would take the second use out.

He hated its grin--that monkey grins just like a n*gger, Uncle Will had said once, but its grin didn't look like anything human. Its grin was all teeth, and if you wound up the key...

[MacAllister]

reinforcement? But actually I like your rewrite, and it allows us to maintain more sympathy for Hal

(This excerpt is from Stephen King's The Monkey--for any lurkers who wanna read the story and jump in)

[jdkiggins]

And it's in the book Skeleton Crew, just in case your memory was as bad as mine. :)
Oh good. Now I'm allowed to read the story again. Let's see if we can find another part of it to pick apart while we're at it. :)

[MacAllister]

Yepper
in fact, maybe we should spin this off into a new thread...I can do that.
:D

[jdkiggins]

Now that's cool, you moved the whole dang thing.
Mods are so neat. ;)
Now, are we going to give others a chance to read the story and then dig in again?

[MacAllister]

Sure--I reread it a couple of days ago, but it's a quick read
You wanted to reread it too, right?

[jdkiggins]

Sure do. It drove me crazy until I found it. I knew I'd read it before, but I don't remember the whole story. Some things just stick in your mind; that monkey was one.I'll read it tonight and be back tomorrow ready to rip and tear. :D I didn't sleep at all last night (I know that was a song) but I really need to try to fight the insomnia tonight. Though, I'm not sure reading King before bed will help that. :) But if I can't sleep, I'll be back.

[MacAllister]

Okay--are we caught up? Ready to talk about the whole story? What do you think, overall?

I think he packs just a ton of story into not very many words. The backstory, the family history and current troubles...

[jdkiggins]

Hey, Mac. I'll be back in a bit. I still have to read this story. I took it with me yesterday thinking I might have a chance to read it in between tests, but that didn't happen. Be back shortly to discuss this. :)

[Solatium]

Brilliant story -- it kept me up all night when I was thirteen, reading a musty old copy of The Year's Best Horror IX. (Isn't it funny the way you remember those details? -- the way my grandmother remembers she was eating jam and toast on the front porch when she heard FDR was dead.)

I think a lot of the effect of the story -- aside from the premise, which is neither new nor too old -- is in the sheer economy and evocativeness of the language. The bit about the nappy fur -- I could feel it. It was sleazy and disgusting.

As for "grinning like a n*gger," that's the only word that could have worked. "Negro" or "black man" or anything like that would come across as too literal. The implicit equation of man and monkey would be offensive in itself, and moreover, the image would be weak.

But the slur conjures up an exaggerated picture-postcard Jim Crow, with bug eyes and loose red lips -- a stereotype so extreme it resembles an unholy fusion of human and dumb beast, and so unrealistic it almost rises above offense into ludicrousness. This nasty image -- the enjambment of man and beast -- fits well with the notion of a simulated animal with a subhuman intelligence, and the offensiveness of the word (as MacAllister already pointed out) also increases the reader's emotional reaction.

I'm just working from the excerpt here; I'll reread the story tonight or tomorrow, and see if I have anything more to say. (Reading it a second time, a couple of years later, I remember being surprised at what a lot of plot there was -- all the stuff going on between Hal and his family, which I had not remembered from the first reading.)

[MacAllister]

But the slur conjures up an exaggerated picture-postcard Jim Crow, with bug eyes and loose red lips -- a stereotype so extreme it resembles an unholy fusion of human and dumb beast, and so unrealistic it almost rises above offense into ludicrousness. This nasty image -- the enjambment of man and beast -- fits well with the notion of a simulated animal with a subhuman intelligence Excellent point. It does summon a very specific image, with marvelous economy of words--while causing instinctive revulsion in the reader.

[maestrowork]

I like the way he describes the money. It speaks volumn about the character. Here's a good demonstration of how to use the description of an object (or setting, etc.) to reveal the POV character.

[jdkiggins]

Solatium,

Great analogy. It's been 20 years since I read this story. The hardback came out in 1985. I didn't remember the entire story, but I certainly remembered that darn monkey! Disgusting little fur ball!

I just finished reading it and I'm ready to roll. I like the way King pulls out certain words to emphasize chilling effects; something I sometimes have a difficult time pulling off realistically.

Just one example:
He found the monkey on a cold, cloudy day in March. Sleet ticked sporadically off the windows, and Beulah was asleep on the couch...

Then four paragraphs later:
That day, with the sleet ticking hypnotically off the roof just above his head...

His continuous use of jang-jang-jang-jang throughout the story is a constant reminder of the monkey returning as well.

You're very right, Mac. I think this is one of King's shorter short stories and he loaded it with pounds of imagery allowing the reader to expound on his words.

