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View Full Version : Your wish is granted...


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Drachen Jager
06-09-2011, 06:44 AM
Granted. It's tattooed on your butt.

I wish I had a real working lightsaber.

Nymtoc
06-09-2011, 07:41 AM
Granted. But as you go to use it, you hold it wrong and it hits you--sort of like shooting yourself in the foot, except that it hits you a little higher up. ;)

I wish I understood astrophysics.

Guardian
06-09-2011, 07:44 AM
Granted. You understand everything. Now your brain has imploded.

I wish I could write this book...

defcon6000
06-09-2011, 08:30 AM
Granted. You can now write that book, however, you've found something else to occupy your time. Scrabble, anyone?

I wish I knew how disgusting is too disgusting in a story.

Nymtoc
06-09-2011, 08:45 AM
Granted. You show the story to ten people. If at least four of them vomit, it's too disgusting.

I wish I would stop procrastinating and finish my book.

Drachen Jager
06-09-2011, 09:18 AM
Granted. You stop doing all the things that take time away from your book. Eating, sleeping, potty breaks. You finish in under a week but it's god-awful.

I wish I wasn't so nervous about my submissions.

Nymtoc
06-09-2011, 10:15 AM
Granted. Smoke this, and you will no longer feel nervous.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/HOOKAH.jpg

I wish I could win a contest.

CDSinex
06-09-2011, 12:34 PM
Granted: You win the long running contest (5-years in the making) to see which lucky member would make the 9007th post on this thread. You neglected to ask for a prize for winning the contest, so there isn't one.

I wish I had fewer distractions (like deadlines, family business, etc,) when I play this game,

Drachen Jager
06-09-2011, 09:15 PM
Granted. You are now hard-wired to your computer which can only access this thread. You have absolutely nothing to do except think of your next witty response. Oh, and as an extra incentive I've added an electroshock button to your avatar, should anyone on the thread find your posts lacking in humour they are encouraged to press the button.

I wish I could just snap my fingers and money would appear in my hand.

Nymtoc
06-09-2011, 09:22 PM
Granted. You snap your fingers and your hand is filled with shells of Antalis pretiosum, a species of marine mollusk, which once were used as currency by Native Americans along the Pacific Coast.

I wish I could turn lead into gold.

Drachen Jager
06-09-2011, 09:26 PM
Granted. If you are in the lead at the end of an Olympic race, you get gold.

I wish I had a dollar for every time someone made a silly wish.

Nymtoc
06-09-2011, 09:33 PM
Granted. But they are silly-wish dollars, good only for trying to bribe the Genie who, as it happens, is unbribable.

I wish I were in Norway right now (It's cooler there).

Drachen Jager
06-09-2011, 09:39 PM
Granted. You are on a glacier in Norway in only your underwear. I hope you are cooled off now.

I wish I knew a bunch of agents personally so I could just talk directly to them about my manuscript.

CDSinex
06-09-2011, 11:53 PM
Granted: The Genie PMs you a list of well connected agents who are more than willing to discuss it with you. Unfortunately, they all give you the same advice, "Don't quit your day job."

I wish it wasn't so musty in the Pacific Northwest this time of year.

Drachen Jager
06-10-2011, 12:17 AM
Granted. Twenty years of global warming take place in the next few minutes. Seattle is now smack in the middle of the northern reaches of the Mojave desert. Water rationing is in effect so don't use more than a half cup for your shower.

I wish I had a machine that would tell me what other people were thinking.

Nymtoc
06-10-2011, 12:36 AM
Granted. But the machine allows you to read the thoughts of only one person at a time. For the next three months, you can read the thoughts only of Anthony Weiner.

I wish I had the power to influence the thoughts of agents and editors.

Drachen Jager
06-10-2011, 03:25 AM
Granted. Here is a bottle of scotch. Give it to an agent or editor and their thoughts will become sluggish as they consume it.

I wish I was a ninja.

Nymtoc
06-10-2011, 04:32 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, your first fight didn't go very well.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/NINJA%20DEAD.jpg

I wish I could be as great a sculptor as Rodin.

Drachen Jager
06-10-2011, 05:47 AM
Granted. I'm not sure why you'd want to sculpt like this guy though...

http://harmonia.meccahosting.com/%7Ea0002223/rodan_poster.jpg

I wish I was a super-ninja who was actually quite good with his ninja skills and didn't die right away.

PorterStarrByrd
06-10-2011, 05:49 AM
I wish I could be as great a sculptor as Rodin.


Rod in St Louis is the ONLY one who considers himself a great sculpter, other than you. You are now his equal.

I wish I could get to the top of the heap.

Komnena
06-10-2011, 05:59 AM
Granted. You have climbed to the top of the heap of America's garbage.

I wish I could get a dollar for every book I've culled.

defcon6000
06-10-2011, 07:50 AM
Granted. However, it's still not as much as you would have made if you became a bestseller.

I wish for some meat foods right now.

Drachen Jager
06-10-2011, 08:10 AM
Granted. Here are some pig's knuckles and duck feet for you.

I wish Porter wouldn't keep jumping the queue.

Nymtoc
06-10-2011, 08:17 AM
I wish I was a super-ninja who was actually quite good with his ninja skills and didn't die right away.

Granted. But you've been cut so many ways they've had to replace all your body parts. Unfortunately, there was no way to replace your brain.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/NINJA%20MECHANICAL%20300X276.JPG


I wish Porter wouldn't keep jumping the queue.

Granted. Porter has been sent to the Northwest Territories and has to travel so far to his computer that he can't jump the queue anymore.

I wish it wouldn't rain tomorrow.

Drachen Jager
06-10-2011, 09:49 AM
Granted. It will never rain tomorrow (tomorrow never comes).

I wish I had a magic to-do list. I could just write the thing that needed doing down on the list and >poof< it would instantly be done.

defcon6000
06-10-2011, 11:19 AM
Granted. But the magic to-do-list does such a great job at your job, that your existence becomes obsolete.

I wish I had nail clippers that could clip my nails for me - and not clip my fingers.

Lyla
06-10-2011, 01:32 PM
Granted. But it is a human-powered machine and you have to pedal while your fingernails are being clipped. (If you want to know how to clip your toenails using this awesome machine you need to make another wish).

http://ukiahcommunityblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/pp.jpg?w=604

I wish I had my own personal chef.

Nymtoc
06-10-2011, 04:01 PM
Granted. But he likes to gather ingredients fresh, and he has a lot of trouble identifying different kinds of mushrooms.

I wish I could be served breakfast in bed every morning.

GailD
06-10-2011, 04:47 PM
Granted. You bed is in the middle of a Starbucks shop. Make sure you wear clean pyjamas and change your bed linen more than once a month.



I wish I had someone else to do my laundry and ironing.

Drachen Jager
06-10-2011, 08:50 PM
Granted. Your neighbour with the five kids will be only too happy to swap chores with you.

I wish someone would make a hilarious wish that would have me laughing so hard I fall off my chair.

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-10-2011, 09:48 PM
Denied. I just broke a nail so absolutely nothing is funny right now.

I wish I had a treadmill and that my dog would run himself on it.

Nymtoc
06-11-2011, 12:03 AM
Granted. But once your dog gets on, he cannot get off, which means that it will soon be covered with pee and poo.

