is this idea any good

[shaneshotsean]

Eric Wethwer has grossed more money at the box office than any other actor ever in the history of cinema: and hes only 33. he's got everything anyone could ever want: fame, fortune, women, friends, clothes, cars, etc. But recently, a bad string of films, public appearance mishaps, tabloid rumors, and the such have devestated his private life. scandolous photos have surfaced debating his sexual orientation (certainly not making his mother happy), and other bad bad icky things are happening to this poor guy (tear). not to mention that the timeless addage "money doesnt buy happiness" is absolutely true in his case. Exhausted, Eric decides to duck from the public eye and pursue directing. He wants to help out young talented kids, and agrees to help star and direct in a student indie film. but on the final day of editing, Eric realizes that the film is absolute crap. Who really would believe that a little girl possesed by the devil can kill her family, rob a bank, and become the first female president of the united states, just to find out that she is the antichrist? Eric decides that the film business is just to hard, depressing, stressful, and full of either idiots, or douchbags (sometimes he can meet in the middle and work with idiotic douchbags) Depressed and not knowing what to do, Eric decides to binge on ice cream, chips and soda, the very thing that would ruin his trademark ripped abs. he sits alone in his gigantic 10 bedroom 15 bathroom mansion........ALONE!!! as he flips through the channels, he notices one of those "donate 5 cents and buy this poor ethopian family of 20 a house" commercials. eric realizes that what he has is way too much than any one person should have, so drunk on beer and slim jims, eric decides to make a rash move. he sells everytrhing he owns and donates it all to poor starving children in third world countries (even though the money is intercepted by a fake donation company scamming people out of their money). eric reatains just enough cash to do what hes always wanted..............nothing. eric decides to go back home to the town he used to grow up in, in oklahoma. its a town of about 1000 people; very small. he buys himself a nice farm right next to the house he used to live in, and keeps just enough money for him to retire on. before he leaves, he decides to change his name, therefor putting the final stamp on a new life; his old one. no one knows what happened to the great Eric Wethwer (imagine tom cruise disappearing forever without a trace). eric finally finds peace and content living at home, even though every now and again he misses the hollywood life. (its funny too, cause the indie project he worked on became a huge cult hit and spawned 3 sequals and made those pimple faced pukes filthy rich and Eric recieved no credit cause he left the project). eric meets his old crush that still lives at home (now she lives in the house eric grew up in) and dreams of moving to LA to become a film star like eric was. she didnt used to like him when they were kids but now since he became a star, she wants to use him to her advantage, but ends up falling in love anyways (dammit). out of the blue, while eric is living the peaceful life with his new girlfriend, he gets called to court. apparently eric a few years ago got a hooker pregenant on a wild night with the guys and didnt know about it (eric wasnt the most moral of characters). now the courts deem the hooker mom unfit to care for the child and tracked down eric to give him custody. so now eric has an 8 year old son he doesnt even know. but he does find out that he is a genius. a certified genius. Conner (the kid) even graduates high school and college the same year. he applies for a position at the newspaper that eric now works at (eric does local movie reviews) and becomes his boss. lets say this is the funny part. but conner only does this to be close to his new dad, and lets say they both learn a lot from each other. conner's dream is to become a filmaker. erics girlfriend Mella wants to become a star, and eric used to be a star. perfect combo right?............wrong!!! for conners birthday present, eric decidesto write a film with him. for his christmas present, he decides to make the film (thats like 7 months away...what a bastard!!). things dont go too well on set cause conner is the director and eric and Mella are the main actors (conner is a control freak and uses his genius as an emotional cover). eric doesnt want to get back into the hollywood scene at first, but after finishing the product with his new wife and kid (yes they get married), he finds a certain joy in that one single project. the public finally gets a hold of the child custody records (erics dedicated fan following are really adamant about finding out what happened to him), and they expose the former star once again in his small oklahoma town. this time around its all right cause hes doing something he loves with the people he loves. their small film garners a lot of awards (oscars mostly), yada yada yada, they move to hollywood and buy a nice (but smaller) house, and live happily ever after. the end

well i dont wanna ramble on too much about it, but i think you get the jist of things. theres a lot i left out so i may have confused some of you but its 3 in the freakin' morning and i dont know why im writing this (im only 12, wooooooooopie), so BLAH! tell me what ya think. BTW -- im not 12, i was kidding.

[Writing Again]

First reaction is that everyone gets excited once in a while: Everyone loses their grammar, forgets a capital letter, misspells a word once in a while: but this is a bit more than most people are ready for.

