Introducing the main character

[Oliveman]

I have run accross a stumbling point in my novel, already. I want to be sure that the set up I have to introduce my main character, who we'll just call Bob here for classified reasons ^_-. In any case, Bob's story begins in a town that is surrounded by mountains on one side and sea cliffs on the other, has had no contact with other civilizations for ages and ages, but is totally self-sufficient. Thing is, they never concern themselves with what is "beyond the mountains", but Bob is, and in fact he is interested in all sorts of things that are no concern of the people in the village, as they all have their own lives to live, and with it their own problems. It is a family metaphor, really, this town, but one which Bob is noticably different from. Anyway, I plan to introduce him in the first chapter by first showing little scenes throughout the town, surface level snapshots of the townsfolk that will be important later, which all connect untill you get to Bob's school, where his seat is conspicuously empty. It then switches over to following Bob, who you get, as a first image, him standing in a wooded clearing, shooting one of his arrows at the sun. The action then continues, and whatever it is that he was doing that day commences. Oh and by the way this is a medival-ish era fantasy novel I am fixing to write, if you were wondering at the bow. This probably isn't enough information, but I just want to know what you think about this sequence as a viable way of setting up the character's introduction. I mean this in terms of: should I show Bob first? Should I go into Bob's history first? Should I only provide description of the town and general info about its inhabitents?

thanks for helping as these characters and this plot come alive in my head

[Willowmound]

I hope you pay more attention to grammar in your WIP than what you have done here.

Start with conflict, something interesting that will grab the reader. Snapshots of the status quo is probably not the best way to go. I say probably.

You don't have to introduce your MC immediately, but if you don't, you should have a good reason for it.

[TheIT]

Start somewhere. Get the story going and keep writing. By the time you finish the story you might decide the story should start in a different place, so use what you've got now as a springboard to launch the story.

That said, IMHO and without seeing any of what's been written, I usually prefer to be introduced to the main character before the setting. Either way can work, but for me, I like to connect immediately to the person whose story I'll be sharing for the next several hundred pages.

What point of view is the story? The POV choice will also suggest how to begin.

[J.S Greer]

I plan to introduce him in the first chapter by first showing little scenes throughout the town, surface level snapshots of the townsfolk that will be important later, which all connect untill you get to Bob's school, where his seat is conspicuously empty. It then switches over to following Bob, who you get, as a first image, him standing in a wooded clearing, shooting one of his arrows at the sun.

That should work well enough, if youre clever about it. Quick also. Most times, you want to start your story with action, rather than building up to the action.

Id personally start with Bob, and let his feelings and senses be the few paragraphs of tone setting. Then get into the character proper, and include the snapshots of the people from Bob's POV.

I hope this makes any sense at all. :)

[zenofeller]

should I show Bob first? Should I go into Bob's history first? Should I only provide description of the town and general info about its inhabitents?


you probably should not start into the main character right off.

[Zolah]

I'd just like to add: it seems a little odd for there to be a conventional sort of school with rows of seats if you're writing something supposedly Medieval. There were no schools like that in that era. Life was too hard to spare good little workers from the farm, the loom, or the mill to learn to read. Unless you have a very good reason for this region to school their children (and school them in what? That's a good question too) this will seem silly.

[J.S Greer]

The point about the schools is a good one. Id say it should be less formal unless it is formal for a reason. Then again its a story, and the world can take whatever shape you want it to. Realism is important though.

[blacbird]

Does Bob do anything? If so, have Bob do something.

caw

[J.S Greer]

Does Bob do anything? If so, have Bob do something.

caw

even walking through the city, taking in the sights and running into people, while he is on his way somewhere.

[Willowmound]

Realism is important though.

Actually, what's important is to make the reader believe the story is 'real'.

The point about the school is good. It's the kind of thing that can easily throw the reader's willing suspension of disbelief, as them calls it.

[farfromfearless]

School? Only the wealthy and those aligned with the church had any academic training in those days, in fact even many of the nobility were as ignorant as a peasant, barely able to write their own name. Be careful on that point.

