yldii
09-02-2004, 05:04 AM
What do you guys think.
funny is tough but I have to keep pluggin away.
FADE IN:
EXT. 16TH CENTURY CATHEDRAL, ENGLAND - MORNING
A bell sounds in the distance, growing louder as we sweep
across the medieval English countryside toward the
brilliantly adorned cathedral on the hill.
SUPER:
WESTSHIER ABBY
Crowds of parishioners gather in front of the Abby while more
make the trek up the road from the village below. Monks
scurry to the Abby from the huge open gates of the monastery
next-door.
INT. MONASTERY CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS
WILLIAM, a young monk, stands in the dimly lit corridor
facing an open door.
WILLIAM
Brother Thomas, we're going to be
late for the ceremony.
THOMAS, the pudgy bright-eyed monk, emerges from the open
door joining William in the corridor.
THOMAS
(Calmly)
Patience brother.
William links arms with Thomas and hurries along the hallway
with Thomas in tow.
WILLIAM
Patience may be a virtue my friend,
but if you mess up the bishop's
arrival ceremony the Abbott will
have your head.
EXT. MONASTERY COURTYARD - CONTINUOUS
From above the courtyard we see William and Thomas exit the
monastery and head for the gates. Thomas is still tieing the
sash of his robe as William brushes the lint from Thomas'
shoulder.
As the two monks exit the gates we see Thomas' foot being
firmly planted into a big, wet, steaming pile of horse
manure. He slows to a hobble, trying to scrape it from his
foot. William grabs Thomas' arm again, pulling him along.
WILLIAM
Hurry Thomas.
THOMAS
But William.
WILLIAM
(frustrated)
What is it?
THOMAS
Poop William, I stepp....
WILLIAM
Well you should have went before we
left.
THOMAS
No, I don't have to, I mean, its
just that I ste....
Thomas is interrupted by a sharp yank on the arm as William
pulls him along toward the Abby.
EXT. WESTSHIER ABBY - CONTINUOUS
The ABBOTT stands with several monks in front of the
Cathedral greeting parishioners as they enter. A lavish
coach approaches.
ABBOTT
The bishop arrives my brothers so
show some reverence.
The coach pulls up and BISHOP OCLEARY emerges from it. The
monks stand with there heads bowed in respect.
ABBOTT
Ah, your eminence. It's a pleasure
to see you again.
The Bishop extends his hand and the Abbott bows and kisses
his ring.
BISHOP
The pleasure is mine good Abbott.
ABBOTT
Your too kind old friend.
The Abbott and his monks escort the Bishop through the crowd
of bowing onlookers.
ABBOTT
We've prepared a ceremony for your
arrival.
BISHOP
How very nice.
They make their way through the crowd and into the Abby.
INT. WESTSHIER ABBY - CONTINUOUS
A murmur fills the huge church, but subsides as the choir
starts to sing. The crowd fills the pews as we move down the
isle toward the alter.
Ornate sculptures of angels, cherubs and other religious
figures adorn the grand architecture of the Abby. Behind the
podium stands a large statue of a crucified Jesus, which
dominates the Alter. A huge banner welcoming the Bishop,
hangs from the vaulted ceiling, spanning the entire room. On
one side of the room, a three tiered balcony above the crowd
is filled with choirboys. On the other side is a large pipe
organ. On either side of the alter are archways, through
which we see assemblies of monks waiting in the alcoves.
INT. ALCOVE -
While not as highly decorated as the main hall, the
architecture in the alcove is still quite lovely. Polished
marble columns and arches which are open to the outside.
The monks are taking their positions in a single file line.
Thomas is about half way in the line of twenty some-odd
monks, with William standing just in front of him.
The monk in front of William sniffs a couple of times and
with a slight wrinkle of his nose, he turns to William and
shoots him a look of disgust. William shrugs his shoulders
as he also becomes aware of the odor.
WILLIAM
(whispering)
What? It wasn't me.
Thomas looks embarrassed and tries to be nonchalant. As we
cycle through toward the back of the line, each monk sniffs
and lifts his feet, checking to see if they had stepped in
something.
