Crème de la Gem
06-28-2007, 06:19 AM
Hello. I wrote this for an assignment. It is a blue print for a novel. I seek proofreading. As this is just a blue print for myself, I don't need you to look at "show don't tell" and stuff like that... My teacher tells me to just fix a few grammatical mistakes. I did run the spell and grammar check and read it over, but I don't know what else need to be fixed. Please help!
Please feel free to give me other pointers, too. :D
Crem
I.
2000. Chelsea Rivera, a newly converted speed freak, is attending college in Los Angeles, with the scholarship she won for her play.
Although she does not know what she wants to do with her life, she does know what she wants besides crystals—a girlfriend. Ever since she was humiliated and had her heart broken by her childhood crush while they were in high school, she has been an outsider.
All has changed since she began attending college and became a part of a group of queer friends, from whom she picked up her nasty drug habit. The group members are into speed except for one: Andrea Cole, her closest friend. Chelsea has a c rush on Cole, but Cole is either unaware of Chelsea’s feelings or does not feel the same way about Chelsea, and she openly sleeps around.
One night, Chelsea is staying up late on the couch of Cole’s apartment. She is wide-awake, high on speed. In the other room, she hears Cole fooling around with a new girl toy of hers.
Chelsea is frustrated to hear Cole making the other woman moan, and she smokes out the last of her stash.
Next day Chelsea goes along with Rosa, the group’s resident dealer, to buy crystal meth from a prominent dealer named Luiz, in East L.A.
Knife tucked away at his back, Luiz jumps at the buzz, peeking from the aperture in the window.
It is Rosa. Rosa warns Chelsea about Luiz. Luiz is suspicious of Chelsea because he has never seen her before. He lets them in after some questioning. They buy speed and leaves.
Chelsea has been spending her scholarship money for drugs. Her money is running out, and she is desperate. She starts borrowing money and bumming drug from friends. She even steals crystals from her friends.
One day, out of desperation, she agrees to sleep with a man for a sack of crystals. He smokes her out, and he forces himself onto her without condom. Afterward, he gives her a sack smaller than the one he promised. Enraged and humiliated, she grabs what she can and runs out of the place.
In an ally in the West Hollywood, Chelsea sobs, hugging her knees. An oriental woman—rather tall one— appears from the backdoor of a Japanese restaurant. She notices Chelsea as she was about to get into her car, and asks her what is wrong. Her beauty strikes Chelsea, and she finds herself confessing of the rape that took place.
The Japanese woman, Kristal Aoki, takes Chelsea to a clinic, treats her to a meal at her family’s restaurant, and even drives her home. They fall for each other. Chelsea is infatuated and swears to herself never to do drugs again.
Nevertheless, once she is out of drug, she finds out how many of her formerly sober friends are now doing drugs, and again she finds excuses to be among them.
II.
Kris begins to notice extreme mood swings Chelsea goes through. She is depressed, pessimistic, and suicidal one day, and the happiest and the most energetic person the next day.
Kris has seen this before in her brother, who died of a heart attack from a crystal meth overdose. Kris confronts Chelsea after one such mood swing, and finds speed-kit in Chelsea’s messenger bag. Kris demands that Chelsea quit. She promises never to touch the drug again.
Speed haunts Chelsea. One day Kris catches Chelsea shooting it up in the restroom of her apartment. This time Kris kicks her out of her apartment, and Chelsea takes the bus to her miserable room and smokes the rest of her drug.
Chelsea seeks comfort from Cole, who tells her flat out that she must quit the drug. Andrea confesses, she liked Chelsea from the beginning, but she cannot have a druggy in her life. Andrea points out that Chelsea is wasting away her talent for writing, which won her the scholarship. Chelsea is coming down from the high. Kicked out by Kris, slapped by Cole, and is in her personal hell. When Cole’s new girl toy shows up at her place, Chelsea leaves in despair, feeling alienated.
III.
Chelsea calls Luiz for drugs, but for the fifth time. Luiz tells her to come to his place for pickup. She is desperate and she heads to his place in East L.A.
When the doorbell rang, he looks out the window to see who it is. It is Chelsea. He comes out, make sure there is nobody else, and she lets her in. Luiz does not have the drug, so she must wait until the cook shows up with the drug. He tells her she can have a shot of his own stash. She shoots it up, and as soon as she releases the rubber band, she knew something is wrong. She does not get high. She is going downward—it’s heroin instead of the speed. Luiz had tricked her.
