Need input on query letter for novel...

Mods, please move this if I've posted it in the wrong place.

I'd appreciate it if y'all would take a look at the query letter I wrote for my novel (the second novel I've written). I've sent the query out to 30 or so agents, and I haven't received even one response that hasn't been a flat-out form rejection.

Basically, I'm in need of perspective. I'm too close to this and need objective opinions. I'm wondering if perhaps my novel isn't one that most people would find interesting or if my query letter is dull and needs more "grab" power. Or... ?

Any and all thoughts are welcome.

And before anyone asks: (1) I've never been published before (hence the lack of publishing credits in my query), and (2) Yup, I'm already at work developing my next novel.

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Dear (agent's name):

I’d like to submit my novel Half Sick of Shadows for your consideration. It’s women's fiction and is around 80,000 words in length.

Aphra Porter, a website designer and aspiring novelist, gets romantically involved with Isaac Lightfoot, the critically acclaimed author and war hero whom she has idolized since girlhood, only to battle hostility from his son, his mother, and his ex-wife. Aphra also receives pressure from her mother and her sister to choose what they see, regardless of career aspirations, as a woman’s highest calling: that of motherhood in an intact, nuclear family. Though parenthood doesn’t appeal to Aphra, she envies the bond Isaac shares with his ex-wife. Aphra’s envy eclipses her reason and ultimately blots out her knowledge of Isaac’s love for her. Before they can move forward together, Aphra and Isaac must connect on a level that’s all their own and by doing so, dispel the shadows of the past.

The novel has particular relevance to today’s women, increasing numbers of whom, in light of high divorce rates and subsequent remarriages, have become second wives or are otherwise members of stepfamilies. It also speaks to women who are making the choice to postpone traditional motherhood or to forego it altogether. Aphra, like many women, must find sufficient courage to free herself from One-Size-Fits-All expectations which have been thrust upon her by her family and by society so that she might find her unique path through life.

I am, myself, a second wife and stepmom and reside with my husband in (Town), (State). In 1991, I earned a B.A. Degree, with honors, in English from (University). For twelve years, I’ve worked as an analyst at my alma mater. A classical pianist and science enthusiast, I enjoy various computer-related activities, including website design.

Might I interest you in a synopsis of the story, or sample chapters? My completed manuscript is also available on request.

I can be reached at (email address) or at (phone number). Thank you for your time and assistance.

Sincerely,

Pellegrina Leoni

This is a good query and I feel it can be made better...

First of all, your paragaraph that summarizes the plot is very well written, but a bit long for a query letter. Remember that your query should fit on a single sheet (it's okay to use 11pt type in the query). Nevertheless I'd trim the summary slightly.

The next paragraph where you describe the book is excellent.

A couple of other comments:

>>It’s women's fiction and is around 80,000 words in length.<<

I'd recommend:
"The novel is contemporary women's fiction. Length is 78,000 words."

I'd add 'contemporary' to separate it from historical novels. And just round off the length to the lower thousand of its actual length.

>>I am, myself, a second wife and stepmom and reside with my husband in (Town), (State).<<

I'd delete that sentence. I write crime fiction but I'm not a private eye. A good writer will know how to create meaningful fiction even if not personally experienced. And they will see your address from the closing.

The remainder of the personal info is good, where you tell them about your other interests.

And of course, remember to include a SASE and mention that in the closing, where you put your email & phone. Or you can move the email & phone to the bottom:

Sincerely,
(signature)

name
address
phone
email

One more item. If you don't actually have the agent's name, do NOT say "Dear Sir/Madam". Instead, just put the agency address and omit the salutation completely:

Wilson and Associates Literary
8543 Wilshire Blvd.
Los Angeles CA 90909

I have written a...

On another matter, what are your favorite piano sonatas or other pieces?

I'm especially fond myself of Mozart sonatas, as well as Chopin and Debussy.

And I'll recommend a very good CD. It's "Favourite Mozart" by Vladimir Ashkenazy. It's a 2-CD set, a real bargain, and contains the best reading of Concerto 21 I've ever heard.

Thanks so much, katdad, for your kind words and for your input! You've been most helpful.

And oops, in my initial post, I forgot to say: that was my email query. My snail mail query is the same, except that at the end, it says, "enclosed is a SASE for your response."