I wish TV would stop obsessing about the 2012 election, which is still 17 months away. (I've made this wish before, Genie, and you continually ignore me! I'm tempted to find a new Genie!)

Drachen Jager
06-11-2011, 12:26 AM
Granted. The TV is an inanimate object and cannot obsess over anything. If it is continually tuned to channels covering things you don't look it's within your own head you should be looking for the obsession.

I wish Nymtoc would stop obsessing about the 2012 election and just marry his sweetheart Michelle Bachman already.

Nymtoc
06-11-2011, 01:06 AM
DENIED! Sarah P has already agreed to divorce Todd and walk to the altar with Nymtoc! (After she becomes President, of course.)

I wish that when Drachen Jager gets published and makes a fortune from his writing, he will give me 20% of his earnings because I've always been so nice to him. ;)

Komnena
06-11-2011, 07:50 AM
Granted. Drachen duly gives you 20 % of his earnings. The IRS takes 99.999 % of his generous gift.

I wish I had a pink elephant.

GailD
06-11-2011, 06:19 PM
Granted. Your elephant is pink, huge and very hungry. Not only your neighbours but the entire suburb is up in arms about flattened gardens and the very big, steaming piles of dung on the sidewalks.


I wish I could take an extended vacation in Bali.

PorterStarrByrd
06-11-2011, 06:43 PM
I wish I could take an extended vacation in Bali.


Denied ...
You already ruined one country


I wish I liked onion pie a little more.

parumpdragon
06-11-2011, 08:28 PM
Granted. You become an onion and look forward to that glorious day when you are made into a pie.

I wish for the national bird to be changed to the turkey.

GailD
06-11-2011, 09:33 PM
Granted. But after Thanksgiving you'll have to find another feathered mascot.


I wish Porter would just play nice.

Nymtoc
06-11-2011, 09:35 PM
DENIED. You are asking for the impossible.

I wish everything would go right for me tonight.

defcon6000
06-11-2011, 11:09 PM
Granted. A tectonic plate shift in your local area causes everything to go right - and collapse.

I wish this facial acid didn't feel like a thousand suns are on my face.

parumpdragon
06-11-2011, 11:30 PM
Granted. You feel nothing and the acid burns a hole in your mug.


I wish men had to wax everything they expect women to wax.

PorterStarrByrd
06-12-2011, 01:11 AM
I wish men had to wax everything they expect women to wax.

Denied,
The genie just gave that a trial run and decided it would be cruel to men.

I wish I could figure out who left this pickle fork here

Nymtoc
06-12-2011, 02:16 AM
Granted. You hire a local detective, Herlock Sholmes, and he spends the next 12 months tracking down who left the pickle fork there. It turns out to be your neighbor's dog. Sholmes presents you with a bill for $10,000.

I wish I knew what happened to the little fire truck I had when I was three years old.

Reziac
06-12-2011, 02:40 AM
Granted. It was sold at a garage sale for 50 cents. Alas, said fire truck is now worth $1500+ on the collector toy market.

I wish I knew where my toy dump truck was, for similar reasons!

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-12-2011, 04:07 AM
Granted. I have it. Or rather - my bed of roses has it. Cheers.

I wish my ex's crazy girlfriend hadn't just shown up on the front porch.

Nymtoc
06-12-2011, 04:27 AM
Granted. She didn't show up on the front porch. She showed up inside your house, and she is now pawing through your closet, taking all the clothes that appeal to her.

I wish I could get some dirt on a Congressman and sell it to the National Enquirer for big bucks. (I have no shame, you see. ;))

PorterStarrByrd
06-12-2011, 06:15 AM
I wish I could get some dirt on a Congressman and sell it to the National Enquirer for big bucks. (I have no shame, you see. ;))

Denied Numbtick,
The genie would like to try but National Enquirer is not going to give things to male deer that they already have. Idiot, they eat sleep and live in dirt.


I wish people would think more before they waste the genie's time with stupid wishes that they have no good reason to make in the first place. His adult beverages often get warm while he is trying figure out how to best respond. Besides that, he has a few very few good wishes, like those from Porter Starr Byrd, that really need to be granted. If you are still reading this your time must not be nearly as valuable as the average genie's or you should seriously consider taking some classes on time management. The first sentence told you all you needed to know to conjure up a good grant.

Komnena
06-12-2011, 06:25 AM
Granted. People think for five seconds longer before making the same stupid wishes.

I wish I had a unicorn.

defcon6000
06-12-2011, 06:32 AM
Denied! Porter's rant killed all of them. This is why we can't have nice things.

I wish we could have nice things albeit Porter rants.

Nymtoc
06-12-2011, 06:56 AM
Granted--provisionally. The only way this can be accomplished is to send Porter to the far reaches of the universe. At this time, no vehicle is capable of doing that, so we will have to put up with PorterStarkBatty's rants for a while longer.

I wish the best things in life really were free.

PorterStarrByrd
06-12-2011, 07:53 AM
I wish the best things in life really were free.


Granted
They are all waiting for you in the far reaches of the universe

I wish I had three more ping pong balls

Nymtoc
06-12-2011, 08:52 AM
Granted. You have three more ping-pong balls, but in a bit of a haze this morning, you thought they were eggs and tried to fry them. Naturally, they popped.

I wish I never had to worry about money.

parumpdragon
06-12-2011, 09:51 AM
Granted, you are now broke and homeless - but hey, you still have the internet. Getting food might be interesting though...

I wish men understood women.

Drachen Jager
06-12-2011, 10:20 AM
No, you don't. If men actually understood women you wouldn't be able to get away with half the crap you pull.

I wish I understood women.

defcon6000
06-12-2011, 06:49 PM
Denied! Because said genie wants to continue to get away with half the crap she pulls. :D

I wish I really could get away with half the crap I pull.

Drachen Jager
06-12-2011, 07:13 PM
Granted. The other half will land you in twice as much trouble though.

I wish I had a wonderful spread all ready for breakfast, with croissants, jam, some waffles, syrup, whipped cream and strawberries.

Nymtoc
06-12-2011, 07:27 PM
Granted. You wanted it spread? The tray tipped and all that stuff is spread all over the floor.

I wish Drachen Jager would hold a big party and invite all of us.

PorterStarrByrd
06-12-2011, 09:11 PM
I wish Drachen Jager would hold a big party and invite all of us.

Granted
Drachen has joined the t-party

I wish these ping pong balls didn't have yolks

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-13-2011, 12:03 AM
Denied. And all the world is in on it. People mail ping pong balls containing yolk to your local post office so your community can continue to bomb your home and vehicle with them.

I wish I could find my watch.

Nymtoc
06-13-2011, 12:50 AM
Granted. Your watch--or what is left of it--is in the driveway. You drove over it last night.

I wish I owned a skyscraper.

Drachen Jager
06-13-2011, 01:38 AM
Granted. It looks a lot like an ice scraper, but you can use it to scrape the skies if you like.

I wish I could get a job as one of those monsters who hide in closets or under beds to terrify kids.

PorterStarrByrd
06-13-2011, 02:14 AM
I wish I could get a job as one of those monsters who hide in closets or under beds to terrify kids.


