Post the last paragraph of what you've written TODAY.

Penguin Queen

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Hot off the press, as it were. Fresh from the page of your notebook, the word processor, just out of the inkwell.

Let's see the the last words of what you've written today. :)


I'm about half-way through a fantasy-ish children's story.


It [the bird] regarded her without moving. It looked as though it hadn't opened its beak in hundreds and hundreds of years. Aysun carefully stroked the feathers on its back with one finger. The bird held perfectly still.
'Perhaps,' she said, 'I should give you something, before asking you to do something for me. What would you like? What would be a good thing for a bird of Rhiannon?'
The bird turned again with one of its abrupt movements, and looked at her out of its other eye.
 

Shady Lane

my name is hannah
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This is such a cute idea. I've only written one word today, unfortunately, but I will post it here:


Critiques are welcome ;)
 
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On your own head be it. Try not to vomit blood, y'all. :D

Age groups and proximity have nothing to do with getting on, Eleanor said to herself. I’m here to work. Not to make friends.
 

Lyxdeslic

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Buying lies and stealing jokes.
He stood and turned to survey the dying man inside the station-wagon one last time. Lachlan coughed, sending blood to spatter across the inside of the windshield; an indication the red fluid was beginning to seep its way into his lungs. It is done, Randall thought. He determined the man would be dead within five-minutes, and he was content in leaving him there to do just that.
 

Andre_Laurent

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The other one however, Charles would have a warrant issued for him right away. And when they brought him in, a little persuasion might make him spill his guts on his buddy.
 

scribbler1382

Write For You, Edit For The Reader
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Sucks, but what the hell...

Briggs realized they must have taken some wounded men back when they retreated, who shortly died -- only to return as an unthinkable horror. Being who they were, and trapped aboard the Barque, they tried to fight the monsters face-to-face, blow for blow. The result had been swift and final. Briggs felt his heart skip when he realized that the entire ship had been vanquished of everything living in only a matter of hours. Hundreds of men dead because they had been foolish enough to board his ship.
 

JoNightshade

has finally arrived
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Okay now, how many variations on the original thread are we going to have, now? :) Oh heck, I can't resist. This is what I was writing at the moment I opened this thread:

Roger started to turn his chair and then hesitated. “Do you… want to come in?” he asked, almost experimentally. As if he didn’t quite know what etiquette demanded of the situation.

Ellie wrinkled her nose. “I’d better not. Sometimes she has visitors I’m not supposed to see. Actually, I’m not supposed to know there are visitors at all, but—I know.” She glanced at her watch. “Beside that, I’ll miss my bus if I don’t hurry.”

He nodded.

She put out a hand for the second time that afternoon, and he took it without any of his earlier hesitation. “It was nice talking to you,” she said, a little of the flush returning. “Wonderful, actually.”
 
Last edited:

Devil Ledbetter

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“Gonna barf.”

“No you’re not. You’ve got nothing left in there.”

His insides contracted violently and he wretched. She was right; only a demonic belch came forth.

“Why am I here?”

“I couldn’t think of a better spot for you to re-live all those Natties.”
 

Melanie Lane

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This is purty unedited, but bear with me...

A shrill bell rang in the distance. At the same time, all of the teachers rose and began to make their way towards their classrooms. Their break was over. It was time once again to teach and observe.
 

Puma

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My contribution. Puma

The Reverend pulled out of Hillside Manor, glad the ordeal was over. He really hated, no, maybe that was too strong a word, he really disliked (that was better) going out there to visit. It was always the same, The Four Horsemen with Death in the lead. Maybe the primitive cultures who took their old out to the hills to die by themselves had it right.
 

Jordygirl

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She wasn’t sure what to say, but was suddenly very aware of the hair twirling. She dropped her hand to her side and, even though she couldn’t see her face, knew she was blushing.

Yes, that's the entire paragraph. I welcome critiques. (Seriously.)
 

Shady Lane

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She wasn’t sure what to say, but was suddenly very aware of the hair twirling. She dropped her hand to her side and, even though she couldn’t see her face, knew she was blushing.

Yes, that's the entire paragraph. I welcome critiques. (Seriously.)

Well, obviously this a crit from the girl who posted one word, so take it for what it's worth.

Unless you've mentioned very very recently that she twirls her hair, I would replace " of the hair twirling" with "that she was twirling her hair." Otherwise it sounds to me like she's having some phantom hair-spinning problem.

I'd also cut "even though she couldn't see her face." It's over-explaining. Saying "she knew she was blushing" implies that she's able to tell she's blushing without seeing, and we basically assume she can't see her own face anyway.

My cent and a half.
 

Devil Ledbetter

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I'd also cut "even though she couldn't see her face." It's over-explaining. Saying "she knew she was blushing" implies that she's able to tell she's blushing without seeing, and we basically assume she can't see her own face anyway.
She would feel the blushing, the heat in her cheeks, maybe her ears burning. Describe that sensation.
 

Chumplet

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I'm adding a new beginning to my WIP. Here's what I banged out this morning:

"Did you hear about the museum robbery?" Agitation laced the other man's voice.

"Yes, I was on Las Ramblas when I heard the sirens and I'm on the scene right now."

"I suppose you heard they took The Weeping Woman."

"I heard."

"The media already blames us. We have to do something."

Zigor wondered what they could possibly do at this point to repair an already shredded reputation. He tucked the cell against his shoulder and lit another cigarette. "Do you know who did it?"

"I have an idea. Call the others. I think we have a plan."

Zigor disconnected and called another number. "Sendoa. Round up the others and meet me at Sukaldari. We have work to do."
 

Jordygirl

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Here it tis': ;)

Shelby slid her bloody hands down her pants and got up. It was a blessing that this happened after school. Otherwise, she’d never hear the end of the snickering.

Ewww.
But very descriptive sentence. Works well (of course I have no idea what your story is about), but good job.
 
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Is it just me or does that make it sound like someone sticks their hands in their own pants and then gets up?

Or is she wiping her hands on her trousers?
 
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It's just the thought of someone 'sliding their bloody hands down their pants'...;)