Thanks for the CD recommendation! I love Mozart. And on favorite piano pieces - hee hee! - I could write a book! I love Bach's Goldberg Variations, and anything by Rachmaninoff (his Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini and his Concerto No. 2 are particularly delicious). Beethoven and Scarlatti wrote beautiful sonatas, and I love piano works by Chopin, Debussy, and Brahms as well.

Overall I think it's a good query. I do have a couple of suggestions.

<blockquote><strong><em>Quote:</em></strong><hr>I’d like to submit my novel Half Sick of Shadows for your consideration. It’s women's fiction and is around 80,000 words in length.<hr></blockquote>

I don't like the title and though publishers often change titles anyway, something about the title you've chosen puts me off. I like the word "shadows" in the title and you tied it in to the story later. But the "half sick" part doesn't seem to fit and sounds awkward to me. This may be a purely subjective thing on my part.

<blockquote><strong><em>Quote:</em></strong><hr>Aphra Porter, a website designer and aspiring novelist, gets romantically involved with Isaac Lightfoot, the critically acclaimed author and war hero whom she has idolized since girlhood, only to battle hostility from his son, his mother, and his ex-wife. Aphra also receives pressure from her mother and her sister to choose what they see, regardless of career aspirations, as a woman’s highest calling: that of motherhood in an intact, nuclear family. Though parenthood doesn’t appeal to Aphra, she envies the bond Isaac shares with his ex-wife. Aphra’s envy eclipses her reason and ultimately blots out her knowledge of Isaac’s love for her. Before they can move forward together, Aphra and Isaac must connect on a level that’s all their own and by doing so, dispel the shadows of the past.<hr></blockquote>

Your summary is good but your sentences are a bit long and convoluted. I think you could trim them down a bit or break them up and have your letter flow better. For instance, I think you could eliminate the phrase “regardless of career aspirations” from the second sentence above.

<blockquote><strong><em>Quote:</em></strong><hr>The novel has particular relevance to today’s women, increasing numbers of whom, in light of high divorce rates and subsequent remarriages, have become second wives or are otherwise members of stepfamilies. It also speaks to women who are making the choice to postpone traditional motherhood or to forego it altogether. Aphra, like many women, must find sufficient courage to free herself from One-Size-Fits-All expectations which have been thrust upon her by her family and by society so that she might find her unique path through life.<hr></blockquote>

Again, maybe you can trim some: The novel has particular relevance to many modern-day women, particularly those who are second wives or have otherwise become members of stepfamilies, and women who have chosen to postpone or forgo traditional motherhood.

<blockquote><strong><em>Quote:</em></strong><hr>I am, myself, a second wife and stepmom and reside with my husband in (Town), (State). In 1991, I earned a B.A. Degree, with honors, in English from (University). For twelve years, I’ve worked as an analyst at my alma mater. A classical pianist and science enthusiast, I enjoy various computer-related activities, including website design.<hr></blockquote>

You could delete the reference to your husband and where you live, and I'm not sure your 12 years of work as an analyst is necessary to mention either (probably doesn't hurt, however). The rest is relevant to your writing experience and the book matter so I would think it's good to leave that stuff in.

<blockquote><strong><em>Quote:</em></strong><hr>Might I interest you in a synopsis of the story, or sample chapters? My completed manuscript is also available on request.<hr></blockquote>

I've found that I get better responses when I include a short synopsis with all my queries. And whenever possible I include the first 3 chapters, as well. Show them you can write well and craft a story and you're more likely to get nibbles. But I do think you have a solid and professional query here should you need to send it alone.

Best of luck,
Beth

I have to say here I think it's too long. I learned to craft these ultra short query and cover letters from a writer friend of mine who lands about every job she queries. Mind you, this is my humble opinion here, so trash whatever you think I'm wrong about, but when you include a host of personal things about yourself, which in fiction are not all that relevant, you're spreading the focus. You want to show that you respect this busy agent or editor's time, and in the same instance grab their attention. My letters include next to nothing about me, even to my credits. If the short paragraph or two I include to describe my book or story doesn't grab them, then what does it matter if I've been published anywhere.

I believe you sound too tentative when you ask if you might interest them in the synopsis. I think that can go unsaid, and some may even take issue with the question, as if you were implying by asking that you think they're so stupid that they couldn't possibly know what you're after. Most of the submissions requirements I've read that ask only for a query usually want a short synopsis.

Also I think if it were my title, I'd shorten it to Sick of Shadows or something else, such as The Shadows of the Past. Just a suggestion to get you started.