INT. ABBY -
As the choir end their song, the Abbott takes his place
behind the podium and clears his throat. The bishop stands
by his side.
ABBOTT
Welcome, welcome all. Today we
have a special guest.
A small applause comes from the crowd.
ABBOTT (CONT'D)
Let us show him the true spirit of
hospitality, as we welcome him to
Westshier.
The crowd applauds louder. The Abbott motions to the
organist who then begins to play. The monks emerge from the
alcoves in single file, meeting in front of the alter and
continue up the isle two by two. As Thomas passes each pew,
the people in the first couple of seats closest to the isle
sniff and check the bottoms of their feet.
The monks make their way to the back of the crowd and around
to the balcony stairs. The choir exits the balcony from one
side, the monks file in from the other to take their place.
Thomas is standing on the center tier. The music ends.
ABBOTT
Dear friends, I now give you,
Bishop OCleary.
The Bishop steps up to the podium. The crowd is cheering.
Thomas is looking around and on the floor,as if he were
searching for something. He sees a ruler sticking out of a
small pack, which is tied to the sash of one of his fellow
monks. He reaches out and takes the ruler.
BISHOP (O.S.)
(loudly)
Thank you, thank you.
The cheers start to diminish.
BISHOP (CONT'D)
Thank you, I am quite pleased to be
here but, I have to admit that I am
a bit overwhelmed by your warm
welcome.
Another burst of applause.
The bishop's words fade into the background as we focus on
Thomas, who lifts his foot and tries to scrape the manure off
with the ruler. The ruler bends and then snaps back, with
enough force that it flings the smelly mess strait toward the
alter. The ruler also flies out of his hand and lands in
crowd below.
BISHOP
And furthermore I ha....
SPLAT! The Bishop is stopped mid-sentence when the side of
his face is plastered with a stinky horse crap surprise.
The crowd gasps and the Abbot becomes infuriated. He rushes
to the Bishop's assistance. A man in the crowd, TRAVIS
MCFAY, picks up the ruler which had landed at his feet. The
end still covered with poop.
ABBOTT
(harshly)
What is the meaning of this?
McFay holds up the ruler for all to see.
MCFAY
I believe this may help answer your
question sir.
ABBOTT
(to McFay)
How could you defile the Bishop so?
MCFAY
No, I just....
ABBOTT
Remove that man.
MCFAY
But....
Two burly parishioners grab the man and drag him out, kicking
and screaming.
EXT. ABBY -
McFay lands face down in the dirt. The burly men turn and
head back toward the Abby doors. McFay picks himself up,
brushes the dust from his clothes and shakes his fist at the
men.
MCFAY
You'll regret the day you crossed
paths with Travis McFay.
BURLY MAN #1
(sarcastic)
Oooh, I'm so scared.
BURLY MAN #2
Me to, maybe I should start
worrying right now.
The two men, laughing, went back inside the Abby.
INT. ABBY -
The Abbott hands a handkerchief to the bishop.
ABBOTT
My sincerest apologies your
eminence.
The murmur of the crowd is now more like dull roar.
Thomas sees that some of the manure has landed on the
shoulder of the monk in front of him. He pulls his
handkerchief from inside his robe and reaches out in an
attempt to wipe it away. Just then he loses his balance and
almost falls from the balcony, but manages to grab the
welcome banner that hangs from the ceiling. The look of
relief on Thomas' face turns to one of concern when he hears
a loud RIPPING sound. The banner gives out, Thomas topples
over the edge of the balcony, swinging toward the podium.
The bishop is just finishing wiping the mess from his face.
He pulls the handkerchief from his face, opens his eyes and
looks up. Fear takes over his expression as he see Thomas
swinging toward him. Thomas' face shares the same look of
fear.
BAM!!
CRASH!!
THUD!!
Thomas BARRELS into the Bishop and plows him to the floor.
The bishop lay on his back with Thomas straddling his waist.
The Abbott shakes his head in disappointment. William shakes
his head in disappointment. The statue of a crucified Jesus
shakes his head in disappointment.
An embarrassed Thomas smiles down at the flabbergasted
Bishop.
