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View Full Version : Your wish is granted...


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Fruitbat
05-22-2011, 07:16 PM
Granted. But you know you will put on at least 50 pounds.

I wish I had a cool hundred grand, all to spend on myself. :)

parumpdragon
05-22-2011, 08:13 PM
Granted. Your candybar is in the mail, and you will have it all to yourself.

I wish for lower taxes.

PorterStarrByrd
05-22-2011, 08:24 PM
Granted. But the people, they need something to believe in. There is a rise in membership for the Westboro Baptist Church.

I wish I knew how to make dumplings.


Denied
The genie had decided to become a food-Nazi


I wish my underwaer didn't turn brown every time I put them on

Fruitbat
05-22-2011, 08:30 PM
They won't, because you don't get to wear unders any more at all! :tongue

I wish I had a chocolate soda. :)

parumpdragon
05-22-2011, 08:39 PM
Granted. All sodas now have chocolate syrup in them, even the lime ones.


I wish someone would notice me.

PorterStarrByrd
05-22-2011, 08:59 PM
I wish someone would notice me.

Granted
Animal control is on the way ...



I wish I had a blanket to sleep under at night

Fruitbat
05-22-2011, 09:01 PM
Granted. Aw, gee, I don't have the heart to mess with somebody's wish for a blanket. Wait, yes I do. It will be a blanket of snow. :tongue

I wish I had one of those giant bunnies for a pet, a Flemish giant or something like that. :)

parumpdragon
05-22-2011, 09:22 PM
Granted. The giant rabbit is a cousin of the one in Monty Python's 'Quest for the Holy Grail', complete with fangs and temper.

I wish I have a quarter for every time someone cared.

PorterStarrByrd
05-22-2011, 09:25 PM
I wish I have a quarter for every time someone cared.

Granted
You can expect your first quarter any week now and a couple more before the end of the year.


I wish this box was bigger and warmer. (is that what they mean by a 'new home')

Fruitbat
05-22-2011, 09:27 PM
You may have thousands of quarters because so many people care. However, they will all be Judge Judy, Nancy Grace, Rosie O'Donnell bossy know-it-alls.

I wish somebody else would clean this damn house.

parumpdragon
05-22-2011, 09:28 PM
Granted. a robot will not break all you possessions and throw them away.

I wish the world would stop turning.

Fruitbat
05-22-2011, 09:29 PM
Granted, the box is bigger and warmer and full of smart mouth teenagers as punishment for posting before I finished!

I wish I could take a nap now.

parumpdragon
05-22-2011, 09:30 PM
Granted. You eat a magic apple and fall deeply asleep, unfortunately Prince Charming does not exist anymore. Sorry.

I wish I could control a swarm of bees.

PorterStarrByrd
05-22-2011, 09:31 PM
The genie is so confused he's taking the rest of the day off

Reziac
05-22-2011, 09:39 PM
DENIED! Get your lazy genie ass back to work.

I wish I didn't have to deal with stupid people.

parumpdragon
05-22-2011, 10:07 PM
Granted. No one will ever talk to, or approach you again. You will be alone in the world, but apparently happy minus the stupidity.

I wish doughnuts were free.

Reziac
05-22-2011, 11:29 PM
Granted, out of sheer gratitude for my newfound isolation. Well, I could only make the donut holes free, but it's a start, right?

Argh, here comes the stupid person back down the road! I wish for a hole to hide in!!

Nymtoc
05-23-2011, 12:22 AM
Granted. It is a supermassive black hole. Bye-bye, Genie!

I wish I could find out if magic mushrooms are really magical.

PorterStarrByrd
05-23-2011, 12:49 AM
I wish I could find out if magic mushrooms are really magical.

The genies wakes up from his nap and has to find this in his box

Granted
It`s mushroom season. Walk around the woods eating every mushroom you find. You`re bound to stumble into a magical one. Let me know how that goes.

Nymtoc
05-23-2011, 01:40 AM
The Genie is so blotto today that he forgot to make a wish. Or maybe when he said "Let me know how that goes" that was a wish.

Okay. I did what you suggested, Genie. I walked around the woods and ate every mushroom I could find. As a result, I ended up in the hospital and was saved only by a medical team working 'round the clock with the latest technology. Thanks a lot, Genie. :evil

I wish I had a rubber band that could stretch around the world.

PorterStarrByrd
05-23-2011, 04:29 AM
I wish I had a rubber band that could stretch around the world.


Granted
The prophylactic band with their variety on unusual instruments made from you-know-what's is looking for a new equipment manager. Meet them in Watts to start their world tour.


I wish I had another fifth as good as the one I just finished off

Komnena
05-23-2011, 06:07 AM
Granted. Another band equal to the one you just listened to parades around your house at midnight playing Fifth of Beethoven. Your neighbors are not amused.

I wish I could afford every model at Breyerfest.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-23-2011, 05:43 PM
Granted. You spend millions for lettuce.

I wish my throat didn't feel like I just swallowed broken glass.

Underthelivingmoon
05-23-2011, 08:15 PM
Granted. Now it feels like you have been drinking tabasco sauce.

I wish there was an easier way to meet a good woman.

SueOwen
05-24-2011, 12:48 AM
Granted. Catch the next shuttle to the moon. I'll be waiting.

I wish life came with a money-back guarantee.

HarryHoskins
05-24-2011, 02:34 AM
Granted. Good luck with spending it after you trade in.

I wish my hoover bag would change itself.

CDSinex
05-24-2011, 06:03 AM
Granted: The Genie gives you a robot that will change your vacuum cleaner bags for you. Unfortunately, it's a prototype with a few kinks to be worked out. The only real problem is that it has a tendency to tear the bags dumping the contents all over your floor.

I wish I could find a get-rich-quick scheme that wholesome, safe, and legal.

PorterStarrByrd
05-24-2011, 07:09 AM
Granted. Catch the next shuttle to the moon. I'll be waiting.

I wish life came with a money-back guarantee.

Granted

You have the guarantee, but you threw the saucepan away years ago

I wish my blanket smelled better on Saturday mornings

Nymtoc
05-24-2011, 09:06 AM
Granted. But you're going to have to take care of this wish yourself. Wash the damn blanket at least once a year!

I wish I had an endless supply of chocolate-chip ice cream.

Drachen Jager
05-24-2011, 09:36 AM
Granted. At the rate you eat it a 'lifetime' isn't very long.

I wish I had a 5 litre bucket of ripe cherries.

defcon6000
05-24-2011, 12:20 PM
Granted. 5 liters of cherries straight from orchard! (Bugs included)

I wish my light bulbs wouldn't die so often.

PorterStarrByrd
05-24-2011, 04:32 PM
I wish my light bulbs wouldn't die so often.

