How does one "drive"?

CaroGirl · Apr 4, 2006

In my novel, one of the characters just got into a car with my 1st-person protagonist, upon her invitation. What should I say next and why?

"I drove on."
"I drove ahead."
"I drove forward."

They each seem to mean something slightly different, but I'm not sure which is the best. Votes, thoughts, rude comments?

Peggy · Apr 4, 2006

I don't particularly like any of the three choices. I guess if I had to pick, I'd say "I drove on", but that implies (to me anyway) that the protagonist was driving, stopped to pick up the other character, then continued on her way.

Could you rephrase it so that you don't have to use "drove" at all? I'm thinking of something along these lines:

"Susan reluctantly climbed into the car. The moment the door was closed, I hit the gas, leaving the rundown motel behind in a cloud of dust."

That is off the top of my head so it doesn't flow very well, but you get the idea. You could use more descriptive terms to give insight into your character's state of mind.

Danger Jane · Apr 4, 2006

I would eliminate the preposition entirely, but you may consider reworking the passage like Peggy suggested.

CaroGirl · Apr 4, 2006

Peggy said:
I don't particularly like any of the three choices. I guess if I had to pick, I'd say "I drove on", but that implies (to me anyway) that the protagonist was driving, stopped to pick up the other character, then continued on her way.

Yes, that's the scene. Here's a bit more:

"Get in." I unlatched the passenger door, pushed it outward. He rustled, creaked and dripped his way into the seat beside me. Droplets of water quivered from his nose and the ends of his wild hair. I drove on.

Keep in mind, this is a very rough draft. I could end up rewriting it entirely, as suggested.

Thanks for your help.

William Haskins · Apr 4, 2006

not to complicate matters or get off topic, but if this is, as you say, a very rough draft, i would say that you're letting your editor out of his cage way too early.

now is not the time to get bogged down in finetuning such a mundane detail. push forward. when the draft is done, everything will be clearer.

CaroGirl · Apr 4, 2006

William Haskins said:
not to complicate matters or get off topic, but if this is, as you say, a very rough draft, i would say that you're letting your editor out of his cage way too early.

now is not the time to get bogged down in finetuning such a mundane detail. push forward. when the draft is done, everything will be clearer.

Too true, oh voice of wisdom.

Can you spell "procrastinating" boys and girls? I sure can. Thanks.

maestrowork · Apr 4, 2006

Just write.

But if I have to make an suggestion, in your case I'd say:

I started driving.

scribbler1382 · Apr 4, 2006

I pulled out and he shook his head like a retriever. God, why had I stopped?

Sentia · Apr 4, 2006

I headed back on the road. (very informal)

jst5150 · Apr 4, 2006

How's the action petinent to the story? Realizing its a transition from one location to another, there has to be a worded means to get there, sure. However, you might be able to use the drive as a means of communicating more backstory. Liek this:

"In the 20 minutes it took to go from Pasadena to West Hollywood, I mulled the evidence again ..."

The drive itself isn't relevant, but the facts you are communicating are. Plus, the "drive" shows some superfluousness to the facts -- they might be solid or not; they might be moving targets or not.

Either way, no sense drawing attention to something that doesn't need it.

reph · Apr 4, 2006

Passenger is a stranger:

Droplets of water quivered from [on?] his nose and the ends of his wild hair. I managed a half-smile and started the car. Before I'd reached the Lake Boulevard turnoff, I rolled down my window. A little rain on me, on the uphostery, wouldn't be so bad. This guy smelled no better than he looked.

Passenger is known to driver:

Droplets of water quivered on his nose and the ends of his wild hair. "My God, Jimmy!" I said. "Did Dad forget to pick you up again? In a storm like this?" Jimmy sniffled and said nothing. I pulled out of the yellow zone and headed downtown.

janetbellinger · Apr 4, 2006

I think "I drove on," is fine. It sounds natural, following the previous paragraph.

Jamesaritchie · Apr 4, 2006

Drove on

There's nothing wrong with "I drove on." It says what you want to say, and does so simply. Sometimes one simple phrase is just as good as another. This certainly isn't the time to worry about it.

How does one "drive"?

CaroGirl

Living the dream

Peggy

Danger Jane

CaroGirl

Living the dream

William Haskins

poet

CaroGirl

Living the dream

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

scribbler1382

Write For You, Edit For The Reader

Sentia

jst5150

Vorpal Comics. Weekly Podcast. Twitch Artist. Vet

reph

Fig of authority

janetbellinger

Jamesaritchie