Like I said earlier, this is just my take on things. Admittedly, I'm nervous offering suggestions to anyone, particularly since I just had a newbie who wanted to use a published short story of mine for a one-act playwriting workshop bite my head off after I pointed out she might better benefit by coming up with something original. I'm at the point now where I'm not sure I should say anything to anyone at all. So, please, if I've offended you or anyone else in anyway, accept my humble apologies.

Mari

Need input on query letter for novel..

Do NOT submit the first three chapters or synopsis, as someone else suggested, UNLESS the agency specifically requests that you do so.

Each agency has their own submission guidelines. Follow the agency's guidelines, it is disprespectful to ignore them.

Some only want a query, others a query and synopsis, some want to see sample chapters, some want to see the first 5 pages.

Some agents prefer email submissions, other prefer snail mail.

You need to research each agent and each agency so that you provide them with what they want.

As for your query, I think there are a number of problems with it.

I highy suggest you post your query at writers.net for a critique. The feedback provided on that site is always really solid.

Re: Need input on query letter for novel..

This is the part I dread. We always just sent the novel and the editors read it until they lost interest. If you kept their interest until the last page then you probably had a sale.

I myself have no real idea how to compose a query letter of this nature.

Re: Need input on query letter for novel..

I agree that "Half Sick" is an off-putting phrase in a title.

Use the spelling "forgo" for the meaning "do without." "Forego" means "precede."

Re: Need input on query letter for novel..

Dictionary.com says,


for·go also fore·go ( P ) Pronunciation Key (fôr-g, fr-)
tr.v. for·went, (-wnt) for·gone, (-gôn, -gn) for·go·ing, for·goes

To abstain from; relinquish: unwilling to forgo dessert.


Also:


fore·go1 ( P ) Pronunciation Key (fôr-g, fr-)
tr.v. fore·went, (-wnt) fore·gone, (-gôn, -gn) fore·go·ing, fore·goes (-gz)

To precede, as in time or place.


Don't you hate words like that?

Re: Need input on query letter for novel..

Don't you hate words like that?

No, I like the words. If I hate anything, it's dictionaries that say it's okay to write "forego" and mean "forgo" just because so many people have used it that way.

Re: Need input on query letter for novel..

Don't you hate words like that?

No, I like the words. If I hate anything, it's dictionaries that say it's okay to write "forego" and mean "forgo" just because so many people have used it that way.

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I understand.

There is this problem in grammar: In a way grammar is the most democratic thing in existence: If a form is used by enough people for long enough period of time it becomes "correct" no matter how upsetting conservative grammarians find it.

This is as it should be: language evolves.

On the other hand labeling a thing as "correct" before it has become a public standard of usage just because "a lot" of people use it improperly is more chaotic than evolutionary.

It would be nice if there were a standard method of determining when a form should be accepted. Such as, "If 75% of the people use a certain form for 10 years then it will be accepted as correct" but then measuring would be a problem.

I personally blame the school system, especially in America where they seem incapable of even attempting to teach proper grammar, and when they do they make it so convoluted even my kid with 138 I.Q. has a hard time understanding it.

I find that Britts, Aussies, and Canadians consistently speak better than Yanks. It has to be the school system.

People find it difficult to accept that I am uneducated in a land where college graduates have not come to terms with the subjunctive ("If I were" not "If I was") and can't spot a dangling modifier even when it dangles from their nostrils like a baby's snot.

Aphra Porter, a website designer and aspiring novelist, gets romantically involved with Isaac Lightfoot, the critically acclaimed author and war hero whom she has idolized since girlhood, only to battle hostility from his son, his mother, and his ex-wife. Aphra also receives pressure from her mother and her sister to choose what they see, regardless of career aspirations, as a woman’s highest calling: that of motherhood in an intact, nuclear family. Though parenthood doesn’t appeal to Aphra, she envies the bond Isaac shares with his ex-wife. Aphra’s envy eclipses her reason and ultimately blots out her knowledge of Isaac’s love for her. Before they can move forward together, Aphra and Isaac must connect on a level that’s all their own and by doing so, dispel the shadows of the past.

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Okay, it took me a re-read or two of this to get the gist, but I think it's:

Protagonist ("P") gets involved with much older man who she's idolized for years, who has an ex and a child.
Older-man's son (how old?) doesn't like her, for some reason.
Older-man's mom doesn't like her, for some reason.
Older-man's ex doesn't like her, for some reason.
P's mom and sister think she should marry someone (younger?) and have kids with them.
P doesn't want kids (this information would go better before the stuff about family?).
But P gets jealous of the ex because parenthood is a bond she can't develop with older-man.
P has to get her head straightened out to live happily ever after.
(What does older-man have to do? Is this just P's journey?)

