How NEWBIE these scenes are?

[ShiRa Ryu]

Guess what, freedom of speech no more!! haha

So, how do I actually post a rewrite w/o offending or pissing anyone?
I thought giving credit would solve the issue!! Seems like it isn't working...
Oh well!!

Anyway if anyone wants to help me,(highly doubt) give me a PM. Thanks

[Fartin Mowler]

The dialog is like a long explanation of what your trying to convey...

I think you gotta slow down and make it more interesting :D

[ShiRa Ryu]

Wow, that was a fast read Fartin.

[Vigorish9]

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[DoubleIT]

There are some big mis spellings in there and you go into past tense every once in a while for some reason.


Herb pulled the cupboard container out and chuck
Hayley's undergarments and bras into a separate
luggage.


Also, maybe post a snyopisis/log line so we know what its about?


All this coming from the master of F*cking up :D

[Vigorish9]

the entire piece is from my script, and the FLASHBACK you added is useless.

HIS ADDITION:

HAYLEY
You got Herb to pack my stuffs?

ELLEN
Not to worry, Herb did a great job in
packing.

11.
INT. HALEY'S APARTMENT(FLASHBACK) - DAY

Herb is folding Hayley's last dress and puts it in the
luggage. He opened the cupboard containing Hayley's
undergarments and bras. He stressfully thinks for a
while.

12.
INT. HALEY'S APARTMENT(FLASHBACK) - LATER

Herb pulled the cupboard container out and chuck
Hayley's undergarments and bras into a separate
luggage.

13.
BACK IN KITCHEN

---------------------------------------------------
you asked me if you could read my pages, i sent them to you. then you asked if you can rewrite them. i say fine... you send me back a flashback scene as your addition.

i tell you that that's newbie writing.

stop posting my pages, stop emailing. thank you. are you people crazy. @#%$ whackos. this is why people get hurt.

cause they are too stupid to mind well enough alone.

vig

[Fartin Mowler]

:lol this thead is better than the script...

[ShiRa Ryu]

Well, they all know u(vigorish9) wrote the story and everything so...

what's there to be hurt about?

Anyway, I just want to know what fault(newbie?why?) do I have in my writings. Since you pointed out and didn't specify, I figured maybe the board will.

DoubleIT - ok, grammar had some faults but is that all? Because of Grammar?

[DoubleIT]

Perhaps this disaster will take the heat off of me. :rollin

[Vigorish9]

what are you talking about you @#%$. that's my writing you hack piece of @#%$.

you dont' post my writing with your changes. you tool. take the stuff down.

you idiot.

vig

[ShiRa Ryu]

There, I capitalize it. It's A REWRITE I made.

And I made some more addition than and not just the flashback scene.

Like some rearrangements too.
I didn't want to like re-edit the whole issue because it's your story and I don't really know how it really goes as it's only the first 40...

[Vigorish9]

(This message was left blank)

[ShiRa Ryu]

I don't get it....

It's your story, your idea, everything is yours. The only thing I did was rewrite. I can't identify the fault, no one tells me so I approach the board, specifying and notifying everyone that this was your idea and all I just did was rewrite.
In other words, I just want feedback on how newbie my writing is?

It's newbie writing you say, but why? U can't say?
Why are you so worked up about?

Maybe you can start by telling me what's so newbie about it? Was it the scene? If it's grammar, then personally I think it can be fixed in a nifty. What was it so newbie besides grammar? The idea? The clumpsiness?

Imagine what would be like when someone comes to you and say hey, you look like crap!! And you ask why? He just say you look like crap!! Was that answering the question seriously?

Is it really that bad?

Ok, maybe I will specify one more time.

STORY, CONCEPT, INITIAL DRAFT CREDITS GOES TO VIGORISH9

I just did a rewrite and I want to know what's wrong.

No offence intended.

[Vigorish9]

do you think i have time for THE FIVE OR SIX people a month who email me about @#%$! no. i'm pretty open about my stuff on the messages boards, my writing, and people EMAIL all the fuckkking time about stuff. i gave you the script cause you asked for it. stop pushing your luck.

and to answer your question i AM NOT YOUR FUCKKING TEACHER. i dont' have to tell you anything.

but i'll throw you one bone, the first rule in screenwritn is you don't MAKE A FLASHBACK for a sceene that shows someone folding clothes especially when it is already said in dialogue.

leave me out of your learning curve. do not post anymore pages, and move on

vig

[ShiRa Ryu]

And quote *I AM NOT YOUR FUCKKING TEACHER*

This is to answer?

Anyway, the reason why the scene was initally added was to add a little sense of humor to Herb, not necessary a Laugh Out Loud sort of thing.

But still, I don't see why you should get worked up with it?

Because of credits?

[Vigorish9]

listen, take the scene down. i'm getting made cause when i actually want to beat the living @#%$ out of someone, and they are some puke, anonymous, puck mother @#%$ who is pushing way beyond the boudaries of personal space, he deserves his head to be kicked in.

TAKE THE SCENES DOWN YOU FUKCING TOTAL HACK MOTHER @#%$

VIG

[SimonSays]

Shi-ra

Do yourself a favor and remove the post.

You are not just pissing off Vig.

It's his work and you should respect his wishes. If you have no respect for a fellow writer - you will get no respect from your fellow writers.

You made a huge error in judgement - the fact that you don't understand that you have absolutely no right to post Vig's work whether you give him a credit or not, is truly appalling.

It's his script. If he had wanted the pages posted, he would have posted them himself.

Remove it.

SimonSays

[Fartin Mowler]

Ya, I agree...not cool. I don't think threatening someone is very mature though. Someday you (might)will have to work with people that might poke holes in your scripts.

[Vigorish9]

fartin, i've dealt with producers who poke holes in my @#%$.
that's not the fuckking point.

vig

[Vigorish9]

that was mindboggling. i'm totally, and completely stunned.

[ShiRa Ryu]

Ok chill out chill out!! Jeez, all I ask for is some fault identifying of my writings.

*sighs*

[Fartin Mowler]

he deserves his head to be kicked in.

just a bit too violent...

[Vigorish9]

what i really meant to say is he should have his head massaged in.

vig

[ShiRa Ryu]

Is there a way to post a rewrite without getting harnessing such anger?

[Vigorish9]

listen, you cannot post a rewrite of my work. write your own work, and post it, and you will get people to help you.

do we have an understanding? if you post my work, anywhere, i will be angry like a man who lost his fathers last silver dollar through a sewer crack.

vig

[Fartin Mowler]

Is there a way to post a rewrite without getting harnessing such anger?

I think the guy made it pretty clear that you didn't ask his permission to post his stuff. I would take his advise and post your own stuff and come back when you finish puberty.

[William Haskins]

:rollin

do NOT poke vig with sharp sticks when he prowls in his cage.

p.s. 'sup, vig. have a good holiday?

[kojled]

unbelievable. do i understand correctly? some putz rewrote another writer's work and posted it without permission? no.

the depth of stupidity found on screenwriting sites seemingly has no boundaries. simply mind boggling. truly, i want to never come back to this or any other screenwriting site. writers are the butt of jokes industry-wide. and for good reason. astounding


zilla