This post is OK for your private files, but you really should organize your thoughts better before presenting them.

My second reaction is that "she has become president -- Which means she is at least 32 years old, been to college, probably picked up a law degree -- before she realizes she is the Antichrist." She sounds kind of slow to me.

And this movie is made and in the can before he realizes it is crap. He doesn't sound real smart himself.

My suggestion is to let your idea simmer for a while, organize it a bit, then come back and present it for review.

[Gillyflower Cooms]

well i dont wanna ramble on too much

Too late for that, dood. This story is like one of those bad student films your making fun of. This story has no center. It's episodic and uninteresting. It doesn't seem like it would be a good feature but could make a better tv show. A screenplay with this story would have no tension. Aside from his backstory, there's no real interesting conflict here. It definitely isn't a studio film, this is an indie all the way and a boring one too. No offense, dood. Just giving my opinion.

[scripter1]

it's DUDE not dood.

[scripter1]

Shane,

You've got some ideas in there that could become interesting when fully developed and organized.
Right now it rambles.
There is so much going on the whole thing feels as though the story is never going to end.

You need to pick one core conflict.
Then you develop storlylines and events that move that conflict toward a resolution. You've got a mind full of them so write them all down, explore the different roads your character can travel and then pick out the two or three that will best serve your conflict.
Make sure that every character and every event is directly tied to your core conflict and explores your theme.
Nothing just for fun or because it's cool.
It all has to be tied up in one neat little package.

[kojled]

sss

don't know. didn't read it. are you kidding? you think anybody has that kind of time to read a pitch? reduce it to one sentence


zilla

[maestrowork]

You have some geniunely good ideas. But you need to streamline and figure out what your main story is. It seems too complicated and the protagonist goes from this to this to that to this so often we don't really know who he is. Also, be careful. Someone like him, who achieve such monumental success, is not going to be delussional so easily and also wouldn't just be "destroyed" so easily -- I mean, look at Hugh Grant, and he wasn't even that big a star...

Anyway, as of now, you have some good ideas but also some very extreme stuff. Going from one end to another without convincing motivations. You need to sit down and flesh it all out.

[shaneshotsean]

first of all, my name is not Shane. just because its in my username doesnt make my name shane. second, i dont care if my sppellinng sukcks: its a message board for crying out loud, not my thesis! third, some of you got the story totaly mixed up. that part about the little girl killing her family cause she is possesed by a demon and becomes the antichrist and the president and all that crap is just the first scene of the movie where eric reviews the indie film he did with some know nothing college kids for the final time before distribution and suddenly realizes he created a monstrosoty. it ends there; she has nothing else to do with the story. and some of you go out on wild tangents that have nothing to do with what i said: thats why so many works of art get ruined...lost in translation. fourth, my ideas were planned out on a whim. not everything has to be believable in a film. half of you people out there are writing about murderers with psychic abilities that try to solve ghost crimes only to realize the world we live in is just a figment of some gay guys imagination. try selling that to a producer. And some of you say it is boring? jerry maguire is about an agent who loses his clients because he all of a sudden has a heart. he keeps one player and finally gets him the big money contract he wants all the while falling in love for his secretary. too bad such a boring movie won so many acadamey awards (i dont know why i keep using tom cruise refrences). basically, think things out before you critcize someones work. everything i wrote last night was off the top of my head. i started the paragraph with one idea and made stuff up as i went. IMAGINE IF I ACTUALLY SPENT TIME TO THINK THINGS THROUGH. I COULD REALLY HAVE SOMETHIN' HERE.

[Gillyflower Cooms]

We know you're name isn't "Shane," you nimrod, but if that's you're screen name, that's what you'll be called. If you want people to use your real name - then tell us what it is.

It's clear that the exorcist stuff was a "movie" inside the movie but you shouldn't be giving us the plot of it. Just tell us it's a movie about a girl possessed.

If you compared a synopsis of "Jerry McGuire" to your mess, you'd see a big difference. Your idea doesn't even come close. You may want to think your ideas out before you puke them all over the message board.

You may have come up with all this off the top of your head, but I've seen better crap at the bottom of my ass.

You asked if the idea is any good... and I've given you the answer. If you don't like the answer, don't ask the question.

[shaneshotsean]

You can actually see the bottom of your ass? wow! all bendy like eh?

