Poetic v. factual

[RedScylla]

Do you ever run aground on phrases that you like, but that aren't factually true?

Example: in my WIP, I've got someone passing a letter through a slot in a door. Technically, the slot is a rectangle, but I use the phrase "square of daylight," to describe what it looks like to the character in the dark room, passing the secret letter to the outside world. "Rectangle of daylight," although more true, just doesn't feel right.

What's your poetic v. factual struggle? How do you decide?

[Elladog]

It would bother me a bit, as a reader. Maybe I'm too literal, but when I read that, I would be picturing a square, and wondering how they keep squirrels and stuff from climbing through their mail slot.
What about "slash of light"? Or "slit of light"?

[DeleyanLee]

My guideline: Never sacrifice clarity for pretty in a sentence. Pretty is never worth the risk of confusing the reader for even that once sentence.

[Scribhneoir]

Do you ever run aground on phrases that you like, but that aren't factually true?


Yep. One of my pet peeves regarding this very issue is the opening paragraph from Raymond Chandler's story "Red Wind." Here it is:

"There was a desert wind blowing that night. It was one of those hot dry Santa Anas that come down through the mountain passes and curl your hair and make your nerves jump and your skin itch. On nights like that every booze party ends in a fight. Meek little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husbands' necks. Anything can happen. You can even get a full glass of beer at a cocktail lounge."

This is often held up as an example of superb description. And it is superb except for one teensy little fact -- no hair curling is going on during a Santa Ana. Nerves jump? Absolutely. (Fire danger, dontcha know.) Skin itch? Oh my god, yes. (I oughta buy stock in Aveeno) But curl your hair? Not a chance. Not with single digit humidity. Even my extremely curly hair goes straight when the Santa Anas blow. This one little twisting of the facts makes for a terrific, poetic sentence, but it's wrong and I'm immediately put off.

There's always a way to get the feeling you want while sticking to facts. You might have to work harder, but it's worth it in the end. Why take the chance of irritating your readers over something so easily remedied?

[Danger Jane]

Scribhneoir is right. There's always a way to combine clarity with poeticalness (FF says it's a word), if you work hard enough.

It's a letter-slot, right? So why not call it a slot or slit of daylight? Slots are by nature rectangular, I think.

[Stew21]

Scribhneoir is right. There's always a way to combine clarity with poeticalness (FF says it's a word), if you work hard enough.

It's a letter-slot, right? So why not call it a slot or slit of daylight? Slots are by nature rectangular, I think.


I agree. slit of daylight is better than square - I imagine the light coming through the doggy-door with a square of light.

I try not to sacrifice clarity - one of the biggest marks of a good book is that it feels real and true - don't jeopardize it on poetics.

[maestrowork]

I'd go with "a slit/sliver of daylight" or "a thin daylight."

[Pup]

I wonder if some people process words more literally than others? The poetic sort of phrases don't bother me. A square of daylight combined with a letter slot just means, to me, it has four right-angled corners; I know exactly what the author's talking about.

I read the wind that curls your hair as invoking the slang expression "it'll curl your hair," meaning it'll upset you, startle you, affect you. Though I guess if that's not an expression a reader's familiar with, the reader might be more apt to try to take the phrase literally. And yet even so, I guess it doesn't trip up readers that the other parts of the description aren't to be taken literally? That there might be one party that doesn't end in a fight, for instance?

Still, since there are readers who do take things literally and get hung up on poetic phrases, I'll go along with the crowd and say that you might as well cater to them, if it's at all possible to find a literally accurate expression that's equally good.

[maestrowork]

Poetic prose, in the context of a story, still has to convey the right imageries. "Square" has a specific meaning. When people think of a mail slot, they think slit or rectangle. The same goes with mixed metaphors -- you'd think well, as long as the metaphors fit, but many people are hung up on mixed metaphors. Basically, since you're already over-describing something ("a ____ of daylight" instead of "the mail slot"), you don't want to risk yanking your readers further out of the story.

