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View Full Version : OMG... I figured out how we can do this. OUT-PA PA!


dclary
08-22-2007, 03:18 AM
Why the hell hasn't anyone thought of this before?


Ok, here's the scam, er, plan.

Ok, we have to find two people who have their books ready to publish. Then each person creates a publishing imprint ("Joe's Publishing" and "Nancy Jones Press" etc). Then, each person queries the other, who then accepts for publication each other's work.

Now, person A agrees to pay an advance of EXACTLY how much it would cost person B to self-publish person A's book. At the same time, person B agrees to pay an advance of exactly how much it would cost person A to self-publish person Bs book!

NOW... Both sides publish each other's book, and you BOTH can look people in the eye and say truthfully "I did not vanity press this book. It was bought by a publisher, and I was paid a fair sum for it!"

SpookyWriter
08-22-2007, 03:23 AM
Try it out and report back later with your success.

zahra
08-22-2007, 03:29 AM
Why, that's so crazy - it might just work!

Esopha
08-22-2007, 03:42 AM
Dclary is an evil genius.

dclary
08-22-2007, 03:53 AM
No, here's where the evil genius plan comes in.


I set up a publising company. Absolute Press Extraordinaire (Simone, Heliotrope, Icarus, Tactarus) or some such.

I then recruit both *investors* and *authors.*

The thing is.. each author is an investor in another person's book.

So in essence, I create a middle-man venture to help drive the scam, and add legitimacy, since there will be multiple books published in this way.

And again, everyone who gets published this way can say with 100% honesty that they were not vanity pressed, or self-published. They submitted a work to a publishing company. That company bought and published the book, and the author was paid for it, and will continue to get royalties on sales.

THAT'S evil genius.

Soccer Mom
08-22-2007, 04:46 AM
Genius! I'm in. I suggest calling it Tantalus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tantalus).

After the character in Greek mythology. He was punished by the gods by having his desires remain just out of reach at all times, yet very, very close.

dclary
08-22-2007, 04:52 AM
Ooh, that's who I meant for the T in the publisher's name anyway. Nice!

KTC
08-22-2007, 04:53 AM
This is reminding me way too much of the Chocolate and Peanut Butter fiasco. Though, in truth...how much of a fiasco was it? Really? Sure, some high falooting accident caused the calamity of the one person getting chocolate in the other person's peanut butter. But I do believe it's been love ever since? I could be wrong. Am I imagining things? Is the above scenario anything like the chocolate in the peanut butter fiasco?

On another note: Who put the lime in the coconut?

Soccer Mom
08-22-2007, 04:55 AM
and drank it all up.


This scheme is just crazy enough to make us all rich.

Muaahahahaha!

KTC
08-22-2007, 04:56 AM
Shut up, Soccer Mom, and send me your book already!

Soccer Mom
08-22-2007, 05:04 AM
Only if you're ready to "invest"

Dear super new publisher,

I've written a magnificent work of staggering heartbreak. It's a real coming- of -age saga, but with a literary twist. The characters are all mute and there is no dialogue. It's all real internal angsty stuff. For your reading pleasure, I submit my 733,000 word manifesto: MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU.

Okay, send me your opus and my contract.

Danger Jane
08-22-2007, 05:18 AM
Dear awesome publisher,

great american novel encolsoed

kthxbai4urtime,

genius

dclary
08-22-2007, 05:21 AM
Dear potential investor/author.

We may be some dumb... but we ain't plumb dumb. Here's a link (http://publishamerica.com/)to our sister venture. Perhaps they can find a place for your epic.

Christine N.
08-22-2007, 05:31 AM
Just call it Tartarus instead.

Because it would be just.like.hell.

Danger Jane
08-22-2007, 05:50 AM
that's where tantalus went, though!!

Christine N.
08-22-2007, 06:19 AM
Damn, I had a wiki article linked to that. Where'd it go!

astonwest
08-22-2007, 06:38 AM
Except you'd really need to have about 100 people total (10 different publishing companies which would publish 10 authors each) so that it wouldn't be immediately obvious to the casual observer that they'd been involved in what amounts to a co-op publishing venture.

At that point, you may just as well self-publish yourself, because the logistics would be a nightmare.
Why the hell hasn't anyone thought of this before?


Ok, here's the scam, er, plan.

Ok, we have to find two people who have their books ready to publish. Then each person creates a publishing imprint ("Joe's Publishing" and "Nancy Jones Press" etc). Then, each person queries the other, who then accepts for publication each other's work.

