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View Full Version : Your wish is granted...


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PorterStarrByrd
07-29-2011, 06:58 PM
I wish I had my own oil well.



GRANTED
Finally ... something I can do with that inkwell I accidently filled with 2-cycle engine oil


I wish there weren't so many sharks around those treasures.

Nymtoc
07-29-2011, 08:01 PM
Granted. As far as Nymtoc is concerned, he has coated himself with Acme shark repellant. No problem.

I wish that when it rains, it really would rain pennies from heaven.

PorterStarrByrd
07-29-2011, 11:59 PM
I wish that when it rains, it really would rain pennies from heaven.

Granted (age check)
The Songbird has run into a heavy thunderstorm and Penny has been thrown from the plane by the turbulance. Sky King is devastated. Hope you don't have a conscience.


I wish Tax agencies all over the world weren't on high alert to cash in on 'their share' of recovered treasure, always overlapping jurisdiction.

druid12000
07-30-2011, 12:13 AM
Granted. In a bizarre, and ultimately beautiful twist of events, the taxing authorities of the world went broke (and wrote off their losses, causing worldwide government insolvency, mayhem, and general chaos).
I wish for all the knowledge and wisdom of the universe.

PorterStarrByrd
07-30-2011, 12:24 AM
I wish for all the knowledge and wisdom of the universe.


Granted (strange wish)

all the knowledge and wisdom of the universe exists.


I wish I knew something meaningful

druid12000
07-30-2011, 12:30 AM
Granted. But you forgot what it was.
I wish to have all of the knowledge and wisdom of the universe.

defcon6000
07-30-2011, 12:41 AM
Granted. However, since the universe is always expanding, knowledge and wisdom of the universe are also expanding, thus you spend the rest of your life grasping at all that knowledge and wisdom.

I wish I had my very own pocket universe.

druid12000
07-30-2011, 05:09 AM
Granted. It comes with it's own stuffed animal and date of origin. It'll be the hot toy of Xmas 2011.
I wish I was a kid again.

Reziac
07-30-2011, 05:29 AM
Granted. You never grew up.

I wish I had my teenage body and energy, my midyears acuity, and my wisdom of old age, all at the same time.

druid12000
07-30-2011, 05:43 AM
Granted...and it's pretty messy, like Jeff Goldblum changing into 'The Fly', messy...
I wish I had some crackers.

CDSinex
07-30-2011, 06:59 AM
Granted. Overnight, the Genie sends several truckloads of lobster crackers to your home and has them dumped in your front yard.

http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/public/IpsmuZ1hq0Eu7nWlgnlKzUdXF2RLrtayEoKrrb4RgLZlVbeOOj iXvxJWeBkZ9nXrGrcxQh8UcYGhj_xUknzd5_MH53LsEjlNa1bZ abrhOWA_j_pdUO6UFWsWeXP3gZGKpUe21k4Cz5MmqVodz4lPkE E_F_4XCApRWfxsXQ


I wish life would get back to normal.

dreamcatcher
07-30-2011, 07:09 AM
The genie grants this wish but the outcome is catastrophic - as you didn't specify your own life, the genie was forced to make everyone's lives normal, but as everyone has a different definition of normal, lives clash with lives so the world is in absolute chaos and the genie is trapped in an endless battle trying to make life get back to normal but it just won't work! :(

I wish I had a real genie.

Komnena
07-30-2011, 08:05 AM
Granted. Unfortunately this genie didn't want to come out of his bottle and he really hates you for dragging him out of his comfortable lair.

I wish I could visit Antarctica.

Nymtoc
07-30-2011, 08:32 AM
Granted. You are in Antarctica. Unfortunately, you were taking a shower when the Genie granted your wish, and you find your new surroundings a bit chilly.

I wish I had a bowl of blueberries.

druid12000
07-30-2011, 10:30 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, blueberries without cream is so far beyond the realm of all that is good, that the wheel of time is thrown from it's axle sending the cosmos into an endless 'Laverne and Shirley' rerun.
I wish I could sleep.

PorterStarrByrd
07-30-2011, 06:43 PM
Granted
You will someday


I wish I had enough maple syrup left to make some more 2X4's

druid12000
07-31-2011, 02:18 AM
Granted. Genie knows the awesome yumminess of maple syrup and has granted you a lifetime supply...all at once. Hope you have lots of jugs.
I wish things advertised as free were actually free.

CDSinex
07-31-2011, 03:11 AM
Granted: Things that are advertised as Fat Free, Calorie Free, Sugar Free, etc., now are. They will still cost money, though.

I wish I didn't gain weight in summer.

Nymtoc
07-31-2011, 03:19 AM
Granted. You gain weight in fall, winter, and spring, and by summer you are so obese that it really doesn't matter whether you put on any more weight or not.

I wish I had a Harley Davidson.

druid12000
07-31-2011, 03:36 AM
Granted. The diecast model looks nice on your bedside table.
I wish I was psychic.

Komnena
07-31-2011, 08:02 AM
Granted. You experience every death on the planet and everyone demands you look for their lost things at once.

I wish I had my own private island where a band of horses descended from conquistador horses live.

PorterStarrByrd
07-31-2011, 08:05 PM
I wish I had my own private island where a band of horses descended from conquistador horses live.http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRFFGHZCb6GwCtoYf5LfkLLKNCgiHweP Kc8SJiJdGCdrTUbNLyN

Granted this fine example lives on the island, Pimple, which is rather small, most noted for having the highest density of mosquitos of anywhere on this planet.

You may (or may not) wish for travel arrangements next.


I wish I had a dot

Reziac
07-31-2011, 09:01 PM
Denied! Porter is already far too dotty. And in his dotage to boot.

I wish I could find my costume boots.

Nymtoc
07-31-2011, 10:01 PM
SEMI-GRANTED. You can't find your costume boots, but the Genie is sending you another pair, exactly like yours. They should arrive within the next few days.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/BOOTSFETISH5.jpg

I wish I could send Congressional leaders to a place with temperatures much, much higher than the temperatures in Washington.

shakeysix
07-31-2011, 11:05 PM
here you are--bus tickets to kansas. the democrats are going to have a hard time explaining their refusal to cut the gov. programs that most poor folks live on but once the republicans hear the disfunctional way the middle of the country really thinks they will be scared shitless and vote to restore cuts to public education.

i wish i could be the sexiest grammy at the waterpark today

Nymtoc
07-31-2011, 11:11 PM
Granted. You are the only grammy at the waterpark today.

I wish I had an extra faucet in my kitchen that would provide beer, whiskey, vodka, tequila or any other drink I choose.

druid12000
08-01-2011, 12:51 AM
Granted...and I threw in the bouncer (his name's Dirk...don't piss him off), and the neon sign for the front door, gratis.
I wish I had an apple tree.

