Orchestration/Action

[Gala]

Hi y'all.

I want to beef up orchestration/action writing skills. By orchestration I mean moving people and things through space. This can overlap with body language.

I'd cherish your favorite tips or tricks, resources, examples, exercises, authors--whatever.

For me this is like going back to the most basic scale and arm exercises in violin practice; sometimes I just have to, to bone up skill in playing the current concert. No shame in that, eh? I mention this to say I know how to write orchestration, but it's a weak area and the lonely writer reaches out for excellence.

Gracias.

<img border=0 src="http://www.ezboard.com/image/posticons/pi_geek.gif" />

[HConn]

Did you take Pam Goodfellow's class?

[Gala]

No, don't know who that is.

Let's stay on topic. It's a goodie.

[Writing Again]

I'm not entirely clear what you mean.

Moving a character through space could mean everything from them opening the door, walking to the couch, sitting on the couch; the detailed mechanics of which a good writer largely ignores: to my last logistics problem of getting the kidnappers to be at the right place so the victim can escape where I need her to be later in the novel.

[Writing Again]

Could also mean transitions.

Explain more clearly, please.

[HConn]

Ms. Goodfellow is the only person I've ever heard use "orchestration" that way. That's why I asked.

Good luck with your topic.

[Gala]

(damn ezboard ate my post just now but Ha! I'd copied and here it is...edited because the paste screwed the html.)

Perhaps action is a better word. (I play in orchestras and get that word on the brain.)

To use your words,<blockquote><strong><em>Quote:</em></strong><hr>the door, walking to the couch, sitting on the couch<hr></blockquote>

also driving a car, crashing a car, running a race.

The question came about as I'm cleaning my wop of what I consider oft use of "turn". Turned and looked, turned the key, turned away. Yeah I know, if that's what the char did, why complicate matters. I've replaced some "turn"s with other verbs. I'm feeling terribly self-conscious, aware of when my chars are moving. I try to avoid gerunds, ings, stood up sat down and my brain is in a strain.

I'm reviewing sequences of action writing I have on my shelf. Big help.

But as always the collective wisdom is greater than mine alone. And what better resource than and internet of writers?

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[Lori Basiewicz]

Well, I try to incorporate it into whatever else is going on. And you don't have to describe every little movement.

For example:

Cassandra had cried herself into a restless slumber. She sat up suddenly and reached for the hilt of the Kyan as she looked around the room to try to ascertain the sense of panic and urgency that had woke her. Her room was still lit by the lamp she had left on when she’d fallen asleep. Outside her curtained doorway the faint sounds of muffled conversations drifted to her from elsewhere in the RG, but otherwise it was quiet. It must be night. She had probably missed dinner, but she was not hungry.

The crying had exhausted her. She scrubbed at her face with the heel of her hand as she uncurled her body from the cot and slid her blade into its sheath.

A pitcher of water stood on the stand next to the desk. She splashed some into the bowl and lowered her face over it. It cooled her cheeks and made them feel less stiff.

Again the sense of urgency pounded against her senses. With a gasp, she realized her presence on the network was still inverted. Quickly, she released the restrictions that gave her a measure of privacy. Her physical self took a step backwards as she was assailed by her son’s panic.

[Writing Again]

As near as I can tell Hconn's posts are always on topic and worthy contributions: Which is more than I can say for my own as I have rambling mind and an uncontrollable sense of the ridiculous.


The most important thing to remember about the mechanics of action is that the brain works both holistically and automatically.

A trained driver stops the car at the stop light: is unaware of taking their right foot off the gas; depressing the clutch with their left foot; moving the right foot to the brake and depressing the brake: And probably does not remember having done any of those things; yet the car stopped. Nor is the driver aware that they turned their head when they saw the fast food drive through down the street and remembered being hungry.

So how do you write this?

When Joe stopped for the signal he noticed the golden arches. A hamburger sounded good.

Some beginning writers get so tied up with action, and often with verbs that their writing looks like this.

Joe twisted the door knob with his right hand, yanking the door out of his way. He strolled leisurely across the room, then bent casually over the bassinet, admiring the baby.

A practiced writer says:

As soon as Joe arrived home he checked on the baby.

The reader will fill in all the blanks holistically and subconsciously, just as they do with their own daily activities.

[maestrowork]

The reader will fill in all the blanks holistically and subconsciously, just as they do with their own daily activities.

Exactly. Don't describe every single action or movement. Choose the right ones that are significant for your scenes, and let your readers fill in the blanks. Also, as Lori said, incorporate the action in your scene, mixing with dialogue, thoughts, settings, etc. to create a FULL experience for your scene. It's a literary equivalent of staging a movie scene -- you don't just choreograph your actors on a blank screen. There are props, dialogues, sets, special effects, etc. going on at the same time... use the five senses.

If you can, take an acting lesson. You'd be amazed how much you'd learn about movements, and paying attention to the important ones instead of every single one.


Along the bank lay a trail of rocks. Kai followed them until he came to a large boulder the shape of a sleeping man. He called it the Happy Buddha. Behind it he found the hidden path, the one that would lead him to his sanctuary.

He followed the footpath into the deep woods until he reached a grand oak tree, possibly a thousand years old and thick as an elephant’s torso. On the side of the tree away from the river, a large hollow greeted him. He hunched over and entered. He found the wooden steps nailed on the inside of the tree trunk, spider webs and husks of insects sprawled everywhere. He cleared the webs, then climbed and came out of a smaller hole about twenty feet above ground. Between the branches and foliage he stepped into a tree house, the one he built two summers ago with ropes made of vines and planks of oak and camphor. A small space no bigger than a prison cell. But it belonged to him. All his.