Ho humm.. I'm too tired tonight to grant your wish, eben though it wouldn't take much work. ....

denied

You scare them enough already


I wish I had one of those wolf whistle car horns

Komnena
06-13-2011, 07:02 AM
Granted. You use it on a pro football player's wife when he is driving right behind her.

I wish I had a chocolate ice cream cone.

Nymtoc
06-13-2011, 08:42 AM
Granted. Of course, this is being sent to you electronically, so by the time it reaches you it will be a lump of goo.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/ICE%20CREAM%20CONE.jpg

I wish I could go back in time and meet Sophocles and find out if he had an Oedipus complex.

Drachen Jager
06-13-2011, 09:06 AM
Granted. Getting back is entirely your own problem. Oh, and remember, non-citizens had another name in ancient Athens, something with an S... what was it... oh right, slaves!

I wish someone would take that ice-cream cone and upend it on Porter's head so he looks like me.

defcon6000
06-13-2011, 10:40 AM
Granted. But no one can top Drachen's appearance - or his ability to crap rainbows.

I wish my hands weren't so cold.

PorterStarrByrd
06-13-2011, 03:43 PM
I wish my hands weren't so cold.


Granted because

So do I !!!
I wish I had some baking soda to put in my submarine

Drachen Jager
06-13-2011, 08:54 PM
Granted, but Porter, just for making annoying, petty wishes I come over there, put the baking soda in personally, then take your submarine throw it on the ground, stomp on it until it breaks then hold you down and sprinkle the baking soda in your eyes just to make sure you cry over it, and then I kick your cat.

I wish I had the power to turn water into wine.

PorterStarrByrd
06-13-2011, 09:12 PM
I wish I had the power to turn water into wine.


Granted

There seem to be a lot of companies doing that ...

it's cheaper than gasoline and doesn't taste much better


I wish I had some glue to fix my submarine and some duct tape to fix my cat.

Reziac
06-13-2011, 09:52 PM
Granted. Why is your cat glued to your submarine??

I wish I had about six more barn cats.

Komnena
06-14-2011, 01:16 AM
Granted. Six pregnant females get dumped on you. Cats are about to take over your life.

I wish I hadn't ordered this gooey package.

Nymtoc
06-14-2011, 02:02 AM
Granted. You didn't order that gooey package, but they sent it anyway, and you've got goo everywhere.

I wish I had a cuckoo clock.

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-14-2011, 02:07 AM
Granted. You are Cuckoo and you've learned to tell time.

I wish my dreams would last longer and that I could remember more of them.

PorterStarrByrd
06-14-2011, 06:18 AM
I wish my dreams would last longer and that I could remember more of them.

Granted they will all be nightmares and they will all precognisms.



I wish the tree that had fallen toward my house had been 8 feet shorter.

defcon6000
06-14-2011, 01:57 PM
Granted. But it doesn't change the fact that there's a beehive in that tree, and now you have pissed bees.

I wish I had some honey.

PorterStarrByrd
06-14-2011, 04:36 PM
I wish I had some honey.

Granted
One of the honey-pot closet thingys will be delivered to your driveway later today.

I wish I had a moat with a draw bridge and a castle with those pointy thing corners and big high walls with a dundgeon and a princess and maybe a stray dragon or two wandering the streets and a big white steed and one of those long spears and cobblestone streets that never have horseshit in the street, and a cross bow where I could eat with just a dagger.

Drachen Jager
06-14-2011, 09:09 PM
Granted. Your LEGO set will be arriving shortly. If you find it too intellectually stimulating you may exchange it for Playmobil.

I wish referees in sports could actually find a way to call games fairly.

PorterStarrByrd
06-14-2011, 09:20 PM
I wish referees in sports could actually find a way to call games fairly.


The genie has refereed several sports for many years and realizes that 99.99999 percent of the time referees DO call games fairly so no need to grant a stupid wish like this


Go sit on your horn ...


You're outta here !!!!!!!


I wish sports fans would check their guns at the gate as they enter .. not their brains :)

Komnena
06-15-2011, 07:09 AM
Granted. They check their guns but have enough brains to make new guns out of the railings and chairs.

I wish I had all the Cd's of Australian singer John Williamson.

CDSinex
06-15-2011, 10:21 AM
Granted: CD Universe (http://www.cduniverse.com/search/xx/music/artist/John+Williamson/a/albums.htm) accepts credit cards. (I actually have Mallie Boy on vinyl.)

I wish I had a full set of French enamel cookware.

Komnena
06-16-2011, 04:49 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it's a child's miniature set.

I wish I knew what plant to buy on Friday.

Reziac
06-16-2011, 04:54 AM
Granted! ...a cement plant.

I wish I had a truckload of cinder blocks.

Komnena
06-16-2011, 06:34 AM
Granted. However the driver delivering the load mistakenly dumps the whole load on your house. Fortunately you and your family are outside watching.
I wish my cement plant made lots of money.

wistfullylinda
06-16-2011, 06:55 AM
Granted. Your cement plant makes a lot of cement money. I'm sure they're valuable somewhere in the world.

I wish I could get toned muscles without exercising.

Drachen Jager
06-16-2011, 07:17 AM
Granted. Next time you use a photocopier naked it will explode on you.

I wish I had more time.

Nymtoc
06-16-2011, 08:42 AM
Granted. Through his magical powers, the Genie has given you .000000001 of a second extra every 10 years.

I wish I could do something extraordinary.

Albedo of Zero
06-16-2011, 09:01 AM
Granted. But with government going the way it is, your 'something extraordinary' became against the law ex post facto... the feds will be there soon.


I wish my dog could talk.

wistfullylinda
06-16-2011, 10:15 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, your dog loves talking so much you can't get it to shut up for more than five minutes.

I wish I had a pet dog when I was a kid.

Nymtoc
06-16-2011, 04:10 PM
Granted. You have a cute little shaggy dog. Of course, to grant this wish, the Genie has had to make you young again. You are two and a half years old.

I wish nobody would ever lie.

CDSinex
06-16-2011, 11:13 PM
Granted: From now on no one will ever lie again (at least that's what they're telling you.)

I wish I could get something done today.

Drachen Jager
06-17-2011, 12:22 AM
Granted. You just posted a comment on the 'Your Wish is Granted' thread on Absolute Write, that's something isn't it?

I wish I could finish my beta reading today.

Nymtoc
06-17-2011, 03:28 AM
Granted. You finish your beta reading, but it's at the expense of doing your regular job, and you are put on suspension.

I wish I knew how many universes there are in the multiverse.

Drachen Jager
06-17-2011, 03:57 AM
Granted. The number is so huge, so amazingly astounding, your head explodes. Sorry 'bout that. Some things are not for mortal minds.

I wish I could order anything on Amazon, whenever I wanted, and they wouldn't charge me for it.

Nymtoc
06-17-2011, 04:07 AM
Granted. You "happen" to come into possession of someone else's credit card, and you use it to order tons of stuff from Amazon. Of course, it's not long before the game is up, and you now spend your time discussing Kierkegaard with your serial-killer cell mate.

I wish I had a lucky charm that worked.

Komnena
06-17-2011, 05:39 AM
Granted.Unfortunately it is a bad luck charm.

I wish I could go on the first tourist ship to the Moon.

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-17-2011, 07:58 AM
Granted. You fall through a wormhole on the way and discover the definition of the boundaries of our universe. Except your walkie-talkie doesn't work from out there.