Reziac
08-01-2011, 12:54 AM
Granted. And I'll throw in this talking serpent at no extra charge.

I wish I had some king snakes in my yard.

druid12000
08-01-2011, 01:05 AM
Granted. The king snakes now wish to be worshipped by you, their humble servant...and they're hungry now that they've eaten all the other snakes.
I wish I could eat spicy foods

PorterStarrByrd
08-01-2011, 01:29 AM
I wish I could eat spicy foods


Granted
Genie is sending you a bowl of grits to start you on your eventual climb to Habanero Pepper seed cake. Next week on to salt free corn meal mush


I wish I had a triangle

druid12000
08-01-2011, 02:08 AM
Granted. You are now one of the Minutemen, Tricorn hat and all, fighting for the future of this great nation...just be careful what you step on...or kill...or, well, generally influence...just stay very, very still and maybe the future as we know it will actually happen...
I wish I had a duck.

Nymtoc
08-01-2011, 02:15 AM
Granted.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/DUCKYRUBBER.jpg

I wish I could look out my window and see the Eiffel Tower.

druid12000
08-01-2011, 02:23 AM
Granted. The entire population of France is appalled by your decadence and the loss of their treasured phallic symbol. Genie says 'Bravo'!
I wish I grass would grow where I want it to, not leaving huge holes in my lawn, yet growing on rocks.

PorterStarrByrd
08-01-2011, 02:44 AM
I wish I grass would grow where I want it to, not leaving huge holes in my lawn, yet growing on rocks.


Granted
Your neighbor picked up all of the rocks with yellowish sparklies in them and planted a decent grade of grass seed. something you were too cheap to do.

I wish Ben Franklin hadn't had a time machine.

druid12000
08-01-2011, 03:13 AM
Granted. Newspapers are now all underground, and people are paranoid of voicing their opinions.
I wish I had a kiwi.

CDSinex
08-01-2011, 04:19 AM
Granted: Melanie Lynskey, who plays Rose, on Two and a Half Men, is from New Zealand. If neither she nor her husband object, she's yours.

I wish I had someone to go to the store and buy some beer.

druid12000
08-01-2011, 04:56 AM
Granted. If you hook me up with 'Rose', I'll get you whatever you need! Seriously, Genie's got a thing for her...what kind of beer would you like, master?
I wish 'Rose' would turn her eyes my way...

PorterStarrByrd
08-01-2011, 05:01 AM
I wish 'Rose' would turn her eyes my way...

GRANTED !!!
Rose turns her eyes your way, gasps, throws up, and walks away hoping to never see anything like that again.

I wish I had a bucket of chicken fat

Nymtoc
08-01-2011, 05:05 AM
Granted. However, the bucket has a hole in it, and as you carry it around your house, it leaks chicken fat all over the place.

I wish I had a dalmatian.

druid12000
08-01-2011, 05:56 AM
Granted. But it's spots are impossible to clean off! you die in compulsive despair :'( Happily, the dog lives a long and worry free life :)
I wish I hadn't said that.

Nymtoc
08-01-2011, 05:58 AM
Granted. You didn't say that, but Nymtoc got a look at it anyway, and he'll never speak to you again.

I wish I had a good ol' hound dog.

Komnena
08-01-2011, 06:37 AM
Granted. You have a good ol' hound dog. It bays in despair at being cooped up in the city. You get regular noise citations because of complaints from neighbors who aren't good ole boys.

I wish I knew whether the Nook or the Kindle would be the better choice.

druid12000
08-01-2011, 08:10 AM
Granted. Though either one would be a good choice, Genie hooks you up with the future, in which you have an implant and you can read the books you want merely by thinking about them.

I wish the love of my life was here in this room with me.

Nymtoc
08-01-2011, 08:14 AM
Granted. It is.

I wish I could wake up tomorrow morning in Timbuktu.

druid12000
08-01-2011, 08:31 AM
Granted. And he's not happy about it...Genie says run!
I wish angels would manifest on Earth.

Nymtoc
08-01-2011, 11:02 AM
Granted. Angels are all around you. But don't smoke too much of that stuff.

I wish I could discover a new planet.

druid12000
08-01-2011, 11:38 AM
Granted. It's that big shiny one up there...no, there...see where I'm pointing...forget it, it's there.
I wish I had a hammer.

Komnena
08-01-2011, 05:44 PM
Granted. You have a hammer but in the process of learning how to use it you end up with hands covered with bruises.

I wish I could meet my favorite characters.

Nymtoc
08-01-2011, 07:32 PM
Granted. Freddy Krueger and T-1000 are approaching you now.

I wish I had immeasurable talent.

PorterStarrByrd
08-01-2011, 08:13 PM
I wish I had immeasurable talent.

Granted
So far the SEM has not been able to locate any, let alone measure it

I wish numbtick had an albino dalmatian and a black cat.

Nymtoc
08-01-2011, 08:50 PM
Granted. Nymtoc's albino dalmation wins Best of Show at the National Dog Show, and his black cat is chosen to star in a new Halloween movie, with Nymtoc getting $10,000 for each day the cat works.

I wish Porter would shave off his beard so we could get a good look at him.

CDSinex
08-02-2011, 01:46 AM
Granted: Since the Genie couldn't find a barber willing to shave him he was forced to give Porter a pair of sheep shears and cab fare to you home. When Porter shows up you notice that he's carrying an overnight bag.

I wish Congress would just get over it.

PorterStarrByrd
08-02-2011, 03:26 AM
I wish Congress would just get over it.

DENIED
The genie works with history (today's and tomorrow's) not science fiction/fantasy.


I wish the osprey would catch that damned rabbit and quick squawking excuses.

druid12000
08-02-2011, 03:38 AM
Granted. The rabbit's children watch their mother being devoured, prompting them to organize and carry out a massive Osprey 'cleansing'.
I wish this humidity would break.

Komnena
08-02-2011, 07:14 AM
Granted. It breaks and shatters all over your house.

I wish mosquitoes would quit biting me.

Nymtoc
08-02-2011, 07:22 AM
Granted. They bite the coyotes instead, which causes the coyotes to go into a frenzy and attack you.

I wish I didn't feel so sleepy.

Reziac
08-02-2011, 07:27 AM
Granted. You are asleep, and feel nothing.

I wish my resident coyotes hadn't all gotten hit by cars on the highway.

druid12000
08-02-2011, 08:11 AM
I wish I could grant that. It's just sad :'(
On a brighter note, they are frolicking in moonlight and having the times of their lives.

I wish^ didn't make me want to cry.

PorterStarrByrd
08-02-2011, 05:32 PM
I wish^ didn't make me want to cry.


^ no longer makes you cry. Neither does %, # , or &


I wish the cotton was high

CDSinex
08-02-2011, 09:00 PM
Granted: Cotton is high, but he won't share the stuff the Genie gave him with you.