Back story is useful but it is a tool that must be used appropriately. You CAN start off your story by fleshing out the village and the world in that sense but be very sure that it is interesting enough to catch a reader's attention. I am of the opinion that your story and the introduction of the main character should start as soon as possible. Shooting the arrow at the sun is a good start.

[Stacia Kane]

There were schools (ed to add--in the larger cities), especially in the later medieval period, and while most people couldn't read and/or write, quite a few could as well. The Boudlian Library at Oxford has extant manuscripts of novels and stories from this period, from 11th-16th centuries. (Their ms go back into the 6th and 7th centuries, actually.)

*sorry...sore spot*

[greglondon]

thumbrule: person, place, problem.

Bob, in an isolated village in medieval times,
and Bob doesn't want to be isolated anymore.

thumbrule: The closer your point of view to the characters, the closer your reader can get to your characters.

Your post talks about Bob from omniscient point of view. You'll need to move the camera closer and get right behind Bob, follow what he is doing, tell us what he is thinking in the moment.

thumbrule: start at the beginning.

I wouldn't start with scenery and setting and how the town is,
and then show how Bob is different. I'd start at the point where
Bob realizes on some level that he's different, show that moment,
then bring in the rest of the world and explain how it works after.

Your milage may vary.

[greglondon]

hm, that person,place,problem could be written:

Bob, in a town where everyone is the same,
and Bob is different.

Ever see "The Point"?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067595/
It was written by Harry Nilsson,
of the "Lime in the Coconut" fame.
I like his stuff and "The Point" is
about someone who is different
when everyone else is the same.

[triceretops]

Kind of sounds like it could start the way the Hobbit story began, with Bilbo filled with the need to go adventuring. Is shooting an arrow at the sun significant? Maybe he wants to follow that arrow and leave everybody behind in the village, since no one dares to leave (the shire), only Bob is a rebel of sorts.

There's your hook conflict--Bob shooting the arrow at the sun and he vows to follow it. Cut to....an empty place in the school tent/room, where he's supposed to be sitting. There's your problem. A sense of adventure or civil disobedience. Follow?

Just a suggestion.

Run your character up a tree (present a major problem), throw rocks at him whilst he's in the tree (give him hardship), let his solve his problems after numerous failures, which leads to (taking him out of the tree).

Tri

[PeeDee]

And remember my golden rule of beginnings (and character introduction, for that matter): When in doubt, set the house on fire with your character in it. Then go from there.

[maestrowork]

Start your book in the middle of something going on, and introduce your character soon, unless there is a good reason to do otherwise (say, Han Solo doesn't appear until midway because, well, his story doesn't start until then).

If something happens after the main character shoots an arrow at the sun, then start there. If not, if he's just doing target practice, maybe start somewhere else where there is a definite plot movement. Like PeeDee said, set the house on fire with your character in it. Don't just stand there and look at a beautiful house and the sunset behind it.

The opening "meet the town" kind of crane shot doesn't work well. We are not watching a movie. Two very different media.

It's by far one of the most common mistakes new writers make: to start the story with a "show the neighborhood" or "let's tell the history of the character" scene. Read some best-sellers and see how the masters opened their books and introduce their characters.

[Gillhoughly]

Always introduce the character and his "driver" asap--as in from page one. The driver is what leads your character into conflict. He lives in a pokey, isolated town, big deal, what does he DO.

It is not fair to judge things by your thumbnail of the town and its area, but my eyes were glazing over while reading the first two (way too long) lines. It read like a film script treatment.

You can get away setting a scene like this in a film, because the film clips run for 10-15 seconds then sweeps into the life and times of the MC.

In a book you need to hook a wary reader who's checking out the first page while standing in a bookstore. Make the character so interesting from the start that the reader HAS to find out more about him. Isolated towns are a dime a dozen, however much you may love this one.

I suggest checking through the Miss Snark Crap-o-Meter contests for past examples of how not to do an opening.

People want to know about a person first, then his home town. You can weave in the pretty scene dressing as your MC moves through it, but there are very few experienced writers who open with a landscape. Most of them know better and always start with the main character first, and he's doing something interesting.