I tend to write long sentences myself, so I sympathize with you, but your sentences are very long and convoluted, making it hard for me to initially grasp what was going on.

Also, why isn't the age difference and hero-worship an issue? That would put me off the story description without some discussion.

Just some questions that this raises for me as a reader.

Dealing with this more or less as Kate Nepveu did would yield this:

Editors tend to frown on writers writing about writers, so I would not have her an aspiring novelist. Not sure her trade effects the story at all.

Romantically involved does not say much. Is she engaged, dating, having an affair with? It usually helps to be specific. I suspect she is having an affair because her mother and sister want her to have a traditional family.

Are there still mothers and sisters who take that position? Every woman I know at least tacitly accepts that she will have to go to work to help support the family. Come to think of it I do not know a single nonworking mother unless you count the few I know who receive welfare.

At the end of the paragraph you come to what seems to be a jumble of thoughts that delineate the problem. Aphra envies his relationship with his ex-wife and nearly ruins the relationship over it.

I think I would concentrate on maximizing this part as the key issue in the novel.

Aphra’s envy eclipses her reason and ultimately blots out her knowledge of Isaac’s love for her. Before they can move forward together, Aphra and Isaac must connect on a level that’s all their own and by doing so, dispel the shadows of the past.

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I would also spruce up the next paragraph as I think it is pertinent.

The novel has particular relevance to today’s women, increasing numbers of whom, in light of high divorce rates and subsequent remarriages, have become second wives or are otherwise members of stepfamilies. It also speaks to women who are making the choice to postpone traditional motherhood or to forego it altogether. Aphra, like many women, must find sufficient courage to free herself from One-Size-Fits-All expectations which have been thrust upon her by her family and by society so that she might find her unique path through life.

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Most of the rest of the letter I would drop.

Hope this helps some.

I would also use forgo rather than forego and step-families instead of stepfamilies.

When using grammar it is difficult to hurt yourself by being conservative, and easy to hurt yourself by choosing avant-garde.

I love Bach's Goldberg Variations

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Have you ever heard Wanda Landowska on the harpsichord? There's a terrific recording, a remastered CD from Angel, with ol' Wanda playing her custom Pleyel harpsichord.

On this CD is one of the single greatest keyboard recordings ever made: Wanda Landowska playing The Bach Chromatic Fantasia and Fugue.

Listening to Landowska play this makes chills run up the spine. It's stunning. If you like Bach and Scarlatti, I highly suggest that you get this CD!

One more comment on your novel, on reflection. And please understand that I'm trying to be honest here...

The protagonist being an aspiring writer may make the agent think that the novel is autobiographical. And if you're not a famous person, that may be the kiss of death.

It might fall within the category of what I call an "Aunt Edna" novel:

"Oh, my dear sweet departed Aunt Edna! She was such a wonderful and caring person! I'm CERTAIN that EVERYONE would want to read about her, and I'm writing the book in my spare time after I do the laundry and before Jimmy comes home from school. I DO SO hope you'll like my novel and that you'll come to LOVE Aunt Edna as I did!"

I don't wish to disparage such connections, but some years ago I was in an amateur writing group, and it seemed to me that 9 out of 10 members were frustrated empty-nest housewives who wanted to dump their angst into a "poor poor pitiful me" novel that was a thinly veiled autobiography. Most of these women wore strings on their glasses.

(And you folks are welcome to flame me for such seeming sexist remarks. I'm not trying to peg folks into categories, but the query made me think of this. By the way, some of the male members were trying to regain their lost manhood by writing hardboiled private detective novels. Ahem.)

<blockquote><strong><em>Quote:</em></strong><hr>Do NOT submit the first three chapters or synopsis, as someone else suggested, UNLESS the agency specifically requests that you do so.<hr></blockquote>

Let me clarify...I agree that you shouldn't send the first three chapters unless they are requested or allowed (and when I said I include those whenever possible, by "possible" I meant whenever the entity I'm mailing to is open to that -- an admittedly poor choice of words on my part.) But I always come up with a 2 - 3 page synopsis for my novels and I always include one with every query. It allows the reader to evaluate a more fleshed-out version of your story and gives them a better feel for the whole than they can get from a query alone.