I wish PorterStarrByrd wasn't as corny as Kansas in August.

Nymtoc
08-02-2011, 09:22 PM
Granted, but he has a fringe on the bottom.

I wish good things would happen this month to everyone who contributes to this thread.

druid12000
08-03-2011, 03:40 AM
Granted! And kudos for a wonderful wish...unfortunately, because the universe tends toward balance, after an incredible month of joy, success, riches, and fame for everyone, September Reeeeaaaallllyyy sucks.

I wish flying cars were the norm.

parumpdragon
08-03-2011, 05:48 AM
Granted, but there are still intoxicated drivers and other idiot on the road. The incidence of car and home collisions increases. Roof repairs sky rocket.

I wish it would cool off outside.

druid12000
08-03-2011, 05:57 AM
Granted. Record breaking snowfalls aren't far away....

I wish snow was warm.

parumpdragon
08-03-2011, 06:01 AM
Granted. It is slushy and hot, burning almost anything it touches.



I wish the government would give away money.

PorterStarrByrd
08-03-2011, 06:02 AM
I wish snow was warm.


Another wasted wish ... snow is OFTEN warm, in comparison to the air. As a reminder the genie will bring you -70 weather next week and watch you bury yourself in 32 degree snow to get comfortable


I wish snow was wet.

Reziac
08-03-2011, 06:13 AM
I wish the government would give away money.

Granted. The government gives away YOUR money.

I wish the genie would bring Porter a thermometer.

druid12000
08-03-2011, 06:16 AM
Granted. And it's one of the speaking ones! Unfortunately it only speaks gibberish.

I wish we had three feet of snow right now.

parumpdragon
08-03-2011, 06:23 AM
Granted, you have three feet on top of three feet, on top of three feet...


I wish money grew on trees.

druid12000
08-03-2011, 06:41 AM
Granted. And they only grow in Shangri la.

I wish I knew where Shangri la was located.

parumpdragon
08-03-2011, 06:42 AM
Nope, denied. If the genie doesn't know, then you don't get to know. :D


I wish people were nicer to each other.

druid12000
08-03-2011, 06:47 AM
Granted. You now inhabit a 'My Little Pony' story. God help you :)

I wish fish could speak.

Komnena
08-03-2011, 08:13 AM
Granted. Your goldfish tells you constantly how unhappy it is confined in its bowl.

I wish there were a hundred and one Dalmatians living in my neighborhood.

druid12000
08-03-2011, 08:26 AM
Granted. The recent immigrants from the newly formed country of Dalmatia have set their sites on your neighborhood to set up their fish ice cream stand. Yum!

I wish 'dog' spelled cat.

Nymtoc
08-03-2011, 09:17 AM
Granted. "dog" spells "cat" in the CIA's X2r869-TF code, and since you have discovered that, you are an imminent danger to the country and are on your way to Guantanamo, where you will languish for a long, long time.

I wish some pro team would recruit me.

PorterStarrByrd
08-03-2011, 06:45 PM
I wish some pro team would recruit me.

Denied .. The genie is too busy laughing

Pro teams don't recruit. Bribe, extort, threaten, lie to your agent ... maybe
Besides no PRO anything team is interested in your paltry skills.


I wish I was behind the plate in a baseball game again.

Nymtoc
08-03-2011, 06:54 PM
Granted. You are behind a large plate of fried hedgehog and potatoes and don't see the ball coming as it's about to hit your head.

I wish I were good at nanotechnology.

PorterStarrByrd
08-03-2011, 09:56 PM
I wish I were good at nanotechnology.


Denied
Why break the pattern and make you good at ANYTHING

I wish I had nine paperclips

parumpdragon
08-03-2011, 09:59 PM
Granted, they are piercing in you ears and nose.

I wish time moved more slowly.

Nymtoc
08-04-2011, 12:29 AM
Granted. Time has crawled nearly to a halt, and you will be stuck with your fingernails over your left eye for the next year.

I wish I could believe what they tell me in commercials.

Reziac
08-04-2011, 12:35 AM
Granted. You are now gullible.

I wish I had a perfect bullshit detector.

Nymtoc
08-04-2011, 03:54 AM
Granted. He follows you everywhere, and he's very good at detecting bullshit. (His name is Fernando.)

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/BULL.jpg

I wish I could knock some sense into the heads of Congress members.

Reziac
08-04-2011, 04:05 AM
Regretfully denied... even the Genie cannot do the impossible.

I wish we had sensible Congresscritters whose heads didn't need knocking together.

(Wait, that might be impossible too...)

druid12000
08-04-2011, 04:36 AM
Granted! The new Congress is staffed entirely with faithful, obedient, caring, kind souls who do everything we tell them...
oh no....

I wish I could grow a full beard

Nymtoc
08-04-2011, 04:55 AM
Granted, the Genie is sending you to Moose Rapids, Quebec, where Porter will teach you how.

I wish I didn't have any bugs in my apartment.

druid12000
08-04-2011, 06:12 AM
Granted. The CIA, FBI, KGB, and Mossad have given up gathering any intelligence on you. Check that lamp by your bed though, one of your ex's may still have a viable feed...

I wish the future of mankind was clear and written in stone.

Komnena
08-04-2011, 06:56 AM
Granted. Someone has carved the words death and taxes in a rock formation you pass every day.

I wish I knew the name of the next Triple Crown winner.

druid12000
08-04-2011, 07:09 AM
Granted. It's 'Folk Remedy'. Place your bets...

I wish cars drove themselves.

CDSinex
08-04-2011, 07:12 AM
The next Triple Crown of Professional Paintball winner will be the San Diego Dynasty.

http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/187791_174955203497_1619537_n.jpg

I wish the Genie would give me a nice present just for being so nice.

druid12000
08-04-2011, 07:19 AM
Granted. Genie gives you a car that drives itself. Watch out for that pedestrian...oh, that's gotta hurt.

I wish the internet was faster.

Nymtoc
08-04-2011, 08:56 AM
Granted. The Internet is so fast that websites speed by at the speed of light. You see nothing but a colorful blur. (This only applies to you. The rest of us are doing fine.)

I wish that construction guy Gary Russo would get a professional gig.

‪NYC 2nd ave subway construction worker, Gary, Official, Original video‬‏ - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoOwCSgvNs0)

PorterStarrByrd
08-04-2011, 09:21 PM
I wish that construction guy Gary Russo would get a professional gig.

‪ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoOwCSgvNs0)
Granted The genie will pay him to landscape your yard and decorate your house and generally be your BFF

I wish I had a friend too

Nymtoc
08-05-2011, 05:03 AM
PENDING. The Genie has searched far and wide, but so far he has not found anyone willing to be Porter's friend. The Genie will continue his search.

I wish I had a strawberry tart.