Wish (and the mind that conjured up) silly
Old light bulbs don't die, they just burn out
yours begin to do so a slightly increased rate


I wish my judgement wouldn't be questioned so often

HarryHoskins
05-24-2011, 05:10 PM
Denied! Are you sure that's really the best question for you to ask?

I wish I hadn't of run out of potatoes.

Nymtoc
05-24-2011, 05:51 PM
Granted. Your entire house is filled with potatoes. You are living in a tent.

I wish I were as wise as Socrates.

PorterStarrByrd
05-24-2011, 07:05 PM
I wish I were as wise as Socrates.

Granted
Your goldfish, Socrates, shares all of his wisdom with you. The worms in the garden are looking mighty appetising. Don't forget to check for hooks.

I wish I could find some of my right socks. I'm pretty sure all I have are lefts.

Nymtoc
05-24-2011, 10:22 PM
DENIED. If you're still wearing right and left socks in this day and age, wake up and get the kind that fit either foot. Sheesh!

I wish the United States would build a fence along its northern border, to prevent Canadians from sneaking in.

HarryHoskins
05-24-2011, 11:57 PM
Denied! Border hopping Canadians are the only thing keeping the American national IQ above moron.

I wish I could get me some First Lady.

kellysaid
05-25-2011, 01:35 AM
I wish I could get me some First Lady.

Granted. HarryHoskins, meet Martha Washington. Enjoy :)

I wish I had a pen that would never run out of ink.

defcon6000
05-25-2011, 01:46 AM
Granted. The pen never runs out of ink, but you run out of things to write down.

I wish the genies above would stop denying wishes - it sorta defeats the purpose. (Bad genies! Bad!)

Nymtoc
05-25-2011, 02:03 AM
DENIED. Don't you know it's bad form to tell Genies how to behave? You may regret that wish, so watch yourself carefully in the future. :evil

I wish all my equipment would work perfectly forever.

Reziac
05-25-2011, 03:36 AM
Um, granted, but after four hours it's considered a medical emergency.

I wish our idiot government would stop spending money to police the Canadian border, and would just acknowledge that Canada is indeed the 51st state.

Nymtoc
05-25-2011, 03:43 AM
Granted. But before this wish goes into effect, you must submit it to Drachen Jager for final approval.

I wish I owned a nightclub.

Drachen Jager
05-25-2011, 04:03 AM
Granted. It is oak with a nice red-hued, satin-finish varnish.

I wish my revisions were done.

Nymtoc
05-25-2011, 04:17 AM
Granted. They are done, but you didn't say anything about quality.

I wish I could be a Chevalier de la Légion d'honneur.

defcon6000
05-25-2011, 04:40 AM
Denied! No shinies for you! Also, you made me look it up on goggle. >.>

I wish this wish wouldn't be denied.

Reziac
05-25-2011, 05:30 AM
Granted, but since you failed to specify what wish you wished would be granted, I've taken the liberty of making it a wish that Rez would be rich and famous, or at least rich.

I wish the genie would do my chores for me.

Komnena
05-25-2011, 07:07 AM
Granted. The Genie does all your chores but now your clothes are all the same color.
I wish to see the Sun tomorrow.

Nymtoc
05-25-2011, 08:21 AM
Granted. The sun will appear between 6:32 and 6:33 a.m. tomorrow in Kentucky. The rest of the day the sky over the entire state will be black with storm clouds.

I wish I could accompany President Obama on his travels.

Drachen Jager
05-25-2011, 09:46 AM
Granted. I have transformed you into his boxers...or briefs, whichever he wears.

I wish the hockey game had ended earlier so I could have done some more work (go Canucks!).

Nymtoc
05-25-2011, 09:54 AM
Granted. The game ended earlier, and the Sharks won.

I wish I could be a Canadian for a day, just to see if it's as bad as they say.

PorterStarrByrd
05-25-2011, 03:29 PM
I wish I could be a Canadian for a day, just to see if it's as bad as they say.


Denied
There are enough of the worst kind of rumors out there (true ones) already.


I wish people wouldn't piss off the genie right before I make my wishes

Nymtoc
05-25-2011, 04:04 PM
DENIED. The Genie's job is to care for us, not to tend to his own petty concerns.

I wish that grouchy Genie would go find another job and send us a good Genie. It wouldn't hurt if she were gorgeous, too.

PorterStarrByrd
05-25-2011, 04:16 PM
DENIED. The Genie's job is to care for us, not to tend to his own petty concerns.

I wish that grouchy Genie would go find another job and send us a good Genie. It wouldn't hurt if she were gorgeous, too.

DENIED !!!
This is my shift. I'll run it the way I want to. Besides I'M gorgeous.


I wish the wind would blow so that that damned sailboot (Canadian spelling) would get out of my sight.

defcon6000
05-25-2011, 05:27 PM
Denied! What does the genie look like to you? A weather god?

I wish PorterStarrByrd was a gorgeous woman. :D

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-25-2011, 05:31 PM
Granted. Your genie has has a foot of bling.

I wish upon a star that the star would glow purple.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-25-2011, 05:33 PM
DangIT~!
Porter Star is a gorgeous woman and he wears high tops.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-25-2011, 05:39 PM
I am denying all further communication between members of writers ----and I mean DeNIED.------uhunthil they can prouduce anything that makes me apprecaiate cows.

defcon6000
05-25-2011, 05:39 PM
DangIT~!
Muhahaha! :evil

Granted. The star you wish upon glows purple - then explodes.

I wish I was the fastest genie EVER!

Komnena
05-25-2011, 07:09 PM
Granted. As a result you become so popular you find yourself rushing to grant countless numbers of wishes.
I wish shakeysix would report in.

Drachen Jager
05-25-2011, 08:54 PM
Granted. You remind her of how wonderful steaks grilling on the barbecue smells.

I wish I had a pirate cannon in my window that I could shoot at the neighbours when they annoy me with their stupid yapping dogs.

PorterStarrByrd
05-25-2011, 09:11 PM
I wish I had a pirate cannon in my window that I could shoot at the neighbours when they annoy me with their stupid yapping dogs.


Granted

but what good a knock-off camera will do you is beyond me

I wish I had a newer eggbeater

Nymtoc
05-25-2011, 10:45 PM
Granted. It may need a little work, but the Genie knows you're good with your hands.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/eggbeater%20rusty.jpg

I wish I had a magic TV that could show me any place on earth when I tell it to.

Drachen Jager
05-25-2011, 11:18 PM
Granted. It will go any place on Earth, but for some reason the camera is always trained to provide a crotch-shot of the nearest man.