THOMAS
I trust you had a pleasant trip?
funny is tough but I have to keep pluggin away.
FADE IN:
EXT. 16TH CENTURY CATHEDRAL, ENGLAND - MORNING
A bell sounds in the distance, growing louder as we sweep
across the medieval English countryside toward the
brilliantly adorned cathedral on the hill.
SUPER:
WESTSHIER ABBY
Crowds of parishioners gather in front of the Abby while more
make the trek up the road from the village below. Monks
scurry to the Abby from the huge open gates of the monastery
next-door.
INT. MONASTERY CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS
WILLIAM, a young monk, stands in the dimly lit corridor
facing an open door.
WILLIAM
Brother Thomas, we're going to be
late for the ceremony.
THOMAS, the pudgy bright-eyed monk, emerges from the open
door joining William in the corridor.
THOMAS
(Calmly)
Patience brother.
William links arms with Thomas and hurries along the hallway
with Thomas in tow.
WILLIAM
Patience may be a virtue my friend,
but if you mess up the bishop's
arrival ceremony the Abbott will
have your head.
EXT. MONASTERY COURTYARD - CONTINUOUS
From above the courtyard we see William and Thomas exit the
monastery and head for the gates. Thomas is still tieing the
sash of his robe as William brushes the lint from Thomas'
shoulder.
As the two monks exit the gates we see Thomas' foot being
firmly planted into a big, wet, steaming pile of horse
manure. He slows to a hobble, trying to scrape it from his
foot. William grabs Thomas' arm again, pulling him along.
WILLIAM
Hurry Thomas.
THOMAS
But William.
WILLIAM
(frustrated)
What is it?
THOMAS
Poop William, I stepp....
WILLIAM
Well you should have went before we
left.
THOMAS
No, I don't have to, I mean, its
just that I ste....
Thomas is interrupted by a sharp yank on the arm as William
pulls him along toward the Abby.
EXT. WESTSHIER ABBY - CONTINUOUS
The ABBOTT stands with several monks in front of the
Cathedral greeting parishioners as they enter. A lavish
coach approaches.
ABBOTT
The bishop arrives my brothers so
show some reverence.
The coach pulls up and BISHOP OCLEARY emerges from it. The
monks stand with there heads bowed in respect.
ABBOTT
Ah, your eminence. It's a pleasure
to see you again.
The Bishop extends his hand and the Abbott bows and kisses
his ring.
BISHOP
The pleasure is mine good Abbott.
ABBOTT
Your too kind old friend.
The Abbott and his monks escort the Bishop through the crowd
of bowing onlookers.
ABBOTT
We've prepared a ceremony for your
arrival.
BISHOP
How very nice.
They make their way through the crowd and into the Abby.
INT. WESTSHIER ABBY - CONTINUOUS
A murmur fills the huge church, but subsides as the choir
starts to sing. The crowd fills the pews as we move down the
isle toward the alter.
Ornate sculptures of angels, cherubs and other religious
figures adorn the grand architecture of the Abby. Behind the
podium stands a large statue of a crucified Jesus, which
dominates the Alter. A huge banner welcoming the Bishop,
hangs from the vaulted ceiling, spanning the entire room. On
one side of the room, a three tiered balcony above the crowd
is filled with choirboys. On the other side is a large pipe
organ. On either side of the alter are archways, through
which we see assemblies of monks waiting in the alcoves.
INT. ALCOVE -
While not as highly decorated as the main hall, the
architecture in the alcove is still quite lovely. Polished
marble columns and arches which are open to the outside.
The monks are taking their positions in a single file line.
Thomas is about half way in the line of twenty some-odd
monks, with William standing just in front of him.
The monk in front of William sniffs a couple of times and
with a slight wrinkle of his nose, he turns to William and
shoots him a look of disgust. William shrugs his shoulders
as he also becomes aware of the odor.
WILLIAM
(whispering)
What? It wasn't me.
Thomas looks embarrassed and tries to be nonchalant. As we
cycle through toward the back of the line, each monk sniffs
and lifts his feet, checking to see if they had stepped in
something.