PorterStarrByrd
08-05-2011, 05:52 AM
I wish I had a strawberry tart.


Granted
I'm pretty sure I can find one on River street. Do you a have a preference for a particlar STD?



I wish I had a fifth of cough medicine

parumpdragon
08-05-2011, 07:21 AM
Granted, you have a fifth of cough. Now you have to get the medicine.

PorterStarrByrd
08-05-2011, 07:24 AM
.


Granted
You will get nothing, as you seemed to have wished


I wish I had a fifth of hangover medicine.

druid12000
08-05-2011, 07:35 AM
Granted. It's potency is one fifth of the required dosage to make you feel human again.

I wish Canada was part of the United States.

Nymtoc
08-05-2011, 07:44 AM
DENIED. Why saddle the Canadians with the insoluble messes we've got in the US?

I wish I had a palomino.

Komnena
08-05-2011, 07:55 AM
Granted. You have a palomino. You must now clean its stall, take it to the farrier and the vet regularly. In addition, you have to exercise it every day, feed and water it.

I wish I had every Hitchcock movie on DVD.

druid12000
08-05-2011, 08:47 AM
Granted. Wesley Hitchcock's DVD collection of the mating habits of the sparrow should be arriving shortly.

I wish motorcyles were safer.

Nymtoc
08-05-2011, 03:40 PM
Granted. A small training wheel has been added, and the maximum speed of your motorcycle is 5 mph.

I wish I knew how to give a present that the person would really like.

PorterStarrByrd
08-05-2011, 07:08 PM
Granted. A small training wheel has been added, and the maximum speed of your motorcycle is 5 mph.

I wish I knew how to give a present that the person would really like.


Kind of granted (Surprise !!)
Nobody likes you. The best present you can give them is to stay the hell out of their lives.

I wish I hadn't missed out on the compassion gene.

Nymtoc
08-05-2011, 08:56 PM
DENIED AS WISHED. The Genie can't change the fact that you missed out on the compassion gene, but he is sending you a pair of compassion jeans, which should suit you just as well.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/JEANSTORN.jpg

They are not in great shape, but you know how to fix them up for the barn dance, don't you?


I wish I had a bannister I could slide down.

Reziac
08-05-2011, 10:35 PM
Granted, but <SPLAT!> you probably should have wished for a padded landing area while you were at it.

I wish I had a good climbing tree. And that I was still as good at tree-climbing as I was in my long-lost youth.

<Silly Genie, why is the tree climbing up that cliff? Put it back!>

PorterStarrByrd
08-06-2011, 04:05 AM
I wish I had a good climbing tree. And that I was still as good at tree-climbing as I was in my long-lost youth.



ONE DAMNED WISH AT A TIME !!!!waddaya think .. I multi-task ?

Your first wish is granted
Your wish is granted
You have a tree that will climb up a Sequoia (in about 500 years). Hows that for climbing?


I wish I had a rubber brick

Komnena
08-06-2011, 08:02 AM
Granted. In fact Genie gives you a house made out of rubber bricks.

I wish all electronic books were free.

Nymtoc
08-06-2011, 08:13 AM
PARTIALLY GRANTED. All the electronic books that you write are free.

I wish I weren't so frequently misunderstood.

PorterStarrByrd
08-06-2011, 05:59 PM
I wish I weren't so frequently misunderstood.
granted
You have lost the ability to speak


I wish I had an eagle egg omlet

druid12000
08-06-2011, 08:34 PM
Granted. Yum! Enjoy! Oh, and there are some men from the government here to see you...I don't think they're here to help...something about eating a National Symbol...Good luck!

I wish relationships were easy.

Nymtoc
08-06-2011, 10:11 PM
Granted. You have a dozen pet snails. You get along with them very well.

I wish I had a pair of roller skates that could fly.

druid12000
08-07-2011, 02:01 AM
Granted. A leash or tether would have been good to go with them...wow, look at 'em go!

I wish those irritating little black flies would stop flying right in front of my eyes!

PorterStarrByrd
08-07-2011, 03:20 AM
I wish those irritating little black flies would stop flying right in front of my eyes!
Granted
They'll die out soon and be replaced by noseeums

I wish I had a nice bowl of sea turtle soup and a plate of dodo-liver pate

druid12000
08-07-2011, 04:28 AM
Granted! The sea turtle soup is lovely this evening, and ah, the dodo liver pate is to die for. Um, you seem to be turning blue, sir...too much shell in the soup?

I wish that I could snap my fingers and women would come running to me, Fonzie style.

PorterStarrByrd
08-07-2011, 04:50 AM
I wish that I could snap my fingers and women would come running to me, Fonzie style.

Granted
Many women are trying to revitalize the old kill the male chauvanist pig movement. For every one that responds 'Fonzie' style, two more with baseball bats will be close behind.



I wish I had enough spotted owl hides to make a lampshade.

druid12000
08-07-2011, 05:19 AM
Granted. The mother of all spotted owls has died, mid flight, and crashed through your roof, breaking every stick of furniture, including your lamp. She'd make a nice throw rug...

I wish teachers made more money than professional athletes.

Reziac
08-07-2011, 05:45 AM
Granted. Professional athletes now make minimum wage.

I wish all schools and teachers were as good as the ones I had.

druid12000
08-07-2011, 06:19 AM
Granted. Now every child has a good education and the world is converging toward harmony...Uh oh, the professional athletes seem to be taking a stand...(this could get ugly, I'd look away if I were you)

I wish there was an easy answer to all the world's problems.

Komnena
08-07-2011, 08:09 AM
Granted. It's 42.

I wish I had a model of a pink unicorn.

druid12000
08-07-2011, 08:18 AM
(Why is it always 42!!!! Does not compute...)
Sorry, Granted! Your model is comprised of two burly men in two halves of a pink unicorn costume trying desperately to stay in character, while being itchy.

I wish people would accept responsibility for their actions

Nymtoc
08-07-2011, 08:46 AM
Granted. I started the Great Chicago Fire, sank the Titanic and brought down that big old zeppelin. Oh, the humanity!

I wish the wishes granted in this thread would be in the real world instead of the cyber world.

druid12000
08-07-2011, 09:26 AM
Granted. Since the Cyber world is a construct of the Real world, nothing much changes :( ...Oh, but Genie gets a fat bonus! Yeah! 2 trillion served...work it, work it, it's your birthday, it's your birthday...running man, running man....

I wish I didn't get pleasure from other's misfortune.

Komnena
08-07-2011, 09:32 AM
Granted. You get pleasure from your own misfortunes. You have a lot of pleasure.

I wish I could see the Spanish Riding School in Austria.

druid12000
08-07-2011, 10:12 AM
Granted. It's on the left side of the plane you are on...*Pilot speaking*: if you look out your window to the right, you can see the Spanish Riding School as clear as day. Buckle up now, we're hitting some cross winds...

