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View Full Version : Your wish is granted...


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Komnena
07-01-2011, 07:14 AM
Granted. It is still sleeping in your living room and blocking your view of the TV.

I wish there were wild otters here.

Nymtoc
07-01-2011, 07:20 AM
Granted. But it turns out you are allergic to them.

I wish that when I ride the subway I could have a car all to myself.

PorterStarrByrd
07-01-2011, 07:20 AM
I wish there were wild otters here.


Granted
Someone will spike the pool in their cage in the zoo tonight.


I wish the moose was chocolate

PorterStarrByrd
07-01-2011, 07:29 AM
I wish that when I ride the subway I could have a car all to myself.


Granted

Sending you a case of refried beans. Eat at least three cans about 4 hours before you ride the subway


I still wish the moose was chocolate

Nymtoc
07-01-2011, 04:44 PM
Granted. The moose is chocolate, but it has been in the lake for five months, and the pike, who can't tell the difference between a moose and a large frog, have eaten most of it.

I wish I could avoid traffic by floating from one place to another.

shakeysix
07-01-2011, 04:55 PM
granted--you are a globe of swamp gas. if nobody takes you for an alien spacecraft you should be able to get around town fairly wwll--in the midnight hours. swamp gas doesn't do much in day light.

i wish i could find coronado's gold this morning while planting strawberries.

Komnena
07-01-2011, 05:44 PM
Granted. You find Coronado's Gold. The IRS promptly audits you and takes everything you own.

I wish I could run in a marathon.

Nymtoc
07-01-2011, 05:59 PM
Granted. You can run in the MHS (Marathon for the Hopelessly Spastic), which is held on the second Monday of August in Paducah, KY, each year.

I wish I could race at Le Mans.

shakeysix
07-01-2011, 07:33 PM
here you are--run like hell!


i wish i could run with the bulls like Hemingway

Drachen Jager
07-01-2011, 08:48 PM
Judging from the amount of BS coming from your direction I'd say you already do!

I wish I owned Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

Nymtoc
07-01-2011, 08:55 PM
Granted. You are now Gene Wilder (or Johnny Depp, take your pick) and you are trapped in a movie, destined to relive the same scenes over and over and over and over and...

I wish my kitchen drain would stop clogging up.

PorterStarrByrd
07-01-2011, 09:52 PM
I wish my kitchen drain would stop clogging up.


DENIED
The genie has seen your kitchen and refuses to waste time on fixes that are temporary at best. Isn't that what your plummer told you last week?


I wish there was a jelly bean for each flavor there is, not just a few fruits and spices. I could use a Haggis flavored jelly bean and a half dozen Guiness Stout beans right now.

Nymtoc
07-01-2011, 10:49 PM
Granted. You have a haggis jelly bean and a few dozen Guinness stout jelly beans, but you also have several hemlock-flavored jelly beans, and they all look alike. You eat what you want, and you take your chances.

I wish I had X-ray vision.

Drachen Jager
07-02-2011, 12:30 AM
Granted. You soon develop eyeball cancer. Strangely, many of the women you know begin to develop breast cancer at the same time.

I wish I had a cure for cancer.

Nymtoc
07-02-2011, 03:25 AM
DENIED--WITH REGRET. This is one of the rare wishes the Genie would really like to grant, but it is beyond even his powers.

I wish I had a field of wind turbines.

shakeysix
07-02-2011, 03:54 AM
go west on highway 56 until you reach spearville, kansas--the city of wind mills. you will see nothing but cows and turbines. you can pitch your tent anywhere you and the cows like. warning--rural legend has it that the turbines grind up flocks of migrating birds. keep your hat on when the whooping cranes come through--s6


i wish i could snap a picture of a whooping crane

Komnena
07-02-2011, 05:28 AM
Granted. Just go to the abovementioned city and take all the pictures of whooping cranes that didn't make it through that you want.
I wish I had everything ready to go.

shakeysix
07-02-2011, 06:26 AM
here you are--all birthday girl naked and ready for the final trumpet call. since you can't take it with you, i'll be picking through your earthly possessions before listing them on e-bay.

i wish komnena had better stuff

Komnena
07-02-2011, 08:14 AM
Granted. I have top of the line stuff. However you won't be getting it. I have a whole county full of relatives who get to choose things ahead of you.
I wish I could play the harp as well as a bard.

dreamcatcher
07-02-2011, 08:35 AM
Granted. Here's your harp, Orpheus. Give the Muses my regards.

I wish I could transform into a mermaid (and back again!)

Drachen Jager
07-02-2011, 08:51 AM
Granted. The Mer family is happy for your services, but the patriarch has a tendency to pinch your bottom when his wife isn't working.

I wish I had a catapult in my yard I could use to lob random junk at my neighbour's house.

Nymtoc
07-02-2011, 09:48 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, it is a boomerang catapult.

I wish I could be the first human to make contact with life on another planet.

dreamcatcher
07-02-2011, 10:29 AM
Granted. You'll be playing Dr. Eleanor Arroway in the movie Contact. Oh, and you're Jodie Foster now. And it's 1997.

I wish I could understand every language.

slcboston
07-02-2011, 07:54 PM
Granted.

And with that understanding comes the rather depressing realization that we don't ever say anything very important at all, a realization that so disheartens you that you spend the rest of your days in a dark, lonely room, only communicating with others via the clicking language of the Kalahari Bushmen... which is even more tragic as there are no Kalahari Bushmen around you to translate.


I wish all these papers were graded.

PorterStarrByrd
07-02-2011, 07:58 PM
I wish I could understand every language.

Denied
You haven't written anything decent in one language yet.



I wish My car would run on gasoline. I've been sitting here trying to start it for hours.

slcboston
07-02-2011, 08:03 PM
:Wha:

My wish wasn't good enough?

Sheesh.

Now you've made the djinn grumpy.

*cracks knuckles... which is harder than it looks when you're a mostly ephemeral being*

Car on gasoline, eh?

Granted.

You car will run. It will still take you hours to start it, so if I were you I'd start planning ahead. Also, although it will run, your fuel efficiency is going to be about that of a Hummer tow-hauling an aircraft carrier. Forget having to plan where the nearest gas stations are when you travel from city to city, you're going to have to plan out where they are just to go get groceries. And at every inspection, there will be at least one major system that will require repair, even though they won't ever manage to fix your starter problem. Or those really uncomfortable seats.


*restates prior wish for graded papers*

shakeysix
07-02-2011, 08:17 PM
papers graded? bring em over! i'm on summer vacation now but will gladly grade something to keep my hand in. just let me fix myself another gin and tonic and sprinkle a little bit of this "oregano" (wink-wink) on my salad and i'll start right in. --s6

i wish to be of assistance

Reziac
07-02-2011, 08:53 PM
Granted. You get to assist the genie by grading all those papers F so we can get it over with.

I wish an invisible wasp hadn't stung me on the toe this morning!! No, I don't wish to be stung by a visible wasp, or elsewhere instead!

slcboston
07-02-2011, 08:54 PM
Granted.

You were not stung. At all. Instead an invisible land shark ate your toe. And now, like the crocodile in Peter Pan, it's hungry for the rest of you.

You don't need to walk across your floor anytime soon now, do you?