I wish I had a copy of every movie ever made on blu-ray.

shakeysix
05-26-2011, 12:12 AM
eventually you will, without even wasting a wish. why not wish for a nice sexy nursing home attendant to start them up for you while you drool in your wheel chair?

i wish that the next e-5 tornado would turn a 360 and chase the storm chasers! bet we would hear more than "golly gee! would you look at that marvel of nature."

Drachen Jager
05-26-2011, 12:35 AM
Granted. The storm chasers have decided to hole up in your house until things blow over.

I wish people would recognise that all the flooding, tornadoes and other extreme weather are symptoms of climate change and start to do something about it.

Nymtoc
05-26-2011, 01:01 AM
The Genie wishes fervently that he could grant your wish--in fact, it coincides with one of his own--but unfortunately he cannot control all the idiots in the world. The most the Genie can promise is to put this on his own Perennial Wish List.

I wish I could abolish house flies.

PorterStarrByrd
05-26-2011, 06:50 AM
Sadly denied
As long as there are tornadoes, Houses will fly

I wish the genie knew the difference between an egg beater and a drill.

Komnena
05-26-2011, 07:04 AM
Granted. But you won't get either.
I wish my house holds up tonight.

Drachen Jager
05-26-2011, 07:33 AM
Granted. Tomorrow morning however....

I wish for tranquillity.

Nymtoc
05-26-2011, 08:05 AM
Granted. The Genie zaps you to the Sea of Tranquility, on the moon. It may be a little lonely up there, but it's tranquil.

I wish I could work more steadily on my book.

Reziac
05-26-2011, 11:50 AM
Granted. You work on your book, and nothing else, 24 hours a day, and eventually take root in your chair, fingers welded to the keyboard. Whether any words are produced, well, that you didn't wish for.

I wish I could find the notes for my book!

wistfullylinda
05-26-2011, 03:00 PM
Granted, but I don't understand what you want with all these musical notes. But if it helps you, great.

I wish I never got bug bites.

PorterStarrByrd
05-26-2011, 03:11 PM
I wish I never got bug bites.


Granted
Wasps, bees and scorpions chase all othe bugs from their favorie target

I wish I had a newer egg beater

defcon6000
05-26-2011, 03:34 PM
Denied. I believe Nymtoc saw to that wish previously.

I wish I knew why PorterStarrBryd wants to beat up eggs so badly.

GailD
05-26-2011, 05:15 PM
Granted. It has something to do with some devilishly fowl plot he's working on. Have axe - will grind. You know.

I wish there was a quick cure for the common cold.

SueOwen
05-26-2011, 06:36 PM
Granted, you now have phenomena.

I wish chickens could fly.

GailD
05-26-2011, 07:12 PM
Granted. But The Colonel is furious and you're in for more than a (finger) licking once he catches his stock.

I wish I could win (even part of) the lottery.

PorterStarrByrd
05-26-2011, 07:17 PM
I wish I could win (even part of) the lottery.


Granted the biggest part of the lottery is the losing ticket stack
You now have lots of mulch for your 'herb' garden

I wish I had some fish to fry

Nymtoc
05-26-2011, 07:43 PM
Granted. That jellyfish that ended up on the beach last week is still there. All ya have to do is go get it.

I wish I had a dozen dancing girls.

PorterStarrByrd
05-26-2011, 07:47 PM
I wish I had a dozen dancing girls.

Granted
The cover charge starts after happy hour so get there early



I wish I could remember

Drachen Jager
05-26-2011, 09:12 PM
Granted. You remember all the horrible things you've done with that axe. In fact the memories are so terrible you start drinking immediately in an attempt to forget again.

I wish more of these wishes would end in sunshine and happiness rather than murder and mayhem.

parumpdragon
05-26-2011, 09:15 PM
Granted. All the bad stuff people wish for will turn to rainbow colored poo to make it nice and bright and cheery when you step in it... thought it will still be poo and still smell the same.


I wish for politics to be abolished and peace to be the ultimate goal.

Drachen Jager
05-26-2011, 10:19 PM
Granted. There is one easy way to accomplish both goals. Complete thermonuclear war. The glassy wasteland left behind will be peaceful and completely free of politics.

I wish parumpdragon's avatar would shoot lasers from her eyes.

Komnena
05-27-2011, 05:58 AM
Granted. However, she hates unicorns.

I wish I had a basement under my house.

Nymtoc
05-27-2011, 06:24 AM
Granted. However, a strange odor emanates from your basement, and the cops discover sixteen bodies buried there.

I wish I had a beautiful plant that would grow in my apartment.

Reziac
05-27-2011, 06:43 AM
Granted. However, someone soon notices its unusual flowers and ... well, in your state it's still 6 to 10 in the hoosegow.

I wish the neighbour's sheep hadn't eaten my plum tree!

GailD
05-27-2011, 03:37 PM
Granted. The plum tree is restored to something approximating its former glory. The sheep are now heading straight for your roses.

I wish the cakes I make always looked as good as the picture beside the recipe.

PorterStarrByrd
05-27-2011, 05:34 PM
I wish the cakes I make always looked as good as the picture beside the recipe.


Granted
Your family, Friends, and a growing number of strangers are constantly knocking at your door to see if you will bake them a cake as a 'favor'. Your address is now published on the internet.

I wish the strawberries were ripe

defcon6000
05-27-2011, 07:48 PM
Granted. However, the caterpillars have gotten to the strawberries first.

I wish I had a pair of gauntlets to throw down when I duel someone (if I duel someone).

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-27-2011, 07:55 PM
No one will duel you. No worries.

I wish the birds didn't chirp so loudly outside my bedroom window in the early AM.

parumpdragon
05-27-2011, 07:59 PM
Granted. They chirp loudly at night, waking you from sleep.

I wish someone would make sense for once.

Reziac
05-27-2011, 08:22 PM
Granted. You made sense this once. As to the rest of the time...

I wish my exceedingly thorny roses were still alive for the sheep to try to eat (BWHAHAHAHA!) in the first place!

(Remember the sheep? This is a wish about sheep.)

parumpdragon
05-27-2011, 08:38 PM
Granted. But the sheep died from thorn blockages.


I wish someone would give me and answer.

Reziac
05-27-2011, 09:06 PM
At last, my wish is granted exactly as I wished! In gratitude, the genie asks who you would like to be given to?

I wish someone would cook me breakfast, just like mom used to make.

PorterStarrByrd
05-27-2011, 09:25 PM
I wish someone would cook me breakfast, just like mom used to make.


Denied !!!
Those recipes were banned and you know it !!

I wish I had a Burlap dress

Reziac
05-27-2011, 11:01 PM
Granted, tho with the requirement that it go all the way to your ankles. No one wants to see your knobby knees. Even if I'm not sure why you'd wish to wear a hairshirt, which was the closest to burlap I could find on short notice.

I wish to never run out of Moroccan Mint tea again.