I received much better responses (as in more requests to see the full ms) when I started doing this than I did when I sent queries alone. Several other authors I know have said the same thing. It's how I sold my first book -- the agent who took me on was listed as wanting "query only" and I sent her a query with a 3-page synopsis. Later she told me it was the synopsis that hooked her.

Just my experiences.

Beth

Some agents also request only 1-page synopsis. So read the guidelines on that too. But sending a synopsis with query letter is not a bad idea -- the agent can always ignore it if he/she are not interested in the premise at all. But a 3-page one may be a little too long for query phase. Try to shorten it to 1 page.

<blockquote><strong><em>Quote:</em></strong><hr>Are there still mothers and sisters who take that position? Every woman I know at least tacitly accepts that she will have to go to work to help support the family. Come to think of it I do not know a single nonworking mother unless you count the few I know who receive welfare. <hr></blockquote>

I know many stay-at-home moms -- two of my sisters are among them. I think it varies some with geography and age and I do think there has been a recent trend among upper middle-class couples to try to have one stay-at-home parent, though not necessarily the mom in every case.

Beth

Yep I know many parents or potential parents that are wanting one of them at home with the children. In fact, my husband will stay home once we start doing the family thing. I will be graduating with 2 majors in May and once I get settled into a career path, daddy-dearest will be at home with the kids.

I could live with doing "Daddy Dearest" so long as I could work in two hours a day on the word processor writing a story.

You are lucky. I see so many single moms trying to juggle a job all day and a family at night. I'd feel sorry for them except that I see a lot of working mom's with non working spouses who sit on the couch all day and wait for wifey to come home and fix dinner and clean the house after she worked all day.

One gal was working two jobs and her nonworking hubby still wanted her to fix dinner for him. Five of us, two women, three men, (All of us working the same two jobs) went to their house to voice our opinion on the matter.

In query letters to agents I guess it's kind of traditional to focus on the particular piece of work you're offering, but it strikes me that they're looking for more than that.

Yes, they need to know you can write and have a 'property' they might be able to sell, but if you consider the mechanics of the publishing industry there are many different interests to reconcile.

1. The writer wants to 'express' her/himself.

2. The agent wants long term clients who can regularly turn out saleable work, so that 10% of the royalties thereof makes a useful and continuing contribution to his livelihood.

3. The publisher wants from each of its authors a regular, timely flow of blockbuster (or at least popular) works that sell in progressively increasing volumes, to build an active backlist of profitable titles. An actively self-promoting and easily promotable kind of author is an added benefit.

4. What the bookseller wants of an author is a flow of titles that 'walk out the door' at good margins, with little or no effort from themselves.

5. The book buyer wants an enjoyable and engaging read, and to build an ongoing 'relationship' with an author they can rely upon to consistently deliver.

Satisfying all of these requirements so that everyone is happy is no mean feat. There aren't that many Stephen Kings.

Since here we're on the 'agent' part of this equation of many variables, let's consider what might appeal to them, and how that appeal can be encapsulated in a letter:

1) Good work. The no-brainer part, the sine qua non; gotta be there. Although actually, it can be crap as long as it's saleable to the right publisher and an unwashed section of the public.

2) Longevity. Is this work a 'flash-in-the-pan' piece, a cathartic, autobiographical dumping and purging of personal prejudice or angst that will say everything the author has to say once and for all? Or is it the first in a long line of original and steadily improving novels?

3) Does the writer have the talent, the experience, the professionalism, the diligence, the personal circumstances, and the emotional stability to keep on producing quality work?

4) Is the writer equipped to promote his/her work in the appropriate forums (fora?), for the benefit of all concerned.

Since a query letter is first and foremost a sales letter, it seems to me that the writer's interests are best served by presenting up front the right answers to these questions, over and above presentation of the piece. After all, the agent is not a literary critic but a businessperson. There are undoubtedly still some agents who are struggling literary proselytizers, but most want to make a living, and it's ongoing relationships with professional writers that put bread on their table. A query letter that reflects a writer's understanding of these subtleties of the publishing business, and her potential part in it, has got to stand a better chance of getting a good reaction from an agent.

(If the above sounds a little theoretical and not backed up by tales of success, it's because I'm only just about to start querying in earnest, along the lines above. A highly respected editor here in Oz told me yesterday that he's going to present and plug my first novel to a major international publisher, so I'm preparing myself for the cheering possibility of needing an agent.)

pianoman -

While you are right, that agents want all those things in a client - the query letter is absolutely the WRONG place to address those things. Agents do not want a query letter where you TELL them how great, commercial and prolific you are. They want a query that SHOWS them you can write and that sparks their interest in your book.