I wish I could walk 3500 miles without needing rest.

Nymtoc
06-17-2011, 09:47 AM
Granted. You are in the Sahara Desert. Start walking.

I wish I didn't need sleep.

Drachen Jager
06-17-2011, 09:49 AM
Granted. You don't need sleep. Have you ever seen the movie Insomnia? Not the American watered-down one but the original. Well your life is kind of like that, only since you never sleep it only keeps getting worse.

I wish I had a cool sidekick who was good with the witty repartee.

PorterStarrByrd
06-17-2011, 04:42 PM
Granted
Your ego is about to suffer cruel blow after cruel blow

I wish this salt shaker hadn't dropped into the dish water

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-17-2011, 06:13 PM
Granted. Insted of the salt shaker falling into the dish water you managed to throw some salt over your shoulder. You never have to experience dish water again - you'll just always have dirty dishes.

I wish I had a tent.

Nymtoc
06-17-2011, 08:47 PM
Granted. You may have trouble carrying it around, but it's yours.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/TENT%20CIRCUS.jpg

I wish we had a genie who didn't play nasty tricks on us.

Drachen Jager
06-17-2011, 09:03 PM
Granted. My not-evil twin brother will take the next wish, but then he has other engagements.

I wish I had a billion dollars.

Nymtoc
06-17-2011, 09:11 PM
Granted. Your billion dollars were hidden aboard NASA's Voyager 1 spacecraft when it was launched in 1977. Voyager 1 has now reached the edge of the the heliopause, the border of the heliosheath, which contains our solar system, and will soon enter interstellar space.

I wish I could change reality the way I change channels on my TV.

Drachen Jager
06-17-2011, 10:12 PM
Granted. And just like with television, the choices get worse and worse as time goes on.

I wish I lived in a mansion with servants to cook and clean.

Nymtoc
06-17-2011, 10:20 PM
Granted. You live in a mansion, and you can clean them, but cooking them? That goes beyond anything this Genie is willing to grant!

I wish I owned a fantasy island where anything I want could happen.

Drachen Jager
06-18-2011, 12:53 AM
Granted. You are a midget named Tattoo, you have to pretend the big guy with curly hair and a deep voice is the real owner though. (and you must never, never shout, "Khaaaaan!" at him, no matter how tempted you are)

I wish I had a powerboat I could use to go fishing, water skiing and such.

PorterStarrByrd
06-18-2011, 01:42 AM
I wish I had a powerboat I could use to go fishing, water skiing and such.

Granted
Your boat is powered by twelve big men with oars. You must keep them happy and well fed. The fishing and such do fine .. the water skiing is a little iffy. If it doesn't work you can you can hand the skier a large hook and troll for sharks,



I wish I knew what was in this envelope from my ex-wife.

Komnena
06-18-2011, 06:15 AM
Granted. It's you in compromising situations and she wants a million dollars.

I wish the plant I want next didn't cost twenty dollars.

Nymtoc
06-18-2011, 06:55 AM
Granted. They just doubled the price to $40.
Well, you didn't specify which way you wanted it to go. :evil

I wish I could turn water into any kind of drink I want.

HarryHoskins
06-18-2011, 06:55 AM
Granted. You get a free plant (or plants) along with a meteor storm.

Granted. You suddenly get a lot of hangers on. Mostly me and my mates from the strip.

I wish I didn't have to ride public transport for four hours tomorrow.

Saffron
06-18-2011, 04:02 PM
Granted, and here's a good pair of shoes thrown in - you now must walk everywhere you need to get to.

I wish I could have a lie-in tomorrow morning.

Nymtoc
06-18-2011, 05:39 PM
Granted. An anvil falls on your head and knocks you out, and you spend the entire morning in bed.

I wish someone would clean my cave.

CDSinex
06-19-2011, 12:44 AM
Granted: Today, while you are out make a quick trip to the store, burglars come and steal everything.

I wish I could get all new furniture like Nytoc.

PorterStarrByrd
06-19-2011, 03:02 AM
I wish I could get all new furniture like Nytoc.


Granted
Follow him to the Goodwill store



I wish I COULD get caught in a compromising situation

Nymtoc
06-19-2011, 09:58 AM
Granted. You are caught in a compromising situation with Stephen Harper's poodle.

I wish I had enough money to buy anything I want.

PorterStarrByrd
06-19-2011, 03:06 PM
I wish I had enough money to buy anything I want.


Granted
You got this last night when you were drunk

I wish I had a video of what Nymtoc did last night

Nymtoc
06-19-2011, 03:22 PM
Granted: WHAT NYMTOC DID LAST NIGHT (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9v3hA59uYi0)

I wish I could print money that was so perfect it would fool even the United States Mint.

defcon6000
06-19-2011, 08:25 PM
Granted. However, it's near worthless since the value of the dollar is going down, down, down. Should've become an alchemist and made some gold.

I wish I could unsee what Nymtoc did last night.

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-20-2011, 03:59 AM
Granted. Everyone behind him felt the same way - the colour purple doesn't suit him.

I wish I had some watermelon right now.

Komnena
06-20-2011, 06:41 AM
Granted. You have an entire acre patch of watermelons. However, they are not ripe and crabgrass is threatening to swallow it up. Better get on your weeding.

I wish that all the black-eyed Susan plants I put out this evening survive.

CDSinex
06-20-2011, 09:12 AM
Granted: (As a gardener the Genie really hates to do this, but ...) The black-eyed Susans you put out survive the evening, unfortunately they will be devoured by rabbits and deer by this time tomorrow.

I wish I had a good, eight-foot high deer fence with a locking gate to which I had the key.

defcon6000
06-20-2011, 12:00 PM
Granted. But you lose the key (darn hole in slacks!) and now you're locked out. Hope you enjoy climbing.

I wish I could have a garden grow in the desert.

Reziac
06-20-2011, 01:20 PM
Granted. It's all goatheads (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tribulus_terrestris) and greasebrush, but a garden nonetheless.

I wish I could find some female cottonwood cuttings.

SrGrvsaLot
06-20-2011, 03:40 PM
Granted. You are transformed into a male cottonwood, meet the love of your life, and have ravishing, life-changing tree-sex.

I wish there were 364 days in a year exactly so the Lunar and solar calenders matched up.

Nymtoc
06-20-2011, 05:15 PM
WISH DENIED! It's too much fun watching people get confused over whether a month has 30 days or 31 or (urp!) 28 or 29.

I wish I would not have a new technological device for three years and be told that it's "obsolete."

shakeysix
06-20-2011, 05:53 PM
that's a tough one nymmie, beings as how technology is so pervasive in our society today. the best i can do is move you to Rattrap, Kansas, there between Elkhart and Rolla. Just google 'dust storm rolla kansas' and you will get the picture. the place looks pretty much like it did in the dust bowl, except that the CoOp has a new coffee shop. same waitresses though. you'll be spending a lot of time there. until they string the cable and hook up to the net. in about three years they say dial up will be available. --s6

i wish that the wind would stop blowing or that the temperature would stay below 100*--either one--surprise me--s6

Saffron
06-20-2011, 07:47 PM
Granted. You have been frozen in a block of ice deep inside an iceberg out of wind's way - we'll see you in a few million years time, as perfect as you are now.