Nymtoc
05-27-2011, 11:39 PM
Granted. The Genie has transported you to Bou Arfa, in the mountainous southeastern region of Morocco. It lies 100 kilometers from the next town, but there is enough mint tea there to keep you supplied for life.

I wish I understood the meaning of it all.

Drachen Jager
05-28-2011, 12:36 AM
Granted.

It: pronoun, used to represent an inanimate thing understood, previously mentioned, about to be mentioned, or present in the immediate context.

All: adjective, the whole of (used in referring to quantity, extent, or duration).

I wish I could remember all the things I'm supposed to do.

Nymtoc
05-28-2011, 03:10 AM
Granted. The Genie has taken into consideration the limited capacity of your mind and has decided that you can remember no more than ten things at a time. To help you remember them, the Genie is sending you ten pieces of string, each a different color, as follows: apple geen, blanched almond, blue bell, carmine, emerald, flamingo pink, goldenrod, lavender blush, Mikado yellow, and shocking pink. Tie one around each finger, and each will remind you of a different task.

I wish I could hold a moonbeam in my hand.

parumpdragon
05-28-2011, 04:35 AM
Granted. You are transported to the moon, wait until the light filters thru the dust around where you have crash landed.

I wish I have millions of dollars free of prosecution and persecution from the government or any drug cartel.

Komnena
05-28-2011, 06:36 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it is Monopoly money.

I wish I could visit the library of Alexandria.

Nymtoc
05-28-2011, 07:31 AM
Granted. Hop on a bus. It will take you to the

Charles E. Beatley, Jr. Central Library
5005 Duke Street
Alexandria, VA 22304-2903

I wish I could invent a car that would run on water.

PorterStarrByrd
05-28-2011, 07:38 AM
http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT3aL105tUfo5FVgJ-Dc1LCmFZJY7kbxobL0YWyjGmkEsZybA_-hDuJZw (http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.eruma.org/images/Kerala-Car-Driving-In-Rain.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.eruma.org/%3Fp%3D16&usg=__qTWO3zriul59_QGuA91Lc0owlyI=&h=124&w=200&sz=19&hl=en&start=8&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=e38D1aOxP8rl0M:&tbnh=64&tbnw=104&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dcar%2Bdriving%2Bin%2Brain%26hl%3Den%2 6biw%3D1252%26bih%3D497%26gbv%3D2%26tbm%3Disch&ei=z2bgTZSsLsvegQewqITuCg)Granted

Ooops .. did you say car running ON water ... maybe you can finish inventing this one


I wish I had a stack of bricks

Drachen Jager
05-28-2011, 07:43 AM
Granted. Well, sort of, you're now as dumb as a stack of bricks, close enough right? Genie likes to make his job easy (in this case it was very easy).

I wish I had a thousand kilograms of gold that legally belongs to me.

Nymtoc
05-28-2011, 08:49 AM
Granted. You have a thousand kilograms of gold that legally belong to you. It is in North Korea.

I wish I knew Italian.

PorterStarrByrd
05-28-2011, 04:50 PM
Granted. You have a thousand kilograms of gold that legally belong to you. It is in North Korea.

I wish I knew Italian.

Granted
Would you like to be able to speak it too?

I wish I had a big totem pole

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-28-2011, 07:42 PM
Granted. But no one can figure out how to get you down.

I wish I had a bigger bed.

Reziac
05-28-2011, 08:01 PM
Granted.... but you may wish to consult with Goldilocks before attempting to use it.

I wish I could find a decent new foam mattress for MY bed.

Nymtoc
05-28-2011, 08:42 PM
Granted. It may have been damaged a little in shipping, but you can easily have it fixed.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/MATTRESS%20OLD%202.jpg

I wish I had a car that could fly and could also travel underwater.

GailD
05-28-2011, 09:39 PM
Granted. Nymtoc 007, Miss Moneypenny wants to see you right away... and she's not happy.


I wish I could spend the summer in America.

defcon6000
05-28-2011, 09:42 PM
Granted. Except the navigation is a little wonky, and flies into trees or at little old ladies. And the interior becomes ruined when it goes underwater; smells like wet dog - or that might be the dog in the trunk.

Granted. You spend the summer in South America (should have been specific). Someone hands you a packet of white powder and now you're on the run. Have fun!

I wish for long fingernails that won't break.

SueOwen
05-28-2011, 10:03 PM
Granted. The island you are stranded on won't be discovered for another 150 years or so.

Wish time would slow down.

Nymtoc
05-29-2011, 04:40 AM
Granted. Time has slowed down--for you, anyway--and you now live happily with a community of snails.

I wish commercials would tell the truth.

PorterStarrByrd
05-29-2011, 07:01 AM
Granted. Time has slowed down--for you, anyway--and you now live happily with a community of snails.

I wish commercials would tell the truth.

Granted
Doing this the easy way ... you now BELIEVE the commercials are telling the truth. You are one tough cookie to convince otherwise once you make up your mind.

Nymtoc
05-29-2011, 09:05 AM
I wish Porter would make a wish. :(

Drachen Jager
05-29-2011, 09:42 AM
Granted. He makes a wish so stupid that everyone who sees it loses 10 IQ points just for viewing (which is, after all only a small step beyond his normal level).

I wish I had a home gym.

Nymtoc
05-29-2011, 11:46 AM
Granted. By putting your arms and legs in the straps you will be able to do as many excellent exercises as you can do in a regular gym. CAUTION: don't plug it in, since it was formerly used for another purpose.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/CHAIR%20ELECTRIC%202%20250X320.JPG

I wish my good side would take over and I could stop being so nasty--at least for a while. ;)

defcon6000
05-29-2011, 05:34 PM
Denied! What good side? :D

I wish for a flute that can play itself.

PorterStarrByrd
05-29-2011, 06:23 PM
I wish for a flute that can play itself.

Granted .. sort of
The flute stays in its box, making the sounds of silence .. a vast improvement over what you have been able to do with it


I wish I had an axe

Komnena
05-29-2011, 08:46 PM
Granted. Unfortunately it is dull and rusty.

I wish I could run the Boston Marathon.

Nymtoc
05-29-2011, 09:38 PM
Granted. But it takes you five days to complete it.

I wish I could live like a king.

SueOwen
05-29-2011, 10:25 PM
Granted you now live like the king of trash.

Wish someone would come paint my toes.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-29-2011, 10:49 PM
Denied. Your corns are too big. http://www.birminghamfootclinic.co.uk/compliants/images/corns_r1_c1.gif

I wish my yard was fenced.

Nymtoc
05-30-2011, 01:28 AM
Granted. But nobody comes to see you anymore.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/WIRE%20CONCERTINA%20300X225.JPG

I wish I had offers from ten agents.