[shaneshotsean]

ok heres a new idea:

a young screenwriter struggles with trying to come up with an original concept for his screenplay. Every time he thinks hes got something, someone shoots it down by saying "ive seen something like that before", or "that sounds a lot like such and such a movie". frustrated he vents his anger to his best friend Beet. Beet loves sciene and inventions and creates all sorts of wild contraptions. Beet has just made a scientifical breakthrough by creating the first time machine ever. but Beet is a shy humble guys and hasnt made much fuss about his genius. the only other person who knows about it is his screenwriter friend Eddie. Eddie comes up with a brilliant plan; he decides to use Beets time machine to go back in time and steal all of the greatest movies ever by creating them himself. Before he leaves for 1970, Eddie prints off all the greatest scripts he can find from the internet: "the sixth sense, titanic, braveheart, jurrasic park". He is going to make steven spielberg look like an amateur, if he even becomes a director now that all of his ideas have been stolen and developed..............now you guys tell me what happens next. hell steal the idea if you want and make it your own. i stole it from another guy. he wont mind

[JustinoIV]

Shane, we can barely read your posts. What makes you think any of us would steal your so called ideas when we can not even comprehend that nonsensical ramble?

I just glanced down at the last sense. I'm not a grammer or spelling freak, mind you. But your post would give anyone a headache. First, learn how to write period.

Then, once you improve your general writing skills, then if you are interested in screenwriting, pursue it. But I think your last sentence says it all. You aren't interested. Instead you're trolling, hoping that one of us will write a script based on the mad ramblings of your post. And probably hoping that you would then be able to sue someone for "stealing" your so called idea.

[A Pathetic Writer]

I just glanced down at the last sense.

Um... you mean "sentence," right?

[Hamboogul]

I'm not a grammer or spelling freak, mind you.

Um... you mean "grammar," right?

[shaneshotsean]

Salutations, my name is Edward Jones and I am currently a second year film student at the University of Southern California. I posted this idea on this message board for the purpose of observing the reactions of my cohorts and their critique. This screenplay has already been written and sold and is in production via Fox Searchlight. The purpose of this experiment was to justify my claim that no opposing writer will genuinely aid another struggling writer that they are in direct competition with. Many of the replies I have received have been overwhelmingly negative, negating any possibility that the struggling writer will retain any valuable information pertaining to the concept. Most of the posts criticized the spelling on my posts or my grammar usage. No response addressed the issue of the topic: is this idea any good? The replies slammed the length of my post and the way it was written. A few replies suggested that it was comparable to human feces (which did address the subject), but overall I was unable to unearth one iota of valuable advice. Thank you to all who participated and I bid you farewell.

[SimonSays]

Hey dude,

You should stick to screenwriting because you make a lousy scientist. You set it up so that you would get little help and few supportive replies because in your last paragraph of your intitial post - you came off like an ass.

In your subsequent postings you shifted to a different part of the anatomy and sounded like a d-ck.

And with all that, there were still people who tried to give you a little encouragement and constructive suggestions. You see other writer's as "opposing writers" and you treat them as such - with no respect. The truth is that many writers are willing to help others. If they are unwilling to help you, maybe it's because you come off as a jerk.

[maestrowork]

Shane or whatever your name is.... at least for me, I truly was trying to help and I thought your experiment was flawed. You presented something messy and convoluted (albeit some interesting ideas) and what do you expect? That we're going to applaud and tell you to go ahead -- to prove what point, exactly?

Re-read my post. I gave you honest opinion. I don't think I was slighting you just for the sake of that.



And so what if I tell you that you need to streamline the story. Is it a wrong advice? Tell me? Or did you honestly think the idea you presented was good?

I find that your attitude is so bad that I'm sketical, actually, that you, a second year film student with no credits, would actually get a project sold to Fox Searchlight already as you claimed. And I'm truly skeptical that Fox Searchlight would be producing that story, as it was presented.

Prove me wrong. I'd like to watch it some day in theater. I'll be watching for it.

I'd rather bet that you're truly 12 and just trying to rile someone up here. No serious professional screen writer would be so "bored" with life that he has to come to a message board to seek entertainment in the way you did.

[shaneshotsean]

I do agree with you that some responses were positive. I posted this thread as if I were a bright eyed and bushy tailed kid who had just ventured into the world of screenwriting and wanted to know what others thought about his ideas. A few years ago, I was exactly that as most of you were. I cut and copied the very first page i ever wrote about this story titled "Mella Dramatic". It was just a page to myself reminding me what my idea was because I usually get a good idea and forget it the next day. I never wanted this thread to be one filled with animosity, but the initial responses just ripped apart something that had nothing to do with what I was asking. I did just this a few years back and received the same response from another board. I wanted to quit right then and there because I didn't take the time to spell supercalifragilisticexpealadotious correctly. I thought that either people wanted me to fail or they were just a bunch of retired English professors with pent up emotions. Im sorry if some of you thought I was a jerk, but I just wanted to see if people have changed. Truce?