Your story starts with him shooting the arrow. Depending on the tech development of the place it can take a full day to make an arrow. Why is he wasting a whole day's work?

Good luck.

[Julie Worth]

Bob [is] standing in a wooded clearing, shooting one of his arrows at the sun.

Have the arrow come down in the eye of a prince, and go from there.

[PeeDee]

Have the arrow come down in the eye of a prince, and go from there.

THAT, I would read.

[AdamH]

I mean this in terms of: should I show Bob first? Should I go into Bob's history first? Should I only provide description of the town and general info about its inhabitents?



Yes. To all of these.

More specifically. Show Bob first. If we don't get to know your main character on a personal level, we won't care about his history or his environment. After you establish his character, his quirks, his loves, his hates, his...whatever...then delve into his history to explain why he is how he is. As for his environment and the people in the town, if it serves the purpose of painting a picture of the story, write it. But, at any point, when you reread it, if it seems to slow the plot down and get in the way, trim it.

That's all I gotta say about that! :)

[blacbird]

hm, that person,place,problem could be written:

Bob, in a town where everyone is the same,
and Bob is different.



How different? In whose judgment? Different from whom? From what?

Show Bob doing something "different".

caw

[Oliveman]

Haha I appreciate all the advice. I was rushed when I posted that last night, so of course it had errors here or there. Moreover, I was being massively general on purpose. I get the point that you need to have something to draw in the reader, and that you need to move on to the main character fairly quickly. The whole beginning, what you could call the unofficial prelude, is filled with strange inconsistences: a caretaker of a clocktower that doesn't tick, odd names for things, people running into eachother with alot of "unsaid dialogue", and delightfully odd characters. These all have to do with Bob, but also are there for the larger picture of the novel. For me it is more about suspending disbelief than it is jumping right into the personal account of the main character, though I realize many people do this first, since people can relate to... well, other people. From your comments I gather, though, that I need to make this transition quickly and deftly, if at all.

Oh and the part about the schools... this is a self-sufficient community, one that is much like a family in its relations. Everyone goes to school, it is not a matter of wealth, since there is no real reason for power in the community... or not one they realize. Remember that medival or not, this is another world, whose technology may have progressed at the same rate and order, but whose culture might be rather different... or, again, strangely similar.

Please feel free to comment on this plan, now that I've laid it out a bit more. Thanks for what you've said so far!

[Soccer Mom]

The important thing to keep in mind if you're starting off with a lot of little vignettes is to make sure we care. The danger in starting off with a bunch of minor characters doing things that we don't understand is that we (the reader) will be confused or bored. This tends to make us wander off. We're dumb like sheep that way. HOOK us. Make us care about something or someone right away. Keep that in mind when drafting your beginning.

[davids]

It then switches over to following Bob, who you get, as a first image, him standing in a wooded clearing, shooting one of his arrows at the sun.

What I am getting is you do not know how to introduce Bob in your WIP? Correct?

Bob shot his arrow toward the sun. "I wonder what is on the other side of the sun?" If as it seems in your work you have a bit of a phylosopher here-a chap who considers what might be on the other side of the mountains, the hills, the valleys, or for that matter the sun-perhaps this is a direct way to do so. You could then introduce conflict-dialogue et al. Just a suggestion. You know, the rest of the story.

[Carrie in PA]

The important thing to keep in mind if you're starting off with a lot of little vignettes is to make sure we care. The danger in starting off with a bunch of minor characters doing things that we don't understand is that we (the reader) will be confused or bored. This tends to make us wander off. We're dumb like sheep that way. HOOK us. Make us care about something or someone right away. Keep that in mind when drafting your beginning.

Exactly.

Baaaaaa. :D


The whole beginning, what you could call the unofficial prelude, is filled with strange inconsistences: a caretaker of a clocktower that doesn't tick, odd names for things, people running into eachother with alot of "unsaid dialogue", and delightfully odd characters. These all have to do with Bob, but also are there for the larger picture of the novel. For me it is more about suspending disbelief than it is jumping right into the personal account of the main character, though I realize many people do this first, since people can relate to... well, other people. From your comments I gather, though, that I need to make this transition quickly and deftly, if at all.