Drachen Jager
05-30-2011, 04:25 AM
Granted. The agents from the Mafia will be along shortly. One of them has an offer you can't refuse that would have you re-financing your house for only 19.7% interest (monthly).

I wish agents would be faster at reading subbed material.

Nymtoc
05-30-2011, 06:21 AM
Granted. You receive rejection notes the day after you've sent your material.

I wish I understood why so much crap gets published.

defcon6000
05-30-2011, 10:19 AM
Granted. It turns out that readers today can't tell the difference between minty fresh crap and stinky crap. They go by how smexy the cover is.

I wish I could figure out this "borrowing" program so I can play a game.

GailD
05-30-2011, 02:30 PM
Granted. Although the genie has absolutely no idea of what a 'borrowing' programe is, thus you now can play a game with a whole heap of hackers who are playing with you. And cheating.


I wish I had the computer skills of Bill Gates.

PorterStarrByrd
05-30-2011, 07:49 PM
I wish I had the computer skills of Bill Gates.


Granted
You are about to discover a well kept secret about Gates' computer skills.

I wish I had a chain saw instead of this dull, rusty axe

defcon6000
05-30-2011, 09:36 PM
Granted. But you try swinging it like an axe and, well, now it's a chain and a saw.

I wish people would admit that I'm right when I'm right. :D

Drachen Jager
05-30-2011, 10:37 PM
Granted. You are never right.

I wish I had a cool science lab with living brains in vats, oscilloscopes and jacob's ladders around for effect.

defcon6000
05-30-2011, 11:49 PM
Granted. But you it costs you a hefty sum (what, you think those brains were cheap?) and now you have no money to buy anything else for the rest of the year.

I wish I was right all the time.

Drachen Jager
05-31-2011, 12:06 AM
Granted. You are right all the time in the negaverse, where Superman is evil and Spock wears a beard.

I wish I never had to worry about money again.

Nymtoc
05-31-2011, 12:51 AM
Granted, #27648093. Everything is being provided for you now.

I wish I could find an unpublished manuscript by Edgar Allan Poe and sell it at auction for a huge amount of money.

Drachen Jager
05-31-2011, 01:33 AM
Granted. The moment you move into your new mansion you notice a sound from beneath the floorboards, it is a low, dull, quick sound -- much such a sound as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton... Oh and you're also visited by a talkative, yet strangely mono-verbal Raven.

I wish I had the strength of Thor.

PorterStarrByrd
05-31-2011, 07:02 AM
I wish I had the strength of Thor.

Granted
Thor also failed to use deodorant


I wish I had a stick of dynamite intead of a broken chain saw

randywrite
05-31-2011, 07:00 PM
Granted. But the fuse was too short on your stick of dynamite causing it to blow up in your hand and send your head flying then landing in your neighbors yard.

I wish I had a new electric guitar and amp

HarryHoskins
05-31-2011, 11:54 PM
Granted. You receive your brand spanking new electric guitar and amp the same day that Gulf Power put up their prices to $100 per Watt.

I wish every time I walked into a room the theme from Cagney & Lacey played.

Drachen Jager
06-01-2011, 12:28 AM
Granted. You accidentally walk into a butch-lesbian convention. They think you're mocking them, and let me tell you, these girls are tough.

I wish I always knew the difference between right and wrong.

Nymtoc
06-01-2011, 01:06 AM
Granted. You know the difference, but that doesn't affect your behavior one bit.

I wish Drachen Jager would become an American.

Guardian
06-01-2011, 01:08 AM
Granted. He becomes part of the Jersey Shore phenomena and sells his soul for orange skin.

I wish graduation were outside.

parumpdragon
06-01-2011, 01:23 AM
Granted. Graduation is in the middle of a park in the middle of a rain storm, where thunder, lightning, and hail, are the main entertainment.

I wish someone would impart some wisdom to me.

Guardian
06-01-2011, 01:30 AM
Granted.
A wise man learns by the mistakes of others,
a fool by his own.
Latin Proverb


I wish I had a big cherry pie to eat.

Drachen Jager
06-01-2011, 01:34 AM
Granted. I made it from the cherries on my tree so they were pretty underripe.

I wish Parumpdragon's avatar wasn't so scary.

Guardian
06-01-2011, 01:39 AM
Granted. This is her new avatar.

http://www.freeinfosociety.com/media/images/1135.jpg


I wish I didn't know who that clown was.

Drachen Jager
06-01-2011, 01:43 AM
Granted. You now think that clown is your dad.

I wish I had a terrifying clown costume to wear for Halloween.

Guardian
06-01-2011, 01:47 AM
(You know that clown is serial killer John Wayne Gacy, right?)

Granted. You inherit a clown costume from Gacy, complete with "fake" blood stains.

I wish my legs would feel not achy.

Drachen Jager
06-01-2011, 01:49 AM
Granted. They will have you fitted for your new prosthetics in a week. In the meantime you can get around on a wheelchair.

I wish I had a trillion dollars that legally belonged to me.

Nymtoc
06-01-2011, 02:40 AM
Granted. It is inside Japan's Fukushima Daiichi Reactor 1 and will remain radioactive for 100 years or more.

I wish I could bring disaster upon all Internet hackers.

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-01-2011, 03:14 AM
Ahem - DENIED! What would become of Garcia on Criminal Minds? Jeez!

I wish I had more limeade.

Guardian
06-01-2011, 06:17 AM
Granted. You must drink it every day to prevent scurvy.

I wish that dolphins could swim through outer space.

Drachen Jager
06-01-2011, 06:42 AM
Granted. They all leave. But they do thank us for all the fish before they go.

I wish I had a penny for every time someone made a bad joke on the Exercises, Prompts and Whimsical Pursuits forum.

Rebekah7
06-01-2011, 06:47 AM
Granted. Now you are buried under a pile of pennies and must live in a self-dug copper tunnel, eating scraps of old Chinese takeout.

I wish that steak grew on trees.

Komnena
06-01-2011, 06:59 AM
Granted. Unfortunately they are carnivorous trees. Approach them at your own risk.

I wish I had my own private plane.

PorterStarrByrd
06-01-2011, 07:12 AM
.

I wish I had my own private plane.


Denied,
get off of your butt, go down to the hardware store, and by one for yourself


I wish my outboard motor worked

Komnena
06-01-2011, 07:14 AM
Granted. Unfortunately your boat has a hole in it.
I wish the Genie would clean up my backyard.

PorterStarrByrd
06-01-2011, 07:19 AM
I wish the Genie would clean up my backyard.


Granted

Why not? I've got do something with this gas I bought for my outboard motor before my boat sank. Got a match?

Wish I had some marshmallows

Komnena
06-01-2011, 07:21 AM
Granted. Someone roasts them in your backyard and leaves you all the burned ones.