I wish I could tap dance.

Nymtoc
06-20-2011, 08:11 PM
Granted. You can tap beer from a keg while dancing a polka.

I wish I knew how to levitate.

CDSinex
06-21-2011, 12:59 AM
Granted: You can now levitate, and find your self going higher and higher. At around 100-feet you look down and see the manual, Modern Levitation Techniques, on the ground where you left it. Since you don't know how to control your new ability you keep floating up. Somewhere between 25,000 and 30,000 feet you pass out. After about one-hour you are officially space-junk.

I wish I had something fun to do this afternoon.

PorterStarrByrd
06-21-2011, 01:10 AM
I wish I had something fun to do this afternoon.

Granted
You can wait in a holding cell.... that'll be fun comapared to what the judge is going to have you starteing tomorrow.


I wich eagles couldn't see the bullet coming

Nymtoc
06-21-2011, 03:44 AM
WISH DENIED. The Genie does not approve of shooting eagles.

I wish I could have a chat with Socrates.

Reziac
06-21-2011, 04:08 AM
Granted. The chat involves the medicinal qualities of hemlock, including an exclusive taste-testing session.

I wish to find money in my PO Box this afternoon. Or at least the bloody Costco rebate that's a month late!

Komnena
06-21-2011, 05:30 AM
You find money in your box but unfortunately it is counterfeit.

I wish it was easier to find native shade loving plants.

defcon6000
06-21-2011, 07:52 PM
Granted. However, where to find some native shade is another question.

I wish everyone hadn't eaten all the cake.

PorterStarrByrd
06-21-2011, 09:22 PM
Granted. However, where to find some native shade is another question.

I wish everyone hadn't eaten all the cake.

You look in the refridgerator and find three more cakes .. of yeast


I wish the Condor couldn't see the bullet coming

Nymtoc
06-21-2011, 09:46 PM
WISH DENIED! The Genie is becoming impatient with your desire to kill endangered species. :rant:

I wish I could be a brain surgeon without having to go to school.

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-22-2011, 02:26 AM
Denied. You're still cross-eyed.

I wish I lived in the foothills and on the other side was the ocean.

Drachen Jager
06-22-2011, 02:58 AM
Granted. Your new property is here.

http://mw2.google.com/mw-panoramio/photos/small/14328246.jpg

Your new home is in Yufleh Somolia. It has been abandoned and between warlords and whatnot the property values are essentially 0, but on the bright side that means that you're completely immune to a property bubble.

I wish I had a few million dollars to sink into my local property bubble.

Nymtoc
06-22-2011, 03:24 AM
Granted. You have a few million dollars. They are buried deep in an abandoned mine. There are an estimated 100,000 to 500,000 such abandoned mines in the Western United States. Your money is in one of them. If you can manage to get across the border, you may start searching immediately.

I wish I had a coconut tree.

Komnena
06-22-2011, 06:13 AM
Granted. You have your coconut tree nicely situated in your backyard. Every time you sit under it it drops a coconut on your head.

I wish I had a magic bed that would take me all over the world when I twisted one of its knobs.

Drachen Jager
06-22-2011, 06:22 AM
Granted. You have a magic bed. When you turn one of the knobs it will explode with such force it will take you all around the world.

I wish I had a top of the line brand new Canon camera.

Nymtoc
06-22-2011, 07:36 AM
Granted.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/CAMERA%20SMASHED.jpg

Any damage that may have occurred in shipping is not the responsibility of the Genie.

I wish I could write a novel in one week and have it become a best-seller.

Drachen Jager
06-22-2011, 09:56 AM
Granted. The editing process will take you twenty-five years.

I wish I had Kurt Vonnegut's smarts, Stephen King's populism and E. B. Whyte's style.

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-22-2011, 10:21 PM
Denied. Everybody loves you just the way you are.

I wish Amazon Kindle was faster at updating my eBook info. I just lowered the eBook price from $7.99 to $4.99.

Drachen Jager
06-22-2011, 11:12 PM
Granted. They were so fast they actually misplaced the decimal point. Your book is now for sale at $.05 a copy.

I wish my book was already getting published and my advance copy would arrive in the mail today.

Nymtoc
06-23-2011, 01:40 AM
Granted. Your book has been published, and you received your advance copy from PublishAmerica today.

I wish I had a jelly donut.

tedi.s
06-23-2011, 01:57 AM
Granted! You have a jelly doughnut but choked on it when the Condor and Eagle swooped to get even.

I wish I could see all the stupid errors in my WIP as I write it. (You know like self-edit)

Drachen Jager
06-23-2011, 02:09 AM
Granted. You're completely lost as to how to fix the errors however.

I wish I knew what it takes to write a bestseller.

Nymtoc
06-23-2011, 03:48 AM
Granted. It takes brains, talent, creativity, originality, cleverness, determination, drive, and you lack all of the above.

The Genie deleted the last part of his answer. He hopes it didn't slip through accidentally. :evil

I wish I had already published ten books.

Komnena
06-23-2011, 06:49 AM
Granted. You have ten framed checks from Publish America.

I wish the horses roaming around Churchill Downs stay safe.

PorterStarrByrd
06-23-2011, 03:04 PM
I wish the horses roaming around Churchill Downs stay safe.


Granted
Alpo says they are safe for your dog to eat until sept 2012


I wish I could sight a spotted Owl that has weak vision.

Saffron
06-23-2011, 03:08 PM
Granted. It just flew right into your face.


I wish I had a holodeck.

Drachen Jager
06-23-2011, 09:34 PM
Granted. You have a deck of holographic cards.

I wish I had a brilliant flair for self-promotion.

tedi.s
06-23-2011, 10:21 PM
Granted. You know have a "sandwich sign" glued directly to your naked body.

I wish I was the author of a NYT best selling erotica novel that becomes a screen play and then wins the AW for best Picture!

Drachen Jager
06-23-2011, 11:42 PM
Granted. You are the author of a book declared the North Yemen Taliban, best selling erotica novel. Naturally they're not too fond of erotica so you can expect the sleeper-cell assassination team any minute now. Oh and your story will be made into a TV movie, which Absolute Write will declare the 'best picture' about one of our members.

I wish I had a case of beautiful, juicy, perfect peaches right now.

CDSinex
06-24-2011, 12:02 AM
Granted: Unfortunately (whatever happened to that thread?) while you're carrying the case from your car you trip and fall. As a result of the fall your jaw is broken and must be wired shut. At least you have the satisfaction of watching family, friends, and neighbors enjoying the succulent treats.

I wish the sky would clear up for a few days.

PorterStarrByrd
06-24-2011, 12:03 AM
I wish I had a case of beautiful, juicy, perfect peaches right now.


Granted, but the police will arrive shortly to ask some questions about a certain missing porn star.


I wish Fish could swim so that I could put them back in the water safely.

Komnena
06-24-2011, 05:29 AM
Granted. Genie sends you a tutor to teach Fish to swim. This will only cost you ten thousand dollars.

I wish I never had to hear tornado sirens again.

Drachen Jager
06-24-2011, 05:41 AM
Granted. Your state government and Fox News rename the 'public warning system' the 'socialist warning system'. Your neighbours insist they all be removed.

I wish I knew what other people were thinking.

