EX TALES

My first husband and I lived in a tall Victorian with a widow's walk (flat top above the roofing gables). It leaked, and he decided he could fix it himself. He put the household ladder (6', I guess) on the back porch roof, climbed up a couple of levels, did whatever roof sealing job he deemed appropriate and decided to climb back down. Unfortunately, the roofing shingles felt a lot slipperier from that angle.

He got nervous.

I was in the house, making dinner or something. I came out to check on him. He was up there on the widow's walk, afraid to come down. Shaking.

I climbed up onto the back porch roof and offered to hold the ladder for him. He started to come down the hipped portion of the roof, but got even more nervous. He realized it wouldn't work. He couldn't control himself from sliding down once he got started let go of the lip of the widow's walk at that angle. He climbed back up and said he couldn't do it.

"Look," I said. "Just hang on. I'll call my dad."

"No!" Boy, he was pissed at the mere suggestion. "You just stay there. I'll slide down and you can break my fall."

As if! We'd have both been killed.

"I'm going in," I said. "If I can't get my dad, I'm calling the fire department."

"If you do that, I'm never speaking to you again."

"Sorry, hon. But I really have to. You can't stay out here all night."

So I ended up calling the fire department. They brought out a ladder truck and managed to get a ladder over to the widow's walk. They went up there and put a harness or something on him. He wouldn't budge. He was scared out of his wits (not that he really had many). They ended up with a couple of firemen up there, and just before dark they finally talked him down.

By then, the entire neighborhood was crowded around our house, sure he was suicidal.

I know the fire department saved his life, and there really wasn't any other choice as far as getting him down safely, but he never forgave me for "humiliating" him.

A year or so after I divorced my ex I decided it was time to think about buying a house. So I ordered all my credit reports. I nearly had a stroke when they arrived. I knew that he was financially irresponsible, but I had no idea as to the extent. It took me three years to pay off all his bounced checks, unpaid taxes, and credit cards that he'd applied for in my name.

There wasn't anything I could do. Everything he'd done had been done in both our names while we were still legally married. I had to pay everything if I wanted a squeaky clean credit rating. But every check I wrote had a little message on it. In that little bit where you write what the check is for I wrote full sentences in the smallest possible writing.

For: "that loser bastard I should never have married. His name is.........."
For: "that useless waste of space - his name is............"
For: "the worst mistake I ever made. His name is..........."

Each and every check I wrote was personalized. It made me feel just the tiniest little bit better about the whole mess. I got a call the other day from the IRS - guess who they were looking for? I sure hope his next wife is wealthy enough to afford him.

I don't think this thread is long enough for me, so...

This guy wasn't really an ex - more of a boyfriend. It was my first and last long distance relationship - I was in Georgia and he was in Texas, but I was applying to a college in Texas so I knew it wouldn't be an LDR for too long. We'd email every day and talk every now and then, and once he visited me. What I only found out when I got to Texas was that he had another girl over there.

I didn't like being strung along. I'd been very sheltered and naive when I first met him and he'd taken as much advantage of that as he could. When he publicly proposed to this girl at a party to which we'd all been invited, I toyed with a fantasy of sending her copies of his steamy emails, but in the end I decided to take the high road.

And I'm very glad I did, because his wife made his life miserable all by herself. She

1. refused to let him go to happy hour with his co-workers.
2. told him to move his desk away from those of his female co-workers.
3. called up one of said co-workers and told her to "stay away from my man!"
4. had a panic attack just to emphasize how important it was that he not interact with the females.
5. made him give away his cats (they were female too).
6. made him move to Houston so they could be closer to her family.

The justice, it was poetic.

Queen of Swords said:

And I'm very glad I did, because his wife made his life miserable all by herself. She

1. refused to let him go to happy hour with his co-workers.
2. told him to move his desk away from those of his female co-workers.
3. called up one of said co-workers and told her to "stay away from my man!"
4. had a panic attack just to emphasize how important it was that he not interact with the females.
5. made him give away his cats (they were female too).
6. made him move to Houston so they could be closer to her family.

The justice, it was poetic.

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Well, personally I'd dump an untrustworthy guy before I'd bother trying to control him - even if we were married. But his behavior with you certainly proves he didn't deserve an iota more trust than she gave him.

So yes, that is justice.

Kerr said:

I don't think this thread is long enough for me, so...

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I know this feeling! The laundry thing made me remember things I thought I'd forgotten. My ex and I were together for ten years when months before I left he too started complaining about how I did laundry. I told him to do his own. I just piled all his dirty clothes up in a corner of the bedroom and didn't touch them. Soon he had nothing left that was clean and started pulling dirty crap out of the pile and wearing it. Every time I saw him digging through the pile it made it that much easier to leave. The funniest thing was weeks after the clothes war he stormed out of the house after I told him where to go. He'd never driven a motorcycle before, so the bright man decides to jump on his friends and storm off. Ten minutes later he walks back in the house, weeds in his hair, dirt all over him and a bloody mess, almost in tears. He'd wrecked the thing in our parking lot doing 10 mph. I just wanted to laugh. Karma is a good thing!

Just saying, but why haven't the guys participated? Hmmm...

SpookyWriter said:

Just saying, but why haven't the guys participated? Hmmm...

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Now's your chance.....tell us your ex tales. I'm sure there must be a few good stories about women ex's out there. Not all women folk are as wonderful as us women on AW.

My ex left like all his stuff in my house when he decided he was done with me. So one day after like three months of staring at it I decided that I wasn't going to live like that anymore, surrounded by his trash. SO I gathered it all up and put it outside.

