Rape of Language...do I stutter?

[Little Red Barn]

iojo9

[BruceJ]

I've seen stuttering reflected with dashes pretty effectively. I'm not s-s-s-ure if it's the c-c-correct way to d-do it, b-b-b-but it s-s-seems to do the j-j-job.

[John61480]

I like what Bruce showed. It seems to work best when the first letter of the word is stuttered.

[BruceJ]

Not to push my luck, but severe stuttering can be accented with ellipsis or partial ellipsis, I think. "I c-c-can't s-seem to...g-get my p-p-point...m-m-made." Dunno, that may be overdoing it.

[Little Red Barn]

Thanks guys would this be correct...?
G-g-irl, y-y-y-our're p-pr-pre-tty?

[Elektra]

A lot of readers tend to skip over studdering, however, as it severely slows down the pace, and calls attention to the writing. Usually just"he stuttered the words" works well, though it's not as dramatic.

[BruceJ]

True. Any device like this is devalued with use. It's a fine line between what gets the idea across (e.g., is really important that he's stuttering?) and what become annoying to the reader, a tripping point.

[Little Red Barn]

A lot of readers tend to skip over studdering, however, as it severely slows down the pace, and calls attention to the writing. Usually just"he stuttered the words" works well, though it's not as dramatic.

I thought of that Elektra, but he only says 3 lines in my entire book and I wanted my reader too feel the pain, in this sentence. thanks, kimmi

[BruceJ]

Thanks guys would this be correct...?
G-g-irl, y-y-y-our're p-pr-pre-tty?

I think I'd stick with just the first letter, kimmi. It's kinda like abstract art--Monet didn't paint every ripple in the water, just a few lily pads. You're suggesting a speech impediment that most readers are already aware of and can identify. No need to repeat each letter/grouping. Go subtle and let their imaginations picture the saliva projectiles. Just a thought.

[BruceJ]

I know, I know. Monet was an impressionist, not an abstract artist. B-b-but you know w-w-what I mean, right? :)

[Little Red Barn]

I know, I know. Money was an impressionist, not an abstract artist. B-b-but you know w-w-what I mean, right? :)

Er..Nope! Guess it's my stupid day..again!
"G-g-irl y-y-our're p-p-retty????"

[BruceJ]

Er..Nope! Guess it's my stupid day..again!
"G-g-irl y-y-our're p-p-retty????"

Maybe, "G-girl, y-y-you're..p-p-pretty." For readability, I'd make sure the root of the word (when he finally gets it out) begins with the letter being sprayed. That shows the speech problem, but doesn't make the reader have to work so hard to stitch the real word together.

[Little Red Barn]

Maybe, "G-girl, y-y-you're..p-p-pretty." For readability, I'd make sure the root of the word (when he finally gets it out) begins with the letter being sprayed. That shows the speech problem, but doesn't make the reader have to work so hard to stitch the real word together.
Bruce, B b-big T-t-t-thanks!!!;) kimmi

[BruceJ]

you b-betcha!

[Celia Cyanide]

A lot of readers tend to skip over studdering, however, as it severely slows down the pace, and calls attention to the writing. Usually just"he stuttered the words" works well, though it's not as dramatic.

I don't know about that. I think I would skip over, " 'Girl, you're pretty,' he studdered," because I would assume "studdered" was another one of those words the writer used, when the character did not, in fact, studder, hiss, or begin, but merely "said." I agree with BruceJ.

[Little Red Barn]

Thanks Celia, it's a very intense moment in my book...
thanks to all. kimmi

[maddythemad]

Thanks guys would this be correct...?
G-g-irl, y-y-y-our're p-pr-pre-tty?

IMHO, that's a bit much. I would say something like, "G-g-girl, you're p-pretty" or something like that.

[anodyne]

Just a thought, is this guy supposed to be greasy, cloying and unlikeable?

Cause if not, I would rethink the use of the word girl.

[Little Red Barn]

Just a thought, is this guy supposed to be greasy, cloying and unlikeable?

Cause if not, I would rethink the use of the word girl.

He is an eight year old boy and a ghost from late rural 50's to boot!

[Rabe]

I wonder why it hasn't been pointed out that we don't actually say 'g' but utter the sound for it. Ditto for 'p'.

So, wouldn't it come across more realistically as:

"guh-guh-girl you're puh-puh-pretty?"

A guy I work with stutters but to get around it, he starts most of his sentences with "Aaaaahhhh" to get him to the point where he can speak the sentence. As he also used to have to work on the radio with dispatch, it was fun to listen to him.

Rabe...

[writermom]

When people stutter, they don’t stutter every word in the entire sentence. Less is better.

[jbal]

All this makes me think of King's It where there is a character who stutters. However he did it, it worked because I don't remember. Anyone remember?

[janetbellinger]

Good point, wirtermom. I believe it's often the first word of the sentence that's stuttered, then when the speaker gets that one out the rest of the sentence comes more easily.
When people stutter, they don’t stutter every word in the entire sentence. Less is better.

[CBeasy]

I prefer the way Bruce suggested it versus the idea of just adding "he stuttered" to the end or the beginning of the quote. To me, just telling me he stuttered doesn't paint the picture quite as well because I'm going to read the sentence whole, then I get told it was stuttered. If I actually read it broken, it seems to really paint the picture of his speech.

[anodyne]

He is an eight year old boy and a ghost from late rural 50's to boot!

If it works it works.

I'm just saying, if it doesn't work...

[BruceJ]

To me, just telling me he stuttered doesn't paint the picture quite as well because I'm going to read the sentence whole, then I get told it was stuttered. If I actually read it broken, it seems to really paint the picture of his speech.

Yeah, I think it's the old "show don't tell" rule of thumb.

Also good point by Rabe, but I think just using the letter as a symbol for the sound (which is what letters are) suffices. Otherwise the written sentence gets bulky and harder to plow through than it needs to be to achieve the effect.

[Arkie]

If you have someone stutter, do it for a purpose; otherwise, it's confusing.

I'm reading Ann Beattie's latest book of short stories, "Follies," Scribner, 2005. In one story, she has a female character say, "L-l-l-linda," she said, smiling, coming through the doors of the train station.

The conversation between this character and the other proceeds normally. A couple of pages of dialogue later she has the character say, "Isn't it kind of a f-f-funny time for me to be coming?"

Unless I've been asleep at the wheel, I find no reason for this character's stuttering.