Nymtoc
06-24-2011, 05:56 AM
Granted. But get seated comfortably with a drink in your hand, because you are about to learn what they really think of you.

I wish my novel would be published and rise to the top of the best-seller list by the end of the year.

PorterStarrByrd
06-24-2011, 06:05 AM
I wish my novel would be published and rise to the top of the best-seller list by the end of the year.


Denied
The genie has standards


I wish I had a harpoon

Drachen Jager
06-24-2011, 07:13 AM
Byrd, you are denied any kind of poon. And I'd thank you to get your mind out of the gutter.

I wish I had one of those floor-to-ceiling fishtanks full of piranhas so I could shove my enemies in there like a Bond villain. Or at least the neighbour's yappy dogs.

Nymtoc
06-24-2011, 07:21 AM
Granted. But one day, when you are on a ladder trying to clean the tank, you lean forward a little too far and fall into the water and...

The Genie cannot bring himself to continue.

I wish I could be peddling six novel manuscripts at once, since that would give me a better chance of being accepted.

Drachen Jager
06-24-2011, 08:06 AM
Granted. You can peddle six manuscripts at once. I think there's a bit of a false assumption on the rest of it. It has something to do with mathematical probabilities multiplied by zero.

I wish I had sharks with fricken laser beams on their heads.

JohnLine
06-24-2011, 10:14 AM
Granted, but the lasers aren't very powerful, and the sharks end up chasing the beams the way cats chase laser pointers. They end up repeatedly smashing their heads against the sides of the tank.

I wish I could never lose.

PorterStarrByrd
06-24-2011, 04:15 PM
I wish I could never lose.


Granted
You might want to start widening the doors in your house while you can still move. If you sleep on the second floor, install a BIG window with a pulley mounted above it to help out EMT's a little.


I wish my bicycle had the handlebars in the front intead of in the back.

Reziac
06-24-2011, 05:57 PM
Denied! Does the genie have to do all your thinking for you? Next time sit the right way around on your bicycle, instead of backwards.

I wish I had my old bicycle back.

Saffron
06-24-2011, 10:39 PM
Granted, but a sculpture artist had it before and now it's a random piece of twisted metal art.

I wish I hadn't got lost down narrow country lanes today.

Drachen Jager
06-24-2011, 11:57 PM
Granted. You took the highway and got sandwiched between two lorries. But don't worry, they'll have you out of your crumpled wreck of a car and off to the hospital in a few hours.

I wish I had a pet tarantula that would obey my commands with a spycam on it's head.

Nymtoc
06-25-2011, 12:02 AM
Granted. But it's a beta, and things go wrong with betas. The tarantula is approaching your neck now, as you sleep.

I wish I could get hold of a Great Writer pill.

CDSinex
06-25-2011, 12:22 AM
Granted: The Genie, in her haste, made a rare reading error. It seems she gave you the wrong pill. You are now a grape writer.

I wish I was in a better mood.

tedi.s
06-25-2011, 12:31 AM
Granted! You are in a better mood then earlier. But only slightly better so it is still considered a piss-poor mood in the end.

I wish I had Vanilla Ice cream that had no calories!

PorterStarrByrd
06-25-2011, 12:54 AM
I wish I had Vanilla Ice cream that had no calories!

Granted
It also has no flavor. I wonder why they still call it vanilla ice cream

I wish I hadn't killed that albatross

CDSinex
06-25-2011, 06:13 AM
Granted: The Genie, in a rare display of empathy, turns back time to the moment just before you killed the albatross giving you a second chance. The very second after you had killed the albatross in the alternate timeline it attacks you severing your jugular vein. As you lay there dying you remember that you had killed it in self defense.


I wish wishes on this thread didn't have such bad outcomes.

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-25-2011, 07:07 AM
Denied. Exercising our imagination is important, healthy and righteous.

I wish I was getting a back and neck rub tonight.

Komnena
06-25-2011, 07:34 AM
Granted. Cats walk all over you and knead you with their claws.

I wish my backyard was a swimming pool.

Nymtoc
06-25-2011, 04:17 PM
Granted. But it has no sanitation system, and it soon becomes a fetid swamp.

I wish I could write one book that would make me rich for the rest of my life.

Drachen Jager
06-25-2011, 10:02 PM
Granted. Your next novel will average 31 million dollars a year for the rest of your life. You will sell one copy for .99 cents on Amazon and die a second later.

I wish I had a pet.

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-25-2011, 11:54 PM
Granted. Just remember that it won't take rainbow coloured shits and that you have to feed, pet, love, exercise, talk to and care for it every day for the rest of your life. Yes, it will outlive you.

I wish I had perfect eye sight.

JohnLine
06-26-2011, 04:55 AM
Granted, but you have perfectly bad eyesight, you are blind.

I wish the next wisher would become a famous writer.

PorterStarrByrd
06-26-2011, 05:57 AM
I wish the next wisher would become a famous writer.

Granted
You picked the perfect time for this wish

I wish I hadn't put the jello in the fountain

CDSinex
06-26-2011, 06:28 AM
Granted: But it's the judge, not the Genie who will see to that. He and the prosecutor agree that six-months in county, a hefty fine, and full restitution should do the trick.

I wish the meat would finish cooking.

Komnena
06-26-2011, 06:38 AM
Granted. It burns to a crisp.

I wish the pink elephant on the roof would fly away.

tedi.s
06-26-2011, 08:57 AM
granted. It flew away and landed on your car, right after taking a giant shit on the roof.

I wish I would get a good night's sleep tonight.

PorterStarrByrd
06-26-2011, 03:05 PM
I wish I would get a good night's sleep tonight.

Granted
.. sure thing RIP


I wish I could chalk up my cue

defcon6000
06-26-2011, 05:05 PM
Granted. But you still can't play pool worth a damn.

I wish I knew what those voices in Porter's head are saying.

Nymtoc
06-26-2011, 08:33 PM
WISH DENIED. Porter's voices speak in a language that only he can understand. The Genie is unable to translate.

I wish Porter would get a pet, so that he could whisper his absurd wishes to the pet instead of bothering the Genie with them.

Komnena
06-26-2011, 09:24 PM
Granted. Porter gets a baby chimpanzee. He teaches it sign language and it begins signing wishes to the Genie.

I wish I knew why people believed weird things.

shakeysix
06-26-2011, 10:00 PM
my neighbor doris believes that satan lives in mexican music and beer. my neighbor eduino believes that satan is an old bitchy white woman like doris. my neighbor verle believes that secular humanists are drilling down into the cretaceous era to plant fossils so they won't lose their government funding because everyone knows evolution is a satanic myth. my neighbor tony believes that keeping a car up on blocks is more economically feasible than trading it in. my neighbor scary mary nails cow skulls on her fence to scare the mexicans away. she is married to tony who is--you guessed it! mexican. i am granting you a one way bus ticket to my neighborhood. you talk to these people and figure out what makes them think the things they think--s6.

i wish i lived in a small pocket of sanity

Komnena
06-26-2011, 10:38 PM
Granted. You wake up in a town named Sanity. Unfortunately a nuclear wave has knocked it back to the time of the Neanderthals.

I wish I had a one way ticket back to Louisville.