I wish I had a Fudgesicle.

ShadowyEclipse
08-07-2011, 10:25 AM
Granted. But it's all melted and stuff. Plus, it spilled all over your huge expensive shoes.


I wish I was a hero.

druid12000
08-07-2011, 10:41 AM
Granted. Not given specifics, I found you a job...and believe me it wasn't easy. You are now 'Dust Bunny'! You get cool powers like moving dust...and hopping...cool, right?

I wish magnetic North was in the South.

Nymtoc
08-07-2011, 05:55 PM
Granted. But only for you. Your directions are contrary to everyone else's, and you go through life constantly making wrong turns, stumbling into buildings and driving to North Dakota when you intended to go to Florida.

I wish sociopaths would wear a sign so we could see them coming.

Undercover
08-07-2011, 06:00 PM
Granted, just watch out for my sign.

I wish people were all colors of the rainbow, like blue and purple and green.

PorterStarrByrd
08-07-2011, 06:24 PM
I wish people were all colors of the rainbow, like blue and purple and green.


Don't waste my time. Buy a football ticket.


I wish I had a couple dozen fried snail darters for breakfast.

Komnena
08-07-2011, 06:29 PM
Granted. The game wardens even let you enjoy them before they put the cuffs on.

I wish I don't have to come home to more dead plants.

Undercover
08-07-2011, 06:33 PM
Granted, water them with lemon juice maybe that will bring them back to life

I wish everyone would sing Kumbaya

PorterStarrByrd
08-07-2011, 06:39 PM
'
I wish everyone would sing Kumbaya


Denied
There are some singing voices that should NEVER be heard


I wish I had an albatross sandwich.

Undercover
08-07-2011, 06:42 PM
Denied, make a tuna sandwich instead

I wish the sun would come out at night

druid12000
08-07-2011, 08:22 PM
Granted and waaaay too easy. Welcome to Alaska, hope you enjoy your stay.

I wish vegetables would put up a fight before being eaten.

Komnena
08-07-2011, 08:28 PM
Granted. You wake up to find your house surrounded by triffids.

I wish I had a pet tiger.

druid12000
08-07-2011, 08:51 PM
Granted. And he's a big kitty cat, yes he is...
Your neighbors are not particularly happy with your new pet, however, since you can't afford to feed him and he has developed a taste for human flesh.

I wish God would just bless us all and get it over with.

Undercover
08-07-2011, 08:55 PM
Granted just sneeze and a person will say "God Bless you" for God...

I wish my cat wasn't so fat

druid12000
08-07-2011, 09:18 PM
Granted. He's just big boned.

I wish Rocky and Bullwinkle would get back together.

Reziac
08-07-2011, 09:55 PM
Granted, tho I'd never heard of Rocky/Bullwinkle fanfic before. ;)

I wish anime hadn't taken over the world.

PorterStarrByrd
08-07-2011, 09:58 PM
http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTsOPdwlvWmTmIMGiOx7j8WVUr-dkfq_XUZs5BgpmqjZZqtKuX4http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT43-xNC4LVU9Z_Bz14v3DMoJH6TaX016BB5hUwmKSGlvq8zj2Y2A



Granted ... They are back together

I wish I had a round brick

PorterStarrByrd
08-07-2011, 10:05 PM
I wish anime hadn't taken over the world.


Granted

It hasn't. I am standing next to someone who doesn't even know what it is.


I'm still going for that round brick

druid12000
08-07-2011, 11:56 PM
Granted. It just came crashing through your window, landing on your owl skin rug.

I wish people didn't beat dead horses.

Undercover
08-08-2011, 01:13 AM
Granted just don't kill two birds with one stone either then.

I wish I had my Strawberry Shortcake Doll collection again.

druid12000
08-08-2011, 01:26 AM
Granted. They're a bit soiled from the landfill, though.

I wish I could pull off killing two birds with one stone.

Undercover
08-08-2011, 01:45 AM
Denied we are never to kill even a mockingbird

I wish I could make time (longer in certain cases, shorter in others)

druid12000
08-08-2011, 02:12 AM
Granted. All you have to do is kill those two birds with one stone...

I wish I wasn't such an ass.

Undercover
08-08-2011, 02:20 AM
I grant you King Peter of Wishes,

I wish I can type a full length 75K novel in a minute

PorterStarrByrd
08-08-2011, 02:22 AM
I wish I wasn't such an ass.

DENIED
that one is written in stone


I wish the chickens wouldn't hide their eggs in the manure pile.

Undercover
08-08-2011, 02:24 AM
Denied you need to get out of the menure first

I wish wise people spoke up more

druid12000
08-08-2011, 02:26 AM
Granted. Type slowly though it won't take a minute...'a full length 75K novel in a minute'!

I wish I had the ability to persuade anyone about anything.

Undercover
08-08-2011, 02:29 AM
Granted, you've persauded me enough. lol

I wish a had another wish of wishing wishes of a wish

druid12000
08-08-2011, 02:29 AM
Denied you need to get out of the menure first

I wish wise people spoke up more

Unfortunately denied. Wise people, just by they're very nature, have learned when to keep their mouths shut.

I still wish I could persuade anyone about anything

Undercover
08-08-2011, 02:40 AM
(truly) I think a wise man just spoke, so you're wish has been officially granted.

I wish I could keep my writer friends all in my pocket at all times.

druid12000
08-08-2011, 03:02 AM
Granted. They have all been loaded onto your iPhone. They're so cute with their little noses pressed against the screen...

I wish black eyed susans would take over the world

Undercover
08-08-2011, 03:10 AM
Ohhh, that sounds like a scary wish request, yet so beautiful too...let the genie think on that more.

I wish brilliant people were everywhere! (especially those with common sense)

druid12000
08-08-2011, 03:15 AM
Granted. They are everywhere, just ask them.

I wish bowling was the American National Pastime.

Undercover
08-08-2011, 03:23 AM
Granted, for the genie loves bowling too.

I wish I knew sign language, and perhaps every other language too

druid12000
08-08-2011, 03:34 AM
Granted. You can now communicate with hearing impaired persons worldwide.

I wish pens worked every time without having to scribble or wet the tip after prolonged inactivity.

CDSinex
08-08-2011, 05:59 AM
Granted: From here on end every pen you touch, even those discarded by others, will never run dry. As an added bonus, your printers will never be out of ink or toner. Unfortunately you still can't quite think of anything to write.

I wish I didn't have to go food shopping today.

druid12000
08-08-2011, 07:17 AM
Granted. A sudden intense rain storm has made travelling to the store quite impossible for the next several days. The half sleeve of 6 month old Ritz crackers in your cupboard and residue of Pace piquante sauce in your refrigerator will have to suffice until the roads are passable

I wish the lottery wasn't my retirement plan.

parumpdragon
08-09-2011, 05:15 AM
Granted. You didn't win it so technically it isn't yours anyway.