When she comes around, she is on the floor, naked and cuffed to a leg of an old wooden desk. She is in Luiz’s office. She can hear some commotion in the other room. She searches the drawers of the desk, and finds stacks of Polaroid photos. She picks up a picture on the top. It takes her a few seconds to realize what it is. It is her naked self from the neck down, with a penis stuffed in her vagina. Chelsea throws up. She begins to yank at the cuff, and the leg of the desk breaks off. She finds her pants and shirts on the couch and get dressed. In addition, there is Luis’s pant, in which she finds the key for the handcuff. She tries the window but it will not open. Chelsea sneaks out from the door. There is another open door in the dark hallway, and she can see Luiz watching porn. She sneaks past the room to the living room, and grabs the large sack of crystals before escaping through the door.
IV.
Luis is enraged when he realizes Chelsea has escaped, and becomes infuriated when he finds out she has taken the drug with her.
He calls up Rosa. He makes up a good deal for her and pays her a visit. Luiz is a mean sadist; he ties her to a chair and beats her up. Rosa tells where Chelsea lives. Luiz slits her throat and enjoys it.
After leaving Luiz’s place, Chelsea heads to the clinic Kris has once taken her. She calls Kris but she does not answer her phone. She leaves a message, sobbing.
When Chelsea gets home, she finds her cat in front of the old apartment building she lives in. She hides the dope in her jacket and goes up the stairs suspiciously. The door is broken, and she hears noises from her apartment. She freezes, and the noise in the apartment goes silent. Chelsea slowly back tracks, but then her neighbor opens the door and greets Chelsea. Luiz comes bursting out of the door and bumps into the neighbor, and Chelsea flees.
Chelsea runs out onto the street, and Luiz chases her. She tries to go over a fence, but her bag is stuck in the fence. When Luiz comes running, she throws the bag as far away as she can from the fence. Luiz gives up on the chase and go pick up the bag, but the drug is not there. He curses, but then he notices there is her cell phone in the bag.
Later, Kris listens to Chelsea’s message and she is concerned. Kris calls Chelsea, but she does not answer. She expresses her concern and love for her.
Luiz listens to the message.
Chelsea does not have any place to go, and visits her dealer friend. The place is quiet and the door is open. Inside, she finds Rosa dead, tied to a chair. She flees the scene.
With little money she has, she gets a room in a cheap hotel in downtown L.A. It is a place she used to stay when she first came to Los Angeles to go to college. She wants to contact Kris or Cole, but afraid to get them involved, since Rosa is already dead because of her. She does not want to go to police because she is too ashamed, of the rape and of her drug addiction. She stays low, dyes her hair, and gets herself an outfit to disguise herself as a more girly girl. She wants to do drug badly. However, Kris, Cole, and now Rosa’s dead faces linger in Chelsea’s head. She will not touch the drug, and goes through another personal hell of coming down from high.
V.
Kris is concerned. It has been a few days and Chelsea has not returned her call. She calls her, and drops the name of her restaurant in the message. “I’m at Sushi Masa. Call me here or just drop by, okay?” Luiz finds the restaurant in the yellow page.
Cole is concerned, because she has not seen Chelsea in a few days. Cole suspects Rose’s death and Chelsea’s disappearance is related. She calls Chelsea, yet Luiz answers the phone. “You find that little bitch, and tell her I got her girlfriend all tied up. You snitch, she dies.”
Cole knows Chelsea has no family besides her uncle, and she is the closest friend Chelsea has. In other words, Chelsea has no one to turn to. Cole remembers that Chelsea used to stay at the hotel in downtown, and she finds her there. They call Luiz, and tell him it is an exchange, dope for the girl. Together, they go to East L.A. to face off Luiz at his place.
Near Luiz’s house, Chelsea calls Luiz. “Let Kris go, and I will tell you where the dope is!” Luis stabs Kris, and tells Chelsea “Don’t fuck around because she ain’t got much time.”
Chelsea goes inside his filthy house, and Cole stays outside, keeping low and spying. Luiz has a gun to Kris’s head. Kris is tied, gagged, and bleeding. Chelsea shows the dope to Luiz. “You stupid bitch,” Luiz says, and aims the gun on Chelsea. Kris kicks the gun out of his hand. Luiz beats Kris to the ground, and he is stabbing her. Chelsea screams and runs to her, but Cole comes bursting in and holds Chelsea back. With a swing of a pipe, Cole knocks out Luiz. She calls the police and the ambulance.
Chelsea unties Kris’s gag and holds Kris in her arms. She begs her not to die. “I swear Kris, I quit, and I won’t touch that stuff anymore, please don’t leave me!”
The police and the ambulance arrive.
