That First Line

"Oh God, Oh God, it's her!"

Bennie Camomescro knew she was in big shit but she didn’t care.

whos there


haha, it's a Hamlet rewrite.

I never liked rainstorms.

Yeah, I'm not sure why I made that the first line.

I think there's a thread about this already. And no, that's not my opening line. The opening line of the book I'm currently working on is:

I love him beyond reason, and that is the problem.

I started stealing from my clients by accident.

I haven't got a novel-length WIP at the moment, but I'm thinking my upcoming nano-novel will start like this.

"Can't you just go quietly this time," [MC's friend] asked, "I mean, do you have to quit every job with all guns blazing?"

The three moons were shrouded, and murder slipped through the gloom to fall upon the unawares.

I was in a bad mood that day; what can I say?

"In one of the numerless cream-colored corridors of power at the presidential palace, it was hung all the men that ruled the fatherland before Inocencio"

Clarence Lum rode the short bus to school every day.

The wind strained tears from Pedro’s eyes, whipping them into the swiftly passing night.

Here's the rest of the first paragraph to give a little context:
He shifted his weight, catlike, compensating for the jerking motion of the train beneath his feet. His heartbeat matched the steady clacking of the wheels on the tracks. Even though he was two years younger than his brother Rodrigo, Pedro knew he knew he had the advantage. God had delivered his brother into his hands and now he would slay him.

A bullet shattered the window and splintered a crock containing the last of Hannah’s precious milk.

[FONT=&quot]Samantha woke with a start as the telephone rang on her bedside table.



Elodie [/FONT]

"You're hunting."

(That's not my current WIP, but I already posted the first line from that in another thread.)

Now, quick! Turn this thread into a discussion about first lines, before some overze--I mean, respectable and fast-thinking mod ports this thread to the desert that is Writing Prompts & Games...

I started this particular novel with a line of dialogue. With no tag! Gasp! That's against the "rules". But I think sometimes, it works.

From here on, maybe we could post our first lines along with an explanation of why we think it works (or doesn't). Explain what the payoff will be for the reader to stay with the story, and why your first line hints at that payoff. What say ye?

I think this works because it poses questions. Who's hunting? Hunting what? And, hopefully, it hints that something's going to happen really soon (which, indeed, it does).

Skyler Moore knew God created men with both a brain and a penis.


I always think first lines are the hardest. I always think it's a barometer for whether a person will keep reading or not.

"Come on, Seth. What is the point of having a friend in the cattle business if you don't ever hook me up?" I nudged him with my elbow, and smirked.

Following SWVaughn's (excellent) advice I would like to say that the pay off for the reader is that though the first 200 words or so are centered around Jack begging Seth for another "cattle", it soon becomes obvious that they are vampires, and the 'dociles' are humans. I did try to make the first bit ambiguous.
This is from my Remorseless short story. It is my first for a lot of things. First short story, first attempt to write in first person, first story about vampires. I'm kind of diggin' it.

When she first heard the noises, she was frightened.

That's from my WIP.

My first line from my first novel is:

"Take it," Najib said in Dari, his native language. He pressed the slip of paper into his cousin's hand, wrapping it in his own.


It's cool to see how many of us have really, really good first lines. Just reading this thread is inspirational. I want to read everybody's work now! I'd better be careful or I'll end up being a beta reader and not a writer!

It was a bright, sunny day and there wasn’t a sound that didn’t fill the air.

And with that line only, none of you will ever guess what the book is about. Ha hah haha ha ha!

Daniel knelt on the hard, dusty floor of the shrine.

I was the only survivor.

[FONT=&quot]The very first line is simple... 'It was an odd looking relic.' so I kinda cheated and gave you the following line as well..

It was an odd looking relic. Tucked away in a corner, hidden from the other treasures, the white fabric wrapping was smudged with dirt and grime.[/FONT]

Mine is less than thrilling:

Xeras had the brining barrel between his knees and positioned the bung over the hole on the top.

New WIP, new thread. I can live with that. My line (subject to change):

“What is that mark, Nora?”

For me, I like first lines that are short, convey a lot of information, and leave a lot of questions hanging. Also, the "mark" ties into the end of the first chapter and it will tie into... mmm, probably the pivotal point in the narrative. We'll see when I get there.

This is taken from a WIP that's around three-quarters done.

Antoine De Rochefort, Detective chief inspector of the Paris Police force, came slowly walking out of the imposing doors of the Ministèrie de l’Interieur.