Fast forward two weeks later and he says, "Can you do me a favor?"

Ok, what the hell? You left me with two kids, lied to me for months about our relationship, and treat me like I'm nothing. No I can't do you any f*&^ing favors! But what I said was "What the hell do you want?"

He said, "I left some papers here. Some tax stuff in that drawer where you keep all the imporatant papers. Can you get it for me?"

I burst out laughing. "Pssh, I threw all that stuff out two weeks ago!"

Him: "What do you mean you threw it out? That was important!"

Me: "I'm sorry. Does it say Public Storage on my forehead? Is there a sign over my door? If it was so important you should have taken it with you!"

Him: "Yeah whatever."

I still smile about it.

joyce said:

Now's your chance.....tell us your ex tales. I'm sure there must be a few good stories about women ex's out there. Not all women folk are as wonderful as us women on AW.

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I don't have much to tell. I send my $2000 a month into the court and I'm happy.

SpookyWriter said:

I don't have much to tell. I send my $2000 a month into the court and I'm happy.

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Wow, good man to send all that money. My friends thought I was crazed. I left with a two year old and what I could fit into my car and left the rest behind. When the judge asked me what I wanted for child support I responded, nothing just my sanity. I figured if he didn't want her, why pay for her. I'd be happy to take full responsibility. I'm always impressed with people like you who stand up to the plate.

My kids, why wouldn't I take care of them. I'm helping my three kids, mother, and may have to help my dad at some point in the future. I don't have any issues with my ex-wife. Our marriage ended after eighteen years, for the best. We went out separate ways. I'm happy and I hope she is too.

ETA: My two oldest girls are in college and my son will be seventeen this year. But they need me, and I'm more than happy to help.

joyce said:

Wow, good man to send all that money. My friends thought I was crazed. I left with a two year old and what I could fit into my car and left the rest behind. When the judge asked me what I wanted for child support I responded, nothing just my sanity. I figured if he didn't want her, why pay for her. I'd be happy to take full responsibility. I'm always impressed with people like you who stand up to the plate.

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Hi Joyce, I'm not special by any straight of the imagination. I don't have horror stories of my ex-wife. She is the mother of our children. We had differences, and divorced after eighteen years of marriage.

I never harbored hard feelings toward her. She was my best friend for so many years. But sometimes even best friends have issues.

I think dads sometimes take a bad beat. There are really good dads out there who do take care of their kids after the divorce.

I just don't hear a lot of dads bashing the ex-wife in public.

SpookyWriter said:

Hi Joyce, I'm not special by any straight of the imagination. I don't have horror stories of my ex-wife. She is the mother of our children. We had differences, and divorced after eighteen years of marriage.

I never harbored hard feelings toward her. She was my best friend for so many years. But sometimes even best friends have issues.

I think dads sometimes take a bad beat. There are really good dads out there who do take care of their kids after the divorce.

I just don't hear a lot of dads bashing the ex-wife in public.

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I agree with the dads taking a bad rap sometimes. I have three friends who have been single dads for years. Each one has raised their kids alone with no female assistance. The courts don't always see it this way, but sometimes the kids are better with their father. As far as my ex.....well I guess looking back I married into the horror story. Nobody forced me. Not all exs are jerks.

joyce said:

Not all exs are jerks.

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Thank you. This goes both ways. Take care, and I'm happy to learn of your second most success.

I am a woman with a sex drive comparable to the hornier males of the species. Post-baby, I don't think I'm all that hot anymore, but pre-baby, I most definately had a knock-out figure. I started going out with a guy in high school, and four years later we were engaged, but I left him for a good number of reasons:

- he was more interested in online gaming than he was in sex with me, even when his computer died every five minutes

- He was more interested in porn than sex with me

- He refused to get a job, thus making it impossible for us to move out of his mother's house

- He didn't wash his own clothes, control his own finances, or even read his own bank statements... and when he asked to see them, his mother burst into tears.

- He'd been in college four years and changed his major five times

- He whined. A LOT.

I wish I had some really horrible stories to tell about my ex, but I don't. He did some dumb stuff, but nothing really rotten, and he's not a bad guy. Wasn't a great husband, but he's a decent person.

Actually, I should rephrase that -- he wasn't a great husband for ME, but seems to be doing a terriffic job with Wife #2, and that makes me happy for both of them.

I wanna be part of the Lousy Ex Club!! :::sobs, feels left out:::

PattiTheWicked said:

I wanna be part of the Lousy Ex Club!! :::sobs, feels left out:::

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Don't feel left out. There are enough bitter people in the world, and it's a society I choose not to become a member.

I'm not particularly bitter...actually, I'm not bitter at all. My life now is 900% better than it was when I was married. I spent a lot of years unhappy...I'm not unhappy anymore. He is though...and that's partially what makes me happy now.

This thread should bring rays of hope to all the losers out there who think they will never meet anyone. You girls have certainly proved them wrong.


Os.

kristie911 said:

I'm not particularly bitter...actually, I'm not bitter at all. My life now is 900% better than it was when I was married. I spent a lot of years unhappy...I'm not unhappy anymore. He is though...and that's partially what makes me happy now.

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I'm not bitter either. Jaycinth asks us to tell an amusing story about an ex, and if we participate, we're bitter?

I've been happily remarried almost 13 years. There's no room in my life for bitterness toward my ex, and there hasn't been for a very long time.

dpaterso said:

A particularly positive and uplifting message there, oswann.

-Derek

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There's only one Os... and we, thank the stars, have got him. God bless 'im.

No, Os, you still can't ban us all, but thanks for the thought. *tips hat*