CDSinex
06-27-2011, 06:19 AM
Granted: The Genie gives you a one way ticket on a Greyhound Bus to Louisville, NE, pop. 1,046 (You’ll have to transfer to Arrow Stage Lines [bus] in Omaha for the last 24 miles.)


I wish I was in Vermont for the Forth of July.

shakeysix
06-27-2011, 07:36 AM
You're in Vermont for the Fourth of July! You are helping Larry and the two Darryls set off the fireworks display for the Stratford Inn.--s6

i wish my tomatoes would do something!

Nymtoc
06-27-2011, 07:49 AM
They will do something. Soon.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/ATTACK%20OF%20THE%20KILLER%20TOMATOES.jpg

I wish people would stop denying global warming. :rant:

shakeysix
06-27-2011, 07:54 AM
it was 108* here and the wind blew all day. even the pinheads are believing it!

i wish i could run through the sprinkler without my arthritic joints freezing up!--s6

Drachen Jager
06-27-2011, 09:54 AM
Granted. It will take a few weeks for them to make the prostheses, but you never have to worry about any kind of joint pain again!

I wish I was a computer genius who could create the next facebook.

Nymtoc
06-27-2011, 11:08 AM
Granted. But another computer genius will claim that you stole the idea from him. He will sue you for $200 million and win.

I wish I could discover a gold mine in my back yard.

Reziac
06-27-2011, 11:10 AM
Granted. But you don't own the mineral rights to your property.

I wish I had a large solid gold brick.

Nymtoc
06-27-2011, 09:30 PM
Granted. But it is in the possession of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and he's in no mood to give it back.

I wish I could speak French with a convincing French accent.

PorterStarrByrd
06-27-2011, 11:33 PM
I wish I could speak French with a convincing French accent.


Granted
Everyone in Moose Rapids is amazed. They are convinced you never had a French lesson in your life.


I wish my horse and I could plow in a straight while competing in the furrow race this year

CDSinex
06-28-2011, 05:59 AM
Granted: After spending many hours preparing, you and your horse can now plow a perfectly straight furrow. This year to add a little spice to the contest they are having the horses plow out to the red flags, turn, and plow a perfectly straight, parallel furrow back. With all of your hard work it should be a piece of cake. Your horse, a beautiful Belgian, reaches the red flag 10-yards in front of the closest contender. The other horses finally reach their flags turn and plow back to the start/finish line. Since your horse, thanks to the Genie, is the best straight line plower it was unable to make the turn and complete the leg back. As the last finisher crosses the line you and your horse have plowed half way across a neighbor's hay field.

I wish I didn't have to go to the district meeting on Friday..

Komnena
06-28-2011, 07:41 AM
Granted. As you are setting out a windstorm scoops you up and sets you down in complete wilderness. There's a silver lining, though. You find the missing D.B. Cooper money.

I wish I could get my music organized.

Drachen Jager
06-28-2011, 07:50 AM
Easy! I have organized all of your sheet music. Now every song has all the A notes first, followed by the B notes and so on. It will make playing a breeze!

I wish I could bend time and space at will.

randywrite
06-28-2011, 08:59 AM
Granted. DJ you can now bend space and time at will.......but we're all out of space and time. hehe

I wish I could visit Stevie Ray Vaughan in heaven and hear him play again...

AnnieColleen
06-28-2011, 09:14 AM
Granted. The genie hopes you had your affairs in order. Enjoy your stay.


I wish I knew why this thread popped up right after I re-read a creepy genie story.

Nymtoc
06-28-2011, 12:21 PM
Granted. Fate determined it, and as for what Fate is planning for you next--you don't really want to know.

I wish I could go back to the street where I grew up and be seven years old again, just for a day.

PorterStarrByrd
06-28-2011, 03:39 PM
I wish I could go back to the street where I grew up and be seven years old again, just for a day.

Granted
Both you, and the driver of a fast moving car will be so enthalled with the beauty that you won't see each other. Don't expect to visit other streets. Hell is not paved


I wish I had a rake

shakeysix
06-28-2011, 04:17 PM
wish granted--here is lord robert dudley, unshaven, unwashed; dressed in silks and lace and reeking of deer musk. if you are in for non-comformist preaching or think lady jane grey is kind of cute, he is the man for you. don't think he's going to be much good in the garden. i'd send you sir walter raleigh but he's lost his head--s6

i wish my cats would learn the difference between mulch and litter!

defcon6000
06-28-2011, 04:46 PM
Granted. But they still prefer the mulch to the litter. :D

I wish I could have normal sleeping and waking hours.

Reziac
06-28-2011, 06:21 PM
Granted. The Genie transforms you into a vampire bat. Your waking and sleeping hours are now perfectly normal.

I wish I'd woke up at sunrise instead of an hour later.

Komnena
06-28-2011, 06:34 PM
Granted. Hungry mosquitoes are in your house and have woken you exactly at sunrise.


I wish Mickey Mouse would run for President.

defcon6000
06-28-2011, 07:06 PM
Granted. Mickey Mouse runs but he loses the popularity vote to Newt.

I wish I could be a fruit bat rather than a vampire bat (at least fruit bats are cute).

PorterStarrByrd
06-28-2011, 09:00 PM
I wish I could be a fruit bat rather than a vampire bat (at least fruit bats are cute).


Denied
Genie has learned not to react to snap decisions. You have not been a vampire bat long enought to make a good decision.


I wish I could figure out where to dig to find a hole.

Drachen Jager
06-28-2011, 09:07 PM
Granted. I'm in a generous mood, I won't even force you to dig and I have a massive hole coming up for you in a few hours. Just wait in your house for the meteorite to hit and you'll be in the middle of it.

I wish Porter would quit with the old guy act.

Nymtoc
06-28-2011, 10:10 PM
Granted. Porter is really 28 years old and lives in Tennessee.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/MAN%20WITH%20BEARD.jpg

I wish I had a dollar for every silly wish Porter has made.

CDSinex
06-28-2011, 11:41 PM
Granted: The Genie gives you a bag of wooden dollars which are only good in "Moose Rapids, Quebec" during La Fête nationale du Québec, or "Lake Wobegon, Minnesota" during the Scandinavian Hjemkomst Festival.

I wish I had a $20 gold piece for every time someone picked on Nymtoc.

PorterStarrByrd
06-28-2011, 11:58 PM
I wish I had a $20 gold piece for every time someone picked on Nymtoc.


Granted
Fisrt accounting will be, due to a typo at the wish processing desk manned by Nimbletick, on July 1, 2111.
Just added another $20


I wish I could find some dirt

CDSinex
06-29-2011, 04:13 AM
Granted: The Genie advises you to look no further than under your fingernails.

I wish I could speed up and slow down time for everyone but me when it suits my fancy.

Komnena
06-29-2011, 06:57 AM
Granted. Your abuse of this ability brings you to the attention of the Time Police and they drop you off at Alamagordo, New Mexico on July 16,1945.
I wish I had a second job.

tedi.s
06-29-2011, 08:07 AM
Granted. You are now a lab rat testing experimental medicines!

I wish my dog didn't try to bite the chaplain or the XO's wife today!

(In his defense he was abused severely before we adopted him. They had to surgically remove the collar from his neck! But you can still do what you want to the wish :) )

Flur
06-29-2011, 08:46 AM
Granted. Teeth are removed and doggy dentures are only put in place at feeding time.