Ok, but I'm not going to suspend disbelief if I don't care about anyone in the story. Without more detail, I would venture to say this sounds more like an info-dump than a beginning. Be careful with that.

[Bufty]

Oliveman,

When reading the opening to a Novel, I'm looking for the answers to three questions -
1. Where am I?
2. What's happening?
3. In whose head am I supposed to be?

It's not advisable to keep a reader waiting too long for those answers, no matter how clever the opening may seem.

[Oliveman]

Well I've made sure that you can care about these people, I'm just wondering if it's too long. It's in third person by the way, so it just hops from who it is looking at, with the first long scene being of the clock keeper.

And about him firing an arrow at the sun, he is in the middle of something, then, seeing the sun rise above the treeline, greets the morning in reckless delight... he's not trying to shoot the sun, since that would be rather impractical

So as for "whose head?", you don't get into anyone's head really, and their thoughts, till the main character, so you just see the outside of these beginning characters.

My question is this: if the info is pertinent, if you care about the characters, if the action draws you in and makes you ask questions, is it ok to include it before the main character is mentioned?

And as for an info dump, that's exactly what it isnt because you only see bits and pieces before the main character comes in and you're allowed a chance to gain this info you've been made to want through him. For instance I wouldn't talk about the geography of the area in the beginning, but rather when Bob is charting his course through the woods, or some device like that. Infodumps make me sick like anyone else.

[Bufty]

Give it a whirl and see what happens.

[maestrowork]

It seems like you have it all figured out.

Write it and let your betas tell you if that flies.

[Oliveman]

Thanks for your help, I will return if I have any more questions :)

[Willowmound]

My question is this: if the info is pertinent, if you care about the characters, if the action draws you in and makes you ask questions, is it ok to include it before the main character is mentioned?

Anything is okay as long as you can pull it off.

The trick, of course, is pulling it off.

[greglondon]

It's in third person by the way, so it just hops from who it is looking at, with the first long scene being of the clock keeper.

So as for "whose head?", you don't get into anyone's head really, and their thoughts, till the main character, so you just see the outside of these beginning characters..

I wouldn't recommend using some character's poitn of view unless they have their own story. If you choose them for your POV simply because they have an interesting camera angle, cut it. Unless they have a story of their own, a plot arc, etc, a lot of readers won't CARE about them or what they're looking at. And at that point, all you've got is a walking camera. Boring.

And as for an info dump, that's exactly what it isnt because you only see bits and pieces before the main character comes in and you're allowed a chance to gain this info you've been made to want through him. For instance I wouldn't talk about the geography of the area in the beginning, but rather when Bob is charting his course through the woods, or some device like that. Infodumps make me sick like anyone else.

If it isn't a character going through their own plot arc (something like: problem identified, tried to solve and failed, problem resolved either good or bad), then everything told from their poitn of view is infodump.

The only time you do NOT have an info dump is when you are following the poitn of view of a character who is going through their plot, who is changing because of what he is doing.

If your story is a "tall tale" about a world, then the characters don't matter and you can wow your readers with the world. But if your story isn't about the world, but about the characters and their stories, then you need to keep everything inside the heads of characters who have stories worth reading.

While you're following these characters, you can tell teh reader about thei world, but the characters must be moving along their plot arc somehow.

[Willowmound]

If your story is a "tall tale" about a world, then the characters don't matter and you can wow your readers with the world. But if your story isn't about the world, but about the characters and their stories, then you need to keep everything inside the heads of characters who have stories worth reading.

But all stories are about the characters. People care about people, and 'no one' cares about a world unless they first care about the people who live in it.

Even Asimov's Robot stories, and London's Whitefang stories (dogs and wolves) were about people -- at heart.

[blacbird]

If your story is a "tall tale" about a world, then the characters don't matter and you can wow your readers with the world.

Utter nonsense.

caw

[J.S Greer]

Actually, what's important is to make the reader believe the story is 'real'.


And that is what I meant.

If your story is a "tall tale" about a world, then the characters don't matter and you can wow your readers with the world.