(Also, when can you start, Shakey?)

:D


I wish I wasn't out of purple ink. That's the color I use to grade. I find using red tends to cause severe palpitations when I give their papers back.

Nymtoc
07-02-2011, 10:38 PM
Granted. You have a large bottle of purple ink. In your clumsiness, you tip it over, and it completely ruins all the papers. You are forced to give all your students an "A."

I wish I had a tandem bicycle, plus someone to do most of the pedaling.

Drachen Jager
07-02-2011, 11:44 PM
Granted. She's a dominatrix who insists on taking the rear seat. She'll do most of the pedaling on flat and downhill stretches. Uphill she breaks out the whips to make sure you put in a good effort.

I wish I'd been more serious about writing earlier in life.

Nymtoc
07-02-2011, 11:52 PM
Granted. You were more serious about writing earlier in life, so you didn't have to waste all these years before finding out you had no talent. ;)

I wish my left knee didn't hurt.

slcboston
07-03-2011, 12:14 AM
Granted.

*passes you a drink*

Here, drink this. No, don't ask what it is. Nevermind that odd smoke coming off the top, or the way it seems to glow all on it's own. Just drink it. Your knee won't hurt anymore, promise.

There might be a few, other, mild side effects, but, really, seeing in the visible spectrum is highly overrated. And having a steady pulse. And not trembling constantly. .... And a few other things. All mild. I swear.

:D


I wish I could burn students at the stake when they plagiarize

Nymtoc
07-03-2011, 03:23 AM
Granted. But only if you turn the whole thing into a reality show. The Genie guarantees you great ratings.

I wish I had an iPad that I could fold up and stick in my pocket when I wasn't using it.

dreamcatcher
07-03-2011, 08:09 AM
Granted. But it breaks.

I wish chai tea didn't make my tummy hurt.

Komnena
07-03-2011, 09:09 AM
Granted. It makes your head explode.

I wish the yellowjackets would all go to Canada.

Drachen Jager
07-03-2011, 09:40 AM
Granted. The Yellowjackets Jazz Quartet moves to Canada.

I wish I could leap tall buildings in a single bound.

dreamcatcher
07-03-2011, 09:57 AM
Granted. You now have freakishly long legs.

I wish I had a cat.

Nymtoc
07-03-2011, 10:36 AM
Granted. You have a cute little black kitten, which will soon look like this:

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/PANTHER.jpg

I wish the elevator in my building were not so slow.

Drachen Jager
07-03-2011, 08:09 PM
Granted. It now accelerates and decelerates at six gees. Enjoy the ride, and I hope you're not planning on bringing eggs home from the store anytime soon.

I wish I had ten kilograms of gold that legally belongs to me in my hands right now.

AnarchistFish
07-03-2011, 08:14 PM
Granted.

The gold spawns within your hand, disfiguring your fingers and tearing your skin and flesh from the inside.

shakeysix
07-03-2011, 08:29 PM
wish?

Reziac
07-03-2011, 08:29 PM
Drachen! What are your hands doing in my living room, and where is the rest of you?

Since AnarchistFish bloodied it, I wish someone would clean my carpet.

shakeysix
07-03-2011, 08:31 PM
my dog loves to lick the carpet. she's coming in a postal box. step back when you open it, she's a little gassy.

i wish i knew why my dog shuns the 6$ a bag dog food but eats roadkill

AnarchistFish
07-03-2011, 08:36 PM
Sorry I got distracted and messed that up >.<

Granted. But the information causes a brain overload that leaves you with amnesia.

I wish I weren't allergic to peanuts.

randywrite
07-03-2011, 10:28 PM
Granted, as peanut allergies can lead to death.

I wish I had a cabin in the woods overlooking a soothing stream and a desk with a view of said stream where I could write and LIVE in peace.

AnarchistFish
07-03-2011, 10:38 PM
I'm off the hook then?

Granted. But you have no access to food as you live in permanent isolation.

I wish I were good at drawing.

randywrite
07-03-2011, 10:51 PM
Denied. You are terrible at drawing because you left me with no food.

I wish AF had granted my wish in a more, shall we say "happy" way. : )

Nymtoc
07-03-2011, 10:51 PM
Denied. The Genie grants, and you accepts what you gets.

I wish I could make a great advance in nuclear physics.

Drachen Jager
07-04-2011, 01:04 AM
Granted. You single-handedly discover how to create a nuclear-fission bomb using only common household items. Unfortunately the result takes you quite by surprise.

I wish I could write a huge musical hit which would leave me wealthy with a steady paycheque for the rest of my life.

slcboston
07-04-2011, 01:26 AM
Granted.

You write the hit. You make money off of the royalties for life. And every time, and the djinn means every, single, time, without fail, that you walk into a bar, or a lounge, or someone recognizes you on the street - and they will, rest assured that they will - they will hum, or sing, or play that tune on the lounge piano, or their guitar, or simply whistle it. And usually badly, more often than not. Such that, by about the first decade of this, you'll be tempted to stick your head in the oven rather than have to hear it again. By the second decade, you'll be on the verge of throttling these people. If you make it a third decade, you still won't get away from it, because your doctors and the nurses in the psychiatric ward you will have been committed to will still, unintentionally and unbeknownst to them, constantly hum it around you.

But it will be the best of care otherwise, all paid for from the royalty checks.

:evil


I wish I could nap for five minutes and have it feel like I napped for an hour or two instead.

randywrite
07-04-2011, 05:26 AM
I couldn't resist: DJ it appears that your Unicorn has dropped a nuclear fission bomb out of his rear end...rainbow that is.

PorterStarrByrd
07-04-2011, 07:01 AM
I wish I could nap for five minutes and have it feel like I napped for an hour or two instead.


Granted, Mr Van Winkle
But when you go to sleep for 8 hours it is going to feel like twenty years


I wish the fingers of thread hi-jackers would burst into flames as they touched their keyboard.

defcon6000
07-04-2011, 08:50 AM
Granted. Now thread hi-jackers type with their toes and make even less sense.

I wish that my firework don't set anything on fire on the fourth.

Reziac
07-04-2011, 12:41 PM
Granted. On the 4th, your fireworks set nothing on fire -- not even themselves. Alas, you've bought a boxful of duds. On the 5th, they explode and set the entire neighbourhood on fire.

I wish for a wonderful fireworks display on the 4th (of July, you djninnie! I can hear you thinking!) that I can see without having to squint or crane my neck.

shakeysix
07-04-2011, 03:32 PM
granted--you stub the toenail off your roast beef piggy stumbling over the leg of your antique brass bed at five a.m. and then, as you are hopping in pain holding your foot, you step on that little fisher price guy who wears the cowboy hat with the other foot. this happened to me once and i saw all kinds of fireworks and stars.

i wish that someone would crank up a bucket of my great aunt millie's home made pistachio ice cream.

Komnena
07-04-2011, 05:15 PM
Granted. Unfortunately they're selfish enough to eat the whole bucket in front of you without even giving you a little taste.