INT. ABBY -
As the choir end their song, the Abbott takes his place
behind the podium and clears his throat. The bishop stands
by his side.
ABBOTT
Welcome, welcome all. Today we
have a special guest.
A small applause comes from the crowd.
ABBOTT (CONT'D)
Let us show him the true spirit of
hospitality, as we welcome him to
Westshier.
The crowd applauds louder. The Abbott motions to the
organist who then begins to play. The monks emerge from the
alcoves in single file, meeting in front of the alter and
continue up the isle two by two. As Thomas passes each pew,
the people in the first couple of seats closest to the isle
sniff and check the bottoms of their feet.
The monks make their way to the back of the crowd and around
to the balcony stairs. The choir exits the balcony from one
side, the monks file in from the other to take their place.
Thomas is standing on the center tier. The music ends.
ABBOTT
Dear friends, I now give you,
Bishop OCleary.
The Bishop steps up to the podium. The crowd is cheering.
Thomas is looking around and on the floor,as if he were
searching for something. He sees a ruler sticking out of a
small pack, which is tied to the sash of one of his fellow
monks. He reaches out and takes the ruler.
BISHOP (O.S.)
(loudly)
Thank you, thank you.
The cheers start to diminish.
BISHOP (CONT'D)
Thank you, I am quite pleased to be
here but, I have to admit that I am
a bit overwhelmed by your warm
welcome.
Another burst of applause.
The bishop's words fade into the background as we focus on
Thomas, who lifts his foot and tries to scrape the manure off
with the ruler. The ruler bends and then snaps back, with
enough force that it flings the smelly mess strait toward the
alter. The ruler also flies out of his hand and lands in
crowd below.
BISHOP
And furthermore I ha....
SPLAT! The Bishop is stopped mid-sentence when the side of
his face is plastered with a stinky horse crap surprise.
The crowd gasps and the Abbot becomes infuriated. He rushes
to the Bishop's assistance. A man in the crowd, TRAVIS
MCFAY, picks up the ruler which had landed at his feet. The
end still covered with poop.
ABBOTT
(harshly)
What is the meaning of this?
McFay holds up the ruler for all to see.
MCFAY
I believe this may help answer your
question sir.
ABBOTT
(to McFay)
How could you defile the Bishop so?
MCFAY
No, I just....
ABBOTT
Remove that man.
MCFAY
But....
Two burly parishioners grab the man and drag him out, kicking
and screaming.
EXT. ABBY -
McFay lands face down in the dirt. The burly men turn and
head back toward the Abby doors. McFay picks himself up,
brushes the dust from his clothes and shakes his fist at the
men.
MCFAY
You'll regret the day you crossed
paths with Travis McFay.
BURLY MAN #1
(sarcastic)
Oooh, I'm so scared.
BURLY MAN #2
Me to, maybe I should start
worrying right now.
The two men, laughing, went back inside the Abby.
INT. ABBY -
The Abbott hands a handkerchief to the bishop.
ABBOTT
My sincerest apologies your
eminence.
The murmur of the crowd is now more like dull roar.
Thomas sees that some of the manure has landed on the
shoulder of the monk in front of him. He pulls his
handkerchief from inside his robe and reaches out in an
attempt to wipe it away. Just then he loses his balance and
almost falls from the balcony, but manages to grab the
welcome banner that hangs from the ceiling. The look of
relief on Thomas' face turns to one of concern when he hears
a loud RIPPING sound. The banner gives out, Thomas topples
over the edge of the balcony, swinging toward the podium.
The bishop is just finishing wiping the mess from his face.
He pulls the handkerchief from his face, opens his eyes and
looks up. Fear takes over his expression as he see Thomas
swinging toward him. Thomas' face shares the same look of
fear.
BAM!!
CRASH!!
THUD!!
Thomas BARRELS into the Bishop and plows him to the floor.
The bishop lay on his back with Thomas straddling his waist.
The Abbott shakes his head in disappointment. William shakes
his head in disappointment. The statue of a crucified Jesus
shakes his head in disappointment.
An embarrassed Thomas smiles down at the flabbergasted
Bishop.
THOMAS
I trust you had a pleasant trip?