Luke, I am your father...

You do me favor, hein? I'm no longer sure about this plot element, though it seemed frightfully clever at the time. If it's a groaner, I've got time to edit (either story or plot element). If it does actually work - I've made it enough my own to not be, "Oh, that is so Star Wars" - I'd like to know.

The run down:

Tev Nordak is a frightfully clever villain. Our Plucky Band of Misfits takes it upon themselves to kill him, so they can live happily ever after and go to the movies once in a while in peace. He's an immortal, ergo this is awful optimistic of them. Problem: how to kill an immortal? Solution: find out how he became impossible to kill.

[strike]Once upon a time, long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away...[/strike] Rewind a few millennia. Setting: Tev's home planet. Two opposing humanoid species manage to co-exist in something resembling peace. Rather like America and Russia. One species is ruled by a simple monarchy; eldest child is heir to the throne. The Gods of this planet, by long tradition, grant a boon to the newest monarch upon ascending the throne. Only the newest monarch happens to be a five year old girl who has just lost her parents to a plague. Her requested boon? Only the monarch can decide when it's time for their family to die.

Now, what would you do if you were a frightfully clever military dictator with delusions of grandeur? Why, wait for the child Queen to grow into adulthood, kidnap her and procreate. Duh! Then kill them both and live forever, as that ends the royal line and without a monarch, he doesn't die. (Short version: villians suck at devious plots so he fails to kill them. Big war. Planet go boom.)

Fast forward to present day. Sing it with me now! Our Plucky Band has found the heir to the throne and, yea verily, it's a yuppie.


So. Too Darth Vader?

Sarpedon said:

No, instead of being a plot twist, like it was in Star Wars, it seems to be a major plot point here, just so long as it isn't suddenly dropped on him, in a 'NOOOOO!' moment.

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It's pretty much the entire story, so yeah. Debating whether the heir needs to know at all during the course of the book. Just the Plucky Band could know, and the heir finds out in the denoument. Or something, I dunno.

More problematic are the technicalities; obviously, in this set up, you have a situation where upon the death of the monarch, the heir is not considered to automatically become monarch, but some sort of coronation ritual is required?

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Yes. Rather like we have a President-Elect until he has been sworn in, only then does he become the President. An heir is just the heir presumptive with signatory power until they are sworn in (coronated), not until then do they become the reigning monarch.

I mean, if the gods are so interested in this ruling family that they grant each one a boon, why don't they do anything about this? Instead they let the throne languish, even though it is within their power (presumably) to identify the heir and restore the monarchy. I'd say thats your huge plot hole.

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The Gods are the closest I have to a deax ex machina, I think. (Deas? Can never spell that phrase right.) They're very peripheral players, because I didn't give them the usual accompaniment of god-like powers. I imagine them more as sleepy devas; able to do most anything they would like but tied to one area (that planet, which went boom). They aren't all-powerful and they aren't omniscient. That's all I have on them right now, I won't be developing them further unless I find I need them more than I'm anticipating.

You establish the fact of divine intervention, but then it doesn't happen when any reasonable deity would make it happen, non?

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The intervention (no fair of me to not explain this earlier, sorry) was traditionally not personal, and only happened once in a lifetime. The five year old's choice of boon was shockingly unexpected. More common was to request good harvests during that monarch's reign, or a hundred years of peace in the realm - you know, taking-care-of-one's-subjects type requests. She was a little girl though. She made a bad choice.

This gives me so much backstory. I'm wondering if I need to trash the benevolent-gods/sad-little-girl angle in favor of making the gods mindlessly stupid and having the lifetime boon be a sort of unpredictable Monkey's Paw.

Villain fails to kill her but is the father of her child and therefore family.

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He's not related to her by blood or legal means; he's the relative of a relative, not family.