I wish my suitcase would pack itself.

shakeysix
06-29-2011, 05:56 PM
good news-- you don't have to waste a wish. here is refugio cayetano de holguin, ruiz y paniagua-- my neighbor's shady cousin. he will pack your suitcases for you. allz you hafta do is make a simple little 8 hour layover in sinaloa, before heading back to nebraska, or maine or wherever the heck you're going. don't pet any dogs in the airport in culiacan and you should be okay--s6

i wish they would have another locked up abroad marathon

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-29-2011, 06:37 PM
Granted. You go and get locked up. (Can you tell I don't know what a locked up marathon is?)

I wish I had the house to myself for the next month.

PorterStarrByrd
06-29-2011, 07:33 PM
I wish I had the house to myself for the next month.

Granted
Those leaving you behind aren't as considerate as the genie. They have had the water, electricity and gas turned off until they return. They pad locked the doors from the outside. Oh... they forgot to discontinue the newspaper delivery.


I wish I had three carrots and a hamster

lndsymllr
06-29-2011, 07:44 PM
I wish I had three carrots and a hamster


Granted, but now you have no carrots and a fat hamster.

I wish I had a bowl of strawberries

CDSinex
06-29-2011, 11:41 PM
Granted: The Genie had actually given you a bowl of strawberries several weeks ago, but wanted to surprise you so she put them under the kitchen sink. She thought you would find them when you took out the trash that evening, but since you didn't, ... well there are several good uses for strawberry mold, I imagine.

I wish I had more options for lunch today.

defcon6000
06-29-2011, 11:48 PM
Granted. You can choose stewed socks, three-day old macaroni and cheese, or charred burgers.

I wish my brain would wake up.

Drachen Jager
06-30-2011, 12:31 AM
Granted. It wakes up and you find yourself in a tub of goo with cords and tubes sticking into your body. Turns out you've been a battery for the machine intelligence that runs Earth your whole life and didn't know it.

I wish I had more guns and ammo stocked for the Zombiepocalypse.

Flur
06-30-2011, 12:40 AM
Granted. You're stocked up. You empty every round into a group of savage zombies intruding onto your property. Unfortunately, the "zombies" turn out to be a drunken group of frat guys. You're left defenseless when the REAL zombieapocalypse takes place the following morning.


I wish I had a/c

Drachen Jager
06-30-2011, 01:18 AM
Granted. Though I'm not sure how much fun it is without the D/C, but it half-rocks anyhow.

I wish I looked as good in glasses as Flur.

Nymtoc
06-30-2011, 03:53 AM
DENIED. No one looks as good in glasses as Flur.

I wish I had a wine cellar.

shakeysix
06-30-2011, 04:28 AM
wish granted--now you have a cellar chock full of dandelion wine. and you have become 12 year old douglas spaulding living in 1932 in waukegan illinois. if you have ever read the book i don't have to warn you not to go through the gulley after dark. other than that you will have a blast--s6

i wish i could read bradbury again for the very first time

Komnena
06-30-2011, 05:57 AM
Granted. You are twelve years old and the neighborhood bullies have caught you reading Fahrenheit 451.

I wish I had every season of Gunsmoke on DVD.

lndsymllr
06-30-2011, 06:15 AM
Granted! But now your DVD player is broken.

I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow.

Drachen Jager
06-30-2011, 06:43 AM
Granted. You always have to work today. You never have to work tomorrow. This applies every morning.

I wish I could get a steady paycheque for sitting at home and writing.

shakeysix
06-30-2011, 08:52 AM
here is country singer johnny paycheck come to serenade you while you write. you will hear such hits as : don't monkey with another monkey's monkey; drinkin and drivin; every minute i want jesus; don't tell my wife and i'm the only hell my momma ever raised. (i couldn't make this stuff up.) best of all you can write lyrics for him. his shit sells.

i wish that my momma had raised her some hell

Drachen Jager
06-30-2011, 09:34 AM
Have you looked in a mirror lately?

I wish I could write instead of sleeping and still be refreshed and ready to go in the morning.

Nymtoc
06-30-2011, 10:07 AM
Granted. You write all night, and you will be refreshed and ready to go in the morning. Here is an example of how you write during the night:

"Il maa ekauyeTsrsho e wei ii ee hrwI eeiabr e vm fa TtnolieulIrti te eour o eeafu pm relcnytoerpsrieoel biw b hbniltl oIetre. Rtttom oorbuna T wwbelbfofywlalr dIluno alie lsat eIntI t el rbe tknt ioesrned rmii e ll uselei nsym leieter aI tu sw sa swto naeii gdeibl n eiasar ui etl psscrhg il ydi."

I wish I had as much money as it took to build the Empire State Building.

shakeysix
06-30-2011, 05:43 PM
wish granted--ever hear of the tower of babel? now you have enough money to build anything you want--one small glitch: you and your construction crew speak different languages. in fact i am granting you whatever the hell you were speaking up there in the last post--s6

i wish i had a masters in whatever nymtoc speaks

Flur
06-30-2011, 07:06 PM
Granted. You now hold a Masters Degree in the field of Klingon Linguistics Studies. majQa'!


I wish I had a teleporter.

defcon6000
06-30-2011, 08:17 PM
Granted. Though, a fly sneaks in with you when you teleport and you become Flurfly!

I wish it wasn't scalding hot outside.

shakeysix
06-30-2011, 08:26 PM
granted--now it is broiling hat--be sure to bedeck your hat with cheese.


i wish my dog had a paycheck to pay her own vet bill

tedi.s
06-30-2011, 08:33 PM
Granted. But you have had to give up all your aspirations in order to support her and manage her career. You are now her B**ch.

I wish my hubby would make dinner tonight and it be edible!

Drachen Jager
06-30-2011, 09:01 PM
Granted. He buys all the fixins at the sex-toy store. It even says 'edible' on the package!

I wish the construction crew next to me would quit making so much noise.

PorterStarrByrd
06-30-2011, 09:35 PM
I wish the construction crew next to me would quit making so much noise.


Granted
The last thing they do is light their burn pile. There are several dozen Tires and some other 'interesting stuff' in it


I wish I had a left front tire

Drachen Jager
06-30-2011, 10:14 PM
Granted. It's in the middle of the burn pile.

I wish Porter would put on a 'Go Canucks Go' hat for a change of pace.

Nymtoc
06-30-2011, 10:30 PM
DENIED. Porter is wearing this hat instead:

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/CAP%20CANNADIENS.jpg

I wish Canadians would simply admit that American hockey teams are better.

Drachen Jager
06-30-2011, 11:07 PM
Granted. But as soon as they do, the Canadian teams go on a winning streak so long American fans forget what the Stanley Cup looks like.

I wish Nymtoc would get a Canucks orca tattooed on his chest.

Komnena
07-01-2011, 06:43 AM
Granted. Nymtoc has a Canucks orca tattooed on his chest with the legend Loser just below it.

I wish I could visit Carmarthenshire.

PorterStarrByrd
07-01-2011, 07:11 AM
Granted. Nymtoc has a Canucks orca tattooed on his chest with the legend Loser just below it.

I wish I could visit Carmarthenshire.

Denied
By the time you leave the car mart, you won't have enough money left to enjoy the shire anyway.



I wish I had not disturbed the moose