[mr mistook]

Joe twisted the door knob with his right hand, yanking the door out of his way. He strolled leisurely across the room, then bent casually over the bassinet, admiring the baby.

A lot of my writing looks like that. I'm glad for the advice I've seen out here so far that says, in so many words, that the novel is not the movie. I take the advice as a releif! Play by Play orchestration is the proverbial pain in the arse!

I would assume that the exception is when physical movement is critical. If you're writing a scene about a dancer on the stage, and the intent is to portray the grace of movement, then saying "She danced beautifully through the whole performance" is a cheat and a half to the reader.

If you have a fantastical super-hero who's all about swooping in to save the day at the penultimate moment, then I'd think succinct orchestration is called for.

[Gala]

Awesome replies! Thanks.

I found an example of what I was looking for today on page 107 of Brimstone by Preston and Childs. Cooincidentally I also have a scene where someone dies alone. In that sitution the char is highly aware of movement and sensation, but each act must promote the climax without bumping the reader.

Normally I won't say "she walked down the hall, turned on the light" etc. but when a person is dying, struggling to do so, it becomes important. The action in Brimstone would be silly were it not for the fact the character was approaching death.

Preston and Childs books are much lilke watching a movie, in my experience. A bit over the top in action, but worth a look if you're interested such genre.

[preyer]

walking down the hall and flicking off the lightswitch may very well not be worth mentioning, but how about everyday actions done on unfamiliar machinery? how much should you assume the reader should know about ironing clothes in 1850? if she's standing there daydreaming through her chores about hank, the hired hand, yet she's just going through the motions, do you describe those motions? do you describe uncommon utensils? if your sci-fi guy says, 'hand me that hydro-spanner,' do you bother with description or let the reader's imagination pick-up on the fact it's hand held and spans hydros?

grand action scenes just suck for me, all that choreography. it's the little details that get me. personally, i've never been riding a fire engine on its side while careening through the snow towards the cliff, so i'm a little light on details and practical experience there. it's figuring out those little action clips they show in movie close-ups where the tree branch snags the fuel line and sets up the explosion that tax my imagination. i know that's not what you meant, but that's what i was hoping for, so i said it anyway, heh heh.

[SRHowen]

I think what's being looked for is "cinematic." Writing can be cinematic without describing every small action.

If it's something most every one has done in their life, then why tell the reader in painful detail about it. But if it is something most have never done--hence the fire truck on its side, then tell the reader the details.

You can fudge in some ways--like mounting a horse. Which side do most people mount on? Well, have your character be an odd ball whose horse is trained to let him mount on the non-typical side. Then you have a reason to point out the difference.

Shawn

[dannyne330]

Another tip:

Use short, crisp sentences to describe action. It increases the urgency, escalates the suspense. All action scenes should incorporate suspense, no matter the genre of the novel.


This not only means use as few words as possible in each action-filled sentence, but as few syllables as well.


Also, as some others have mentioned, you want to avoid "-ing" words, "-ly" words, and the words "as" and "while." (At least for describing action, or choreographed scenes)

These words make it all to apparent to the readers that someone is indeed telling them the story, as opposed to them actually living through it; which is what you want.

Example-

WRONG: While walking to the door, Tom thought something seemed wrong. As he turned the knob, he stopped suddenly, realizing he shouldn't go in.

RIGHT: Tom walked to the door. He put his hand on the knob, then froze. Something wasn't right.

^ not literature, but you get the idea.^

Cheers!

PS- You don't want a 3rd person narration to use the word "something," as I just did in the example. Concise and clear is the way to go.

[preyer]

that's pretty much what i go for in action scenes, short and to the point. that's not the time to go into a flowery soliloquy. it's either good or bad depending on who you ask, but i use kind of cartoony balloon words sometimes just so i'm not saying the same thing over and over, depending on if it's a cheesy action thing or an epic fantasy.

you're right, no need to describe putting the foot in the stirrups, grabbing the pommel, lifting yourself up, blah blah blah.

and this is why i'm a hypocrite: the last book i wrote had the hero in a '41 roadmaster with a stickshift. during the chase, for whatever reason, i felt i wanted the reader to know that he 'jammed his foot onto the clutch and ground into fourth gear,' or whatever. was there a need for it? probably not, other than to give the character a sense of urgency by his actions. i'm not sure if that's effective or not. it's in action where i start to seriously consider my verb choices. not being a fan of adverbs overmuch, i'm constantly on the lookout for good words. i can't read a bloomin' book without a notepad next to me just to record stolen words.

[Gala]

Thanks guys.

No worries--I avoid gerundial phrases and ly adverbs to the point of pain. Chop chop.

I wanted to refine my idea of how much body language and action (people and objects) to include. I've analyzed that death and murder scenes, for example, may require more of what's considered mundane action than every day life does.

If Bobby is has been shot and is able to reach for the light switch, reader is intrigued.

But if he's healthy and walks into the kitchen after dinner and reaches for the light switch, reader is bored.

"This discussion is helpful. Thanks again." Gala clicked off.

[Gala]

Good reminder. I do tend to go on, or say the same thing three (as opposed to a coupla) ways in a row.
:nerd

Use short, crisp sentences to describe action. It increases the urgency, escalates the suspense. All action scenes should incorporate suspense, no matter the genre of the novel.

Danny also mentioned choosing words with few syllables.