[Ravenlocks01]

Oh, it's the old "post something stupid/incomprehensible, take offense when others point out that it's stupid/incomprehensible, then come back a few posts later and say it was all just an experiment to see if other writers would be helpful blah blah blah."

*yawn*

We're not under any obligation to "get" your story (which may very well be ungettable) or to help you. Nobody owes you anything. You're just some stranger on a message board. It's your job to catch our interest, and I think if you had we would have told you so (and a few of us did).

[Gillyflower Cooms]

You're a retard, dood.

That story sucks. I don't give a crap who wrote it or if it sold. I'm pretty sure that whoever sold it (if we're to even believe your dumb story) didn't present it in the illiterate way you did.

[maestrowork]

OK, guys, be nice. Or I'll call the AW cops.

:grin

[aka eraser]

Betty!

I need a cop-car-slamming-on-its-brakes smiley over in Aisle 6 - Screenwriting! Stat!

Shane, all you've proven via your little experiment is that you can stir a message board pot. That, in itself is not a particularly significant achievement.

It's possible that you also have something worthwhile to offer to the forum. I hope so, and if so, I hope you stay - now that the experiment is over.


Edited to add: Gilly, name-calling is lame and the term you used is offensive to many. Please refrain.

[JustinoIV]

APW and Ham, I stand corrected. I should have proofread my post.

[dchapma123]

If this was genuinely an "experiment", I think you have could have simply read the other subjects in this forum. People help out "competing" screenwriters here all the time (albeit the value of that help is somewhat in dispute). And if you're really a second-year film student (as in second-year of masters degree or as in sophomore?), I feel bad for you if you think none of your peers -- your competition, after all -- will help you.

Doubtless a few people 'round here will doubt you're telling the truth about making a sale. I wonder why.

[Optimus Maximus]

What makes you think any of us would steal your so called ideas when we can not even comprehend that nonsensical ramble?
"So-called."

"Cannot." (that is the preferred spelling)
But your post would give anyone a headache.
Comma after, "but."
First, learn how to write period.
Did you mean, "First, learn how to write; period" or "First, learn how to write - period?" Either is acceptable.

Or, were you wanting him to learn how to write the word, "period?"
Then, once you improve your general writing skills, then if you are interested in screenwriting, pursue it.
Speaking of improving general writing skills...

You have two temporal modifiers and contradictory tenses. Should be, "Once you have improved your general writing skills, if you are still interested in screenwriting, pursue it."

Sorry, I stopped reading after that.

[dpaterso]

This screenplay has already been written and sold and is in production via Fox Searchlight.
Universal constant: no matter how badly you write, no matter how unimaginative your story is, no matter how lacking you are in social and presentational skills, there's always some fool somewhere who'll think your piss poor idea can be made into a film.

-Derek
-----------------------My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)

[shaneshotsean]

OK this has gotten totally out of hand. First of all, this is a message board. Im sure if you don't use proper punctuation, capitalization or misspell some words, its OK. For some people, this is a big deal and I can't understand why. This whole thing was not an "experiment", but more of an "observation". During my time as a screenwriter, no one has ever supported me. They actually called me stupid for wanting to pursue such a career, but it was something I always wanted to do. I love telling stories. I know my first post wasn't very potent, as it was not meant to be (even though it was still pretty long). The first time I showed my friends what I showed you, they had a similar reaction. They didn't quite understand what the point of the story was and didn't exactly know what to make of my jumbled ideas. But after working on it for quite some time, I presented to them another synopsis, and another, and another. Each one more precise and accurate pertaining to what I wanted my reader to experience. After a while they understood it. I read a paragraph of someone else's idea, I am left with 5000 questions. But i don't put them down for not giving a detailed concept, i just ask the questions. Usually they tell me and then I understand. When I posted my very first post here, the response I got was the same response I got 3 years ago. Although no one made fun of my spelling as much as you did, It was still overall a negative response. I was a beginner at one point and frankly, still am. I love it when people tell me whats wrong with my ideas, and I love it when they point out what they like. But I despise people who cant look past the misspelled words and maybe a sloppy idea to pick apart what actually matters: the story. I love to read all different types of stories. I look for the heart and the creativeness put into the work. Though sometimes it is hard to put 2 and 2 together, it is worth it. We as the reader will never know what goes on inside the writers head. Only he knows what he is writing about. We as readers are supposed to give input, give inspiration, accolades, advice, support. I just wanted to see if any of you could get that when reading my idea. Some of you did and some of you missed the mark totally. But I don't blame you. Just think before you shoot down the hopes and dreams of young writers because if this were really my first idea and my first post, I would have already quit and changed my major.