Now, person A agrees to pay an advance of EXACTLY how much it would cost person B to self-publish person A's book. At the same time, person B agrees to pay an advance of exactly how much it would cost person A to self-publish person Bs book!

NOW... Both sides publish each other's book, and you BOTH can look people in the eye and say truthfully "I did not vanity press this book. It was bought by a publisher, and I was paid a fair sum for it!"

mscelina
08-22-2007, 07:34 AM
I'd agree to do it, but you guys would just send me a form rejection with my name misspelled. :D

Williebee
08-22-2007, 07:49 AM
OK, sounds like a great plan. And I'll be happy to sign on to handle marketing/advertising the booklist... for a small by not insignificant fee.

(Hey look! I can write really large numbers in a reaally small font)

Soccer Mom
08-22-2007, 08:17 AM
I'd agree to do it, but you guys would just send me a form rejection with my name misspelled. :D

No I wouldn't, Selena. Honest! I'm much more caerfull than that.

ALLWritety
08-22-2007, 12:29 PM
Way cool this is awesome. It is so crazy that it really might work. Do we AW discounts?

Kevvers

BenPanced
08-22-2007, 06:36 PM
BWAH! "Discounts", he sez...

Jaycinth
08-22-2007, 07:16 PM
Except you'd really need to have about 100 people total (10 different publishing companies which would publish 10 authors each) so that it wouldn't be immediately obvious to the casual observer that they'd been involved in what amounts to a co-op publishing venture.

At that point, you may just as well self-publish yourself, because the logistics would be a nightmare.

Not at all. You just hire a good manager. Someone who can deal with finances and tax laws.

I'll forward my resume.

MidnightMuse
08-22-2007, 08:12 PM
What about our return policy? Can we send them back to each other if they don't sell?

BenPanced
08-22-2007, 08:20 PM
Discounts? Returns?! :roll: You guys are KILLIN' ME over here! :ROFL:

dahmnait
08-22-2007, 08:27 PM
Not at all. You just hire a good manager. Someone who can deal with finances and tax laws.

I'll forward my resume.
You'll also need someone to document those procedures and handle all your business writing. (So you can focus on those manuscripts.)

My card...

Soccer Mom
08-22-2007, 09:43 PM
And of course you need a vicious attorney to rep you against dissatisfied customers. Not that there would be any, of course unless they were nutso cuckoo.


my card...

BenPanced
08-22-2007, 09:47 PM
And of course, you need somebody to update the database on a daily basis...wow...that was a mess...to make sure the cadre of "editors" have reached quota and prepared the current batch of manuscripts for printing. This same person can also send out nasty tone letters friendly reminders about company policy whenever somebody gets snippy and calls us on our BS inadvertantly oversteps their boundariers and makes stoopid improper requests for services we don't can't offer.

My card byotches...

sassandgroove
08-23-2007, 12:44 AM
um....huh?

III
08-23-2007, 12:49 AM
And of course Dave holds all the cash while the transactions are processed, right? We just wire-transfer to his Swiss bank account?

Sounds good to me!

dclary
08-23-2007, 12:50 AM
And of course Dave holds all the cash while the transactions are processed, right? We just wire-transfer to his Swiss bank account?

Sounds good to me!

I recently received word that a high-placed official in the Nigerian government will be wiring me 9,000,000.32 in exchange for helping him extract funds from his war-torn nation.

III
08-23-2007, 12:52 AM
I recently received word that a high-placed official in the Nigerian government will be wiring me 9,000,000.32 in exchange for helping him extract funds from his war-torn nation.

That's just a scam to get you to send them pictures of yourself in your underpants. You haven't faxed them the pictures yet have you? It might damage the reputation of Deek's Tighty Whitey Publishing.

dclary
08-23-2007, 12:54 AM
Discounts? Returns?! :roll: You guys are KILLIN' ME over here! :ROFL:

I vote Ben our CFO. Wonderful fiscal sense.

Esopha
08-23-2007, 12:56 AM
I demand the right to be annoying posterchild.

BenPanced
08-23-2007, 12:58 AM
I vote Ben our CFO. Wonderful fiscal sense.
CREDIT CARDS ONLY!

MidnightMuse
08-23-2007, 01:00 AM
http://www.mustangmods.com/data/10900/brilliant.jpg

ALLWritety
08-23-2007, 02:20 AM
Do we get T-Shirts?
I want T-Shirts!

XL - blue please!!!

Kevvers

astonwest
08-23-2007, 03:26 AM
No, we'd send you a personalized rejection with your name misspelled.
I'd agree to do it, but you guys would just send me a form rejection with my name misspelled. :D