I wish someone hadn't torched my backyard.

Nymtoc
06-01-2011, 08:17 AM
Granted. "Someone" didn't torch your backyard. You did it yourself.

I wish TV would stop obsessing about who the Republican nominee for President will be. The election isn't for 17 more months, for cripes sake. :Headbang:

Drachen Jager
06-01-2011, 09:04 AM
Granted. All of the focus shifts to the Libertarian and Tea Party candidates.

I wish I could invent a faster than light engine.

Nymtoc
06-01-2011, 09:14 AM
Granted. But the only time anything traveled faster than the speed of light (according to current theory) was at the very beginning of the Big Bang. Therefore, you are creating your engine a few seconds into the Big Bang and are instantly vaporized.

I wish I knew how to practice voodoo.

randywrite
06-01-2011, 10:47 AM
Granted. I have friend who learned Voodoo in Haiti I will persuade him to teach you, and if that doesn't work I'm only three hours from New Orleans.

I wish I was so rich that I actually hated money from having so much of it.

Reziac
06-01-2011, 01:05 PM
Granted. You are filthy rich, come to hate money, and give it all to Rez.

I wish that randywrite's wishes would come true.

PorterStarrByrd
06-01-2011, 02:58 PM
I wish that randywrite's wishes would come true.


Granted
They will as long as Reziac remains a wildebeast


I wish reziac wasn't a wildebeast

Drachen Jager
06-01-2011, 08:55 PM
Granted. He's a hell-hound and he's coming for you.

I wish I was better about getting out for my daily exercise.

Reziac
06-01-2011, 10:13 PM
Granted. Rez the hell-hound was still hungry after catching Porter, so now ... better run fast, Drachen!

I wish my daily exercise would perform itself, without my help.

"Exercise is wonderful. I can sit and watch it all day." -- Larry Niven

Drachen Jager
06-01-2011, 10:36 PM
Granted. But you get none of the benefits.

I wish I could get the benefits of exercising for an hour each day while eating potato chips instead.

Nymtoc
06-02-2011, 12:58 AM
Granted. You grow more muscular each day, but the potato chips are loaded with trans fats, which fill your arteries with crud.

I wish I knew why people give me dirty looks.

Drachen Jager
06-02-2011, 01:12 AM
Granted. The answer is in a sealed envelope under your pillow. It contains detailed descriptions and photographs. I must warn you, however, that you're going to feel the same way about yourself as others do once you've seen the material. It is amazing what horrors the human mind can erase.

I wish for sunshine and happiness for everyone here.

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-02-2011, 03:10 AM
Granted. You need to go from being a professional cynic to a professional chum.

I wish mosquitos didn't like me so much.

HarryHoskins
06-02-2011, 03:46 AM
Granted. Now the only bloodsuckers that like you are vampires.

I wish I wasn't so misunderstood.

Nymtoc
06-02-2011, 03:51 AM
Granted. Now you are fully understood, and people avoid you like the plague.

I wish I could keep my plot threads from getting tangled.

Drachen Jager
06-02-2011, 03:53 AM
Granted. Now nobody likes you.

Granted. Here is a pair of plot scissors.

I wish I had a big cone of cotton candy right now.

HarryHoskins
06-02-2011, 03:56 AM
Granted. You are given a narrative Tom-Tom - with a super story Sat-Nav you never need be tangled again.

Granted. The genies also throws in a toffee apple for good measure.

I wish I knew what the hell Hunger Games was, were or is.

Guardian
06-02-2011, 05:37 AM
Granted. Um. Idk either. It's a book?

I wish I could remember what I was going to tell Cuppa.

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-02-2011, 06:52 AM
Denied. Instead - your unicorn needs to meet DJ's unicorn.

I wish I was in Seattle right now.

PorterStarrByrd
06-02-2011, 07:17 AM
Denied. Instead - your unicorn needs to meet DJ's unicorn.

I wish I was in Seattle right now.

Denied.
Quit lying and tell me waht you really want. (Nobody EVER wants to be in Seattle)


I wish it would snow at Reziac's house tonight. (two feet of the stuff ought to surprise him in the morning)

Reziac
06-02-2011, 07:19 AM
Not with this year's weird weather in the desert... it did snow about 50 miles away, just a couple days ago! So your wish was granted, albeit with poor aim. :D

I wish I could see what those two unicorns are up to.... :eek:

Komnena
06-02-2011, 07:24 AM
Granted. The two unicorns are out to destroy you.

I wish I could ride a Derby winner.

PorterStarrByrd
06-02-2011, 07:27 AM
I wish I could see what those two unicorns are up to.... :eek:


Granted a free copy of the video (normally 49.95 plus shipping and handling)is on the way in a plain brown wrapper. Uh ... you are probably going to have to register on the offenders list once the trial is over


I wish I could find Nome.

Reziac
06-02-2011, 08:08 AM
Granted. Remember that two feet of snow? It came from Nome.

Oh, the Derby winner. Granted, so long as you don't mind being bucked off...

I wish all wishes came with a two-for-one bonus!

PorterStarrByrd
06-02-2011, 03:12 PM
I wish all wishes came with a two-for-one bonus!


Granted

and your other wish is ...?

I wish I could walk accross the ocean, eating sushi all the way

I wish to be running for fun in stead of chasing my mule

randywrite
06-02-2011, 04:39 PM
Granted. Porter Starr Byrd, you will run for fun across the ocean floor eating sushi (yuck) all the way. You will not chase your mule, but you will chase a sea horse. That's life.


I wish I could be very close to a certain someone in my life...

GailD
06-02-2011, 04:47 PM
Granted. You're very close and she's got a bad cold and she sneezes and.....


I wish I could find the same enthusiasm for editing my novel as I did for writing it.

Komnena
06-03-2011, 06:56 AM
Granted. You lock yourself away from everything. Your boss quickly tires of your absenteeism. Your family forgets about you.

I wish I had a model of Zenyatta.

Drachen Jager
06-03-2011, 07:11 AM
Granted. I have no idea what a Zenyatta is so I just gave it my best shot. Probably not my best work, but hey, I tried right?

http://www.mockpaperscissors.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/bad-staute-62.jpg

I wish I had some kind of magic herb that would ease my anxiety.

Nymtoc
06-03-2011, 07:18 AM
Granted.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/MARIJUANA%20LEAF.jpg

I wish I had some sort of magic herb that would enable me to perfect my book.

Zephronias
06-03-2011, 09:58 AM
Granted. The side effect of consuming said herb? PIMPLES THE SIZE OF CHIHUAHUA DOGS. ALL OVER YOU.

I wish I wasn't so damned lazy.

Drachen Jager
06-03-2011, 10:04 AM
Granted. You are now in a coma. It's not laziness if it's a medical condition.

