Putin says Russia will counter U.S. missile shield

[SpookyWriter]

Oh yeah? What are you going to use for money? I like the idea of Russia returning to the cold war era. Means more opportunities for improved defense weapons. Hooola!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070427/ts_nm/shield_russia_putin_dc

[davids]

They don't need any money-they'll just walk around naked with their arms held high-pits pointing at incoming!

[blacbird]

They're going to use money we pay them, directly or indirectly, for their oil.

caw

[SpookyWriter]

They may need to increase the number of space flights so they receive enough tourist dollars to confront this imminent threat.

[RumpleTumbler]

Russia, the worlds largest organized crime syndicate.

[billythrilly7th]

"We do not understand ... what is happening in Europe now that requires such aggressive actions," Putin said. "We see no arguments for deploying the missile shield in Europe."


How about that Iran is developing a bomb, moron.

Duh.

And with your help!!

You make me sick. All your bullshit.

"We can't figure it out. Why would Europe want a missile shield."

[SC Harrison]

How about that Iran is developing a bomb, moron.

Duh.

And with your help!!

You make me sick. All your bullshit.

"We can't figure it out. Why would Europe want a missile shield."

C'mon, Billy. Putin loves this shit, and so does Bush. They probably cooked it up on the ranch while grilling panda steaks.

Putin will use this to raise a higher threat level in Russia so he can (continue to) roll back freedoms, and our defense contractors love it because we'll pump even more billions into a program that's riddled with failure.

[Joe270]

We could send them more free wheat so they can make more Stolichniya to sell to us for profit.

Seriously, I used to take ships filled with 835 (that's the U.S. give-away stuff) wheat to Russia. The Russians were quite candid that they made Stolichniya out of it. I don't recall all the details, but somewhere in the mix (pardon the pun) was either Pepsi or Coke.

I have laughed at all the vodka purists who insist stoli is the best. Russian Vodka or pure distilled neutral U.S. grain spirits?

Hell, why don't we just trade them a missile system for the vodka?

[BiggerBoat]

Ahhh ... sweet, sweet cold war. How I missed you.

[benbradley]

They may need to increase the number of space flights so they receive enough tourist dollars to confront this imminent threat.

I was about to say it hasn't been too bad a business for them. What have they grossed, around 100 million dollars, though that's over seven years.

Stephen Hawking just got a free ride on the Vomit Comet, and Richard Branson/Virgin Galactic may give him a free suborbital ride, but I doubt he would get into orbit without putting up the money.

[Joe270]

Hawking is awesome. I live in Vegas, and I doubt I'd go on a free vomit comet ride.

[McDuff]

Iran must be annoyed. Let's check the Ahmadi-cam...

"Sir, it looks like the missiles we were going to spend all that money on won't be effective after all, because the Americans are spending many billions of dollars on something that's only useful against tinpot regimes like us, North Korea or... no, that's pretty much it... anyway, against us firing off a missile or maybe two or three. I mean, it's fucking useless against China, but they got us nailed."

"Dammit, my plan to nuke the fuck out of Prague is now totally ruined."

"Well, actually sir, our scientists are even now working on a solution to sneak underneath the American's radar."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's called a 'Ryder Truck'. See, we've secretly installed a section of 'land' between us and most of mainland Europe. By putting a warhead inside one of these trucks we can send the device to its target at an average height of about nine feet off the ground. Radar is useless at that altitude! We don't even have to worry about gas prices because we've got all the oil!"

"Man, that sounds like it would take maybe three or four days to get to where we needed it, as opposed to the mere hours and minutes of an ICBM."

"Well, nothing's perfect. And guess what else?"

"What?"

"It turns out that we don't even have to develop our own nuclear programme. Apparently there's this problem with Russia not really securing its nuclear material very well and whole scads of that shit going missing. I mean, fuck it, if you wanted, we could knock you up a dirty bomb in the back of a panel van right now for about three million bucks and some change."

"You're pulling my leg, Ahmed."

"No, seriously, it's a problem that would have involved the US working with Russia and spending about one percent of the NMD budget to fix, so people who propose anything like it are totally told that they're pansies who are traitors to their country in America. Seriously, are you sure you haven't got moles in the GOP? It seems like they're doing their jobs for us sometimes."

"Ah, Ahmed, that would be telling."


Oh, shit.

Ah well. At least it will protect us from Kim Jong Il! That bastard! Unless...

Hey, does someone want to check if there's any kind of "land" between North Korea and Europe that someone could drive a truck across?