The poem -- How I write one Part 1

[jst5150]

All:

I thought it might be helpful to have someone walk through the creation of a poem, from inception to completion. So, I volunteered me since the rest of the Tudor poet's bullpen is gone.

In doing this, I thought it might be helpful for people new to the process to see what's behind the curtain and reveal that -- as the cliché goes -- 90 percent is perspiration and 10 percent inspiration. I had an idea about a month ago for an epic poem. I like epic poems when they are written well. However, in between putting my new book together and holding up national defense here in the desert, the idea's never come to fruition. Today, it has. And as it has, I'm creating this journal to take you along for the ride. So, in essence, you will see an idea become a draft become a second draft become a final. And, you'll be able to have input. Are you in? Let's go then.

First, the idea. My inspiration for the work comes from an image in my head. The image is of two elves -- great warriors in the thick of a battle to end all battles. There are thousands if not hundreds of thousands of soldiers battling. The noise, smell and motion is tremendous and chaotic. And, in the midst of this, one of the elves mistakenly cuts off the other's head. The fantasy version of friendly fire.

Second, I decided to choose an actual structure for this epic poem. I haven't worked in actual structure for a while -- and I'm enjoying it. So, thanks to Dahmnait for the suggestion in her thread (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=46062). The structure I will be using is "Rhyme Royal - sometimes known as the Troilus stanza." It has 7 lines of 10 syllables each (normally iambic pentameters) and a rhyming scheme of ababbcc. I liked it so much, I bought the company.

Now, the irony of this is that both Elves had been best friends in childhood. So, the moral comes in the form of "War is hell," or "the fog of war stinks," or something along those lines.

So, here's these are my starting points:

-- The elf cutting of the others' dome

-- Ther flurry of the battle that culminates in the cutting

-- The back story of the two elves growing as best friends

At the start of the story, Gilthrad (the cutter) is whacking away and then, whoosh, off comes someone's head. But he doesn't know who until the head turns over. So, I also needed to create a world; not a new world, necessarily. But I needed to set landmarks, cities, countries and the vistas to make the thing work.

That sets the stage. So, here's the draft of the first verse:
1.
In closing that battle, end of the war
Bold Gilthrad swung brave ‘cross back of foe’s neck
Silver sword gleaming on Aanlback’s shores
Blade cleaving through bone, runed mail can’t protect
“Victory!” cried Gilthrad, his work thought perfect
But, when silver-helmed head rolled into view
Those dead blue eyes were someone Gilthrad knew
Follow-up and 2nd verse tomorrow.

jt

[jst5150]

So, the first verse will be refrained. That sets us up for the remainder of the poem. With the 2nd verse, I start establishing background and making connections. I need to show a bond. I also need to make them personal to you and me. I like the refrain. It adds an automatic tie back and if you do it right, it really adds impact.

So, I was these two as best friends since near birth. And, for elves, that's a long time (thousands of years). So, they're close. So I'll be using this verse and the next verse to show that.

Oh. Another change for this poem: I am hand-writing it. I haven't hand-written anything in about 15 years. So, this is a return to another form. It's more difficult, but it is helping see things from a new perspective. It will not change my writing MO, which is to use a PC and word processor. And if you do hand write, I recommend yellow legal pads.

One gaff I've spotted in the draft: I haven't mentioned both names yet. I will in verse three. If that doesn't fly, I'll redraft v.2 to get the names in earlier.

Here's verse 2:

2.
Young elven children, one thousand years past
Raised as young warriors on N’neulback’s green fields
Long best of friends since their first swords were cast
Both families glyphs cast in gold on their shields
Each bested the other at Ranger school
Learning Eywl Magic and laughing as fools
Follow-up and verse 3 later.

jt

[dahmnait]

This is really cool to watch, jt.

Second, I decided to choose an actual structure for this epic poem. I haven't worked in actual structure for a while -- and I'm enjoying it.::wipes hands:: My work here is done. ;)

Seriously though, Rhyme Royal is a good form for this kind of epic. I look forward to the next installment.

[poetinahat]

Roll on, Jason. What a great idea.

[jst5150]

So, there are three rules about elven names I have learned throughout the years. They are true. They have not been changed since my first reading of Elfquest or The Lord of the Rings. They are thus:

1. Either the first or last name must be a compound name (e.g., Strongbow, Silvermace, Eagleclaw). In that respect, very Native American-ish -- or Jewish if you throw in the Greenbaums, Silvermans and Goldsteins of my tribe.