*
Weeks later, Chelsea is typing something at Cole’s apartment. Cole comes in and says Chelsea is writing like crazy. Chelsea says she has a story to tell, without looking up from the computer. Cole touches Chelsea’s hair and kisses her cheek. Chelsea looks up and takes Cole’s hand.
Please feel free to give me other pointers, too. :D
Crem
I.
2000. Chelsea Rivera, a newly converted speed freak, is attending college in Los Angeles, with the scholarship she won for her play.
Although she does not know what she wants to do with her life, she does know what she wants besides crystals—a girlfriend. Ever since she was humiliated and had her heart broken by her childhood crush while they were in high school, she has been an outsider.
All has changed since she began attending college and became a part of a group of queer friends, from whom she picked up her nasty drug habit. The group members are into speed except for one: Andrea Cole, her closest friend. Chelsea has a c rush on Cole, but Cole is either unaware of Chelsea’s feelings or does not feel the same way about Chelsea, and she openly sleeps around.
One night, Chelsea is staying up late on the couch of Cole’s apartment. She is wide-awake, high on speed. In the other room, she hears Cole fooling around with a new girl toy of hers.
Chelsea is frustrated to hear Cole making the other woman moan, and she smokes out the last of her stash.
Next day Chelsea goes along with Rosa, the group’s resident dealer, to buy crystal meth from a prominent dealer named Luiz, in East L.A.
Knife tucked away at his back, Luiz jumps at the buzz, peeking from the aperture in the window.
It is Rosa. Rosa warns Chelsea about Luiz. Luiz is suspicious of Chelsea because he has never seen her before. He lets them in after some questioning. They buy speed and leaves.
Chelsea has been spending her scholarship money for drugs. Her money is running out, and she is desperate. She starts borrowing money and bumming drug from friends. She even steals crystals from her friends.
One day, out of desperation, she agrees to sleep with a man for a sack of crystals. He smokes her out, and he forces himself onto her without condom. Afterward, he gives her a sack smaller than the one he promised. Enraged and humiliated, she grabs what she can and runs out of the place.
In an ally in the West Hollywood, Chelsea sobs, hugging her knees. An oriental woman—rather tall one— appears from the backdoor of a Japanese restaurant. She notices Chelsea as she was about to get into her car, and asks her what is wrong. Her beauty strikes Chelsea, and she finds herself confessing of the rape that took place.
The Japanese woman, Kristal Aoki, takes Chelsea to a clinic, treats her to a meal at her family’s restaurant, and even drives her home. They fall for each other. Chelsea is infatuated and swears to herself never to do drugs again.
Nevertheless, once she is out of drug, she finds out how many of her formerly sober friends are now doing drugs, and again she finds excuses to be among them.
II.
Kris begins to notice extreme mood swings Chelsea goes through. She is depressed, pessimistic, and suicidal one day, and the happiest and the most energetic person the next day.
Kris has seen this before in her brother, who died of a heart attack from a crystal meth overdose. Kris confronts Chelsea after one such mood swing, and finds speed-kit in Chelsea’s messenger bag. Kris demands that Chelsea quit. She promises never to touch the drug again.
Speed haunts Chelsea. One day Kris catches Chelsea shooting it up in the restroom of her apartment. This time Kris kicks her out of her apartment, and Chelsea takes the bus to her miserable room and smokes the rest of her drug.
Chelsea seeks comfort from Cole, who tells her flat out that she must quit the drug. Andrea confesses, she liked Chelsea from the beginning, but she cannot have a druggy in her life. Andrea points out that Chelsea is wasting away her talent for writing, which won her the scholarship. Chelsea is coming down from the high. Kicked out by Kris, slapped by Cole, and is in her personal hell. When Cole’s new girl toy shows up at her place, Chelsea leaves in despair, feeling alienated.
III.
Chelsea calls Luiz for drugs, but for the fifth time. Luiz tells her to come to his place for pickup. She is desperate and she heads to his place in East L.A.
When the doorbell rang, he looks out the window to see who it is. It is Chelsea. He comes out, make sure there is nobody else, and she lets her in. Luiz does not have the drug, so she must wait until the cook shows up with the drug. He tells her she can have a shot of his own stash. She shoots it up, and as soon as she releases the rubber band, she knew something is wrong. She does not get high. She is going downward—it’s heroin instead of the speed. Luiz had tricked her.