I wish I had a Hasselblad.

shakeysix
07-04-2011, 06:31 PM
okay but most women your age hate a hassle with their bladder. i guess there's always depends.

i wish i could have a wurlitzer jukebox

Nymtoc
07-04-2011, 08:12 PM
Granted. The Genie is sending you a Wulitzer 500 jukebox from 1938.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/WURLITZER%20500.jpg

This very jukebox was recently sold at auction for $1,000,000, so enjoy it while you can, because you will soon be charged with felony larceny for stealing it.

I wish I had a beanstalk like Jack's.

Reziac
07-04-2011, 08:21 PM
Granted. Nuisance Abatement soon comes to your door, armed with complaints from miles around. And there's that little altercation with the giant... so sad about your house.

I wish I had a pet giant.

PorterStarrByrd
07-04-2011, 10:14 PM
I wish I had a pet giant.


Granted
You have a giant sea monkey ... damned thing is almost a quarter inch long



I wish I could find MY sea monkey kit

shakeysix
07-04-2011, 11:05 PM
i am granting you the power to find your monkey--what you do with it after you find it is your business--oh, did you mean sea monkey? damn, gotta get me some new spectacles.

i wish i had the money to buy a new pair of specs

PorterStarrByrd
07-05-2011, 01:53 AM
i wish i had the money to buy a new pair of specs


Granted
You have the money but the odds makers have posted it 16-1 that you spend it on booze instead


I wish the rattle snake had been slower

CDSinex
07-05-2011, 01:58 AM
Too Slow ... Granted: You go to an optometrist and when you tell him how much money you have, he offers to sell you the two specks of dust that are on the display lenses. (English is a second language for the Genie [actually it's her 257th language or dialect] and she has yet to master homophones.) Granted: The rattlesnake inexplicably returns and gives you another chance to catch it. Unfortunately, it was just after the snake asked the Genie for another chance to bite you, and before you had made your wish. Don't you wish you had asked for anti-venom?


I wish there was something interesting on TV today.

Drachen Jager
07-05-2011, 02:31 AM
Granted. You flip on CNN and the news is all about the giant asteroid plotted to impact somewhere near Seattle in the next few hours.

I wish Nymtoc would stop exploding.

Nymtoc
07-05-2011, 02:44 AM
Granted. Nymtoc will stop exploding at midnight tonight and return to his usual handsome self.

I wish I had an atomic watch.

Reziac
07-05-2011, 03:22 AM
Granted. You now have a WW2 army issue watch with a radium dial, which makes mysterious sores on your arm. Well, that's an atomic watch, right?

I wish my dad's old radium-dial watch still worked. And didn't make sores on my arm.

Drachen Jager
07-05-2011, 03:47 AM
Granted. I have replaced the betalights with the more effective plutonium fueled models. It no longer makes sores on your arm since the amputation.

I wish I had Ninja training.

defcon6000
07-05-2011, 05:59 AM
Granted. You watch hundreds of kung-fu movies as your training and then test your skills in a boss fight against a chicken. The chicken won.

I wish it would rain some more.

Drachen Jager
07-05-2011, 06:16 AM
Granted. I believe 300 cubits is the standard length for the kind of boat you'll be needing soon.

I wish for bright sunny weather for the next two weeks.

defcon6000
07-05-2011, 06:23 AM
Granted. And what goes great with bright sunny weather? Heat! Enjoy 110 degrees everyday for two weeks.

I wish for some jalapeno poppers.

PorterStarrByrd
07-05-2011, 07:04 AM
I wish for some jalapeno poppers.

Granted,
a package of seeds is on the way from the teach a man to fish department. Get them in the ground quickly, it's getting late in the year


I wish I Had some fried ants

Reziac
07-05-2011, 07:24 AM
Granted, tho you'll have to pick them off my driveway, where the poor ants fried in the heat. Who the hell wished for this weather, anyway??

I wish my swamp cooler was completely fixed.

defcon6000
07-05-2011, 08:21 AM
Granted. Your swamp is now much cooler. :D

I wish a certain someone would email me back *ahem*

Drachen Jager
07-05-2011, 09:25 AM
Granted. Nymtoc has finally noticed what he perceives as sexual advances. Now you can't get rid of him.

I wish I had great blog ideas each and every day.

PorterStarrByrd
07-05-2011, 03:09 PM
I wish I had great blog ideas each and every day.

Denied
The genie does not traffic on oxymorons


I wish I could figure out what I did with my frying pan. There is green fuzzy stuff in it this morning.

Nymtoc
07-05-2011, 03:10 PM
Granted. You figure out what you did with your frying pan. You didn't wash it after you ate the frogs.

I wish I had a big rock candy mountain.

PorterStarrByrd
07-05-2011, 03:18 PM
I wish I had a big rock candy mountain.


Granted
A truck full of books will arrive this morning. I needed to clean out my basement after the flood. One of them is all about the big rock candy mountain. It's got lots of nice pictures too. I couldn't stomach sorting them all out to see which one you wanted.

I wish I had some frogs and a clean pan.

shakeysix
07-05-2011, 04:43 PM
the cat brought a frog onto the porch just yesterday morning. i'll look around and see if i can find it. as for pan--here is a nice clean loaf of bread: pan. as bonus here is some mantequilla de cacahuates because i don't think that frog is going to go down without company.

i wish my cat would drag in something useful like golden coins or a good, dependable used car.

PorterStarrByrd
07-05-2011, 06:33 PM
Your cat has brought you a feather duster .. get to work

the genie probably could have brought you better things, but the cat was already on it


I wish I had some marbles

shakeysix
07-06-2011, 01:29 AM
wish denied --from the looks of your avatar you never had a marble in the first place and would be sorely vexed as how to use them if i gave them to you--s6

i wish i had the elgin marbles to set around my bird bath

PorterStarrByrd
07-06-2011, 01:54 AM
i wish i had the elgin marbles to set around my bird bath

Wish granted
please ship your bird bath to Elgin, where the marbles are waiting


I wish my vex wasn't so sore.

defcon6000
07-06-2011, 04:13 AM
Granted. Porter stops rubbing his verbs the wrong way.

I wish I hadn't gotten up so early.

Komnena
07-06-2011, 06:58 AM
Granted. You slept in and ignored the knocking on your door by the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes representative there to tell you of your fabulous winnings.

I wish there was a vanilla flavored water.

PorterStarrByrd
07-06-2011, 07:07 AM
Granted
That gonna be a REAL tough one isn't it? Can you follow a real simple recipe? ... get your pencil ready ...
two drops of vanilla extract in a glass of water, broil, drink.


I wish my jacket wasn't inside out.

Drachen Jager
07-06-2011, 07:22 AM
Granted. It's outside in.

I wish people wouldn't spend so much time buried in their electronic devices so they could actually appreciate the world around them.

Nymtoc
07-06-2011, 07:25 AM
Granted, and you will be the first to put this into effect by immediately ceasing to use electronic devices yourself. Naturally, you are henceforth banned from AW.

I wish the all good things predicted by my fortune cookie last night would come true.

Komnena
07-06-2011, 07:51 AM
Granted. The cookie said you would get the gift of contentment. When you come home tomorrow you will find you have acquired a very contented cat.

I wish I understood my new camera thoroughly.

Reziac
07-06-2011, 09:57 AM
Denied! At least until the genie understands its own new camera thoroughly!

I wish I understood my new camera at all, never mind thoroughly!