I wish I had a magic 8 ball that would give me plot-fix ideas.

CDSinex
06-03-2011, 01:22 PM
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_3lB-7i1kEh4/TEcwJCYW1VI/AAAAAAAABYk/OQnM062weNM/s1600/magic8ball.jpg
I wish I spring weather would get here before summer starts. (It has yet to hit 70 here.)

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-03-2011, 04:15 PM
Granted. You now live in NJ and you've taken on my allergies.

I wish I lived near CD.

Nymtoc
06-03-2011, 06:23 PM
Granted. CD has been transferred to New Jersey and lives right across the street from you.

I wish I didn't have so much trouble with plots.

defcon6000
06-04-2011, 01:01 AM
Granted. You can now plot a piece of land with no trouble. :D

I wish I could smell nice and not have to bathe.

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-04-2011, 01:16 AM
No you don't. Don't say that.

I wish it was already 7 p.m.

Drachen Jager
06-04-2011, 01:23 AM
Granted. It's 7 p.m. June 3rd, 2072. You just woke up from a coma to find it was all just a dream, except for Nymtoc who, as it turns out, you've been married to for the past 70 years. And after a dry 65 years boy is he horny!

I wish I had a time machine that could take me back five minutes in time so I can fix those stupid mistakes that I only notice a minute or two later.

defcon6000
06-04-2011, 01:37 AM
Granted. However, you become trapped in a timeloop where you're forever correcting your own mistakes, then remaking, then recorrecting...

I wish I knew why I can't say that. : /

Komnena
06-04-2011, 07:12 AM
Granted. You now know it is because you took the wrong colored pill.

I wish all commercial places playing music would play only my favorite songs.

Drachen Jager
06-04-2011, 08:50 AM
Granted. You are now a Justin Bieber fan.

I wish I knew the answers to the great mysteries of life.

Nymtoc
06-04-2011, 09:19 AM
Granted. But now that you know the answers, the Keeper of the Mysteries has to kill you.

I wish I could do what I want to do this weekend instead of what I have to do.

Drachen Jager
06-04-2011, 09:27 AM
I'm afraid even I do not have the power to convince Pistol Whipped Bee go on a date with you Nymtoc. So yes, you do have to be all alone for the weekend again.

I wish I could put BBQ sauce on everything without people looking at me funny.

Nymtoc
06-04-2011, 10:22 AM
Granted. The Genie is sending you a case of BBQ sauce that has been colored red and put into ketchup bottles. Let me know if people still look at you funny.

I wish I would never again go into a store to buy a product they usually carry, only to discover that they're out of it.

shakeysix
06-04-2011, 05:13 PM
wow--that's a tough one. what would you do if you lived forty miles from the nearest dollar general? you'd stock up on everything every time you tootled into town. so i am granting you a HUGE two story tall, five room, rubber maid storage chest. allz ya haff to do is stock up!!!!!!

i wish all the clutter in my house would turn to not- clutter--s6

GailD
06-04-2011, 08:24 PM
Granted. The team from Clean House pitches up and declutters your home. But not before the cluttered version is recorded and aired on international television.


I wish the weeds in my garden wouldn't grow faster than the shrubs and annuals.

PorterStarrByrd
06-04-2011, 09:37 PM
I wish the weeds in my garden wouldn't grow faster than the shrubs and annuals.

Granted

look fordward to a rough winter. EVERYTHING is going to die.

I wish pancakes weren't so flat. It's really tough to ice the sides of them.

Nymtoc
06-04-2011, 09:44 PM
Granted. Pancakes are now pancubes.

I wish had the energy and enthusiasm to run a mile every morning.

PorterStarrByrd
06-04-2011, 10:00 PM
I wish had the energy and enthusiasm to run a mile every morning.

Granted
Your neighbor now has a mile long leash for his Rotwieler. He has removed his fence.

I wish eggs came with indicators to tell how well cooked they are inside the shell

CDSinex
06-05-2011, 12:59 AM
Granted: Unfortunately the wire sensor inserted into the eggs is made of copper, discoloring them, and giving them a metallic taste rendering them all but unpalatable.

I wish pollen didn't bother me so much.

shakeysix
06-05-2011, 01:18 AM
granted--pollen doesn't bother you so much. in fact you love the stuff. just tie those honey bags on your legs and waggle your butt in the direction of the nearest alfalfa field.

i wish the hornets nesting inside my porch roof would decide to move on their own so i don't have besmirch my conscience with their murder.

Komnena
06-05-2011, 06:18 AM
Granted. They move into your house and drive you out.

I wish I knew what the red spider I encountered the other day was.

PorterStarrByrd
06-05-2011, 07:11 AM
I wish I knew what the red spider I encountered the other day was.

Granted
You probably don't realize it yet but you are now a ghost writer. You know at least one thing about your red spider, don't you?

I wish I could spell spagetti.

defcon6000
06-05-2011, 07:14 AM
Granted. Red spider is red spider.

Granted. You buy a dictionary.

I wish I could have all the latte powder stuff in the house to myself.

PorterStarrByrd
06-05-2011, 07:19 AM
[S]
I wish I could have all the latte powder stuff in the house to myself.


Granted
Come to my house. I'll wipe the dust off and re-gift

Do I look like I need latte powder? GEEESH

I wish I could play the fiddle

Drachen Jager
06-05-2011, 07:21 AM
Granted. However the plumbing is gone and there's no other liquid in the house suitable to mix it with (you momentarily consider both bleach and Windex) and your only available means for consuming the latte powder is a straw. Oh and you're starting to get a caffeine headache.

Just for cutting me off I'm going to deny your wish Porter. Instead you receive hands on training on how to play the skin flute.

I wish I had a book which would tell me all the winning lottery numbers for the next ten years.

PorterStarrByrd
06-05-2011, 07:25 AM
[S]
I wish I had a book which would tell me all the winning lottery numbers for the next ten years.


Granted ... sort of
They are already on your lottery ticket. You didn't want to know which numbers would win during which week did you? (that would take all of the fun out of it and I could never grant that)


I wish pointy headed horses were useful for something.

Nymtoc
06-05-2011, 07:39 AM
Granted. Horsemeat Roast with Blue Cheese-Horseradish Sauce- Metro Recipes (http://www.metro.ca/recette/5371/horsemeat-roast-with-blue-cheese-horseradish-sauce.en.html)

I wish Porter would move to Nashville and play his fiddle at the Grand Old Opry.

randywrite
06-05-2011, 08:57 AM
Granted. Porter will move to Nashville, but, he will perform on the street corners of the business district letting people who stop to listen, drop coins into his metal coffee can...clink.

I wish I were a peregrine falcon so I could see what it's like to free-fall at 220 miles per hour, and so no one could ever catch me.

