Darn Good / Gosh-Awful

The challenge: write a few Darn Good Paragraphs[SUP]TM[/SUP] (lazy alternative: copy-paste a few Darn Good Paragraphs[SUP]TM[/SUP] from a public-domain work). The next poster will rewrite them, turning them into Gosh-Awful Paragraphs[SUP]TM[/SUP] (by randomly reorganizing, distorting the original meaning, inserting bad grammar, purpling the prose, or whatever else comes to mind), and will provide the next Darn Good Paragraphs[SUP]TM[/SUP].

Rather extreme example:

DG:
In the beginning God created heaven, and earth. And the earth was void and empty, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the spirit of God moved over the waters.

And God said: Be light made. And light was made. And God saw the light that it was good; and he divided the light from the darkness. And he called the light Day, and the darkness Night; and there was evening and morning one day.

GA:
Once upon a time there was a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Created heven and earth. Flying Spaghetti Monster flew underwater like a penguin. Earth voided itself and was deep and dark.

Be lite made! Lite is made! Lite was good! Lite and darkness borke up. And verily, lite was yclept Daie, and darkness Nite. Sunrise, Sunset; Fade to black.

---

So:

DG
The girl came hurtling out the door like she'd been kicked, but one look at her face and I knew she hadn't. She was grinning like a monkey.

She had three handbags. Only one of them suited her: a bright green number just big enough to hold a lipstick and a handful of dirty thoughts. That was the one she shoved at me.

By the time the other two women came out, the girl was long gone. I knew where to find her. But I wasn't telling.

GA (or, at least, worse)
The sunlight came into the window and Gibson strirred and rubbed his eyes and threw up the covers. He grasped the longest butt in the ashtray, lighting it. Glancing back at her form and grunting he was rising and staggering at the bathroom.

Allison was awake for hours, looked over at the half-empty whiskey bottle on Gibson's side. Feeling her cheek tounging her loose teeth, she looked down at the bruising on her arms and ribs rolling over and getting the gun on that nightstand.

DG (if a little overdone)
Surely, man had never before so terribly altered, in so brief a period, as had Roderick Usher! It was with difficulty that I could bring myself to admit the identity of the wan being before me with the companion of my early boyhood. Yet the character of his face had been at all times remarkable. A cadaverousness of complexion; an eye large, liquid, and luminous beyond comparison; lips somewhat thin and very pallid, but of a surpassingly beautiful curve; a nose of a delicate Hebrew model, but with a breadth of nostril unusual in similar formations; a finely moulded chin, speaking, in its want of prominence, of a want of moral energy; hair of a more than web-like softness and tenuity; these features, with an inordinate expansion above the regions of the temple, made up altogether a countenance not easily to be forgotten. And now in the mere exaggeration of the prevailing character of these features, and of the expression they were wont to convey, lay so much of change that I doubted to whom I spoke.