Komnena
07-13-2011, 06:04 AM
Granted. Your new camera is an old fashioned 110 film camera.

I wish we had not lost a week's worth of wishes.

Nymtoc
07-13-2011, 06:49 AM
Denied. The Bad Genie (who hates writers) came and burned them all, and this Genie can't retrieve them from the ashes.

I wish I had a mongoose.

Komnena
07-13-2011, 07:20 AM
Granted. It kills all the harmless snakes around your house. Mice and rats move in.
I wish Borders would send me a 100 % off coupon.

parumpdragon
07-13-2011, 08:23 AM
Granted. Borders closes in your area and there is nothing to buy so there is not cost.

Wishes for perfect weather.

Elana
07-13-2011, 08:25 AM
Granted! The weather is perfect--for cacti.

I wish I could afford to hire a housecleaner to come clean my house.

parumpdragon
07-13-2011, 08:30 AM
Granted, you have enough money to hire a house cleaner who forgets to water your plants, considers spraying everything with lysol 'cleaning', and stuffs dirty clothes under furnishing to hide the mess.

I wish I had a pool.

defcon6000
07-13-2011, 10:31 AM
Granted. Your plumping breaks and now you've got an indoor pool. Lucky you!

I wish I could have my posts back.

PorterStarrByrd
07-13-2011, 02:56 PM
Granted. Your plumping breaks and now you've got an indoor pool. Lucky you!

I wish I could have my posts back.

Granter
uh ,,, not sure which ones were yours so I have 1920 ,,,, some them have little manure on them ... they were closest to the barn, The farmer is going to be a little angry when he sees what you made me do.


I wish I was a best spelling author

CDSinex
07-13-2011, 11:24 PM
Granted: From now on all of your manuscripts are submitted free of spelling, and for good measure the Genie adds, syntax errors. You would be an editor's dream were it not for the fact your content is still gibberish.

I wish I had a house on the Oregon coast.

Elana
07-13-2011, 11:48 PM
Granted. Well, it was on the Oregon coast, before the earthquake. And the hurricane. And the mudslide.

I wish Netflix hadn't changed their prices.

parumpdragon
07-14-2011, 01:41 AM
Granted, now they just carry fewer new titles to absorb the added cost you did not want to pay.

I wish the moon was made of cheese.

CDSinex
07-14-2011, 03:20 AM
Granted: The moon is now cheese (and rather delicious the Genie adds.) The problem is, that unlike the Genie, you have no way of getting there.

I wish my computer would type as I spoke.

parumpdragon
07-14-2011, 04:45 AM
Granted, your computer begins typing for itself, ignoring all of your suggestions.

I wish my cat was not stinky.

Komnena
07-14-2011, 06:37 AM
Granted. You have just managed to successfully bathe your cat. Now it's time to put bandaids on all your scratches.
I wish all the dead branches in my backyard were cleared out.

parumpdragon
07-14-2011, 06:44 AM
Granted, but you owe a lot of money to the yard crew who did the work.

I wish fruit grew on bushes so you could reach it.

PorterStarrByrd
07-14-2011, 03:03 PM
Granted, now they just carry fewer new titles to absorb the added cost you did not want to pay.

I wish the moon was made of cheese.

Granted
Actually, it always has been made of cheese. It's a long walk for a snack, isn't it


I wish it wasn't so hard to inflate automobile tires. My lips are sore.

Nymtoc
07-14-2011, 05:24 PM
Granted. You now have titanium lips.

I wish I could chalk up a few wins.

PorterStarrByrd
07-14-2011, 09:03 PM
Granted. You now have titanium lips.

I wish I could chalk up a few wins.

Granted but you are going to have to go head to head with third graders from now on.




I wish air was easier to find

Elana
07-14-2011, 11:20 PM
I wish air was easier to find

Granted, now there is a thick layer of air covering the entire surface of the earth. The Genie made the change retroactive to the planet's formation, so the entire alternate timeline where people had to scavenge air from isolated subterranean pockets has been erased.

I wish my kids' camp had been scheduled for a different week, so we could all go see the last Harry Potter movie tonight together.

Melisande
07-15-2011, 02:19 AM
Granted. They had to close the camp for a week due to flooding. But now you're gonna miss out on that gigantic sale at the mall next week!

I wish the weather would cool down!

slcboston
07-15-2011, 02:26 AM
Granted.

We were overdue for the next Ice Age anyway.



I wish there was a magic wand to wave and make things better when your kid is sick.

PorterStarrByrd
07-15-2011, 05:14 AM
Granted.

We were overdue for the next Ice Age anyway.



I wish there was a magic wand to wave and make things better when your kid is sick.


Granted
such a stick now exists. Let me know when you are ready to negotiate the price



I wish I could grow a carrot tree

Komnena
07-15-2011, 06:04 AM
Granted. You grow a carrot tree and surveyors discover the tree is actually in the yard of your paranoid neighbor who thinks you forged Obama's birth certificate.
I wish I knew the names of all my ancestors.

kellysaid
07-15-2011, 08:22 AM
I wish I knew the names of all my ancestors.

Granted. This genie has swirled the sands of time to reveal your lineage began when Groog clubbed Oona on the head with his club, their union begot...

I wish I had a more comfortable cushion to lay on.

Nymtoc
07-15-2011, 09:07 AM
Granted. The cushion is so comfortable that you fall asleep on it and don't awaken for 20 years, like a certain guy I'm sure you've heard of. ;)

I wish writing were more like running and less like plodding.

PorterStarrByrd
07-15-2011, 04:27 PM
Granted. The cushion is so comfortable that you fall asleep on it and don't awaken for 20 years, like a certain guy I'm sure you've heard of. ;)

I wish writing were more like running and less like plodding.

Granted
But for you, it's more like running with your eyes closed .. short painful spurts, often ending in disaster



I wish I could figure out how to peel this coconut.

parumpdragon
07-15-2011, 07:01 PM
Granted, you use your head as a mallet and lose consciousness.

I wish the sea was blue...

PorterStarrByrd
07-16-2011, 01:39 AM
Granted, you use your head as a mallet and lose consciousness.

I wish the sea was blue...

Denied !!!

the HIGH seas are never BLUE



I wish I had a great white

CDSinex
07-16-2011, 02:52 AM
Granted: Here's a whole case.

http://s7d5.scene7.com/is/image/Staples/s0241844_sc7?$sku$


I wish the tomatoes in my garden would ripen.

HarryHoskins
07-16-2011, 03:05 AM
Granted. They ripen - and then some. You are now in a Z-grade George Clooney film... Leg it!

I wish there was a secret lady garden.

tedi.s
07-16-2011, 05:16 AM
Granted. You have found an all female cemetery just behind your house.

I wish my friend would stop dropping the f-bomb in front of my toddler.

dreamcatcher
07-16-2011, 07:11 AM
Granted. Your friend now drops every other letter-bomb instead :eek:

I wish my boyfriend's computer didn't have so much techno music so I wouldn't have to skip fifty songs just to find one I like!

PorterStarrByrd
07-16-2011, 05:40 PM
Granted.
I wish my boyfriend's computer didn't have so much techno music so I wouldn't have to skip fifty songs just to find one I like!