2. The first name has as many vowels as a Sorpranos' cast member -- if the elf was a good guy. Bad guys always got lots of consonants. So, in that respect, the bad guys were more like Klingons, whose names were very Germanic/Slavic in origin vice the good elves whose names had a more romance flavor.

2a. The sub rule of having an elf name with a lot of vowels is this: there had to be two vowels in a row to make it cool. For instance, the 'ae' combination, or the 'uo' combination. And for that matter, that bad guys usually got the 'uo' names. U's and O's are simply evil, I suppose. So is any combination of 'K', 'Q' and 'V'.

3. Elf names are usually very long. Gaedarius Strongbolter was always a good Dungeons and Dragons name. Or, Elfreth FastArrow. And so on. Never an Ira Greene to be found amongst the tribe. And, as a kicker, the elves usually have their own elven names that can only be pronounced by the wind, or with burps, or something mysterious like that.

So what does this have to do with verse 3. Well, we name both our main characters now -- Gilthrad and Saeros (and yes, Gilthrad is already) named, I know). Note the 'ae' combination on Saeros; mixed with an 'o' there. Chaotic Neutral, dice rollers? Not really. I just liked the combination of letters. Gilthrad is fairly clean. Something more innocent sounding. It was also the first of the two names I dreamed up.

In this verse, my goal was to build a history; the first portion of backstory. By the time Saeros dies (and I hope I'm not spoiling the end for anybody), I want you to feel their friendship and believe these are the mightiest of mighty warriors. If I don't and you manage to get all the way to the end of this poem, then I've failed as a writer.

Before I press on, a side note: I have no set length to this poem. In my head, I have work I need to do to make this thing work. One is make it feel real. Another is build a relationship between you and the characters; the final is ensure all three acts find their place in the story, with particular attention on the climax, since you've already read it as the first verse. It's not "Memento" storytelling, rather, more "Pulp Fiction" in that respect. Sort of, "Here it is. Now here's how we got there." And there are a handful of images in my head to make this come true. Perhaps you work the same way? On we go.

So, after telling you they are young warriors and smart ("bright") I need to show you progress ("brigade captains" from playing in the grass). I chose "brigade" and "captains" because those are fairly common military terms. Across the board, your average Joe or Rob will get those terms. I tell you they killed ogres and orcs. Again, I went more generic on the enemies for the same reason.

I also wanted their stature to grow 10,000 fold within about two sentences, so I picked up the pace a bit with the "legend" line. The final line is about instilling fear in enemies. In the next verse, I'll prove it.

So, here's the verse:

3.
Gilthrad and Saeros grew strong through the years,
Bright brigade captains; lauded young soldiers
Slaying ogres and orcs vanquished their fears
Prestige became legend, both grew bolder
At each other’s side through darkest of days
Woe to foes along the path they did blaze

Finally, I wanted to give you some insight to my personal writing process, so I scanned the no-kidding, no alterations piece of paper I wrote this verse onto. It's below.

Follow-up and Verse 4 next.

[jst5150]

This verse was the most difficult to write so far. I normally have three people I work with in my office. We're usually here a lot of hours in the day. Today, they were being louder than usual. One of my office mates also has terrible gas as I was writing this. So, all the obstacles were in place to screw this part up.

Also, I typed this verse rather than write it out. I realized I am not a hand-writer. Works for some. Not for me. I'm too tied to the convenice and efficiency a PC offers. Plus, I can move images to words more quickly (thus, the efficiency). So, for me, the rest of the way will be done on keyboard.

To add fuel to this, I compose a great many poems I submit to AbWr in the advanced editing window. Yup. Right here. However, for this work, I'm using MS Word, because of the length, because it is not all coming at once and because I'm using the creation of the poem as an instructional tool for AbWr. On we go ...

For verse 4, I needed to further paint the two elves as heroes. So, I weaved spectacular deeds coupled with some geogrpahical references people could creat in their minds. I thought about using dragons in the verse, but wyverns sounded better. Also, I covered feats on air, sea and land -- a good trifecta for mighty heroes. Then they come home to a parade and are enamoured by all the other elves.