Are you going to pick another section to discuss?

[jdkiggins]

I get it Mac. You sleep all day and stay up all night. LOL

[MacAllister]

I'm helping a friend move, today. :) I got volunteered to bring my truck and horse-trailer to help move all the furniture.

Let's just start from the beginning, perhaps, and look at it a section at a time. What strikes you most about paragraph one? Every word in this story is sooooooo deliberate and finely pointed...

Nice point about the sound, Joanne...you're absolutely right, we can here the ting-ting-ting of the sleet, the cymbals, etc, running beneath the text, throughout the story.

[jdkiggins]

OK. Here I go rambling.



When Hal Shelburn saw it, when his son Dennis pulled it out of a mouldering Ralston-Purina carton that had been pushed far back under one attic eave, such a feeling of horror and dismay rose in him that for one moment he thought he would scream. He put one fist to his mouth, as if to cram it back . . . and then merely coughed into his fist. Neither Terry nor Dennis noticed, but Petey looked around, momentarily curious.

I have to say the mouldering and attic eave instantly put the thought of old, musty, smelly, dusty, rotten things in my head. Instant foul reaction.

A few things caught my attention in this first paragraph. I’m a bit surprised at the British or Canadian spelling of moldering. Just seemed odd. He was telling the story as happening in Hartford, Connecticut, right?

King never ceases to amaze me. Why can he get away with telling instead of showing?
. . . such a feeling of horror and dismay rose in him that for one moment he thought he would scream.

And
. . .He put one fist to his mouth, as if

Now come on, feeling of and as if – I believe I’ve been told when people look at some of my writing that I should not use “as if” but rather show the feeling not just say “such a feeling”.

And the use of “rose” came up in the grammar check. Do you believe it? Grammar check wanted to changed it to raised.

Sort of like shone or shined. I suppose it’s all in how the writer wants it to appear, and readers want to change it to what they want to read.

As I said, King never ceases to amaze me, and the use of different words amazes me as well.


I may ponder on this paragraph a bit more. What do the rest of you have to say?

[MacAllister]

When Hal Shelburn saw it, when his son Dennis pulled it out of a mouldering Ralston-Purina carton that had been pushed far back under one attic eave, such a feeling of horror and dismay rose in him that for one moment he thought he would scream. He put one fist to his mouth, as if to cram it back . . . and then merely coughed into his fist. Neither Terry nor Dennis noticed, but Petey looked around, momentarily curious. He starts right out telling us this is gonna get scary--which could backfire, but doesn't, because he pulls it off.

The use of detailed description sets a very clear scene in the reader's head. I like that he doesn't bother to give a physical description of the characters--I've seen that much-discussed in other places, and have never much liked either describing or reading involved character descriptions.

At this point in the story, we don't even really know what the object of Hal's fear is--except for the clue in the title :) He also immediately sets up Petey, the youngest son, as Hal's co-conspirator: Petey is the innocent, the one Hal is really acting to save, and has a special feel for events happening under the surface.

The next bit:"Hey, neat," Dennis said respectfully. It was a tone Hal rarely got from the boy anymore himself. Dennis was twelve.

"What is it?" Peter asked. He glanced at his father again before his eyes were dragged back to the thing his big brother had found. "What is it, Daddy?"

"It's a monkey, fartbrains," Dennis said. "Haven't you ever seen a monkey before?"

"Don't call your brother fartbrains," Terry said automatically, and began to examine a box of curtains. The curtains were slimy with mildew and she dropped them quickly. "Uck."

"Can I have it, Daddy?" Petey asked. He was nine.

"What do you mean?" Dennis cried. "I found it!"

"Boys, please," Terry said. "I'm getting a headache."

(King, Stephen, "The Monkey," Skeleton Crew, Signet, 1986; page 160.)


I'm noticing an interesting thing with the puncuation, dialog tags and such--he's pretty sparing with commas, but he's already used an exclamation point. And one said bookism: "cried"

Also, typing it out, I'm observing that it's difficult to find a stopping place--every sentence leads you into the next, every paragraph: ditto. We aren't supposed to stop, set it down, take a breath, think about it...we're supposed to be yanked right along.

[jdkiggins]

Are we the only two playing here?

I’m wondering if the lack of character description might be because King wanted the reader to focus on the revulsion of the monkey.

In the first line Hal rarely hearing a respectful tone from Dennis seems to set up an immediate conflict. Like there’s already trouble in the house and any added problem is not welcome.

His word usage brings the monkey to mind a few more times in this dialogue with the kids.

Fartbrains – smelly and disgusting for little kids. LOL
slimy and mildewed curtains. dropped them quickly. Uck.
The sibling rivalry adds to the tension as well.