Granted.

The genie just 'accidentally dropped' the thing out of a third story window. He'll blame it on you."


I wish I had a 2600 pound bullet and a gun to shoot it with

Komnena
07-16-2011, 05:56 PM
Granted. You inherit a battleship. However, Batf confiscates it and levies a huge fine on you.

I wish light fixtures in bathrooms were safer.

shakeysix
07-16-2011, 06:16 PM
here you are==a jar of fireflies. of course they won't make the night. every morning you wake to a jar of dead bugs. next evening you must bustle around a catch a whole new jar--remember the drill from childhood? of course running after fireflies is not going to be easy for one of your years. better wish for hip replacement & a by-pass surgery next chance you get--s6

i wish the blue jays would stop blaming me for my cat's atrocities on their race!

parumpdragon
07-16-2011, 07:07 PM
Granted. Now they just start pecking you head immediately every time they see you.

I wish sports weren't such a big deal on TV.

PorterStarrByrd
07-16-2011, 09:11 PM
I wish sports weren't such a big deal on TV.

DENIED !!!!!

What would the genie do Monday through Sunday?

The genie wishes I wish that sports on the east coast started at 9:00 AM on the east coast like they do on the west coast

Melisande
07-16-2011, 10:04 PM
Your wish is granted, but instead it will end four hours earlier.

I wish that food was cheaper.

Nymtoc
07-16-2011, 10:12 PM
Granted. The price of Alpo has been reduced by ten cents.

I wish I could finish my book by the end of this month.

PorterStarrByrd
07-17-2011, 01:57 AM
I wish I could finish my book by the end of this month.

Granted
Actually, your book is already pretty well finished ... you just don't know it yet

I wish it was fresh

HarryHoskins
07-17-2011, 04:22 AM
Granted. The Genie sends a feminine hygiene kit your way.

I wish I wasn't such a douche.

Nymtoc
07-17-2011, 05:20 AM
DENIED! Some things are beyond the Genie's power.

I wish I had nothing to worry about.

PorterStarrByrd
07-17-2011, 05:35 AM
DENIED!

I wish I had nothing to worry about.

Granted
You now have nothing



I wish these hiccups would go away

HarryHoskins
07-17-2011, 06:10 AM
Granted. The Genie offers up the foolproof 'Get-rid-of-hiccups' wisdom.

Hold your breath ... and keep holding. :)


I wish I could have a cuddle from someone who likes to cuddle.

PorterStarrByrd
07-17-2011, 06:12 AM
I wish I could have a cuddle from someone who likes to cuddle.

Granted ...as soon as I find my red dress


I wish I knew where my red dress is.

HarryHoskins
07-17-2011, 06:22 AM
Granted. In much haste, the Genie finds the red dress and a ticket to England!

I wish the Genie would tell me why, 'Jewels and binoculars hang from the head of the mule.'

CDSinex
07-17-2011, 09:08 AM
Granted: The Genie leans over and whispers "Lysergic acid diethylamide". Have you forgotten?

I wish I was in the 60s, not in my 60s.

Drachen Jager
07-17-2011, 11:31 AM
Granted. You are in the sixties. You are in your eighties.

I wish I had a magical assistant who would solve one problem for me every day.

Nymtoc
07-17-2011, 12:59 PM
Granted. He solves one problem for you every day, but he expects a little something in return--unless you want to wake up one morning with your horse's head beside you.

I wish I had a better imagination.

PorterStarrByrd
07-17-2011, 04:14 PM
I wish I had a better imagination.

Granted
Using every last ounce (literally) of the resource that imagination is you imagine that you have a better imagination. What is left is a lot like a played out open pit mind.


I wish I could remember which day of the week month year this is

shakeysix
07-17-2011, 05:17 PM
1968 it's always 1968


i wish i was earning what i am now back in 1968

PorterStarrByrd
07-17-2011, 08:44 PM
i wish i was earning what i am now back in 1968

Granted ... at least in terms of recognition






I wish the sun was 18.5 inches closer to earth.

Nymtoc
07-17-2011, 08:54 PM
Granted, and though most parts of the earth are not seriously affected, for some reason the sun completely destroys Moose Rapids, Quebec, and all forms of life there.

I wish my Latin was better.

PorterStarrByrd
07-17-2011, 09:55 PM
I wish my Latin was better.

Denied:
The genie is not a doctor. Your latin is in the terminal stages of something or other


I wish my home owners policy had not gone up in flames up in Moose Rapids while I am down here in New Jersey

Drachen Jager
07-17-2011, 10:20 PM
Granted. You brought your homeowner's policy with you. Unfortunately you bought insurance from Moose Rapids Cooperative insurance headquartered in Moose Rapids, so what you really have is a worthless bit of paper.

I wish I had a massive stone tower in my backyard, with stout wooden doors, dozens of flights of easily defended stairs, traps and barricades, a maze of confusing corridors, choke points to force invaders into positions where they can easily be picked off one at a time, electricity and an internet connection in the topmost room so that I might finally be able to work in peace.

PorterStarrByrd
07-17-2011, 10:26 PM
I wish I had a massive stone tower in my backyard, with stout wooden doors, dozens of flights of easily defended stairs, traps and barricades, a maze of confusing corridors, choke points to force invaders into positions where they can easily be picked off one at a time, electricity and an internet connection in the topmost room so that I might finally be able to work in peace.

Pretty much denied....
Just keep being yourself and people will leave you alone


I wish that logs were shorter so that they would fit in my fireplace

Drachen Jager
07-17-2011, 11:41 PM
Granted. Your 'log' is shorter. It's funny, most men ask me for the opposite.

I wish I had a cone of silence.

Nymtoc
07-18-2011, 12:14 AM
Granted. But a fire breaks out inside your cone, and nobody can hear you call for help.

I wish I could find out which gods offered me the best deal.

PorterStarrByrd
07-18-2011, 12:36 AM
I wish I could find out which gods offered me the best deal.


Don't bother .. no serious offers coming your way ... you're lucky all of the gods have let you live this long

I wish there were popsicles in your mail today.

Drachen Jager
07-18-2011, 10:01 AM
Well mail me some damn popsicles then Porter! Seems like you could grant this wish yourself, and maybe you'd have happy Genie instead of grumpy Genie next time you wanted a wish fulfilled for yourself.

I wish I looked as good in a hat as Porter.

CDSinex
07-19-2011, 12:41 AM
Granted: The Genie grants your request, but worries that you'll look like a horse in a party hat.

http://www.jkbworld.com/content/horses/bday2.jpg

I wish the economy was more stable. (Not a Unicorn Stable)

Drachen Jager
07-19-2011, 01:18 AM
Granted. The economy collapses completely. The US dollar trades at $0 Canadian and 0 Euros for the next fifty years. There has never been such a period of rock steady economics.

I wish I had a proper pirate's treasure map that would lead me to untold booty.

PorterStarrByrd
07-19-2011, 03:27 AM
I wish I had a proper pirate's treasure map that would lead me to untold booty.

granted

you are now off on a booty chase

None of them has ever been told "No"

Good Luck. Pre-event interviews don't look promising regarding your chances.