I wish someone would have told me important things sooner.

PorterStarrByrd
08-09-2011, 05:39 AM
I wish someone would have told me important things sooner.


Granted ... They have been doing so for years. You didn't listen .. now you are doomed


I wish I could see the rain drown my neighbor's cat.

CDSinex
08-09-2011, 05:56 AM
Granted: The Genie finds you a nice house in South Seattle and tells you to just sit tight until September.

I wish I owned a house and land in rural Canada.

druid12000
08-09-2011, 06:05 AM
Granted. Nunavut is such a beautiful place, and igloos are incredibly cheap to build! 5000 acres and all the building material you'll ever need.

I wish skunks could be trained to guard property.

Komnena
08-09-2011, 07:57 AM
Granted. Skunks learn to defend their food and territory from humans. Your house is on the intersection of three skunk territories.

I wish all horse books in the world were digitalized.

druid12000
08-09-2011, 08:16 AM
Granted. Uuunnfortunately, the Amish revoltution took a dire turn and they now rule the world. They have banned all forms of technology and fun in general. (pssst...there is still a little battery life left in this iPad and the books are all in there *looks around*...read quickly...*looks around again*...these Amish are nasty mother f

I wish the Amish would forgive me.

PorterStarrByrd
08-09-2011, 04:46 PM
Granted
The genie is in Manheim PA right now talking to the leadership. They have agreed to forgive you after a little matter of pentance is cleared up and the clubs have been cleaned.


I wish is would snow marshmallows that would melt into chocolate and flow in rivers over beds of graham cracker crumbs (must be something I ate last night that makes me wish this)

Undercover
08-09-2011, 04:55 PM
So you want S'more then? Granted

I wish my email would explode into a million different messages

PorterStarrByrd
08-09-2011, 05:12 PM
I wish my email would explode into a million different messages


Denied
DOn't waste my time. There is already enough spam creating software in the world.

I wish I had a mouthful of words

Undercover
08-09-2011, 05:15 PM
Denied then you'd be spitting em out all the time

I wish.

PorterStarrByrd
08-09-2011, 05:17 PM
Denied then you'd be spitting em out all the time

I wish.

Granted


I wish I could hear the petals falling off of the damned orchid.

Undercover
08-09-2011, 05:25 PM
Granted, just open up your ears like the blossoming tulips.

I wish I wasn't so riddled with riddles...woe is I

parumpdragon
08-09-2011, 08:42 PM
Granted, now you are a poet and you know it.

I wish we had more time for fun.

CDSinex
08-10-2011, 01:59 AM
Granted: You are laid off (made redundant) when your company takes advantage of tax breaks and ships your job off-shore, thus freeing your days to do other things.

I wish my poem would finish itself so I could spend more time on this thread.

druid12000
08-10-2011, 03:35 AM
Granted! Having found it's own voice it is taking it's nationwide reading tour (and royalties) on the road.

I wish I had some gum.

PorterStarrByrd
08-10-2011, 06:42 AM
I wish I had some gum.

Give me a break .. you already have two ... and could bve taking better care of those

I wish I had seen the sunset.

druid12000
08-10-2011, 07:25 AM
Granted. You have (and likely will again).

I wish fountain pens would make a comeback.

Komnena
08-10-2011, 07:55 AM
Granted. Unfortunately they are unusable because of all the water spouting from them.

I wish I had a Bugatti Royale.

Nymtoc
08-10-2011, 10:46 AM
Granted. Go to Le Petit Coin Café, where a delicious Bugatti Royale dessert is waiting for you. Just let the waiter know whether you like it with whipped cream and a cherry or chopped nuts and banana syrup.

I wish I had a beach house.

druid12000
08-11-2011, 03:44 AM
Granted. And what a steal!! Three Mile Island is lovely this time of year. Just watch out for the crabs...

I wish every one of my senses were heightened.

Drachen Jager
08-11-2011, 04:06 AM
Granted. You can now smell it when anyone in your neighbourhood takes a crap, see through clothes of all ugly people, hear any baby crying within a dozen miles, taste things you'd rather just be forgotten and feel your life drawing to an end, one second at a time.

I wish I had one of those Bugatti pastries mentioned above.

druid12000
08-11-2011, 05:07 AM
Oooo, unfortunately denied :(
It was a limited time offer. Try back next week..!

I wish I had adoring fans all around me.

Nymtoc
08-11-2011, 07:10 AM
Granted. Here is a small delegation of your adoring fans. There are thousands more like them waiting to embrace you.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/uglygothicpeople.jpg

I wish I could do card tricks.

CDSinex
08-11-2011, 07:57 AM
Granted: Thanks to the Genie you can make credit cards disappear. Every time you hand one to a merchant it will suddenly vanish.

I wish I could find a way to be more attentive.

parumpdragon
08-11-2011, 08:05 AM
Granted. Don't ever dress up like anyone in the post above you.


I wish for world peace. ;)

druid12000
08-11-2011, 08:15 AM
Granted. Say your goodbyes quickly as the human race is about to become extin

I wish for a happy ending.

Komnena
08-11-2011, 08:15 AM
Granted. All villains get happy endings for themselves.

I wish it was Friday already.

Drachen Jager
08-11-2011, 08:33 AM
Granted. It is Friday the 13th, you're on Elm Street, having a nightmare. Basically if you wake up you're screwed, if you stay asleep you're screwed.

I wish my vacation had been more restful.

parumpdragon
08-11-2011, 08:52 AM
Granted, there was an epidemic and no one is going back to that place next year.


I wish someone would tell me how to win millions.

PorterStarrByrd
08-11-2011, 05:20 PM
.


I wish someone would tell me how to win millions.


Granted
Bet Billions


I wish that last card had been smaller than a six

parumpdragon
08-11-2011, 09:15 PM
Denied. Too much time has passed.


I wish something wonderful would happen.

PorterStarrByrd
08-12-2011, 02:50 AM
I wish something wonderful would happen.


Granted
It did. Were you watching? Wasn't that great?


I wish I had a matched set of crutches

Nymtoc
08-12-2011, 03:29 AM
Granted. Here is your matched set of churches:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/CHURCH.jpg

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/CHURCH.jpg

(The Genie often has trouble understanding Porter's mumbles and incoherent scribbles.)


I wish my mind worked as fast as my computer.

druid12000
08-12-2011, 04:01 AM
Granted. You may want to think about an upgrade (Commodore 64 is soooo last century)

I wish there was more time in every day.

Drachen Jager
08-12-2011, 11:10 AM
Granted. Your subscription to Time has been doubled. You will be charged a mere 250% of the regular rate for this service.

I wish I had a pet chimpanzee.

Nymtoc
08-12-2011, 12:10 PM
Chimpanzees are in short supply, so the Genie is sending you the next best thing:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/GORILLA.jpg

I wish I could sing at the Met.