[RedScylla]

I'll have to keep working...slot has been used up in getting to that point, and I hate it when words are repeated too often in a paragraph. And I find slit an icky word that only describes things like a knife wound tacky with blood. (Am I alone in finding that icky?)

Sliver or gap might work...

[windyrdg]

Slit has always had a different connotation for me, but then maybe I have a dirty mind. Regardless, I wouldn't use it.

[sheadakota]

I'll have to keep working...slot has been used up in getting to that point, and I hate it when words are repeated too often in a paragraph. And I find slit an icky word that only describes things like a knife wound tacky with blood. (Am I alone in finding that icky?)

Sliver or gap might work...

What about slice of daylight?

[bsolah]

To be honest, I like it when it's not quite literal. Curl your hair, is a metaphor. I know it's probably not true but I know what the writer is getting at and I like it.

[Danger Jane]

Yea I probably wouldn't use slit either, at least in that context, but I figured I'd throw it in there...thought it was just my dirty teenage mind :tongue

Anyway, even if you feel like you're overusing the word "slot", there are tons of other ways to say what you want without using the wrong word. Because, well, say square and I picture a dog-door, too.

[writemywrong]

My guideline: Never sacrifice clarity for pretty in a sentence. Pretty is never worth the risk of confusing the reader for even that once sentence.

Normally I agree... but some not only get away with it, but by sacrificing clarity for pretty, actually prove their superior talents. The person I have in mind is Alex Garland, in The Tesseract.
It's only one example though.

[Priene]

Normally I agree... but some not only get away with it, but by sacrificing clarity for pretty, actually prove their superior talents. The person I have in mind is Alex Garland, in The Tesseract.
It's only one example though.

James Joyce, IMO the most gifted writer there ever was, took pretty over clarity every time. Finnegans Wake is completely incomprehensible but still monstrously beautiful.


I've got someone passing a letter through a slot in a door. Technically, the slot is a rectangle, but I use the phrase "square of daylight," to describe what it looks like to the character in the dark room, passing the secret letter to the outside world. "Rectangle of daylight,"


The trick is using pretty to best effect. If the letter coming through the letterbox is the one that liberates the MC and brings the book to a climax, you can describe that wooden rectangle for three paragraphs or even pages.

If it's just there as background, letterbox will probably do.

[DeleyanLee]

Normally I agree... but some not only get away with it, but by sacrificing clarity for pretty, actually prove their superior talents. The person I have in mind is Alex Garland, in The Tesseract.
It's only one example though.

I'm not familiar with that author or work, but if you can get pretty AND clear, then you're golden--go for it. But if it's a choice between the two, then it's not really a choice to me.

[PastMidnight]

I'm not one for 'slit' either. 'Slash of daylight'?

I don't know, if I am caught up enough in a poetic description, I may not get snagged on a factual error. It's easy to be tripped up by 'square of light' when reading it out of context, but it might flow quite nicely within the paragraph, especially if the rectangular shape of the mail slot has already been established.

[RedScylla]

This is all good stuff--I'm enjoying the various perspectives on this.

(And yes, it's an important letterbox--I wouldn't waste a poetic image on it if it weren't. I'm not a very poetic person usually, but this letter slot is a big deal. :))

[Hopcus]

I personally like your original sentence; it sounds more unique and less 'done' but it looks like I'm in the minority.

[vrabinec]

God, I love poetic lines. I end up discarding a lot of them when I edit, but I give it my best shot to make it vivid and enjoyable for the reader. But, yeah, if it's an either/or, go with what's precise. I don't know the contex here, but a mail slot doesn't seem to be something I'd want the reader spending too much time mulling over (unless it's the gate to hell or something like that).

[Eldritch]

I vote for no square and no slit.
If you don't already have one, go out and buy a thesaurus. Keep it handy when you're writing.

[RedScylla]

Thanks, but the lack of words isn't the problem. It's trying to choose one...:)