I wish I had an antarctic omelet

Komnena
07-19-2011, 06:01 AM
Granted. The restaurant serves you a frozen omelet which would be delicious if it weren't encased in ice.

I wish I had a good singing voice.

Drachen Jager
07-19-2011, 07:23 AM
Granted. Your voice is so beautiful it makes the heavens shudder in delight, the angels themselves swoon, and God, who is after all a pretty narrow-minded fellow, decides he's had enough of being upstaged by you and takes your voice away entirely.

I wish I could talk to animals.

Reziac
07-19-2011, 08:36 AM
Granted, tho it seems a little redundant. Go outside, talk to the birds and the bees, same as you always could. Of course, they also listen to you about as well as ever, too, since you're still speaking humanish.

I wish I could communicate telepathically with my dogs.

AbielleRose
07-19-2011, 08:52 AM
Granted, though you instantly regret it when you learn what they REALLY think when sniffing peoples' crotches...

I wish my cats would let my apartment stay clean for a little while.

PorterStarrByrd
07-19-2011, 04:41 PM
I wish my cats would let my apartment stay clean for a little while.

Granted
the wheel is spinning .. you will soon learn what your cat is going to turn into


I wish I had pointier arrows .. I'm not sure these feathers are going to stick into anything.

CDSinex
07-20-2011, 04:54 AM
Granted: You now have pointier arrows as long as you don't use rocks for target practice, again.


I wish I could spend the rest of the year in a lakeside cabin.

Komnena
07-20-2011, 06:54 AM
Granted. However, said cabin has no electricity or running water.

I wish I could go on a cruise to Alaska.

shakeysix
07-20-2011, 07:22 AM
granted--unfortunately it is on the loveboat. did you remember to pack your fake fur mini skirt and your palazzo pants? be sure to have isaac serve you up a bottle of cold duck and say hi to captain stubing.

i wish i could find a decorating niche for my beatle dolls

Komnena
07-20-2011, 07:41 AM
Granted. You move out your Richard Nixon bobblehead collection to make room for the beatle dolls.

I wish that rain would save my plants.

Drachen Jager
07-20-2011, 09:41 AM
Granted. The rain comes and floods you out of your house. With you gone the plants are safe.

I wish my copy of Duck Soup wasn't garbled.

Reziac
07-20-2011, 09:51 AM
Granted. Instead of being garbled, it is quacked.

I wish my apricot tree hadn't croaked.

Drachen Jager
07-20-2011, 10:15 AM
Granted. I have turned it into a lizard instead of a frog.

I wish Reziac would get some proper magic lessons so he wouldn't keep turning things into frogs by accident.

Nymtoc
07-20-2011, 10:30 AM
Granted. Rez has taken an online magic course, and now he turns unicorns into donkeys.

I wish I could go bobsledding in Switzerland tomorrow.

Reziac
07-20-2011, 12:05 PM
Granted. I'm not sure what Bob is going to think about it, tho.

I wish to take a graduate course in magic, so I can turn things into frogs on purpose, instead of by accident.

PorterStarrByrd
07-20-2011, 05:52 PM
.

I wish to take a graduate course in magic, so I can turn things into frogs on purpose, instead of by accident.


Denied .. I tried
SPCA and the PTA have an injunctionin effect, justified by your history, that prevents any sane person from teaching anything about anything.
The genie sane, if nothing else.


I wish I could push this pile of jello uphill so I could eat it at peak flavor

Drachen Jager
07-20-2011, 08:20 PM
Granted. When you get to the top of the hill you find that it's not really Jell-O, it's a man-eating alien life form and you've just given it the vantage it needed to take over the world, naturally you're spared this knowledge as you're it's first victim.

I wish I had a legion of flying monkeys who would obey my commands.

PorterStarrByrd
07-20-2011, 10:29 PM
I wish I had a legion of flying monkeys who would obey my commands.


Denied
Monkey don't fly
Pigs do, so I'm sending you 500 of those

.. damn !! forgot about the 'obey' part


I wish I had a raspberry tart

Drachen Jager
07-20-2011, 10:40 PM
PbpppPPPpbpbppbppPPPPBPBpbpbpbPBPPB. Stick that in a crust and eat it!

I wish there was such a thing as flying monkeys so my above wish could be properly fulfilled.

CDSinex
07-20-2011, 11:47 PM
Granted: You now have a legion of flying monkeys perched in your back yard, that, because you didn't stipulate it this time, refuse to obey you. (And you though the crows were noisy, and made a mess.)

I wish that my neighbors would get quieter pets.

Drachen Jager
07-21-2011, 12:21 AM
Granted. They decide on a menagerie of venomous snakes and spiders who can never quite seem to stay locked away for long...

I wish the Genie could read properly. Obviously if the flying monkey wish were properly fulfilled, and the flying monkey wish stipulated that I could control said monkeys I don't need to re-state the need for control over said monkeys.

Nymtoc
07-21-2011, 01:28 AM
The Genie resents your allegations about his literacy. Your wish about flying monkeys is GRANTED. However, your community considers them a menace (some believe they are from alien spaceships) and shoots them all down. You may bury them any way you choose.

I wish I had a touch screen that would enable me to see anything in the world any time I want.

Drachen Jager
07-21-2011, 02:25 AM
Granted. It is attached to your forehead and on all the time. Let's just say you'd better not start thinking about porn the next time your mother in law is around.

I wish all people would acknowledge me as the rightful ruler of the Earth.

Komnena
07-21-2011, 06:17 AM
Granted. They also expect you to solve all Earth's problems. If you can't do it just remember what happened to the Romanovs.

I wish Anna Anderson had really been Anastasia.

shakeysix
07-21-2011, 06:45 AM
okay but that really screws up the dna tests for us genuine romanovs


i wish i had the scarlet pimpernel on my buttocks

Komnena
07-21-2011, 06:59 AM
Granted. Unfortunately the tattoo needles weren't properly sanitized. You catch influenza and spend several weeks in the hospital.

I wish there was an aquarium here.

Drachen Jager
07-21-2011, 07:17 AM
Granted. You are in the middle of the world's largest aquarium. Better wish for some scuba gear quickly. Oh and don't mind the sharks, they only bite when they're hungry... Now... when did I feed them last? Hmmmm.

I wish ShakeySix had a scarlet pimple on her buttocks.

Nymtoc
07-21-2011, 08:32 AM
If she did, how do you expect you could see it? Hmmmm?

PorterStarrByrd
07-21-2011, 04:29 PM
Granted
You'll get nothing today (again)

I wish foxes could trot so we'd have one more thing to bet on

shakeysix
07-21-2011, 05:05 PM
granted--foxes are trotting and matildas are waltzing. welcome to the mammal/marsupial ball. the platypus and the tasmanian devil have pretty much filled your dance card. oh--but the queensland tiger has the last dance.

i wish my eggplant flowers would stop dropping

Nymtoc
07-21-2011, 05:41 PM
Granted. Here's some super glue.

I wish my neighbor didn't get hysterical every time her cat gets sick.

PorterStarrByrd
07-21-2011, 06:38 PM
I wish my neighbor didn't get hysterical every time her cat gets sick.