PorterStarrByrd
08-12-2011, 05:40 PM
I wish I could sing at the Met.


DENIED !!!
The Met does not want to discourage paying customers in these diffcult econmic times.


I wish Numtucks voice did not carry more than a few feet.

parumpdragon
08-12-2011, 07:16 PM
Granted, it now is only heard by you. No one else has to endure it.


I wish it would rain more.

Drachen Jager
08-12-2011, 08:48 PM
Hasn't the Genie had this one before? Genie always advises people who make that wish to begin building their arcs immediately, and try to rescue as many animals as you can.

I wish I could make flubber.

PorterStarrByrd
08-12-2011, 10:37 PM
.

I wish I could make flubber.

Sadly denied .. I liked that stuff

two of the ingredients are also used for crystal meth, and the genie can't get them anymore ... something to do with probation.


I wish I had a weather balloon

parumpdragon
08-12-2011, 10:38 PM
Granted, but it popped, so now you have a grounded weather balloon.


I wish I had a green thumb.

druid12000
08-13-2011, 12:53 AM
Granted. Unfortunately Genie got a little carried away and your entire body is now green. Oops. On the bright side, plants actually uproot themselves and follow you wherever you go.

I wish heaven was here on earth.

parumpdragon
08-13-2011, 01:18 AM
Denied, it's too crazy here.


I wish the sky wasn't falling, or at least the debt ceiling...

PorterStarrByrd
08-13-2011, 03:08 AM
I wish the sky wasn't falling, or at least the debt ceiling...


Don't know why you want dents in your ceiling but ...

Granted
A wrecking crew is on the way


I wish I had some pie dough

Rebekah7
08-13-2011, 03:31 AM
Granted. You have some pie dough. It's stale and can only be used as a substitute for caulk.

I wish I had a lifetime supply of steak.

CDSinex
08-13-2011, 04:48 AM
Granted: It's live on-the-hoof, and they all arrive at the same time.

I wish I had the time, skills and material to build bamboo fly rods.

druid12000
08-13-2011, 04:57 AM
Granted. But the fish are onto you and flee at your presence.

I wish Scooby Doo was a Patron Saint.

Drachen Jager
08-13-2011, 07:47 AM
Granted. He is now the patron saint of pooper-scoopers.

I wish people didn't treat their dogs like human children.

Komnena
08-13-2011, 07:56 AM
Granted. They now treat their dogs like alien children.
I wish to have a unicorn in my back yard.

Nymtoc
08-13-2011, 09:26 AM
Granted. If you can drag him away from that rainbow-colored poop.

I wish I didn't have to get up early tomorrow. It's Saturday.

Drachen Jager
08-13-2011, 10:28 AM
Granted. I have performed a difficult time-warp to make tomorrow Monday for you. I hope you appreciate my hard work.

I wish I had my own private island.

Drachen Jager
08-13-2011, 10:38 AM
Granted. But he decided the place for his comeback was the boxing ring. It didn't end well.

I wish Druid hadn't usurped my wish.

druid12000
08-13-2011, 10:40 AM
Granted. Your island is located in the Xeghenia quadrant of Plubrent 4. There is no breathable air on the planet so...here, I got you a portable respirator...no, no, no need to thank me, helping is it's own reward.

I wish I could think of something to say.

Nymtoc
08-13-2011, 11:00 AM
Granted. You will think of something to say at 3 a.m. on November 4th, but don't expect the rest of us to wait for you.

I wish every sentence I write were brilliant.

Drachen Jager
08-13-2011, 11:19 AM
Granted. I have mailed you an ev-r-glow ballpoint pen. The ink glows in the dark!

I wish I had a witty comeback ready for every occasion.

Nymtoc
08-13-2011, 02:32 PM
Granted. You will have a witty comeback for every occasion, but you will always think of it ten minutes after the occasion has passed. (a situation the Genie himself has often faced. :e2tomato:)

I wish Komnena would become my horse trainer and lead my horse to the Triple Crown.

PorterStarrByrd
08-13-2011, 05:10 PM
)

I wish Komnena would become my horse trainer and lead my horse to the Triple Crown.


http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQTbutydJw1mP0HD3e3KapyqS-Sc0ORP_nY3dyS5Edo7QYmeuICX2FlKDE (http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2225/2277737973_c90a6a8f5a.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.flickr.com/photos/headovmetal/2277737973/&usg=__EdBLR-E9ow457s8CVArRFUymREY=&h=500&w=449&sz=159&hl=en&start=29&sig2=WbMW1Zg-sq_qzdaaNNynFQ&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=eFZJIErozBO2jM:&tbnh=130&tbnw=117&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dtriple%2Bcrown%26start%3D20%26hl%3Den %26sa%3DN%26gbv%3D2%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D524%26nds p%3D20%26tbm%3Disch&ei=EGJGTpOpGuXv0gH27e3xBw)

Granted
send pictures but PETA may not like this.

I wish I had some Crown Royal (at least three fingers of it)

Drachen Jager
08-13-2011, 08:13 PM
Granted. Three of your fingers have been severed, and pickled in Crown Royal.

I wish Genie would make Porter take a bath.

PorterStarrByrd
08-13-2011, 08:23 PM
Granted. Three of your fingers have been severed, and pickled in Crown Royal.

I wish Genie would make Porter take a bath.

DENIED !!!
How would the genie know where Porter was?



I wish I knew what this 'soap' thing was for.

dreamcatcher
08-13-2011, 08:28 PM
Granted. You've discovered the soap's purpose and now you've made it your life mission to clean, clean, clean.

I wish life was like The Matrix and I could install skills into my brain.

Reziac
08-13-2011, 08:31 PM
Granted... did you remember to install an antivirus??

I wish I could reprogram my brain.

PorterStarrByrd
08-13-2011, 08:43 PM
Granted... did you remember to install an antivirus??

I wish I could reprogram my brain.


Granted
You will find that the task is much like 'sorting' what is an empty box.



I wish I could put my alarm clock back together

druid12000
08-14-2011, 01:45 AM
Granted. And Genie will even help pick up the pieces...um, this whip is not part of your alarm clock...and these tweezers, what are these for...?

I wish Porter would just realize that he is a God among men and move on to more important matters, like how to combat poverty.

Reziac
08-14-2011, 01:45 AM
Granted. Nymtoc beating you with it for the bloody alarm clock waking him up early this morning, that I can't do anything about.

ETA: I see the whip was provided by another Genie.

I wish I still had a pair of those old windup Baby Ben clocks, one black, one white.

CDSinex
08-14-2011, 07:46 AM
Granted: The Genie sends you back to the time when you had them. Good luck getting back to the present. The Genie assumes you've seen Back to The Future, and will forgo the usual warnings about interacting with your then self and family.