I second blacbirds call of utter nonsense. I dont read a book to hear about a world for 20 chapters. I read to follow the paths of characters in a world.

There's a huge difference.

[Scarlett_156]

I suggest checking through the Miss Snark Crap-o-Meter contests for past examples of how not to do an opening.

... what is that, anyway? I hear people refer to it, and yet I have no idea what or where it is on the board. I searched for the phrase "crap-o-meter" and that just returned nearly every topic that has ever been posted here.

[Willowmound]

I suggest checking through the Miss Snark Crap-o-Meter contests for past examples of how not to do an opening.

... what is that, anyway? I hear people refer to it, and yet I have no idea what or where it is on the board. I searched for the phrase "crap-o-meter" and that just returned nearly every topic that has ever been posted here.

I'd like to know that too.

[Stacia Kane]

http://www.misssnark.blogspot.com

Look up the Snarkives. Go back and check posts in early August of this year.

[J.S Greer]

I'd like to know that too.

Its on the main page, on the right hand side, link and all.

[Willowmound]

Thanks-a-bunch.

[Gillhoughly]

The whole beginning, what you could call the unofficial prelude, is filled with strange inconsistences

Which are going to torpedo your book with any publisher/agent/beta reader.

Only experienced writers with a good track record of sales and hoards of blindly loyal fans can get away with that device. I've got a piece of that sort of thing and I'm never going to start a book like that because it doesn't grab people. You can do it, but it ain't gonna sell.

Start with your character first. No one but you cares about his home town. AFTER people get to know your guy then they will be in the mood to see him react to his environment.

For an excellent example of how to do this well read (the local library WILL have a copy as it won a Pulitzer) A Confederacy of Dunces (http://www.amazon.com/Confederacy-Dunces-Evergreen-Book/dp/0802130208/sr=1-1/qid=1165415070/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-7389385-2656659?ie=UTF8&s=books)by John Kennedy Toole. Trust me, it will totally help you as a writer. It's too good a read for you to miss, and its elements are common to all good books.

Dang. I started reading the "look inside" excerpt and got sucked in again. I'll have to go find my copy & re-read it. Forgot how good it is...!

[greglondon]

Quote:
Originally Posted by greglondon
If your story is a "tall tale" about a world, then the characters don't matter and you can wow your readers with the world.


Utter nonsense.

caw

Some readers will read "idea" stories even if the characters are a bit flat.
Some will read stories that have really interesting worlds, even if the
characters do little other than observe teh world.

There are a lot of stories that establish a normal character similar to the
reading audience, then thrust that character into some alien world,
and spend a good chunk of the story showing how this alien world is
NOT like the world the character or the reader is familiar with.
The story then usually ends with the character being thrust back home
often as if nothing had ever hapened.

Sure, there are things about the character that you care about,
often the main one being surviving the alien world, and the other
one being getting back home or getting back to some sense of "normal".

Cat in the Hat, is an example.
It's a kids book, but I don't recall the two children going through
any sort of character development. The entire story is nothing
more than "look how weird this cat and all his companions are".

I've heard a science fiction editor refer to
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as a tall tale.
Arthur Dent doesn't do much of anything other than
say "oh my" and "do you have any tea" for a lot of the story.
It's the weirdness of the world that carries that story.
Yes, you care if Arthur lives, but a lot of that is carried
by the fact that the world in which the story occurs
is friggen hilarious all on its own. I don't think Arthur
changes in any significant way in the first book.

[aruna]

Have the arrow come down in the eye of a prince, and go from there.

Yes! I like that. Or the eye of the princess he is destined to love.

[Éclairer]

I plan to introduce him in the first chapter by first showing little scenes throughout the town, surface level snapshots of the townsfolk that will be important later, which all connect untill you get to Bob's school, where his seat is conspicuously empty. It then switches over to following Bob, who you get, as a first image, him standing in a wooded clearing, shooting one of his arrows at the sun.