So, it's all going well, right? Well, verse 5 will be the "here comes the storm" verse. But, for now, here's verse 4:

4.
Leading ten thousand in charges at T’hrall
Slaying the Wizards of Stonecavern’s Keep
Riding wild wyverns cross lava storm squalls
Sending dwarven pirates six fathoms deep
Gilthrad and Saeros cheered under blue skies
Heroes spectacular in elven eyes
Follow-up and verse 5 next.

[Godfather]

now this should be (is) interesting

[jst5150]

So, it's been a while since I updated this adventure, but things have been a tad bust here in the desert. I've also devoted the majority of focus to getting my novel edited. So far, so good on that. As a result, I haven't had the focus I'd like to pay attention to this. Tonight, I got it.

In the previous post, I told you we needed to shift the mood. I do this by creating a series of events that shows rather than tells that. Admittedly, they are a tad cliche in their presentation, but they do what they need to do.

For this verse, then, we have some bad weather. We have some minor nature destruction (bringing in the hackneyed yet workable man vs. nature cliche; again, useful). And we introduce our No. 2 antagonist. He's number No. 2 because he's not the one who cuts off his best friend's head. He just instigates the events that make it happen. And, whaddya know, it's a warlock.

Still in the same style -- 7 lines, 10 syllables. I had to make a call as to whether or not wild was two syllables or one. I let Webster's make the call -- it's two. I also got the chance to use the word golem (such a dungeons and dragons word). A golem is an artifical human being in Hebrew folklore.

Ok, so here's the next verse.

5.
Blue skies turned black in winter’s deep thrall
Cold winds whipped wild from cracked eastern shores
With lightning came thunder, cracking trees tall
Strong swaying seas ripped galleons from mores
All in the wake of dark warlock’s control
Armies he fashioned of golems and trolls

[kdnxdr]

Jason,

Just wanted to say I really enjoy reading through your thread. Elf, wizard, medival stuff isn't for me but the whole process that you are demonstrating makes the thread well worth the read.

Thank you for all you do defending freedom, writing poetry/sharing, and for being just an all round nice guy.

kid

[jst5150]

So, in penning verse 6, I realized I'd used the word 'thrall' in two instances, though entirely different meanings. The first was as the name of a city or town and then the actual use of the word. I'm OK with it. Someone will say it's repetitious. Or something. I say "Millenium" by Robbie Williams is a pretty good song.

That said, I had some issues writing this sixth verse. You'll notice it's meets the "royal" criteria, but it's a little stilted. Awkward in parts. I'll probably rehash it in the rewrite. It does, however, do what I want it to do: it says to the reader, "Here comes this overwhelming force to annihilate the world. You can't stop it. You can't hope to contain it. So, what will you do?" The what WILL you do part, obviously, will get answered in verses 7 and 8, when we flash back to our elven friends, who will, of course, swoop in to save the day.

Someone's going to say the creatures created aren't necessarily original. True. However, in this short form, there isn't a lot of time to embellish. So, I had to go with imagery that made sense in people's heads. The creatures chosen automatically paint a picture. As my friend Virgel says, there are always "haters" amongst the masses. The best thing to do when the music stops or the turntable gets bumped is to keep dancing.

In building this verse, I needed to ensure we're still tied to the warlock ("he called" & "hold the warlock back"). There's also "concocted evils," which I think says something to "this has been planned for a bit. Now, the warlock is bringing the pain." Indeed. We wrap verse 6 up by giving the reader a litany of creatures that aim to end the peaceful life of our elven friends. And what better way to say that then to ensure they are "basked in dread," like Chili's ribs in sweet honey sauce -- or something like that. :-)

Here's verse 6:

6.
Up from the soil he called demons black
Riders dark on obsidian horses
Nothing mortal would hold the warlock back
Concocted evils set to run their course
Witches, ogres, trolls, banshee, orcs, undead
Everything the warlock called basked in dread

[jst5150]

This verse gave me the most trouble. This is a transition verse; I had to get from the evil to leaders thinking about the evil. I also needed to get everyone together to team up and beat back the hordes. Finding the right language didn't come easy. Of course, as I wrote it, I sat through "My Boss' Daughter" with Ashton Kutcher (someone else in here was watching), so that may not have been the finest muse.

The next verse brings us back to our heroes, Gilthrad and Saeros, and the tragedy that will befall both of them.

Here's verse 7:

7.
Charcoal skies grew darker, great council’s called
Great kings from far on horseback riding quick
Contentious choices, political stalls
As evil gathered under storm clouds thick
Until agreement, five kingdoms’ accord
To join and battle these terrible hordes