Drachen Jager
06-05-2011, 09:02 AM
Granted. Well, sort of. I can't actually transform you into a bird, but I did drop you from a great height so you can get that same feeling. I hope that works as well for you.

I wish I had the Kung Fu skills of Bruce Lee in his prime.

Nymtoc
06-05-2011, 11:20 AM
DENIED! The Genie cannot work miracles with someone as awkward as you.

I wish I could play the guitar like Eric Clapton.

Pistol Whipped Bee
06-05-2011, 06:18 PM
Denied - for so many reasons.

I wish I had 14 million dollars.

SueOwen
06-05-2011, 09:17 PM
Granted ..taxes are 14.5 million.

I wish I like jogging.

Nymtoc
06-05-2011, 11:25 PM
Granted. You like jogging, but your community has banned it, citing safety hazards and establishing a $500 fine for anyone who jogs even one step.

I wish I had the real Maltese Falcon--the one that's encrusted with gold and jewels.

Komnena
06-06-2011, 02:18 AM
Granted. Unfortunately you stole it from an international drug lord and he's looking hard for you and his stolen property.


I wish I had the tools to clean out the backyard.

CDSinex
06-06-2011, 06:21 AM
Granted: The Genie gives you a pair of work gloves, and chides you for not being more specific.

I wish I had somewhere to go today.

randywrite
06-06-2011, 09:08 AM
Granted. Today you will fly to Australia to feed koala bears.

I wish I could turn back time.

Komnena
06-06-2011, 03:52 PM
Granted. You turn back time but find yourself trapped in an endless time loop. Welcome to Groundhog Day.

I wish I could buy up Barnes and Noble and move in.

Nymtoc
06-06-2011, 05:40 PM
Granted. But Barnes and Noble is in serious financial trouble (I have heard), and when it declares bankruptcy you will be responsible for all its debts.

I wish all the players in this forum could get together and have a party.

Reziac
06-06-2011, 10:04 PM
Coulda been the novels, mighta been the shorts
Coulda been the 3-4 anthols, I dunno, but look at the verbiage bloat
My editor is angry, the rejects make me cry
Tell me, me oh me oh my,
Wasn't that a party?!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled wishful thinking

defcon6000
06-06-2011, 10:57 PM
I wish Reziac would make a wish. :rolleyes: (wishfully thinking)

Nymtoc
06-07-2011, 12:38 AM
Denied. Reziac lost his wish by default.

I wish I had a stealth airplane.

Fallen
06-07-2011, 01:57 AM
Granted, only it's that stealthy you can't remember where you parked it.

I wish I had a whole box of snickers to not share

Goldenleaves
06-07-2011, 02:02 AM
Granted. But you can't open the packet.

I wish I could communicate clearly with everything.

Drachen Jager
06-07-2011, 02:39 AM
Granted. I think you said you wanted a puppy right?

I wish I had a bevy of top-tier agents fighting to represent me.

Nymtoc
06-07-2011, 03:04 AM
Granted. They are agents who work with antiques dealers, and they all want to handle the sale of the 1927 Victrola in your attic.

I wish I had nothing to worry about.

Komnena
06-07-2011, 06:14 AM
Granted. You are dead and in Heaven.

I wish I had my garden space filled with native plants.

Drachen Jager
06-07-2011, 09:36 AM
Granted. I am in an incredibly generous mood so I've filled this wish in abundance. Your entire garden is packed, wall to wall with dandelions.

I wish I had a big bag of candy right now.

Nymtoc
06-07-2011, 09:51 AM
Granted. You have a huge bag filled with candy. Unfortunately, the FDA has just determined that particular brand is filled with e coli.

I wish somebody would put me in a movie.

Drachen Jager
06-07-2011, 09:55 AM
Granted. The movie will be entitled, "A Coroner's Guide to Performing a Forensic Autopsy". Sorry I couldn't get you a speaking role.

I wish my candy wasn't infected with anything or otherwise inedible or disgusting.

Nymtoc
06-07-2011, 09:58 AM
Granted. Your candy isn't infected with anything or is any way inedible or disgusting, but each piece will cause you to put on 25 pounds.

I wish I had the fame I deserve.

Drachen Jager
06-07-2011, 09:59 AM
Granted.

I wish my candy would be nice and healthy and not harm my body or mind in any way.

Nymtoc
06-07-2011, 10:08 AM
Granted. Your candy is delicious and harmless, but because your body is filled with the sugary stuff, you become seriously deficient in essential nutrients, and only an emergency trip to the hospital saves you.

I wish I had a kite that would fly all the way to the moon.

Komnena
06-08-2011, 12:08 AM
Granted. The kite flies to the moon but now you have no kite.

I wish I had a new stereo.

Vayre
06-08-2011, 12:27 AM
Granted but your new Stereo only plays the Nyan Cat song, constantly, at full volume.

I wish that I was Emperor of the World.

Nymtoc
06-08-2011, 12:48 AM
Granted. But as soon as you become emperor, the people realize you are a tyrant, and Lucrezia Borgia's great-great-great-great granddaughter gives you a glass of poisoned wine.

I wish I could hitch a ride in a boxcar, just to see what it's like.

Drachen Jager
06-08-2011, 01:50 AM
Granted, you're going to have to kick the kids out first.

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSKlX_cFPt2cnUr7rqp0MXRvgOlZovnP yR-baui3UaRxf4p38qQcQ

I wish I had my own private security force, like Blackwater.

Nymtoc
06-08-2011, 03:47 AM
Granted. But as soon as your private force is formed, at least 50 investigations are launched, and an Interpol probe finds that your employees repeatedly used lethal force recklessly. Your force has been banned in all countries of the world, and you are facing serious criminal charges.

I wish I could have fresh grapefruit juice without having to squeeze grapefruit.

defcon6000
06-08-2011, 11:02 AM
Granted. As soon as grapefruit is engineered to to squeeze itself you will have that freshly squeezed grapefruit.

I wish this milk hadn't expired.

Nymtoc
06-08-2011, 09:26 PM
Granted. It hasn't expired, but it's turned sour anyway. (I had that happen last week. ;))

I wish I hadn't agreed to attend a certain event tonight.

Guardian
06-08-2011, 10:01 PM
Granted. You made vague half-promises to a number of different events, and now someone will surely be mad at you if you don't show up everywhere at once.

I wish I was having chinese food for dinner. Mmm.

Drachen Jager
06-09-2011, 02:50 AM
Granted, here is your half cup of rice and one leaf of steamed bok choi. Proper Chinese peasant food.

I wish I had a real, working copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (the guide, not the novel).

Komnena
06-09-2011, 06:17 AM
Granted. However in order to get one you must be kidnapped by aliens.

I wish I had Tom Selleck'a autograph.