I love that for a beginning. It would grab my interest. People assume that the reader wants action right away; I think we underestimate the reader. If there is a book, chances are there's a plot, and I think the reader's smart enough to figure that out. I don't pick up a book and think "crap on a stick, the first chapter's dribble about a particularly involved recipe for baguettes --the entire book's going to be flour, flour, flour" --never mind the title's "Adventures from the Depths of Gibble : the Dragon Ebert" ... a vicious looking deerhound on the front cover baring his fangs.

*shakes head* Too many authors start off with action right away. I like action as much as the next person, but I also like character and as a character driven reader and writer, I think your beginning is perfect.

[Axeminister]

When reading the opening to a Novel, I'm looking for the answers to three questions -
1. Where am I?
2. What's happening?
3. In whose head am I supposed to be?

Check out just the first sentence, it answers all 3 questions...

"I’m a sweating fat kid standing on the edge of the subway platform staring at the tracks. I’m 17 years old, weigh 296 pounds, and I’m 6 foot 1. I have a crew cut, yes a crew cut, sallow skin, and the kind of mouth that puckers when I breathe. I’m wearing a shirt that reads, “Miami Beach – Spring Break 1997” and huge, bland tan pants - the only kind of pants I own. Eight pairs, all tan."

Taken from KL Going's "Fat Kid Rules the World"

I've always liked that beginning as a good example of starting where the action is. It creates an instant picture.

Axe

[greglondon]

person: He was an old man who fished alone
place: in a skiff in teh Gulf Stream
problem: and he had gone 84 days now without taking a fish.

The first sentence of "The Old Man and The Sea".

[badducky]

I, for one, am extremely confused by your original post and have only a vague sense that I know what you're trying to accomplish.

However, I believe I have seen a similar opening in the past involving the words, "Who is John Galt?"

In general, I try to avoid any literary technique utilized by Ayn Rand, because I don't like her writing at all.

In this case, however, such a question might work. "Where's Bob?" asked enough times by enough interested parties (but not too much) might just be your hook.

[J.S Greer]

"I’m a sweating fat kid standing on the edge of the subway platform staring at the tracks. I’m 17 years old, weigh 296 pounds, and I’m 6 foot 1. I have a crew cut, yes a crew cut, sallow skin, and the kind of mouth that puckers when I breathe. I’m wearing a shirt that reads, “Miami Beach – Spring Break 1997” and huge, bland tan pants - the only kind of pants I own. Eight pairs, all tan."


That is exactly the type of info dumping that we ride people about here. That paragraph would make me stop reading, although youre right when you say it sets the tone.

[Miss Java]

Kind of sounds like it could start the way the Hobbit story began, with Bilbo filled with the need to go adventuring. Is shooting an arrow at the sun significant? Maybe he wants to follow that arrow and leave everybody behind in the village, since no one dares to leave (the shire), only Bob is a rebel of sorts.


The first thing I thought of was the Hobbit too, or more specifically, the first Lord of the Rings Movie.

I would start with something more. Books are a bit different than movies, in a movie you can scan a town or whatever. In a book, it can end up becoming dull (not all the time of course).

Not that you have to make something explode or anything...

[Willowmound]

I've heard a science fiction editor refer to
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as a tall tale.
Arthur Dent doesn't do much of anything other than
say "oh my" and "do you have any tea" for a lot of the story.
It's the weirdness of the world that carries that story.
Yes, you care if Arthur lives, but a lot of that is carried
by the fact that the world in which the story occurs
is friggen hilarious all on its own. I don't think Arthur
changes in any significant way in the first book.

The HGttG is utterly dependent on Arthur Dent. It's the wierdness contrasted to his ordinariness that make the books funny. Arthur Dent is also very easy to identify with. I cared deeply for him.

[Willowmound]

That is exactly the type of info dumping that we ride people about here. That paragraph would make me stop reading, although youre right when you say it sets the tone.

It's not an info dump -- it's a device. The description becomes intriguing because of its exactness. I certainly wanted to continue reading.

It would have been different had this not been the opening.

[Axeminister]

That is exactly the type of info dumping that we ride people about here.

I'll keep that in mind for the future. Five sentences from a novel as an example for the original poster to read = info dump...

Axe