[dpaterso]

The problem with "testing" people is that they test you back. How does it feel to be experimented on? Oh, you've already answered that one.

"Well, you started it." -- as the RAF Veterans Association replied to a German political group, when it recently demanded an apology from the Queen for the bombing of German cities in WWII.

-Derek
-----------------------My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)

[Writing Again]

I think most posters were attempting to be helpful.

I suggested you let your idea simmer, organize it, come back and re-present it.

Gillyflower said it needed center, tension, and conflict.

Scripter said you needed to develop and organize.

Kojled said to reduce your pitch to save the reader's time.

Maestro said you have good ideas that need streamlining.

Five replies, each trying to be as helpful as they knew how.

Then you come back and start being hateful instead of discussing -- Yep, things went downhill from there.

If you can't sort out the positive help from the negative opinions of what is wrong with your work, and you cannot see your own part in the problem, then you are bound to be in constant conflict with people you deal with your entire life.

[SimonSays]

"We as the reader will never know what goes on inside the writers head."

True - but it is our job as writers to do our best to communicate to our readers - so they get the message, we are trying to give them.

"We as readers are supposed to give input, give inspiration, accolades, advice, support."

NO WE'RE NOT! We as readers are supposed to read and absorb and get out of it what we get out of it. If we get nothing out of it, chances are we won't like it.

And when you ask for an opinion (especially from total strangers) - you have no right to expect that those opinions will be what you want them to be or communicated how you want them communicated. Some people coddle, some people are more pointed and nasty. It's a matter of style more than anything else.

Your synopsis was knowing and sarcastic and edgy in style. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you certainly didn't write in a style of wide-eyed neophyte who needs hand holding.

Your subsequent postings were nasty. Again nothing wrong with it, but don't expect respect when you don't give any.

The fact is your synopsis was all over the place. Whether it's a good story or not, is impossible to tell because you didn't convey your character's basic need or growth arc. You got more comments on the plot of your movie in a movie than on the plot of the movie itself. That should tell you something. Maybe your idea is good, but you communicated it very ineffectively. And maybe if you had communicated more effectively substance wise, people would have given you a pass on your lousy spelling.

If you really would have quit and changed your major based on the feedback you got on this board, than maybe it's a good thing you posted. You need a thicker skin. This business can be brutal even for the most successful. People rarely take feelings into account. They'll shoot you down and tell you it sucks. You need to be able to brush it off and keep going. You need to believe in yourself even when others do not.

And as far as people supporting you, I gotta tell you - your attitude stinks - maybe that's why you get no support. You obviously have a negative impression of other writers and it shows - why the hell would they like you? As for others who don't share your passion thinking your crazy for pursuing a career in screenwriting. Of course they think it's crazy. The odds of making it are long, there's no job security. My parents would have far preferred that I went to law school - they were scared for me. But they've come around.

Get over yourself, dude. You are not a victim. You and you alone are responsible for the lack of support you are receiving.

[Ravenlocks01]

I said it before. I'm saying it again.

WE DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING.

We're not obligated to nurture the hopes and dreams of young writers. Does it impact us if you quit and change your major? Not really. Except that then there's slightly less competition. Harsh? Yes. True? Yes.

[shaneshotsean]

thanks everybody. i realize now that people criticize to make you better. I guess I have always been a pessimist instead of an optometrist (hahaha). no hard feelings?

[NikeeGoddess]

tis true - usu when i make an ass out of myself and people tell me so, i change my tune the next time around. why waste a good lashing?!

however.....First of all, this is a message board. Im sure if you don't use proper punctuation, capitalization or misspell some words, its OK. For some people, this is a big deal and I can't understand why.
this is not just a message board. it's a messageboard frequented by writers. spelling, grammar, good comprehension are important to us. you're initial post was so cringe-worthy that i didn't bother to read past the first few lines and couldn't waste my time responding.

so, i found 2 pence in my pocket. now, i'm broke!

write on!