Granted
Firmly believing you are somehow responsible, she has decided to get even(er) instead



I wish I could find that furball I lost

Drachen Jager
07-21-2011, 08:14 PM
Granted. It is still next to your other testicle, it's not lost, just shrivelled to the point where you overlooked it.

I wish I had a high quality video of flying saucers, sasquatch (bigfoot for you Americans), and a chupacabra.

PorterStarrByrd
07-22-2011, 04:46 PM
I wish I had a high quality video of flying saucers, sasquatch (bigfoot for you Americans), and a chupacabra.


Granted
sending the beta-max, unless you'd prefer super-8 reels

I wish I had pictures of young sasquatchi

Drachen Jager
07-22-2011, 10:14 PM
Granted. You have pictures of a very hairy humanoid as a child. Oh, wait a minute, those are YOUR baby pictures! Just how long have you had that beard?

I wish I had a particle accelerator more powerful than CERN.

Thump
07-22-2011, 11:12 PM
Granted but you shouldn't have been eating that baguette near it. The crumbs get in the machinery and you accidentally create a black hole.

I wish eating made you lose weight.

Drachen Jager
07-22-2011, 11:29 PM
Granted. Unfortunately you need to eat to live, so all humans will eventually eat themselves out of existence or starve to death. What a cruel fate to inflict on humanity. I think that's the most awful wish I've ever seen.

I wish I had a big writing room with a bay window overlooking the sea.

defcon6000
07-22-2011, 11:34 PM
Granted. But there has been an oil spill, so you stare at a depressing scene of oil soaked critters while you write.

I wish I did have to sleep.

Drachen Jager
07-23-2011, 12:08 AM
Okay... You have to sleep, just like everyone else. (typo?)

I wish I never made typos.

Nymtoc
07-23-2011, 12:58 AM
Granted. You stop writing.

I wish my strange neighbor lady would stop giving me the evil eye. :eek:

PorterStarrByrd
07-23-2011, 01:09 AM
I wish my strange neighbor lady would stop giving me the evil eye. :eek:

Granted
She now has a small doll that looks remarkably like you and a long sharp pin

I wish I had pine scented thing to hang in my car that had a LOT if pine scent on it, or that the skunk had been crossing at the cross walk.

Drachen Jager
07-23-2011, 01:26 AM
Granted. A tree fell on your car last night. You don't get more pine scented than an actual pine!

I wish I had a collection of voodoo dolls of the various AWers that actually worked.

PorterStarrByrd
07-23-2011, 03:08 AM
I wish I had a collection of voodoo dolls of the various AWers that actually worked.

Denied ... IMPOSSIBLE !!!
none of the AWer's actually work


I wish I had fairy god mother or two.

Drachen Jager
07-23-2011, 03:16 AM
Granted. You have a fairy godmother in-law. Basically a mother in law with magical abilities, have fun!

I wish I knew what Porter looked like without the beard.

defcon6000
07-23-2011, 05:55 AM
Denied! It's for your own good.

I wish there was some cookie mix on hand to make some cookies.

Okay... You have to sleep, just like everyone else. (typo?)I never sleep. O.O

PorterStarrByrd
07-23-2011, 06:13 AM
I wish there was some cookie mix on hand to make some cookies.



Granted
You have the intense version of habanero chip cookie dough all over your hands. Hope you don't have any open cuts. Do with it what you will.



I wish I had a pound of sand

Komnena
07-23-2011, 07:20 AM
Granted. You have a pound of quicksand which swallows your cell phone and its charger.


I wish my columbine hadn't died.

Drachen Jager
07-23-2011, 08:51 AM
Granted. It goes bowling instead.

I wish I could make funny puns instead of the awful kind.

Storyteller5
07-23-2011, 09:37 AM
You can make funny puns, but you are alone so there is no one to amuse but you.

I wish I'd signed offline earlier.

Drachen Jager
07-23-2011, 10:00 AM
Granted. So you weren't around to make that wish and ended up online late again.

I wish I had a pet chupacabra.

Nymtoc
07-23-2011, 10:25 AM
Granted.

He sleeps a lot, and he eats 15 pounds of raw meat a day. The Genie is sending him to you from Mexico via air express. You may have to pay import duties, and don't forget to take him to the vet once a week because of all the diseases that are known to affect chupacabras. Oh, his name is Pooh.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/CHUPACABRA.jpg

I wish I will never come anywhere near DJ's chupacabra.

Storyteller5
07-23-2011, 10:21 PM
Done, but instead you've got six tarantulas and a skunk that follow you around constantly.

I wish coffee wasn't so addictive.

Drachen Jager
07-24-2011, 02:24 AM
Granted. You are addicted to cocaine instead.

I wish Nymtoc had some cooler weather and Storyteller had less flooding.

Nymtoc
07-24-2011, 02:40 AM
Half granted, half denied. Storyteller will have less flooding, but Nymtoc is so cool that he doesn't even notice the weather.

But to be honest, I wish Vancouver would transfer some of its cool breezes to this sweltering Apple.

Komnena
07-24-2011, 06:49 AM
Granted. Some cool breezes blow over your Apple computer but they don't touch you.

I wish things were better in Norway.

CDSinex
07-25-2011, 01:07 AM
The Genie looks down in defeat muttering, If I could grant that wish, I would.

I wish this thread could return to being an escape from reality.

Nymtoc
07-25-2011, 01:13 AM
Granted. From now on, the monitor of subject matter for this thread will be CDSinex, who escaped from reality years ago.

I wish I could find a place to put my beehive.

druid12000
07-25-2011, 01:22 AM
Granted. But now people run from your new hairdo.
I wish I could make fire whenever I wanted.

CDSinex
07-25-2011, 03:04 AM
Granted: From now on, at every job you start, at noon on the second day, your boss will point at you and yell, You're Fired!

I wish I could get paid for doing nothing.

Nymtoc
07-25-2011, 04:17 AM
Granted. The Northwestern Eastern Washington Penology Behavioral Sciences Institute is seeking volunteers for an experiment in solitary confinement. Each volunteer will be kept in a cell 23 hours a day and may leave the cell to exercise one hour a day. The pay will be $10 a day, and you will have absolutely nothing to do. The Genie has signed you up for a year, and you are to report there tomorrow at 7 a.m.

I wish I had an aquarium filled with rare tropical fish.

PorterStarrByrd
07-25-2011, 04:36 AM
I wish I had an aquarium filled with rare tropical fish.

Granted
You are being sent 6 concentric spiral coral gulps. They need to have water that is 13.599 +/- .003 % salinne and between 88.3 and 88.7 degrees F They eat lobster

The only draw back to them is that if they die, they explode and cover everything within 22.34 feet with an oil that makes beaver caster, in camparison, smell like mint.


I wish I had gulp and fries for dinner.

CDSinex
07-25-2011, 10:11 PM
Granted: The Genie gives you a map to the nearest 7-11 and two 50% off coupons (better hurry, they expire today.)

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRyVtELVwDO6Q0U8eC7YevaViewJowAW s1P2Vjdcj0CLgtipRU5


I wish it would get hot enough so I could use my air conditioner at least once this summer.

Nymtoc
07-25-2011, 10:29 PM
Granted--but only if you invite this Genie to come stay with you for the next month. :D

I wish the weather here would become tolerable for people and animals.

