V.O. Conversation

[WritingFool]

Anyone know the format that shows converation between 4 people thats off camera.

do I really need to distinguish characters including names if its simple surveillance or can I get away with ...

"first person says this", "response", "another comment", "punchline", all on same action line

Illustration is a poker game underway, on camera screen, but scene takes place within the surviellance van

[gromhard]

I've never seen it done that way. Usually if it's meant to be spoken, it's written as dialogue no matter how inaudible it may ultimately appear.
I've seen a script say "The henchman sit against the wall all moaning about their pay." Action descriptions but it's not as complex as word for word dialogue.

I think the best way to show off camera dialogue is..

INT. POKER GAME - (SURVEILLANCE CAM)

FIRST PLAYER
Yada yada

SECOND PLAYER
Response, comment.

FIRST PLAYER
Punchline.

If the dialogue's not important to the plot though and you just need these guys joking around in the background write.

On the survelliance camera we see poker players laughing and joking around.

Then it's up to the director on how he wants to handle the scene.

[WritingFool]

thanks, but any other way to do it?

The dialogue IS important, otherwise it wouldnt be there.

Just dont like the fact that Im eating 1/3 of the page with 5 lines of dialogue that can be summed up in 2 lines.

Anyone think I can get away with it in 2 lines,or know a clever way theyve used or seen before?

I have to lose 8 pages by monday

[clockwork]

If it's important, it should really be written like all your other dialogue. I tried writing a scene couple of other ways but if you're revealing plot then you shouldn't put it in the action line, IMO. What kind of dialogue are we talking about here? What are these guys going to be saying?

[gromhard]

Easy, side by side.

In Essence:

PLAYER 1 PLAYER 2
Yada yada- -response
punchline

It's used for a lot of people speaking at once or rat-tat-tat dialogue but I think it may serve your purpose as it seems to be a quick easy way to keep heavy dialogue from taking too many pages.
If I'm not mistaken QT used it for either Res Dogs radio stations or Pulp Fiction's radio stations.
I agree it sucks when you have like 5 pages of dialogue but you know good and well it's not going to take up 5 minutes so you're stuck with what APPEARS to be a long script.

[gromhard]

Darnit, it screwed up my formatting. The split page dialogue should be margined to the left and to the right of where traditional dialogue would go with maybe 1.5-2.5 space between them.

[dpaterso]

Can't think of much 'cept maybe something like,

PIT OBSERVERS (V.O.)
Alert on table four, watch out for
the big guy in the pink suit... Roger
that we're watching him, man that
dude needs help... Security to front
entrance, old lady's lost her purse...
Table nine, repeat, on table nine...
Winner on the roulette table, that's
the same guy won twenty grand an
hour ago... Dude in pink's making
his move, ow, that card came out his
sleeve, show him the door fellahs...

Unfortunately dialogue takes up whatever space it takes up, screwing with standard format is likely to confuse, the only real cure is to cut it out if you're desperate to save lines. "A punch in the mouth is worth a thousand weasel words." Or something like that.

-Derek
My Web Page - shameless vampyre fiction & other shameless writings. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Take the critiques you get with a grain of salt. Invariably, some of the critics will be kooks, bitter curmudgeons, or complete fools. ~odocoileus

[Goodwriterguy]

Darnit, it screwed up my formatting. The split page dialogue should be margined to the left and to the right of where traditional dialogue would go with maybe 1.5-2.5 space between them.
Most dedicated screenwriting programs provide the functionality to write "side-by-side" dialogue, often used when speeches are simultaneous.

[WritingFool]

thanks dpat...that just might do
its going to have to, cause im not worrying about this anymore after this