Mentioning your willingness or ability to market your book in a query is putting the cart before the horse. What agents want to know from your query is that your concept has a market.

Re: I'm back!

First off, I want to thank everyone who has commented. I appreciate your time, your thoughts, and your help. Feedback! I love feedback!

Several of you said you aren't fond of the title (Half Sick of Shadows); in particular, the Half Sick portion. But here's the method to my madness: my novel was inspired by Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, "The Lady of Shalott", and particularly by this stanza:

But in her web she still delights
To weave the mirror's magic sights,
For often thro' the silent nights
A funeral, with plumes and lights
And music, went to Camelot:
Or when the moon was overhead,
Came two young lovers lately wed:
"I am half sick of shadows," said
The Lady of Shalott.

Make of that what y'all will. But I will consider changing the title.

Also, many of you commented on my convoluted sentences. My sentences are long and convoluted because, alas, I was trying to fit as much information as I possibly could into one paragraph. And I realize, from what you guys have said, that squishing isn't the way to go.

I wanted to mention, too, that though I do intend to take suggestions to trim the query, it does fit on one sheet of paper (11 point Courier).

cwfgal: Great suggestions, and thank you! I do need to trim. The necessary brevity of the query letter overwhelmed me, and I tried to say too much in a small space.

novelator: You make excellent points about focusing more on the story and less on myself/my background. Again, I get the message: trim the fat and spotlight what's important. And the following made me laugh:

I believe you sound too tentative when you ask if you might interest them in the synopsis. I think that can go unsaid, and some may even take issue with the question, as if you were implying by asking that you think they're so stupid that they couldn't possibly know what you're after.

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One heck of a good point!! I hadn't thought of it that way. And please, Mari, don't be nervous about offering suggestions to me. I want to learn, grow, and improve as a writer, and constructive criticism is exactly what I need. Thank you!

SimonSays: Thank you for your suggestion to post my query to writers.net. I've done so. And if you have time, I'd be glad to read your thoughts on what's wrong with my query.

Reph: Yeah, forego, forgo - ACK!! :b "Forgo" it shall be. Thanks!

Kate Nepveu: I appreciate your comments. And yup, you deciphered my summary paragraph correctly. I was, as you can see, trying to pack too much into one paragraph. As I understand it, a query needs to provide just enough of a taste of the plot to get the agent or editor wanting more, yes? The age difference between the protag and her love interest is an issue in the book, as is her hero worship, but I'm betting that level of detail is probably best left to the synopsis...?

Writing Again: My protagonist's career aspirations are important to the story, ACK. The protag isn't having an affair with her love interest; he's divorced. The fact that the man's mother, ex wife, and son are less than thrilled about the arrival of the protag into his life is a common dynamic to stepfamilies in formation (fear of change). As I said to Kate, my biggest struggle in writing this query is level of detail. Too much? Not enough? It's daunting, to say the least, to condense an 80,000 word novel into a paragraph. But I know I don't need to tell you guys that!

I want to clarify: Aphra's mother and sister want Aphra to become a mother someday, but not necessarily a stay at home mom. Aphra's sister is pregnant but keeps her job after the baby is born. The bottom line is that Aphra's mother and sister have a great deal in common and though they love Aphra, her differences make them uncomfortable.

And thank you, Writing Again, for helping me see what I need to highlight in my query:

Aphra envies his relationship with his ex-wife and nearly ruins the relationship over it.

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You got it: that is, indeed, the key issue in my novel.

And thanks, too, for this:

When using grammar it is difficult to hurt yourself by being conservative, and easy to hurt yourself by choosing avant-garde.

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Great advice. I'll go with "step-families" and "forgo".



katdad: Thanks for your additional comments! There's disagreement upthread as to whether or not I should keep the part of my query where I say "I am, myself, a second wife and stepmom." Good points were made on both sides. But your comments convinced me to take it out. My novel isn't an autobiography, and I don't want an agent to assume it is. And believe me, I'm anything but a frustrated, empty-nest housewife. :eek I've never heard Wanda Landawska on the harpsichord, but she sounds wonderful. I'll have to pick up that CD!

Again, thanks everybody, and keep the comments coming, if you're so inclined.

Wow...

Thanks, pianoman, for your post. It was highly informative and leaves me with much to think about.