I agree that his lack of punctuation quickens the pace and adds to the tension Hal is feeling.



The next bit:

"Hey, neat," Dennis said respectfully. It was a tone Hal rarely got from the boy anymore himself. Dennis was twelve.

"What is it?" Peter asked. He glanced at his father again before his eyes were dragged back to the thing his big brother had found. "What is it, Daddy?"

"It's a monkey, fartbrains," Dennis said. "Haven't you ever seen a monkey before?"

"Don't call your brother fartbrains," Terry said automatically, and began to examine a box of curtains. The curtains were slimy with mildew and she dropped them quickly. "Uck."

"Can I have it, Daddy?" Petey asked. He was nine.

"What do you mean?" Dennis cried. "I found it!"

"Boys, please," Terry said. "I'm getting a headache."

(King, Stephen, "The Monkey," Skeleton Crew, Signet, 1986; page 160.)




Next:
Hal barely heard them. The monkey glimmered up at him from his older son’s hands, grinning its old familiar grin. The same grin that had haunted his nightmares as a kid, haunted them until he had—

Outside a cold gust of wind rose, and for a moment lips with no flesh blew a long note through the old, rusty gutter outside. Petey stepped closer to his father, eyes moving uneasily to the rough attic roof through which nailheads poked.

“What was that, Daddy?” he asked as the whistle died to a gutteral buzz.

(King, Stephen, "The Monkey," Skeleton Crew, Signet, 1985 HB; page 141.)

In this next segment he jumps right back to the monkey and the older son holding it.

King intertwines Hal’s disturbance with the monkey and the older son here. Then King reaffirms Hal’s dislike of the monkey and the haunting nightmares, and leaves us hang and yanks us to the next paragraph so we wonder—haunted them until he had what?

This next paragraph begins to draw a picture of the nightmares and how the monkey appeared and sounded to Hal. Lips with no flesh—old, rusty—nailheads poked—gutteral buzz.

Now we realize the monkey is a problem with Hal but we still don’t know why it caused nightmares. King painted a great picture of this little guy before he wrote the actual description a few pages later.

[MacAllister]

Again, I notice how auditory the word choice is. The "gutteral buzz" that Hal hears at the end of this passage mimics the winding up of the monkey--warning us and setting us on edge.

I think we ARE the only two playing, Joanne--but that's okay. :) I have these conversations with myself just in my head all the time.

Heh.

[jdkiggins]

Looks as though we are, Mac. Also looks like we have the same ideas. :) I'll get the next passage typed up here sometime today and give my two cents.

Hey! Who else wants to play? :poke:

[jdkiggins]

Hal barely heard them. The monkey glimmered up at him from his older son’s hands, grinning its old familiar grin. The same grin that had haunted his nightmares as a kid, haunted them until he had—

Outside a cold gust of wind rose, and for a moment lips with no flesh blew a long note through the old, rusty gutter outside. Petey stepped closer to his father, eyes moving uneasily to the rough attic roof through which nailheads poked.

“What was that, Daddy?” he asked as the whistle died to a gutteral buzz.

(King, Stephen, "The Monkey," Skeleton Crew, Signet, 1985 HB; page 141.)

Anyone can jump in here anytime. The quote above was our last discussion.

”Just the wind,” Hal said, still looking at the monkey. Its cymbals crescents of brass rather than full circles in the weak light of the one naked bulb, were moveless, perhaps a foot apart, and he added automatically, “Wind can whistle, but it can’t carry a tune.” Then he realized that was a saying of Uncle Will’s, and a goose ran over his grave.

The note came again, the wind coming off Crystal Lake in a long, droning swoop and then wavering in the gutter. Half a dozen small drafts puffed cold October air into Hal’s face—God, this place was so much like the back closet of the house in Hartford that they might all have been transported thirty years back in time.
(King, Stephen, "The Monkey," Skeleton Crew, Signet, 1985 HB; page 141-142.)


This first paragraph didn’t seem to move as quickly, as if King was giving us a chance to catch our breath before the next goose bumps appear.

Wind has movement, yet he used the word moveless. Moveless stops us and full circle starts us again, like a roller coaster, and then weak and naked shows vulnerability. Probably the hesitation and vulnerability Hal felt when seeing this monkey. Goose ran over his grave was a subtle way to add Hal’s creepy feelings.

The next paragraph moves a bit quicker. The winds droning swoop, wavering gets us moving again along with half a dozen small drafts puffed… Then King pushes us to read on using transported.

What can I say, this is my two cents, these two paragraphs add a little flavor but not as much as what we’ve already read.

Who’s next?