I wish I had kept all of the cars I ever owned.

PorterStarrByrd
08-14-2011, 07:58 AM
.

I wish I had kept all of the cars I ever owned.


Granted

Here a couple of them ... I'll round up the rest tomorrow. I got some drinking to do tonight

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT3qkQkko1ln8sTzG3JKk3pqLulVdARr 7EmQtEWCcdDfE1dCsaPBVgFE_tw (http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.thecampingmachine.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/Photogallery1/SWTCMTwodeadcars.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.thecampingmachine.com/campingmachinefeaturephoto.html&usg=__Sg7mL2XgMuzxQyWbA0c5Jz0iQ1M=&h=531&w=800&sz=360&hl=en&start=12&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=qLHUHYqO1DsjGM:&tbnh=95&tbnw=143&prev=/search%3Fq%3Drusted%2Bcars%26hl%3Den%26gbv%3D2%26b iw%3D1280%26bih%3D524%26tbm%3Disch&ei=TTJHTsr8IqrL0QHV4LmLCA)

I wish the guy on the other side of the bar believed in running up a tab from this side of the bar.

shakeysix
08-14-2011, 08:59 AM
granted. unfortunately the guy on the other side of the bar is only two feet tall. he never sees you. that's what you get for drinking with the wee folk, porter!--s6

i wish ice cream and beer went together better than they do. on second thought--i wish i hadn't had a beer with my ice cream tonight.

Nymtoc
08-14-2011, 09:07 AM
Wishes with second thoughts are not accepted by the Genie. Therefore, all the ice cream you eat for the rest of the year will be beer ice cream (though you may have ale ice cream on holidays).

I wish the ideas that look so good in my mind looked as good on the page.

druid12000
08-14-2011, 09:14 AM
Granted. The latest and greatest of inventions allows you to see your thoughts on paper. Unfortunately, like most humans, it comes out looking like scribbles.

I wish there were more fish in the sea.

VeryVerity
08-14-2011, 01:24 PM
Granted. Oh wait, they're still multiplying. Oh look, they are eating each other, wow, they are some mean huge fish now. Oh, you're on a small boat, yeah, good luck.

I wish I could touch my nose with my tongue.

Drachen Jager
08-14-2011, 08:40 PM
Granted. Here is a scalpel.

I wish I had a brilliant master plan.

PorterStarrByrd
08-14-2011, 09:19 PM
I wish I had a brilliant master plan.


Denied .. but I tried

No brilliant master wants anything to do with you, especially to tell you his plans.


I wish I had a BLT.

shakeysix
08-14-2011, 09:42 PM
here you are--a basenji, lab, terrier mix. he doesn't bark much but he's hell on water rats.

i wish i could harden my heart to strays

PorterStarrByrd
08-14-2011, 09:55 PM
i wish i could harden my heart to strays

sure thing ... Rocky


I wish the genie knw what BLT stands for

Reziac
08-14-2011, 10:01 PM
The genie isn't sure if you want bacon-lettuce-tomato or bi-lesbian-transgendered, so the genie is providing you with one of each. Eat up!

I wish I had a club sandwich.

shakeysix
08-14-2011, 10:14 PM
here you are--two slices of toasted bread with a shillelagh and a dab of mayo. if you want i can fix you a bowl of leprechauns with a pooka dip on the side.

i wish that all of my students will be polite, well mannered and bright. through october at least.

Nymtoc
08-15-2011, 01:14 AM
Granted. Here they are.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/VILLAGEOFTHEDAMNED.jpg

I wish I knew the secret of writing a bestseller.

druid12000
08-15-2011, 02:04 AM
Granted. Write a book that lots of people buy.

I wish being a Genie was really that easy.

CDSinex
08-15-2011, 03:47 AM
Granted: You visit the Wizard of Oz, and he tells you you've always had the power to make things easy. You just needed a heart, a brain, or a pair of witch shoes; I forget which one.


I wish it would snow when and where I wanted.

Nymtoc
08-15-2011, 03:58 AM
Granted.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/SNOWGLOBE.jpg

Place the globe wherever you want, and when you desire snow, shake.

I wish the US had a coast-to-coast high-speed railroad.

druid12000
08-15-2011, 04:00 AM
Granted. Your new snow making machine should arrive shortly...along with the skiers, snowboarders, sledders, snow angel makers, snow fort makers aaaannd basically everyone who loves snow and snow related activities. Hope you have lots of room...

I wish clowns weren't evil.

druid12000
08-15-2011, 04:12 AM
Genie is kind of slow today apparently...
Granted. The new railroad goes from one side of lake Erie to the other.

I still wish clowns weren't evil

CDSinex
08-15-2011, 12:36 PM
Granted: Clowns are no longer evil. From now until the end of time they will be nefarious.

I wish Seattle drivers would be more considerate of Eastsiders when we are forced to venture over the bridges.

Nymtoc
08-15-2011, 09:11 PM
Granted. From now on, Seattle drivers will provide milk and cookies to Eastsiders when they cross a bridge.

I wish more people were rational.

Drachen Jager
08-16-2011, 01:00 AM
Granted. You are hereby granted an aliquot of 25 personal interactions per day. If you use more than that you will be fined.

I wish I owned a thousand acres of land.

Nymtoc
08-16-2011, 06:30 AM
Granted. You own 1,000 acres of land on Jupiter's moon Callisto, pictured below.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/CALLISTO.jpg

It may require some cultivation.


I wish that political campaigns in the US had nothing to do with money.

Drachen Jager
08-16-2011, 07:09 AM
Granted. Due to the ongoing stress on the economy the United States decides to revert to the barter system. Now the corporation with the most pigs to offer can decide who is President!

I wish politicians could be sane, rational and make decisions based on the long-term wellbeing of their constituents.

PorterStarrByrd
08-16-2011, 09:08 AM
I wish politicians could be sane, rational and make decisions based on the long-term wellbeing of their constituents.


DENIED !!!!
Are you out of your mind? Do you know how many people's jobs depend on the status quo? These are tough times. Have some compassion.


I wish I knew was under the sawdust in the ice house.

Drachen Jager
08-16-2011, 10:09 AM
Not Granted. Genie is incapable of deciphering your gibberish.

I wish Porter would learn to write in English.

Nymtoc
08-16-2011, 10:31 AM
Denied. Why do people keep asking the Genie to do the impossible?

I wish I had a million dollars in genuine, present-day, valid United States currency. (Don't give me one of those Monopoly answers, Genie!)

Drachen Jager
08-16-2011, 10:41 AM
Granted. A masked man, carrying a briefcase while running full tilt up the street sees you, whips off the mask and hands you both mask and briefcase. In another instant he's gone. It's only then you notice the sound of sirens from all directions converging on your location.

I wish I had a private army I could use in my plot to take over the world.