When she comes around, she is on the floor, naked and cuffed to a leg of an old wooden desk. She is in Luiz’s office. She can hear some commotion in the other room. She searches the drawers of the desk, and finds stacks of Polaroid photos. She picks up a picture on the top. It takes her a few seconds to realize what it is. It is her naked self from the neck down, with a penis stuffed in her vagina. Chelsea throws up. She begins to yank at the cuff, and the leg of the desk breaks off. She finds her pants and shirts on the couch and get dressed. In addition, there is Luis’s pant, in which she finds the key for the handcuff. She tries the window but it will not open. Chelsea sneaks out from the door. There is another open door in the dark hallway, and she can see Luiz watching porn. She sneaks past the room to the living room, and grabs the large sack of crystals before escaping through the door.
IV.
Luis is enraged when he realizes Chelsea has escaped, and becomes infuriated when he finds out she has taken the drug with her.
He calls up Rosa. He makes up a good deal for her and pays her a visit. Luiz is a mean sadist; he ties her to a chair and beats her up. Rosa tells where Chelsea lives. Luiz slits her throat and enjoys it.
After leaving Luiz’s place, Chelsea heads to the clinic Kris has once taken her. She calls Kris but she does not answer her phone. She leaves a message, sobbing.
When Chelsea gets home, she finds her cat in front of the old apartment building she lives in. She hides the dope in her jacket and goes up the stairs suspiciously. The door is broken, and she hears noises from her apartment. She freezes, and the noise in the apartment goes silent. Chelsea slowly back tracks, but then her neighbor opens the door and greets Chelsea. Luiz comes bursting out of the door and bumps into the neighbor, and Chelsea flees.
Chelsea runs out onto the street, and Luiz chases her. She tries to go over a fence, but her bag is stuck in the fence. When Luiz comes running, she throws the bag as far away as she can from the fence. Luiz gives up on the chase and go pick up the bag, but the drug is not there. He curses, but then he notices there is her cell phone in the bag.
Later, Kris listens to Chelsea’s message and she is concerned. Kris calls Chelsea, but she does not answer. She expresses her concern and love for her.
Luiz listens to the message.
Chelsea does not have any place to go, and visits her dealer friend. The place is quiet and the door is open. Inside, she finds Rosa dead, tied to a chair. She flees the scene.
With little money she has, she gets a room in a cheap hotel in downtown L.A. It is a place she used to stay when she first came to Los Angeles to go to college. She wants to contact Kris or Cole, but afraid to get them involved, since Rosa is already dead because of her. She does not want to go to police because she is too ashamed, of the rape and of her drug addiction. She stays low, dyes her hair, and gets herself an outfit to disguise herself as a more girly girl. She wants to do drug badly. However, Kris, Cole, and now Rosa’s dead faces linger in Chelsea’s head. She will not touch the drug, and goes through another personal hell of coming down from high.
V.
Kris is concerned. It has been a few days and Chelsea has not returned her call. She calls her, and drops the name of her restaurant in the message. “I’m at Sushi Masa. Call me here or just drop by, okay?” Luiz finds the restaurant in the yellow page.
Cole is concerned, because she has not seen Chelsea in a few days. Cole suspects Rose’s death and Chelsea’s disappearance is related. She calls Chelsea, yet Luiz answers the phone. “You find that little bitch, and tell her I got her girlfriend all tied up. You snitch, she dies.”
Cole knows Chelsea has no family besides her uncle, and she is the closest friend Chelsea has. In other words, Chelsea has no one to turn to. Cole remembers that Chelsea used to stay at the hotel in downtown, and she finds her there. They call Luiz, and tell him it is an exchange, dope for the girl. Together, they go to East L.A. to face off Luiz at his place.
Near Luiz’s house, Chelsea calls Luiz. “Let Kris go, and I will tell you where the dope is!” Luis stabs Kris, and tells Chelsea “Don’t fuck around because she ain’t got much time.”
Chelsea goes inside his filthy house, and Cole stays outside, keeping low and spying. Luiz has a gun to Kris’s head. Kris is tied, gagged, and bleeding. Chelsea shows the dope to Luiz. “You stupid bitch,” Luiz says, and aims the gun on Chelsea. Kris kicks the gun out of his hand. Luiz beats Kris to the ground, and he is stabbing her. Chelsea screams and runs to her, but Cole comes bursting in and holds Chelsea back. With a swing of a pipe, Cole knocks out Luiz. She calls the police and the ambulance.
Chelsea unties Kris’s gag and holds Kris in her arms. She begs her not to die. “I swear Kris, I quit, and I won’t touch that stuff anymore, please don’t leave me!”
The police and the ambulance arrive.
*
Weeks later, Chelsea is typing something at Cole’s apartment. Cole comes in and says Chelsea is writing like crazy. Chelsea says she has a story to tell, without looking up from the computer. Cole touches Chelsea’s hair and kisses her cheek. Chelsea looks up and takes Cole’s hand.