Drachen Jager
07-25-2011, 10:37 PM
Granted. The plants all die however.

I wish I was as good at magic as David Blaine, or Albus Dumbledore, either one is fine.

Nymtoc
07-26-2011, 01:54 AM
Granted. You are as good at magic as Albus Dumbledore. In other words, you are a fictitious character (which some of us have suspected all along, by the way). ;)

I wish the talking heads on TV would show less personality and more brainpower.

Drachen Jager
07-26-2011, 02:39 AM
Granted. Instead of informing you about the latest celebretard incident they just sit there, thinking deep thoughts.

I wish the news media would decide to focus on things which actually impact our lives instead of vacuous nonsense.

PorterStarrByrd
07-26-2011, 04:23 AM
I wish the news media would decide to focus on things which actually impact our lives instead of vacuous nonsense.


Denied
There is obviously not enought of that to support a single chanel, and all the things you love wold be gone forever.


I wish I had a book. My bookshelf is very dusty.

Reziac
07-26-2011, 04:30 AM
Granted. It is a book on proper housekeeping.

I wish I had a housekeeper. My house is very dusty.

Drachen Jager
07-26-2011, 05:55 AM
Granted. Porter will be right over.

I wish I had a midget sidekick who would help me out and agree with me.

Nymtoc
07-26-2011, 06:25 AM
Granted. You and your Mini-Me have been admitted to a psychiatric hospital, where doctors are baffled by your insistence that your midget sidekick really exists.

I wish I could read all books in the languages in which they were originally written.

Komnena
07-26-2011, 07:18 AM
Granted. You find yourself slugging through boring royal chronicles.

I wish it would rain.

druid12000
07-26-2011, 07:48 AM
Granted. 40 days and 40 nights enough for ya?
I wish for wisdom.

PorterStarrByrd
07-26-2011, 07:56 AM
I wish for wisdom.


Granted
as soon as the manual, Wisdom for Dummies, is ready


I wish I had a pillar of salt

Drachen Jager
07-26-2011, 09:43 AM
Granted. It proves structurally inefficient as a replacement for your previous housing supports. Isn't this the third house you've ruined this week due to poor wishes Porter?

I wish I had a muse.

Nymtoc
07-26-2011, 10:49 AM
Granted. She arrives tomorrow. Better have a good supply of food on hand.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/UGLYWOMANLARGE.jpg

I wish I could write like Dostoevsky.

PorterStarrByrd
07-26-2011, 04:29 PM
I wish I could write like Dostoevsky.

Granted
You are both righthanded and use fontain pens


I wish the grass wasn't black at night

dreamcatcher
07-26-2011, 04:48 PM
Granted. It's black during the day and glows at night.

I wish I wasn't so tired after work so I could use my brain.

Drachen Jager
07-26-2011, 08:22 PM
Granted. You have enough energy left at the end of the day to use your brain as a doorstop, or a paperweight, your choice.

I wish I had a goose that laid golden eggs.

Nymtoc
07-26-2011, 09:05 PM
Granted. She runs around constantly, honks a lot, shits all over your house, and the eggs she lays are golden because they are covered with faux gold paint.

I wish I had a LOT more money.

Komnena
07-26-2011, 11:26 PM
Granted. Your house is full of money from every game in the world.

I wish I could push the button to start next year's Kentucky Derby.

druid12000
07-27-2011, 03:14 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, you win the contest to push it from home via internet.
I wish my girlfriend was here right now.

Drachen Jager
07-27-2011, 03:53 AM
Granted. She brought her other boyfriend along. They want some private time in your bedroom right now if you don't mind.

I wish I was better at avoiding procrastination.

Nymtoc
07-27-2011, 04:26 AM
Granted. You've been putting off playing your favorite video game for days, and now you stop procrastinating and play that game nonstop for a week.

I wish people would stop sending me junk mail.

druid12000
07-27-2011, 04:38 AM
Granted. You really did just inherit $10,000,000, but you deleted the mail.
I wish I could cook...well.

Drachen Jager
07-27-2011, 07:05 AM
Granted. A fine choice I must say. Often when I was trapped inside the lamp the nomads who wandered by would visit the local watering hole, if they were out of food they would boil a few of the rocks from the well. I hand you this ancient recipe, for your enjoyment.

I wish I knew all the secrets of time and space.

Komnena
07-27-2011, 07:07 AM
Granted. The answer is 42.

I wish I had a 100,000 dollars in gold.

PorterStarrByrd
07-27-2011, 06:01 PM
I wish I had a 100,000 dollars in gold.

you had a typo, but I understood.

Granted
$100,000 worth of goldfish are on the way. (they were even on sale). You might want to have a bowl of water ready.


I wish I had a goal

Nymtoc
07-27-2011, 06:37 PM
Granted. The Genie understands Porter's trouble with spelling and has given him what he understands Porter really meant:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/SEAGULL.jpg

I wish I could look out my window and see all of Central Park.

Komnena
07-27-2011, 08:23 PM
Granted. You see all of Central Park, complete with muggers. They see you too.
I wish I had a big enough bowl for all my new goldfish.

CDSinex
07-28-2011, 01:33 AM
Granted: The Genie gives you a bowl big enough for your fish. Unfortunately your fish doubles in size daily; sadly the bowl does not.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZNTsvnb4cnE/TIhwvcxXZHI/AAAAAAAAAVg/nsUh7N8mrZo/s1600/capt.acd07ff037abd9ab9f3a761386762b80.jpeg

I wish I had something to do tonight.

druid12000
07-28-2011, 02:20 AM
Granted. And the emergency room can be quite a hotspot.
I wish dogs ruled the world.

PorterStarrByrd
07-28-2011, 02:28 AM
I wish dogs ruled the world.

Granted
Guess who they have chosen to follow them arouund with a kleenex and a paper bag.


I wish I could find the lettuce in my egg salad

Komnena
07-28-2011, 04:56 AM
Granted. You have to empty all the other stuff out but eventually you do find the lettuce hiding under a broccoli stalk.
I wish I were an Amazon queen.

druid12000
07-28-2011, 06:21 AM
Granted. The pink dolphins of the Amazon all love their new queen.
I wish I was jolly.

dreamcatcher
07-28-2011, 12:50 PM
Granted. You are now The Jolly Postman. And you're trapped in a picture book. But at least it's an awesome one.

I wish I could find a facial moisturiser I like.

PorterStarrByrd
07-28-2011, 06:55 PM
I wish I could find a facial moisturiser I like.


Granted
But it doesn't like you. You'd be horrified if you knew what it said it would do to you if you touched it.



I wish nymtoc cold find all of the treasures at the bottom of the sea.

Nymtoc
07-28-2011, 11:58 PM
Granted--gladly. Nymtoc, who has trained himself to go for hours without having to breathe, will dive in tomorrow to claim all those treasures.

I wish Porter would find the Tree of Happiness and not--as is his habit--cut it down.

druid12000
07-29-2011, 03:44 AM
Granted. Porter climbed the Tree and is now hopelessly lost in Happiness.
I wish I could fly.

Komnena
07-29-2011, 06:24 AM
Granted. But it requires that you spend endless hours in security check lines and being thoroughly searched at every airport.

I wish I had my own oil well.